Wide Awake
by Livybug
Summary: Clarissa Garroway is lost in a life she thought she had planned out perfectly. When her fairytale ends up being a nightmare, the last person she ever thought of seeing herself with is the only one there for her, but is he too late? An unexpected turn of events threaten to take him away. R&R Plz!
1. Prologue

_**Alright, I've been hiding this one for a few months. I will warn that there are some mentions of physical abuse. I'm sorry if it offends anyone as that is not my intention. Kind of like Don't Cry I'm adressing an issue that is a little taboo but I feel that it should be adressed as many people live it on a day to day basis. This one will have lots of feels and a possible lemon or two so if you don't like that stuff, don't read it.**_

_****__****__************************************____**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**_

* * *

Prologue

I sat on my bed with my legs pulled into my chest. Sebastian lay to my right curled toward me with a swollen lip and eyebrow busted open. I had never been so afraid in my life. Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks for a third time tonight. For whatever reason, I couldn't get the image of Jace standing there with his hand held out to me, urging me to leave with him, out of me head. It had always been different with Jace, but he was always in the right place at the wrong time…or the right time, whichever way one chose to look at it.

My cheek throbbed and I could feel my eye start to swell and bruise. My ribs ached and I could still feel Sebastian's hand on my upper arm from where he grabbed me and threw me into the floor. The only thing I could think was, _how did I get here_? I wasn't this girl. I wasn't the girl whose boyfriend beat her up. That just wasn't me. I was the girl who had life planned out to a 'T'. I've known who I was and where I wanted to go in life ever since I was little. I was going to be an artist, like my mom. I was going to have a big house with a large garage that had a loft above it. That's where my art studio would be. I was going to have the perfect husband; someone who supported and loved me for the untidy, emotionally screwed up, temperamental person I was. I used to think that person was Sebastian…I was wrong.

I don't know who Iam anymore. Even after all that I had gone through in my life before this point, I had always been fully aware of me, and all that was me. I never let myself get lost in the emotional roller coasters that life threw me into, not when my dad left, not when my brother got hurt in the car accident, not even when my mom died. I am a strong person. I always have been. When things got rough, I was the glue that held my family, or what was left of it, together. Now, I had turned into this petrified girl who was afraid to even breathe wrong in my boyfriend's presence. What happened to me? Had I been so blind to think that what I had with Sebastian was love? Looking down at him now, I knew better. I may have loved him, but he didn't love me. We've been together since junior year of high school and now, five years later, I finally see the person he really is. An insecure piece of shit!

But what do I do? How do I get out? A few hours earlier when Jace stood before me, begging me to leave with him, all I could do was turn my head away. I watched him leave, shaking his head while mumbling something about how stupid I was. I cried when he left, probably because I knew deep down inside that he was right. I was stupid, I should have left with him but it was that same fear that I continue to feel now that held me here. Looking back at the night as a whole and the reason I was in this predicament actually was quite comical to me now.

See, Jace is…well, was our roommate. I wasn't fond of the idea of him living with us because Jace and I…we have quite the torrid history, but Sebastian convinced me that it was a good idea. If he only knew about me and Jace, I was thanking God the moment he walked in the bedroom that he didn't, because had he known anything…I would more than likely be dead and Jace probably would have been dismembered violently. This was my fault though, I let the situation get away from me and that was something I never did, except when it came to Jace. He had an incredible ability to pull me from whatever it was I was doing or thinking and make my entire world tilt on its axis, making me gravitate toward him. I hated him for it. I hated Jace Herondale, period!

Did I really hate Jace? No, I hated the things he did and said. I hated that mischievous grin that always meant he was up to something. He always had an ulterior motive for everything. He was calculated and cunning. Jace always knew the best way to get what he wanted and often times he made a game of it. He is too smart for his own damn good. I think this situation caught even him off guard though. He expected me to leave with him, to just pick up my life and go as quickly as possible. I couldn't do that. My whole being was so tightly wound into Sebastian that, that wasn't an option for me. I had no one and nowhere to go. My mother always told me to never put all of my eggs in one basket. Thanks for the advice mom. I hate it when you come to find that your parents were right all along.

I shifted slightly and I could hear Sebastian hum next to me in his sleep. I used to think it was cute when he did it, now it sent chills down my spine and made goose bumps prickle on my arms. _Please, please, please don't wake up_, I mouthed silently with my eyes closed so tight that I thought I may never be able to open them again. I felt his hand settle on my hip and I loosened the grip I had on my legs slightly. This was the offending appendage that caused so much damage to my face and I found myself opening up to it. What was wrong with me? It was also the very same one that could calm me with the gentlest touch, make me laugh when tickled playfully and pleasured me on so many different levels. His hand continued up, maneuvering in between my torso and legs in a slow crawl.

Sebastian's arm rested atop my abdomen and he pulled me closer to him, burying his nose in my shirt. _He is beautiful_, I thought to myself looking down at him. It was too dark to make out much of his features but I had them memorized. His thick, dark hair, his deep brown eyes with just a hint of green, his high, angular cheek bones, his strong, square jaw and his perfect lips; I loved them all. Even then, I found myself being pulled back into everything that was Jace. He is the epitome of gorgeous and the one and only reason for the existence of women on earth. He and Sebastian are polar opposites. Where Sebastian has the dark brooding features, Jace has the light, angelic features. However, angelic he is not.

I let myself fall back and I turned on my side, shoving my hands under the pillow with a deep sigh. Sebastian inched himself closer, his body contouring to the shape of my own. He fisted my shirt in his hand and buried his nose in my hair. I clenched my jaw, trying to keep myself calm as my heartbeat sped out of control, but it was so rapid that I heard it in my ears and could feel it pulsating through my body. _How __**did**__ I end up here_, I thought again. _Where did this all start_? Ah yes, it started freshman year. That was the year I met Jace Herondale, and as he was a very large contributing factor to the recent _lifetime movie_ that had become my life, I felt that was the first place to start.

* * *

_**So, lemme know how ya'll feel. Should I keep writing?**_

_**Push the little blue button on the bottom of your screen and tell me what ya think!**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Fave/Alert it...**_

_**xoxo Livybug**_


	2. The Meeting

**O.K. so I'm sure you were all wonderng if i was going to continue this. I didn't get a HUGE response to it but from those of you who did, i couldn't let you down. Plus i'm kinda bored and I think it's a good story and i want to share it with you. I'm hoping this will be as big if not bigger than Don't Cry. But...that one is hard to top even for me, but it creates a good challenge at least and im up for that challenge. So here is Chapter 1**

******__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"Clary!" Simon yelled at me as I walked into high school for the very first time. He was nerdy, loved to play video games, watch reruns of the twilight zone, and listen to old music that made my ears bleed but he was my nerd. We've been friends since as long as I can remember. It was our freshman year and we were excited to have entered into our new roles.

The hallway was lined with grey, rusty lockers and smelled like dirty socks and notebook paper. I gave Simon a bright smile, pulled the strap of my backpack over my shoulder and strode toward him. He waved rapidly back and forth while blowing his stringy black hair out of his eyes. His glasses were too big for his face and he wore a black t-shirt that said, 'Aerosmith,' in neon pink and orange letters. Before I reached him, I felt a tug on my arm and found myself speeding down the hall. All I saw was a thick, black, shiny blur that smelled of lilacs.

"Where's your locker, Clary?" Isabelle asked as she pulled right past Simon. I tried to stop but she just kept moving forward. I looked at Simon apologetically and he shook his head. "I can't believe we're freshmen this year, can you? I'm so excited," she beamed. "What's your first class? I hope we have all of our classes together."

"Iz, slow down," I protested pulling my arm free of her vice grip. She smiled and rested her hands on her hips. "My locker is 326," I said surveying the numbers atop each one. "There, that's mine," I pointed. "My first class is Economics. After that I have Algebra, history, P.E. then lunch. After that I have Choir, English and last hour is study hall." Simon walked up then, giving Izzy a scowl. She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to me. Iz and I started getting close last year. She and Simon never got along because they were always fighting about who I spent my time with. I didn't understand why Izzy clung so tightly to me because she was beautiful. She had other friends to spend time with, but I was the one she chose to keep company.

"Isabelle," Simon grumbled.

"Simon," she hissed.

"You're looking like a Hollister model, as usual." He smiled.

"Yeah, and you look like you just rolled out of bed and threw on what was lying on the floor. Do you own a brush?" She said with a curt smile and a flick of her hair. Simon huffed and I had to force back a giggle. "Clary, we only have two classes together. What am I going to do all day without you?" She whined.

"Paint your nails, re-addminister your makeup, smile at yourself in a mirror, you know, whatever it is that you do," Simon answered before I could speak. I shook my head and Izzy stood with her mouth agape.

"Simon, it takes a long time for me to make myself look like this," she gestured to herself. "You should take a few lessons from me and learn how to make yourself look presentable each day. It wouldn't hurt you either, Clary." She turned to me and my mouth fell. What the hell did I do to her to get attacked? I looked presentable. I was wearing a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a form fitting green and white striped shirt. O.K., so maybe I should have done more with my hair instead of throwing it into a messy bun and I could have worn a different pair of shoes; my etnies were starting to look a little dingy, but I looked fine.

I was about to argue my case when all of the voices around me suddenly went quiet. Simon, Izzy and I all turned and there, walking through the large glass doors entering the school was a boy. He was surrounded by an aura of bright light and had a yellow halo of curls atop his head. I heard Izzy suck her teeth but I couldn't pull my eyes off of him. You know in movies when people of interest are introduced, they do the slow walk, and the hot guy swishes his hair making all of the girls swoon? Yeah, that's what happened.

What took me by surprise was the fact that Izzy's brother Alec was with him. As they drew closer, they started walking faster. This new 'person of interest' turned slightly, looked me up and down and then his eyes met mine. They were the color of molten honey and made the tiny hairs on my arm stand on end. One side of his mouth quirked up into a devilish smirk and then he turned his attention back to Alec. My eyes shot back to Izzy, who was already shaking both her head and finger at me. "What?" I said holding my arms out with palms open.

"His name is Jace. He's the son of a family friend and he was sent here to live with us. Mom and dad won't tell us why and he and I don't talk so that's all I know. And frankly I don't care. He's an ass but as you can see, he and Alec are the best of friends." She rolled her eyes, a signature Izzy gesture, and stalked off. All I could do was watch in awe at her. A low growl of a meow came from Simon as he hissed and pawed at the air. I drew back and gave him a quick slap.

"Ow!" he feigned hurt. I rolled my eyes as the warning bell rang to get to our first class. I turned back to my locker to fetch my Economics books and Simon walked back to his locker. The room was still fairly empty when I arrived, so I chose a seat in the far corner of the room but not the very last seat, second to the last. Other students arrived chatting mindlessly about their summer vacations. Some went on lavish out of state trips with their families while others, like me, were stuck at home, doing absolutely nothing but hanging out with their nerdy but, still entertaining, video gamer best friends. At least while on summer break I learned that if there were ever a zombie apocalypse, shoot them in the head…with a real gun not a game console controller. I deduced though, a real gun may be somewhat harder to use than the R1 button as it vibrated in my hand.

I set my book on my desk, along with my sketch pad and opened it to a sketch I'd started yesterday. I cursed quietly to myself as I realized I'd left my charcoal sticks in my locker. My curses earned me only a couple odd stares but they were stifled by our teacher clearing his throat. I hadn't even notice him enter the room. The final bell rang to signal everyone to take their seats and end their chit-chat. The teacher introduced himself as Mr. Peters, poor last name as he would surely be made fun of and laid out at the mercy of the very unforgiving student body. He was young and I could tell he'd had only minimal experience as a teacher, my heart tugged for him immediately. He looked charming enough, his glasses set low on his nose and his five O'clock shadow told me he hadn't shaved in days. He spoke softly but with enough force that it even held my attention. I no longer felt for him as I had a few seconds ago.

Mr. Peters began his head count by saying our names. He'd just called my name, to which I said, "Here," and it earned me a small smile as he pushed his glasses up, but he was interrupted by a vision that the sun God, Apollo would have a hard time competing with. The boy I saw walking down the hall with Alec stood in the door with his hands tucked in his pockets with his blue back-pack slung over one shoulder. All eyes turned to him and I swear I could hear a pin drop. Every girl in the room had her mouth hung open and eyes wide. I wanted to walk up to each one of them and roll their tongues back in their mouths like they did in Loony Tunes episodes. It made me chuckle to myself when I envisioned doing it, something that earned not only Mr. Peters attention to fall on me but _his_ as well.

_He _cocked his head and stared at me quizzically. I quieted my snickering and sat bolt upright in my chair but held his gaze. "Something funny, Miss…" Mr. Peters stopped to look down at his roster, "Garroway?"

"Absolutely," I said. This only earned me more stares. "This was only a class of students for five minutes before Apollo here walked in. Now you have a pack of dogs in heat." I crossed my arms and slunk down further into my seat. Probably not the greatest choice of words but it was true. The temperature in the room slipped past boiling point and they were all panting over him. _Let's be human people_, I thought. _His_ curious stare turned into a smirk and I felt heat in my cheeks. Oh, no! I was not going to be part of the pack. I looked away and huffed.

"Miss Garroway," my eyes shot to Mr. Peters at the front of the room. His tone was warning but his look didn't back it up. He shook his head, "Let's keep this classroom PG13, please?" One of his eyebrows shot to his hair line and I rolled my eyes with a nod. Izzy had definitely made an impact on me over the summer. _He_ walked farther into the room and stood next to Mr. Peters desk. My pleasant, yet rugged looking teacher leaned over his attendance list, "name?" he asked and Mr. Sun God replied with, "Herondale."

"Ah, yes, here you are. Class, this is Jonathan Herondale. He is new to New York. Please make him welcome."

"It's Jace," he turned to address the class itself, not Mr. Peters. "Don't call me Jonathan."

"Alright, Jace, you can have a seat," Mr. Peters scanned the room and my heart sped in my chest as I came to the realization that the chair behind me was the only one open. "Right back there," he pointed toward me, "behind the mouthy, Miss Garroway." My jaw clenched and fists tightened. _Was that a challenge Mr. Peters?_ I thought. Jace walked directly into the hoard of girls that sat in the center of the room, only making them pant louder. I had to swallow back the bile in my mouth at the horrid display they put on. Jace shuffled into the desk behind me and hung his pack on the back of the chair and he wasn't exactly quiet about it, making even more irritated.

Mr. Peters finished attendance and stood in front of the room with his hands clasped behind his back. He had a smug smile on his face as he began to speak. "Welcome class to, Economics. I know you must be thinking that this will be the most boring class of your year but I assure you it won't. Seventy Five percent of your grade will depend on your project. I want you to create a product or business and sell it to your fellow students. You have to advertise your product or business and come up with a marketing plan. If you fail to complete this project you will fail my class. Now," He held up one finger and placed the other hand in his pocket while he paced down the aisles. "You won't be alone in your quest. I will assign you a partner to help you. After all, two heads are greater than one. There is a number taped to the top of your desk. Each one of you who has an odd numbered desk, if you would please turn around," all the students did as he asked but me. My head shot up and I froze. _No, no, no, no_, I chanted in my head. "I'd like you introduce you to your partner. Get to know them well because they will be your partner on his project ALL YEAR."

Everyone in the room seemed to be pleased with their partners, except me, clearly and Mr. Peters eyes immediately fell on me. "Anything you would like to add, Clarissa?"

"Me?" I placed a hand to my chest innocently.

"Yes, you." He nodded. I shook my head and turned in my seat. I was met with soft amber eyes peaking at me through long blonde eyelashes and a smirk that could melt any statue King Midas turned to gold.

"Clarissa," he said enunciating each letter in my name in a silken voice as he bowed his head. I hated when people called me Clarissa. My father is the only person who ever called me by my full name and I hated the man with a passion that could singe the world into dust at any given moment.

"Jonathan," I answered sweetly, batting my eyes for effect. His face fell instantly and he sighed.

"You know Isabelle." It wasn't a question as much as it was a statement. He obviously saw her and I together in the hallway and I wasn't about to believe he was a complete dumbass.

"Yes," I nodded.

His head bobbed up and down as he leaned back in his desk and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, that explains it."

"What?" I snapped.

"Why you are the way you are." It was a vague deduction since he didn't know anything about me at all and it only fueled my distaste for the beautiful boy that sat in front or behind me rather. Before I could answer with something entirely horrific and demeaning, Mr. Peters snapped his fingers and whistled while pointing to the board. I spun back around and seethed. Never in my entire fifteen years had anyone made my blood boil the way _he_ did, and it only took a matter of minutes.

I was only too happy when the bell rang, freeing me of my torturous confines within that tiny room. But my happiness was short lived when he followed me out of the room and went directly to the locker next to mine. This just wasn't my day. I hung my head in my locker and sighed. I prayed to the God of all high school students, and Apollo for good measure, that he'd just made a mistake. They didn't seem to answer my desperate plea for salvation because when I closed the locker door he stood with his shoulder resting against his, arms crossed and that smirk. "You're one of those difficult types aren't you?"

"You've known me for all of five minutes. How can you ask such a ridiculous question?" My hand found my hip in my state of agitation and I scowled.

"Maybe it's because you're a red head. I heard that those types have a hot temper. I've just never found one that sparked my interest."

"How lucky that I've seemed to do such a thing."

"You haven't, you're just easily bothered by me, and it's effortless. And since you've only known me for all of five minutes I find that something to contemplate. I have a way of getting under peoples skin, especially girls, but usually I don't get the reaction from others that I get from you."

"Sorry I'm not following you around like a dog in heat ready to hump your leg," I said slamming my door shut and stalking down the hall. The rest of my day was blissful. There was a small blip at lunch but as soon as I saw Alec I knew my crisis was averted. I don't know why he got under my skin so quickly or why he even bothered me so much but I didn't like it. I felt like I was out of control and that was even worse than the feelings that dwelled inside. I'd probably created my own problems with him but I just couldn't help it. Everything he did and the way he did it made my skin tingle; the way he walked, talked, smirked, EVERYHING. I hated it, I hated him, and I didn't even have a real reason as to why.

~oOo~

And that's how I met Jace. Not exactly the greatest of all tales but that's how it happened. I still to this day don't know what it is about him that brings out that side of me but he does. Like I said before, he spins my world on its axis and sets my gravitational pull off. From the moment we met he gnawed his way under my skin and I have yet to pull him out. Things only got worse after that.

~oOo~

"Jace," Izzy sighed from the kitchen island. "You should know Clary well enough by now that she isn't going to listen to a word that comes out of your mouth."

"But she has, Iz. She's scared and I get it, I really do, but she has to get out. She has to get away from him. He'll kill her one day." I knew my tone was pleading and I knew Izzy was right. But when I was with Clary last night something changed between us. Anytime she and I were in a room together alone, it was like there was an inextinguishable fire between us. It had always been there and we were just two moths seduced by its flames. We were both drawn to it but as soon as we got near it, it burnt us. I knew she felt it. I just had to convince her that this type of burn…didn't hurt.

* * *

_**So...What did you all think? I'm sorry for any mistakes. It seems i may have to look into a new beta. I had a review saying the prologue was a little confusing and I'm sorry to those of you who thought that but it was my intention for it to be like that. Clary is confused and has a crap load going on in her head. She is trying to sift through everything. Back and forth, back and forth between Jace and Sebastian. You'll see more of that. **_

_**Tell me how you feel!**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**I hope you all have a good night! **_

_**XOXO Livybug**_


	3. Sweetest girl?

**O.K. all, here's chpt 2...**

**********__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

I stood in front of the bathroom door with my arms crossed, wearing only my grey sweats. Izzy had been in there forever. How long could it take one person to get ready in the morning? She drove me insane, even more so than that red head at school. What was her name again? Oh yeah, Clarissa. I smirked to myself as I remembered her reaction when I said it. She narrowed her eyes and her lips set into a thin line. She was so easily bothered by me. Of course, it had to have something to do with the fact that I'm, well…me, but usually it's not like that. I normally have the opposite effect on girls. I shrugged it off, her loss not mine.

"IZZY!" I shouted at the door while pounding on it. "Get out already. There are other people who need to use the bathroom too. Nothing you do in there will make you look better!" Max, Alec and Izzy's little brother walked by and snickered at my comment. I love that kid!

"You are so dead," he added with a shake of his head.

"Wanna help me fend off the wicked witch?" I gestured to the door with my thumb. A smile a mile wide spread across his face and fell just as fast as it had appeared. The door swung open and there Izzy stood with her hair slicked back into a high pony-tail and a scowl on her face. She reminded me of the villain from Sleeping Beauty, minus the horns, but if she added another pony-tail she'd be a perfect match! "Run Max, run before she catches you." His eyes lit up and he giggled down the stairs.

"You're such an ass, Jace."

"Thanks."

"Uuugh," she growled and stalked down the hall in her hooker boots. The ones that are knee high with heels longer than a meter stick. My first task for the day was complete. Piss Izzy off…CHECK! I showered then dressed in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt with a blue polo, ran my fingers through my hair and headed down for breakfast. Alec, Max and Izzy all sat at the table eating cereal while Robert and Maryse stood at the center island drinking coffee. I was greeted with smiles from everyone, except Iz, of course.

I poured myself a bowl of Honeycomb and doused it with milk, then took my place between Alec and Max. Alec is a year old than Iz and I but he can't drive yet, so we are stuck with Robert taking us to school. I sat quietly eating my breakfast when I heard Izzy clear her throat. "Jace," she said sweetly. Damn I knew she was gonna blast my shit for something.

"Iz," I replied with a mouthful.

"Would you mind telling me what exactly it is that you did to Clary to make her hate you so much? I mean, not that I blame her but, I'm curious." I looked up at her over my bowl and blinked. Everyone's eyes were on me.

"Who's Clary?" I asked taking another bite.

"Clary, the red head from your Economics class." She gave me the DUH! Look.

"Oh, Clarissa." I heard Alec chuckle beside me and Max sat with a Cheshire cat grin on his face. "I have no idea. I barely said two words to the girl." I shook my head.

"Please, Jace, tell me how you make the sweetest girl on the face of the earth hate you in only two weeks?" Alec asked.

"Sweet?" I damn near spit out my cereal. "That little girl has a mouth the size of Texas on her and I've never heard anything sweet come out of it."

"Why, because she isn't using it to stoke your ego?" Izzy chimed in.

"I like Clary," Max added.

"Quiet you," I said holding up my spoon and making a light saber noise, to which he countered with his own and we began a fight to the death with our spoons. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Izzy roll hers, Alec smiled and shook his head and Robert and Maryse deposited their coffee cups in the sink.

"Let's go guys," Robert said motioning us toward the door.

"Until we meet again, Luke Skywalker." I moved the spoon to gesture that I was holstering it then set it on the table. I stood, placed my hand atop his head and mussed up his dark tresses. "Have a good day at school, kid," I said with a wink. The ride to school was quiet and boring as it had been every other day over the last two weeks. Max was dropped off at the elementary school first and then the rest of us. I'm still not sure what to think of this place. It's not like Seattle. The other students seem nice enough, well, all but one, O.K. two if you count Izzy, but she doesn't count for anything in my book. Since Izzy brought Clarissa's hatred toward me to the forefront of my mind, I decided that today was the day to find out why. Maybe we met in a past life or it was bad girl karma coming back to haunt me…yeah; scratch that last one, that's just not possible.

Izzy booked it in the door first while Alec and I hung back and took our time. He and I didn't have to say anything to one another; we had this unspoken understanding that made conversation unnecessary. We closed in on my locker, "See ya at lunch," Alec said. I nodded but damn near tripped when I turned. In front of me stood none other than, my sharp tongued, red headed hater. She glowered at me but turned quickly on her heels and headed for class. Wow! I quickly entered the combo for my locker and pulled the door open to fetch my book.

"Jace," I heard from behind in a sing song voice. I turned to see a blonde haired girl with perfectly manicured nails, bright pink lips, and a couple life preserves attached to her chest. I smiled _that_ smile and she took a step closer. "I'm Kealie," she introduced herself and gave me a shy smile. She was attractive, for the most part. Barbie wannabe's weren't really my type but then again, I didn't discriminate when it came to the opposite sex or anything having to do with sex. Hey, I'm a guy! Don't judge me. She ran her fake fingernail up my arm and bit her bottom lip, "We should sit together at lunch." In girl that means, 'sit by me so I can pretend we're together and piss all of the competition off.' I bobbed my head back and forth and shrugged just as the first bell rang. I winked at her quickly before closing my locker and heading to class.

'Oh, the possibilities,' I thought. I ducked into my seat just before the last bell rang and opened my book to where we left off last Friday and waited. A curtain of auburn red curls sat in front of me. I cocked my head and examined her small figure. She probably had to be the smallest, nearly full grown person I'd ever laid eyes on. It was kinda cute in a strawberry shortcake sort of way. Don't ask me how I even know who that is. Let's just say it involved some alcohol and an ex from Seattle. Mr. Peters seemed to be late for class but it gave me the perfect window of opportunity. I reached my pencil out and twisted one of her curls around it, not trying at all to hide the fact that I was doing it.

I heard an exaggerated sigh as she spun around and eyed me suspiciously. I smiled _that_ smile and sat back. "Jonathan," she said through gritted teeth. I hated when people called me that. Yeah it's my name, but it sounds so…old. I could feel my smile drop but I tried to recover quickly before she noticed. The side of her mouth turned up just slightly in a victorious smile.

"Clarissa." I smiled wider while wrapping my tongue around her name.

"What do you want?" she snapped. Wow, she was quick and to the point. I could actually like this girl…or not.

"I get the distinct impression that, you don't like me very much."

"Gee, how'd you come up with that Sherlock?" She was about to turn back around but I responded quickly.

"Why?"

"Does it hurt your ego to know that not every girl in this school worships you?"

I laughed, "The offspring of a garden gnome and Pipi Longstocking hardly counts as a girl." She crossed her arms and her jaw set, whoops! "Anyway," I cleared my throat. "At some point we should get together to talk about this project thing."

"We've got all year."

"Yeah well, I don't wanna fail this class and as half of seventy five percent of that rides on you, I'd rather not leave it until the week before it's due."

"Fine, I'll come over after school," she snipped.

"No." I shook my head. "I'll come to your house. Izzy lives at my place of residence and since she hates me and you're her BF4L," I motioned the '4' with four fingers and made an 'L' shape after, "we won't get anything done." Her expression was one of pure horrification. Try as I might, I couldn't find any of her facial expressions unattractive. I snapped my fingers, "Hey, fix your face. It's not like I'm asking to come over and rid you of your virginity." But then again…No! Her jaw dropped and eyes went wide. Apparently this girl couldn't take a joke. Alright, it was a bad joke or maybe she wasn't a virgin. But judging by the bright pink that suddenly appeared in her cheeks…she was.

Clarissa blinked and shook her head, clearing her throat as well. "My brother will probably be there with his girl-friend." She started picking at her fingernails and her head fell.

"So." I shrugged.

Her head snapped back up. "It's not the easiest thing to concentrate to, unless you study to porn."

"That's brave, he never gets caught?"

"Mom's usually at the museum till eight or nine and dad don't get home until he closes down the book store. So, no, he doesn't.

"Lucky," I said underneath my breath, but it wasn't quiet enough and Clarissa shook her head and spun in her chair. I couldn't help it. Mr. Peters arrived shortly after and I sat or more like spaced out in class. All I could think about was how I wanted to run my fingers through her hair to see if it was as soft as it really looked. What was my problem? This girl put a great deal of effort in expressing her dislike for me, which I can't say she's my favorite person on the planet but there was something about her. When she looked at me with her big green eyes, it was like she was waiting for me to bear my soul to her and for the first time ever, with anyone, I actually wanted to.

The bell rang and everyone hopped out of their seats and skipped merrily to their lockers. Shoot me! Clarissa and I opened ours in unison and when I closed mine she was staring at me with the book to her next class clutched to her chest, chewing on her bottom lip. I don't know why, but I liked it. "So," she looked down and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "You'll have to walk home with me then…if you're coming over after school. Usually Jon gives me a ride but I don't need him hounding me about you."

My eyes brows knitted together, not understanding who she was talking about. "Who's Jon?"

"My brother, he's a tad over protective and will question you until he's blue in the face."

"Question me how?"

"About us," she gestured between us. "And as you've made it clear that you're not coming over to rid me of my virginity, those questions aren't necessary." Is that disappointment I smell? She crossed her arms and tapped her foot, NOPE it's not.

"I'll make sure to have my answers ready for him if it comes to that." I winked and walked away but caught a glimpse of her panicked expression. I heard heels following me down the hall. I was hoping somewhat that is wasn't the chick from earlier, what was her name…Kayla, Keke? I don't fucking remember. All I could see is red curls and her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Jace," a sultry voice sounded behind me. I turned halfway to find a girl with a raven colored bob. She was pretty and had big brown eyes. Her floatation devices weren't quite as large as Kandi's but still bigger than Clarissa's. Once again I thought, _oh the possibilities_.

"Yeah, that's me," I said.

"I'm Aline," she batted her eyes and smiled. I smiled back and nodded. "We should sit together at lunch." Urgh! Again with the lunch seating, what was it with the girls in this place? My response was the same to this one as it was the last. I bobbed my head left to right and winked before spinning on my heel and heading to my next class. The only thing that could surprise me now was if Clarissa asked me the same thing. The girls here needed to come up with new pick-up lines. At lease in Seattle they were creative. "Meet me in the janitors closet," or "The biology room is empty, wanna study anatomy with me?" Those things I could appreciate.

I was usually excited for lunch. I dreaded it now though, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't need any cat fight, however entertaining they may be. Not in my first couple weeks here at least. I spotted Clarissa sitting with Iz and some nerdy looking kid. She must be into charity to be friends with Izzy and geek boy. That was commendable. Alec sat a table over with a new guy. This one had me worried. There was more glitter attached to this person's hair and clothing than you'd find on a Spice Girls dress. I had no other choice than to sit with them because the girls from earlier weren't there yet and I wasn't resorting to Clarissa's charity club. I grabbed a salad, a plate of spaghetti, some garlic bread and a piece of apple pie and headed over with my head hung low so my hair covered my face.

"Jace!" Alec greeted me happily. "Hey, I want you to meet someone." He was nearly bouncing in his chair. Oh God, here we go. I looked up and gave a half-hearted smile. "This is Magnus." He gestured to the glitter infested boy next to him. "Magnus, this is my best friend, Jace." We nodded at one another and I shoveled my food in as fast as I could, trying to keep my mouth full at all times so I didn't have to be engaged in conversation. Luckily for me, the two of them seemed to space out on the fact that I was even there.

"Jace," someone whined behind me. I turned in my chair, Candice or Krystal or Camille or whatever the hell her name was stood behind me. She stood with her bottom lip stuck out, twirling her blonde hair around her finger, not at all attractive. "I thought you were sitting with me." Alec's head shot up and his eyes darted between us curiously. Magnus sat with a stupid grin on his face.

"You weren't here." I shrugged and tried to act disappointed, "Maybe tomorrow." Her pout turned into a smile as she nodded excitedly. I spotted the brunette behind her, burning holes into Clair's back. SHIT! She started in my direction and I quickly smiled back at the blonde in front of me. "See you then."

"O.K," she said and bounced away. The girls locked on one another as they crossed paths. And cue Alice.

"Jace, you were supposed to sit with me." She didn't whine but it was still annoying. Alec cocked his head and narrowed his eyes on Allie. Magnus choked on his diet Coke.

"Was I? It must have slipped my mind. I'm sorry; we'll have to make it up tomorrow."

She smiled and licked her lips, "sounds good." And she too, happily skipped away.

"What in the actual Hell, Jace? They are on you like white on rice," Alec said.

"I can't help it." I shrugged. "It must be the Apollo in me." One of Magnus' eye brows rose and Alec stared blankly. "Never mind, you had to be there." I shook my head.

"Watch out with those two," Magnus warned. "They'll eat you alive."

"I can only hope," I said with a smirk. Magnus paused briefly but it was enough for me to notice and then he frowned. Did he not like chicks? Did he not get my innuendo? Whatever, I wasn't going to waste my time trying to fill him in. For a sixteen your old dude, he was far too clueless. I found myself bored in all my classes. I did however, come up with some good responses if Clarissa's brother wanted to play fifty questions. She'd kill me but, it would be too hard to resist and I knew I wouldn't be able to help myself.

Finally the last bell rang for the day and I met Clarissa at our lockers. I was none too pleased that the geek and the witch were there. Izzy kept giving me the death glare and the other kid kept looking between Clarissa and I as if we were from a different world. I was about to say something to him when she grabbed my arm and pushed me toward the door. "Why are you ushering me out the door?"

"I'm saving you from your mouth," she hissed.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, you have a terrible tongue and were about to lash Simon with it. You pick on Simon and I have to murder you. I'm already tired of trying to come up with new ways to insult you so I guess I'm saving myself more than you."

"Awe, for a minute there I thought you were trying to be friends." I smiled and she stopped, staring at me blankly, then she burst out laughing. "I don't find that funny," I said un-amused. She held one hand up while the other clutched her chest. I placed one hand firmly on my hip and sighed.

"I'm s-s," another burst of giggles and a deep breath. "Sorry," she wiped a tear from her eye, "I've just never heard anything that funny before."

"Way to drag someone's ego through the mud, you're very good at it."

"One must care of another's opinion for such a travesty to happen," she replied. I shrugged, she was right. I don't care…do I? "Come on, it's only a couple blocks." Clarissa pushed forward. For someone so short, she walked damn fast. A couple blocks turned into a half hour walk, what the fuck? Clarissa pushed through the metal fence of a light blue house with white shutters on the windows and unlocked the front door. It opened into a descent sized living room with hardwood floors and beige furniture. The dining room was just beyond that with a large oak table. There were steps off the living room and I assumed that all of the bedrooms were up there.

"Do you want something to drink or eat?" Clarissa asked, throwing her school bag on the couch.

"Sure," I shrugged. I'm a teenager and a guy, absolutely I will eat. She drifted off into the kitchen while I searched the room. Pictures of another red haired woman, a scruffy man, Clarissa and who I assumed was her brother littered the room. She looked like her mom, not a bad thing because her mother was attractive for someone a little over twice my age. I heard voices outside and felt a spark shoot through my body. A deep voice first and annoying giggles followed. It was her brother. I smirked and took a seat on the couch, just waiting for it.

The door burst open and a tall blonde boy came through with his arm draped over some girl with light brown hair. All of the talking and giggling ceased as soon as his eyes met mine. "Who the hell are you?" Just then Clarissa came back and froze just outside the living room with a couple cans of pop and a bag of chips. "Who is this, Clary?"

She cleared her throat and sighed, "This is Jonathan or as he prefers to be called, Jace. He and I were partnered up for an Economics assignment and he's here to work on it."

"You left him alone?" She came to stand beside me and handed me the soda while rolling her eyes.

"Yes, I did. At least I left him in the living room and not my bedroom." One of her brother's eyes twitched and he inhaled. "Go do your business and leave us alone." She waived him off. "Hi, by the way. I'm Clary, Jon's sister." She introduced herself to the girl on his left.

"Hi, I'm Kerry," she girl responded with a smile. She kept looking at me and it was starting to creep me out. She wasn't ugly, but not attractive either. Jon huffed and pulled Kerry up the steps, mumbling on his way.

"He's pleasant," I chided.

"Very," she nodded. "Come on." She lifted her bag over her shoulder and headed for the stairs. Why the stairs? Was it not suitable working conditions down here?

"To your room?" My eye brows lifted to my hair line incredulously. This was an unexpected turn of events.

"Yes," she said slowly.

"I'm not going to be suffocated by pink flowers and unicorns am I?" I stood at the bottom step holding the railing with my bag in my free hand.

"No," she laughed, "you aren't." She continued up the steps and I followed. I'd been in girls bedrooms before, but never to do…homework. She pushed through the door and held it for me. Her room was small but fit a full size bed and a desk. Her bedding was striped green and yellow. The furniture was white and the walls were covered in sketches. There were some of Izzy and others of Simon. Her parents and brother frequented a few as well. What caught my eye was one that appeared to be of…me? Clarissa threw some books on her desk, not paying attention to me at all, so I sauntered over to the far wall and studied the portrait.

It was good, very detailed and realistic. I'd almost forgotten how good looking I was, almost. I heard a gasp behind me and spun to find Clarissa with wide eyes and panic written all over her face. "What are you doing?" My eyes darted back and forth around the room.

"Looking at your drawings?" I answered slowly. Her jaw fell and I pointed a finger at the picture of me on the wall. "It's me!" I smirked.

"You weren't supposed to see that." She hurried over and pulled it from the wall, her arm brushing mine in the process. It made my skin prick, in a good way.

"Sorry," I said, holding my hands up in surrender. "But, why are you drawing me?" She turned on me quickly and stormed across the room, shoving it in her desk.

"I was…" she started. I linked my hands behind my back and smiled _that_ smile, taking a step toward her. She fidgeted and bit her bottom lip. It was cute seeing her squirm.

"You were what?" And with perfect timing, we heard loud banging against the wall and noises that could only be described as annoying as hell. Let's just say, Kerry was a moaner. Clarissa flushed from her cheeks to her chest and let her head fall into her hands. I couldn't help but laugh. It seemed to lighten her mood when I did, so she followed suit.

"I warned you," she said, gesturing toward the wall.

"You did," I nodded.

"Sit," she ordered and pulled out the desk chair. "What are we going to do this project on?" She padded toward the bed and sat cross legged atop her comforter.

"I don't know, something that will drown out the sound of my brother and his girlfriend?"

"And just how do you propose we market that to the class?" I sat down and asked sarcastically.

"For anyone with a sex crazed big brother it will be easy!"

I scratched my head, "Yeah, um…no! Try again."

"I don't hear you spitting out ideas."

Needless to say, every suggestion offered was shot down by one of us. This left us both moody and irritated with the other. I left around six, a little grateful that her brother didn't break out fifty questions. What was I supposed to say to him? He was already pissed that I was there and why? I think a 'tad' over protective is an understatement. When I arrived home, Izzy was locked in her bedroom, probably on the phone with Clarissa asking what happened while I was there and if I behaved. Alec was sitting on the living room sofa with his ear attached to the phone. I wonder who he was talking to. And Max, my little buddy, was reading a comic book while munching on some Rolo's. I decided to hole up in my room and listen to some music.

Getting Clarissa out of my head was harder than I thought. Somehow, the girl got under my skin and I had a difficult time deciding if it was a good thing or not. Considering she hated my guts, for whatever reason, I figured that it wasn't. Even the Red Hot Chili Peppers couldn't pull my mind away, and that was odd. I kept thinking to myself, _I'm so Screwed!_

* * *

**_There it be! Let me know what you guys think. I wanna wish everyone a safe and Happy Halloween!_**

**_Love it..._**

**_Hate it..._**

**_Review/Alert/Fave it..._**

**_You'll get quite a bit more from Jace's point of view in this story than from Don't Cry or Last Words! I hope you guys like that!_**


	4. Two Things

_**Here is Chpt 3. I had a review (the only review from chpt 2 :( sad face...)that said : **_Wow, Jace can really be an ass sometimes. And why is Jon so crazy? Amazing...

_**First...Thank You for the reivew, winnerfromthestart! XOXO**_

_**Second: Jace is an ass, absolutely, and he has his reasons for that. We haven't found out why he is living with the Lightwoods yet but I'll bet that reason has something to do with his assiness ;)**_

_**Third: Why is Jon crazy? Well, Jon is crazy bc he is a teenage boy and when it comes to Clary it's multiplied by about a million. You'll also find out why in a later chapter. **_

_**That being said...enjoy!**_

_************__****__************************************____**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**_

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Jace and I found it harder to meet to work on our project when football started. Practice didn't end until six in the evening and he was usually sore and even more of an ass than any normal given day. But, if he could learn to train his mouth in my presence I could do the same with mine. I actually found that he was pretty easy to talk to when nobody else was around. I wouldn't go as far as to say that we were friends or anywhere near that, but my hatred was SLOWLY lessening.

It's Friday and I spent this one the same way I spent any other, curled up on Simon's bed while he played Sega. I was the navigator, while he steered the character. Given that the character could only travel to the right across the screen, my job was easy. It was around midnight. Simon and I were eating popcorn while watching 'Nightmare on Elm Street,' when his phone rang; odd for someone to be calling so late. We heard his mom shuffle down the hall to answer it. Something was wrong, I just knew it. Mrs. Lewis pushed through Simon's door, clad in her bathrobe and bunny slippers with a tired yet, somber expression.

"Clary, dear, your Mother is on the phone. I'm afraid something terrible has happened to your brother," she whispered. My heart sank but not before nearly exploding in my chest. I leapt off the bed and bound for the phone all while trying to steady my breath.

"Mom," I said, trying to hide my panic as to not worry her further.

"Clary," her voice was shaking but I could tell she was trying to stay calm. "It's Jon, he's…" she sniffed and in that moment I could picture her struggle.

"Its O.K. mom, put dad on the phone," I urged her, trying harder still to hide my terror. I heard a whispered agreement and the phone being passed.

"Clare-bear," dad's voice was soothing but still riddled with alarm and it was his tone that nearly sent me over the edge. Chills ran down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck and arms stood on end. "Jon's been in an accident. He was at a party and he was drinking. On his way to his girl-friend's house, he hit another car head on. We just got the call from the police and they won't give us any more information on the phone. We'll stop by Simon's on our way to the hospital to get you."

My heart thumped erratically. I fought to keep my breath steady and I swallowed hard but my mouth was dry and the lump in my throat only made the act fruitless. I let out a strangled "O.K" and hung up the phone. I stood shell shocked with my hand on the receiver until I felt hand grip my arms and shake me. "Clary," Simon's voice bounced around in my head, "Clary," it came again. Finally he grabbed my chin and made me look into his eyes. I was able to focus then and immediately the tears fell. "What's happened?"

Everything came out full force. "Jon was in an accident. He was drinking." I managed to get that out before everything else became a jumbled mess of mumbles and sobs. Simon wrapped me in his arms as the rivers that ran out of my eyes formed a pool on shoulder of his t-shirt. He did his best to calm and soothe me, telling me everything will be alright while petting my head. My mind ran rampant with the images of my brother that were yet to come.

My mother and father showed up just minutes later and Simon made me promise to call when we had any news. The only sounds inside the car were that of mine and my mother's sniffles. My father sat quiet with white knuckles gripping the steering wheel, only giving blood a chance to flow to them when he pushed up his glasses. On what seemed like the longest walk of my life, my mother took my hand in hers as we drew closer to the sliding glass doors labeled EMERGENCY. A whoosh of air swept my hair off my shoulders and the sterile smell of death crept into my nostrils. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to run in the other direction and never look back. But first, I needed to know my brothers fate.

A brunette welcomed us with a smile that soon faded when my father asked for, Jonathan Garroway. I could tell from the look on her face that the news we were about to receive was not what we wanted to hear. "Please have a seat, I'll inform the doctor that you are here and he will be out as soon as he is able."

"Isn't there anything you can tell us?" My mother pleaded.

"I'm sorry, but no." She shook her head and gave my mother a pained look. All three of us sighed and turned to take our seats in the waiting room. I thought the walk up to the building was long, the waiting was even worse. I sat between my mother and father worrying my bottom lip while he bit his nails and my mother shook her leg. I thought the damn thing was going to shake right off of her. It was over an hour before the doctor came out dressed in light blue scrubs, and a full length white coat. He had ginger hair and he was tall and slender. He looked tired and when he stopped in front of us, he held out his hand to my father.

"My name is Doctor Branwell. You can call me Henry. You are Mr. and Mrs. Garroway, I presume." My parents nodded with vigor. "The good news is your son is stable. I've managed to stop his internal bleeding but he has a punctured lung. He's suffered some head trauma causing his brain to swell, we are monitoring it. He isn't breathing on his own at this point and until he can, we will keep him asleep. His left leg is broken but that is the least of my worries."

"Thank you, Dr. Branwell." Dad said, holding out his hand. Henry took his hand and gave him a curt smile with one quick shake. He was about to turn and leave when my mother stopped him.

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Mrs. Garroway?"

"Was anyone else hurt?"

"Minor injuries from all others involved. Your son was the only one not wearing his seatbelt. You can see him now if you like."

The lady at the front desk, with the welcoming smile gave us his room number and directions to get there. I felt like I was walking on death row, every step reverberated throughout my entire body and my heart beat in my ears. I took deep breaths but never felt like my lungs were filling with air. My mom was first to enter the room. Quiet tears leaked down her face as she seated herself next to him. His leg was suspended and head bandaged. His face was scratched and bruised. Tubes and wires ran from both arms while a big white machine in the corner of his room whizzed, pumping air in and out of Jon's body.

My dad took a chair and pulled it to the other side of the bed and sat with his head in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees. I stood wide eyed in the farthest corner of the room. I couldn't see him like this. My strong rock of a big brother was lying helpless in a bed and there was nothing I could do to help him. I pushed the heels of my palms to my eyes to try and stifle more tears from falling, but it was pointless; they fell anyway.

By noon on Saturday the numbness had set in. I didn't think it was possible for more tears to fall but it seemed they never stopped. I kept waiting for Jon to open his eyes, smile and me and say, "Quit crying, you're such a girl." At that point, I'd had enough. I wanted to go home and lock myself in my room with everything that was familiar and have life go back to the way it was only hours before. "Dad," I said shakily, pressing my hand to his shoulder. His head turned and he placed his hand atop mine. "Will you take me home? I can't be here anymore." Another tear fell down my cheek as he patted my hand and turned to my mother. She nodded, giving him the O.K. to do so and he stood enveloping me in his arms.

"Sure Clare-Bear, I'll take you home."

I hugged my mom and kissed my brother on the cheek, mentally cursing at him in my head for causing such heart ache. But I couldn't stay mad at him, not in the state he was in. I just wanted him to get better and come home. On the way to the house, neither of us spoke. I rested my chin in my palm and watched the houses blur by. I was so tired, but my mind wouldn't rest, leaving my body to suffer. I took the steps up the house slowly, each one presenting a new and more challenging obstacle. Once inside my heart sunk again seeing the steps leading up to my bedroom.

"Come on, Clare-Bear. One step at a time," Dad said. I mustered the best smile I could but knew it fell short. He pushed his glasses up his nose and led me up the stairs and into my room, gently setting me on my bed. "Get some rest," he said, plating a chaste kiss on top of my head. "I'm going back to the hospital. I don't want your mother to be alone. Will you be O.K?" He looked down at me over the brim of his glasses and I swallowed hard but nodded. "Jon's a fighter, he's gonna be alright."

I sighed and watched as my father left me alone to my sorrow. When I knew he was gone, I picked up my phone and dialed Simon. He answered in a panic and probed me for all the details. I told him everything and answered all of his tiring questions. When I was finally able to get him off the phone, I found my comfiest P.J's and buried myself in my bed. I'd hope that mercy would befall me and sleep would come easily but I kept seeing Jon's battered figure behind my closed eyes. This would only bring on another fit of tears and cause me to shake uncontrollably.

The days following my brother's accident, my parents and I were back and forth from hospital to home; taking turns sleeping and eating decent food. I took care of the cleaning and the laundry. My mother was in no state for house work and my father was more worried about her than anything else. I stayed home from school and kept Simon updated, who in turn kept Izzy updated. I screened the phone calls and only answered for those who mattered. The local news team was relentless in trying to get statements from one of us. At night and when I was alone I'd let myself cry but never did it in front of my parents. They had enough to worry about with Jon.

It was Wednesday. I was lying on the couch willing myself to sleep when there was a knock on the door. I sniffed and wiped the wetness from my eyes. I was prepared to turn whoever it was away. I was ready to shut the door in this persons face and go back to my perch on the couch. What I wasn't prepared for, was the person who stood in front of me when I opened the door. He couldn't see me like this. I was broken and ill prepared for anything he threw at me. I didn't have any venom to spit back in case of emergency. I felt under dressed in my black leggings and sweatshirt with the neck cut out so it hung off my shoulder. My hair was thrown into a pony-tail on top of my head with wild, frizzy curls dancing on my shoulders from being air dried after my shower.

Apollo stood in front of me with his hands tucked into his pockets and book-bag slung over his shoulder. We stared at one another in silence, sizing each other up. His eyebrows knit together and his lips parted ever so slightly. He stepped forward and reached his hand forward to catch a tear that I hadn't realized had fallen. His touch was gentle against my already red, sensitive skin. "Are you alright?" his voice was barely above a whisper and it made my skin tingle. I shook my head slowly, not losing eye contact while trying to figure out what was happening. He was asking about my well-being before even knowing what was wrong! I was officially in the twilight zone.

He stepped closer yet and I found myself being lost in a sea of honey. The palm of his hand rested on my cheek as he continued to wipe away the stragglers. My breath caught and my eyes fell shut at the warmth of his touch. I leaned into his hand and let out what seemed like the first breath since Jon's accident. I knew I would eventually regret what I was about to do but what he was giving me right now, was something I desperately needed. I took that last bold step closing the distance between us and let him wrap me in his arms. I couldn't hold back anymore. Everything I'd hidden from my parents and myself came out.

"Clary?" he whispered into my hair. The sound of my name coming from him in such a worried tone made me shiver. I realized then that I've probably scared the hell out of him. I'd always given him my raw, uncut, uncensored side. But to me, this was no different. This was still all of those things, just not the same way he was used to getting it. What was it about this boy that made me so vulnerable? "We're standing on the porch, in the middle of November and you're shaking. Let's go inside." I nodded my agreement, not at all pleased with losing his warmth. His hand ghosted against my lower back leading me inside the house. I didn't stop in the living room. I waited for him to close the door and took the steps up to my room, with him on my heels.

I closed my door behind us and watched as he let his back fall to the floor and draped his coat over my desk chair. He was wearing dark wash jeans and a long sleeve shirt with our schools mascot on it. I sat on the edge of my bed and fidgeted until he sat next to me and took my hands in his. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm surprised Izzy didn't tell you." It was a struggle getting even that out. My voice shook and the lump in my throat bobbed.

"Izzy doesn't tell me shit. Why would she? She's like the devil in really high heels!"

I laughed. His mental image of Izzy is shock inspiring. I let out a deep sigh and he squeezed my hand. "Jon was in a car accident late Friday night."

"Our noisy neighbor?" He said, pointing to the wall that the moans usually emanated from. I smirked, nodded and looked down at our conjoined hands. He lifted my chin and I was again drowning in amber flames. "Hey," Jace whispered. "If he is anything like you, he'll come out of this in better shape than before." My breath caught and my heart drummed hard in my chest. In a desperate act of bravery, I leaned forward and let my eyes fall shut…waiting.

His lips ghosted over mine. I could feel his breath fan over my face making my skin prick. Heat surged through my body and then, our mouths met. His lips were soft and the kiss was light as his hand moved to my cheek. I didn't know it was possible to be afraid and yet, still so full of want. I tangled my fingers in the curls at the base of his neck, pulling him closer. His tongue caressed my bottom lip and I opened for him. His mouth was wet, warm and sweet and an involuntary moan came from deep in my throat.

I pulled away and pushed back onto the bed; never breaking eye contact for fear that I would lose confidence. I didn't know what my intention was at that point. I just knew that I didn't want him to leave. I wanted to feel his touch and I needed him. I started to panic on the inside when he didn't follow right away but I smiled and nodded him over. To my instant relief, he twisted and crawled to me. Pressing his hand to my cheek he leaned in and placed chaste kisses on my bare shoulder and up the length of my neck. His teeth traced the outer shell of my ear as the heat of his breath ignited a fire deep inside me.

I moved to placed him between my legs and pushed against his chest. He sat back, confused, then I took the hem of his shirt in my hands, "Arms up," I whispered. He flashed a wicked smirk and did as ordered so I could lift the shirt over his head. He was even more worthy of Godliness without his shirt. Should a fifteen year old boy be that…muscular? I felt the heat in my chest and cheeks and instantly knew my blush deceived me. I was surprised at how he remained gentle, even when it came to removing my clothes. He moved slow and careful although, I could tell his self-control was waning. My heart sped the entire time and even though it hurt in the beginning, I couldn't bring myself to tell him to stop or to even want him to.

Near the end, my body exploded. Every nerve was on high alert as pleasure surged through me. His name flowed past my lips in quiet pants and moans that I had no control over. I raked my nails down his back and dug them so deep I thought I'd drew blood. Who was this person I'd become in just a few short hours? This only made me want more. I begged him to stay and resisted the urge to cry more. But there was some unspoken sense of understanding and without response he wrapped me in his arms, telling me to sleep.

When I woke the next morning, I was alone. My hair was a rat's nest and my sheets were strewn all over my bed. The visions of last night flashed in my head making me blush and smile and scold myself. Every feeling I had vanished when I realized again, that he was gone. I pushed my face into my hands, shameful at what I'd done. It wasn't how I'd pictured it, not how I wanted to wake up. I felt….cheap and used. Two feelings I swore I'd never let myself feel again, not by anyone…especially, Jace Herondale.

* * *

_**mmmmkay, so how do we feel? Who was the victim here? Is Jace the bad guy or is Clary? I'm very interested in what you guys have to say. And before I get flamed for this...I know this last scene wasn't what you guys are used to for my lemons and NO it has nothing to do with the fact that fanfic is breathing down our necks about it. If it had been from Jace's prospective there would have been A LOT more detail but keep in mind that Clary's head is in a different place. Never fear! there will be more Lemons-plural- with much more detail, from both prospectives. FREAKS! lol**_

_**So...moment of truth**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fav it...**_

_**For any new readers who are interested. I have both a Tumblr and Facebook page where I post teasers and pictures. You can find the links for those on my profile. **_

_**As always XOXO I love you guys to pieces**_

_**LivyBug**_


	5. New Fish

_**O.K. so here is Jace's perspecive on his night with Clary. Maybe it'll answer some of the questions you all had ...maybe it won't...Sorry for any mistakes. I don't catch them all and I'm still beta-less. Love the reviews keep it up! XOXO**_

**__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Clary didn't show in school the rest of the week. What had been an attempt to make her feel better turned out to be way more than I had anticipated. I know what it's like to feel like the world is crumbling around you and despite how we feel or…felt…or still feel about one another, no one should have to feel that way. I shouldn't have left her but I was losing it. I could only imagine the conversation in the morning, if there was one and I had school.

I got the fifth degree from Bob and Mar when I got home and I was barely able to scoot by that one. Izzy jumped up my ass about how Clary was after they were done and by the time I hit my pillow, I was too strung out on 'Clary this,' and 'Clary that,' that all my head did was spin. I contemplated going back the next day and decided against it. After what happened the night before and the fact that she wasn't even seeing her best friends, I figured it would be best to lay low. I couldn't risk Izzy getting suspicious. I wasn't ready to explain myself to her, not that I should have to. But when Clary told her what happened, I'd have come up with something that didn't sound completely ass-like and insensitive.

I was stupid. I should have stopped it. I should have called. I should have stayed. I never should have gone over there. My mind played through all of this over the weekend and when Monday rolled around, I was so wound up about it that I was afraid to see her. I, Jace Herondale, was afraid of a girl. What the fuck is wrong with me? What hit me even harder was when I walked up to my locker to find Clary talking…no, not just talking; smiling and laughing with Jordan. I shoved my hands deep in my jean pockets, took a deep breath and hung my head while I shuffled to my locker.

She didn't even look at me. Jordan nodded and I returned the gesture opening my locker to get my Economics book. I closed my locker and looked over just as he was tucking a curl behind her ear. I never wanted to break anyone's fingers more in my life and that's saying something. I was doing that just a couple days ago. I was wiping away her tears, I was making her feel better and now…I didn't even get a sideways glance. I did my best to hide my shaking hands as I walked away but heard Jordan say, "So, the movies, Friday night? I won't take no for an answer." Clary scoffed and in the back of my mind I could see her rolling her eyes but she replied with a sigh and, "O.K."

_WHAT? _

Did she look or smell different? Were the pheromones in the atmosphere stronger today? Was she emitting more estrogen than she usually did, or did she just have, 'FUCK ME! I'm not a virgin anymore,' written on her forehead now? Maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was me and all I have to say is…What the hell? I'd gone over our next conversation in my head every day. What to say, how to act, how to react and now…I just…I don't know. I sat at my desk and tapped the eraser of my pencil on top of my book, completely oblivious as all the other students clambered in.

I was confused and girls didn't confuse me…ME…of all people. I heard a throat clear and looked up with a somber expression. Clary stood in front of me with her book pressed to her chest. Oh, I wasn't invisible now that Jordan wasn't fondling her curls and damn near licking her face off. "Jonathan," she said. It was even more irritating now than it usually was. Not because I hated when people called me that, but because it lacked the conviction and venom her tone usually held when she said it AND because it was back to that from half a week ago.

_SHIT! _

"Clarissa," I responded, forcing myself not to sound as pissed off as I was. I tapped my pencil harder and my foot started in the same rhythm. "How's your brother?" I cocked my head trying not to sound cold, because honestly I wanted to know and her answer would tell me more about her. Should I even care at this point? Rhetorical question, I do care.

"He's…better. He woke up Friday and he can breathe on his own." I seemed to have shocked her with my question because she stuttered over her words. I nodded and she gazed at me quizzically.

"Good to hear," I said, just as the bell rang. Her eyes narrowed on me and I clenched my jaw. I suddenly got the feeling I was being tested. She slammed her book on her desk and took her seat as Mr. Peters entered the room. I wanted to face plant into the book, hard. I wanted to reach out in front of me, grab her shoulders and shake her, but why? She was infuriating. She was under my skin, gnawing at my bones and there was nothing I could do to make it stop!

"Class, I would like you all to welcome our new student, Maia Roberts," Mr. Peters interrupted my pathetic whining. I looked up and saw a short, curvy girl with tight ringlets framing her face. Her body was shaped like an hour glass but she didn't look fake. She looked like the perfect mix of sweet and spicy. Maybe there was something I could do after all. My father always said, 'You can't fix stupid,' and my mother always said, 'There are plenty of fish in the sea.' Well, Clarissa was stupid and Maia was a new fish.

I tried to be nice, I tried to be the good guy and I wasn't doing it again. It took me all of five minutes to get Maia's attention and with hers, all the other girls in class, except Clarissa's. Touché, Miss Garroway, touché. I put my bait on the hook, drew my rod back and casted out, only hoping to catch one, and Maia gobbled it right up. Throughout the day I popped by her locker and tugged on her ringlets, giving her _that_ smile, sat by her at lunch and flirted with her in class. Lucky for me, she and I shared most of them and I also walked out of school with her. She was all I needed to keep my mind occupied and off of Clarissa Garroway…until Wednesday rolled around.

I could handle this shit at school, with other people around to occupy my time, mainly Maia. She had a cute laugh. I stood in front of Clarissa's house and a string of choice words ran through my head. I had to suck it up so I didn't fail this class. I took the steps slowly and sucked in a deep breath before knocking on the door. I heard a giggle on the other side and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach. The door opened and low and behold, Jordan Kyle stood in front of me, scrutinizing me with his eyes. The giggles stopped and he opened the door more so I could see Clarissa sitting on the couch with her legs curled under.

"Jace?" he questioned, pulling Clarissa's attention to me. Her eyes grew to the size of tea cup saucers.

"Jordan." I nodded. Clarissa nervously got up and padded toward me. She looked like she was struggling for words. "It's Wednesday, same day I come over every week." Jordan stared down at her like she was about to sprout an arm from her forehead. And cue the overwhelming urge to rip his eyeballs from his head and shove them down his throat. Ugh! This was hopeless. I needed to go.

"Jo…" I held my hand up before she got my full name out.

"You're busy, it's fine. I'll go home and see what I can't figure out for next week." Or I'll call Maia and see if she wants my company instead. I was about to leave, finally thinking I was free and she stopped me.

"Jace, wait!"

_SHIT!_

I stopped on the steps and turned just as she looked at Jordan and said, "I'm sorry, Jace and I are working on an Economics project and it's seventy five percent of our grade. If we don't do well on it, we both fail. It's our Wednesday ritual."

_SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!_

She used my preferred name, and we have a ritual? How in the hell does last Wednesday fit in? Last Wednesday just needs to be stricken from the record and lost within a Histories Mysteries episode. Quit thinking about it! AND HER! Jordan smiled and nodded, then grabbed his coat and said, "I'll see you at school." He kissed her on the forehead…huh? O.K. the reason I'm so boggled by this is because Jordan is like me when I comes to girls. In fact, I know way too many of his dirty secrets. Guys talk in the locker room, and we'll just say that he likes Kealie…A LOT, more than one person should like a life size Barbie. When he walked passed me, his eyes zeroed in like I was just added to his hit list. Not our usual exchange of knuckle bumps by any means.

I watched him push through the gate and then looked back at Clarissa. Her hand rested on her hip while she leaned against the door and when our eyes met she held her hand out to invite me in. She headed up the stairs and I stood frozen in front of the door. When I didn't follow, she spun around and stared at me. "Are you just going to stand there?" I sighed and let my head fall.

"You know, next time you invite your boy toys over for 'Ritual Wednesday,' could you let me know so I don't waste my time coming over here and making an ass of myself?" Yup, stall her and piss her off so maybe she'll cut me loose so I can go home and sulk.

"You're already an ass, Jonathan. Nothing you do could make you look even more so."

"Ouch, Clarissa, that hurts." I stepped forward and piled on the sarcasm.

"Oh?" her eyebrows shot up and she came down a couple steps. "Well next, 'Ritual Wednesday,' I'll try and be a little more sympathetic to YOUR feelings."

I cocked my head and bit the inside of my cheek, a little more than pissed. "So now I'm an _insensitive_ ass?" I was at the bottom of the steps now and all I really wanted to do was book it for the door. I didn't want to fight with her. It was stupid. What were we really fighting about anyway? Last Wednesday? Jordan? Her? Me? Us?...Them? Her arms crossed over her chest and she puckered her lips to the side of her face. I snapped. I took the rest of the steps as I spoke. "Tell me about last Wednesday, Clarissa. Tell me what made you act the way you did, with me no less, someone you can barely stand being in the same room with." She and I were face to face now, staring daggers into one another. "Was it my 'insensitivity' that did you in? Was it the fact that I'm a complete ass that made you open the door for me, let alone spread your legs?"

I heard a sharp intake of breath and watched as the flush of pink spread across her cheeks. I knew I'd gone too far, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it at the particular moment. Her eyes turned to slits of bright green burning into me and I could see her jaw flex. She turned away and it only pissed me off more that she wasn't answering me. "WHY ME, CLARY?" She trembled at my out bust and turned back with a hard expression, but what made me regret everything I'd said, was the single tear rolling down the side of her face that she hidden from me.

_SHIT!_

More tears! I couldn't handle anymore of her tears. She wiped it away quickly and put on that tough Clary front I know so well. "Clearly, I made a mistake." I closed my eyes and shook my head. It was all I could do. I had nothing.

"Yeah, you sure did!" I mumbled and backed down the steps. When I reached the door I looked back at her, defeated in whatever my mission was and said, "I hope Jordan doesn't end up being an insensitive prick like me." I'd never been so pissed off and there's been plenty in my life that should have trumped this...this...stupid, stubborn, miniature girl! But I let it go...for the most part. Clarissa and Jordan spent more time together at school. He walked her to class and sat with her at lunch. He even walked her home most days. Such a nice guy isn't he?

On a good note, Maia and I spent more time together too. She even met Bob and Mar. They seemed to like her and approve. Izzy was less friendly. Alec's appearances became sparse as he and Magnus spent more time together. I was a little offended. Was I being replaced as his best friend? No, No, that just wasn't possible. I placed such vial thoughts at the back of my head and threw myself into my relationship with Maia.

The last day of school, Clarissa and I presented our project. We decided to market a new invention called a tablet. Laptops were just breaking into the market and we wanted to market something for all ages that was lightweight and compact. With the internet growing to new heights every day, this would be something for the business user and the student or just your average web surfer. Needless to say we passed the class and now I was completely free of her. And Jordan…or so I thought.

Maia came over to the house to celebrate our last day of freshman year. She and I planned a quiet night of horror movies and lip action, possibly more. She and I sat on the couch, legs entangled with a bowl of popcorn and a blanket, just for purposes of keeping warm…yeah right, and then the doorbell rang. I got up and hustled to the door, opened it without even thinking, and when I returned my attention back to the rude interruption, Clarissa Garroway stood in front of me dressed in a yellow sundress with spaghetti straps and her hair pulled back in a French braid. God help me. She had an overnight bag with her as well. Shoot me now!

"Jonathan." She nodded.

"Clarissa," I hissed. "You're here because…"

"Izzy invited me over to spend the night." She pushed passed me while she continued. "Did you forget that she is one of my best friends? This is what girls do. We spend the night at one another's houses and talk about boys while painting each other's toenails and stuffing our faces with chocolate." I closed the door and followed her into the living room where Maia waited for me. "Hey Maia." Clarissa waived all cute and sweet. "Izzy and I will be upstairs if you get bored with Jonathan." She was standing right behind the couch and Maia's eyes darted to me as she giggled.

"I'm right here," I snapped.

"Huh?" Clarissa looked up and smiled. "Oh, your presence is just too easily forgotten." She waived a hand while she spoke and then headed toward Izzy's room. "Maia," she called back. "The offer stands all night." Did she not realize that it wouldn't be an impossible task to break her in half? First she interrupted my night and then she tried to steal my date. Great start to the night. It got better. Maia snuggled in while we watched Halloween and buried her face in my chest when the scary parts came on. Her hair smelled so good, like wild flowers and her skin was so soft. It was easy to forget that we weren't alone.

That was, until Izzy and Clarissa barreled down the stairs singing some New Kids on the Block song. I wanted to murder a couple of fifteen year old girls that night. Michael Meyers had given plenty of ideas. They even scooped Maia off the couch and pulled her to the kitchen for snacks AND SHE SANG TOO! I give up! I stalked up to the center island and stood with my hands on my hips. "What do you think you're doing?" Three pairs of eyes stared back at me while three fingers stilled in a container of chocolate frosting.

"Eating frosting, Jace, you want some?" Clarissa batted her eyes and held a chocolate covered finger in my direction. She called me Jace, she was toying with me. If only Maia weren't in the room because I could play her game, and I could play it better.

"No, I'm good." I shook my head.

"Oh, that's right. Jace has to watch his girlish figure," Izzy said. I mocked a laugh and squeezed myself between Maia and Iz.

"I need to go home," Maia whispered. I stuck out my bottom lip and gave her my best puppy dog eyes. She kissed me on the cheek, cheap, and said her goodbyes. I headed for bed. I was not joining the Jace Haters of America Club. I had the pleasure of listening to the leaders of the club giggle all night. The sun warmed my eye lids and I threw my pillow over my head. Why was it that on the one day when I should revel in the fact that I can sleep in every day for the next three months, I can't sleep? I kicked my blankets off and huffed. My stomach grumbled and I rolled out of bed. I scrubbed my hands down my face and shuffled down stairs.

The house was quiet. Apparently everyone was taking advantage of summer break, but me. I pushed through the kitchen door and my eyes damn near fell out of my head. Clarissa was on her knees on top of the counter, dressed only in a pair of very tight shorts and an even tighter tank top. Her shorts were too short to even be considered shorts. They were more like a long pair of panties. I don't know why I stared so hard. I'd seen what was under them and there wasn't much left to imagination at this point in time. She appeared to be searching for a box of cereal. I crossed my arms over my bare chest and cleared my throat. Her head turned slowly in my direction and her cheeks flushed.

"Clarissa."

"Jonathan," she sighed and slid off the counter. She pressed her back against it and crossed her arms as she looked me up and down. "Cute boxers." I looked down, completely oblivious to the fact that I was only clad in my Superman silk undergarments. I rolled my eyes, walked up to the counter and pulled out the box of Corn Pops she'd been digging for. I stood in front of her, shoved my hand in the box and threw a couple in my mouth smirking at her. "You're an ass," she said, reaching out for the box.

"And proud of it." I lifted it over my head so she couldn't reach it and she scowled. I caved and pulled out two bowls then poured us both some cereal. Clarissa got the milk from the fridge, spoons from the silverware drawer and we met at the table. We ate in silence. The only noise in the room came from the clanking of spoons against the bowls. But while I sat across from her, my mind began to ask stupid questions and pull all that old shit back. What did I do that was so wrong? Had I hurt her and not realized it? Wouldn't she have told me if that were the case?

I picked up my bowl and held it to my lips so I could finish off my milk and peered at her over the rim. A rogue curl hung over her shoulder and I had a sudden urge to move it, but doing that would reveal her neck and shoulder…then the damn flash backs happened. I remembered everything. Her lips tasted like strawberries, her hair smelled like vanilla and her skin, her perfect, pale skin was softer than Maia's. I remember being so careful, but not over the top because let's face it, this girl is made of stone. She just looks all fragile and breakable. Looks can be deceiving. My self-control teetered on edge, specifically because I didn't want to hurt her and she felt so…yeah. I'll spare myself that description since she's right across from me.

I wanted to make her feel good. It was obvious she needed to. I chanced glances at her and caught the way her back curved as she leaned back in her chair and stretched. That reminded me of just how successful I'd been. I could hear her whisper my name and feel her nails dig into my back. Pretty sure she left scars too. But the question remained. What had I done wrong when everything I remember was so obviously right and DAMN good! I guess I'll never know because I'm not opening up that can of worms again. Girls!

* * *

**_So, what are you guys thinking about Jace? and Clary? _**

**_Let me hear it..._**

**_Love it..._**

**_Hate it..._**

**_push the little blue button at the bottom and Review it..._**

**_or..Alert/fave it..._**

**_Until next chpt. which I will post teasers for on my fb and Tumblr pages: links are in my profile :)_**

**_XOXO LivyBug_**


	6. Therapy?

******__************__****__************************************____****Here you are guys. A new chapter and a new Clace encounter. **

******__************__****__************************************____****CAUTION: Not for young eyes. If you don't like lemons...don't read it.**

******__************__****__************************************____****Sorry for any mistakes...still no beta... :(**

******__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"Happy birthday, Beautiful," Jordan whispered in my ear and planted a chaste kiss on my cheek. I felt the heat in my face and I smiled.

"Thank you," I said, stepping back from my locker and linking my hands around his neck. He gripped my waste, pulled me in and I stood on tip-toes to press my lips against his. Jordan and I have been together for almost a year now and I couldn't be happier.

"I got you something." My smile broadened and I pulled back to see the devilish grin on his face. "Do you want it now, or later?"

"Now!" I said, already full of excitement. He released me and dug into the pocket of his jeans. I bounced up and down like a kid who couldn't wait to open their presents at Christmas and he just shook his head.

"Close your eyes." I sighed and stuck out my bottom lip to pout. "I'm not going to give it to you until you close your eyes." I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes but did it anyway. I heard the shuffle of his sneakers on the floor and felt something cold graze the skin on my chest. "O.K. open them." His lips skimmed the shell of my ear while the tickle of his breath ran down my body. I opened my eyes and looked down. A silver heart pendant with a sapphire pressed into it sparkled at me. It was my birthstone and it was perfect.

"It's beautiful." I spun around and beamed at Jordan. "Thank you," I whispered, pulling him into a hug.

"Don't you have your own locker to hover at?" And right on time, to ruin my happy moment, Jonathan Herondale shows up. Jordan stepped back and looked baffled at the comment but Jonathan smiled and held up a fist. Jordan recovered and returned the gesture, slamming their knuckles together and then I lost my boyfriend to football jabber. Where was Maia when I needed her?

"Clary!" Simon ran toward me with his arms spread open and a small bag in his hands. He never failed. I had the best Best friend, ever!

"Hey, Si," I giggled. Her scooped me up and spun me around then set me on my feet. I didn't miss the glare from Jordan's direction. He wasn't at all pleased with how close Simon and I were.

"Happy sweet sixteen!"

"Thank you," I nodded.

"So I had to contemplate your present this year. It had to be something important, something that makes you think of me whenever you see it. So," he dug into the bag and pulled out a pair of neon pink, plush, fuzzy dice. "I chose these for when you get a car!" Jordan and Jonathan stopped in the middle of their football talk to stare at them. I covered my mouth with my hand to try and stifle an outburst of laughter. I had to admit, they were great. Not something I would have chosen for myself but, that's why Simon was my best friend.

The bell rang, making Simon and Jordan run off in a panic to their lockers. I shoved the pink monstrosities inside mine and ran my finger over the necklace. "Someone's groveling." The very sound of his voice makes me want to rip his tongue out.

"What?" I slammed the door shut and stared at Jonathan. He gazed back at me with a grin on his face and then shrugged.

"Jewelry? He's either apologizing for something he did, will do, or he's begging for something." He crossed his arms and cocked his head, always the antagonist.

"It was a present for my birthday."

"No," he shook his head. "That doesn't say, 'Happy Birthday.' That says, 'I'm sorry for something I did, I'm about to do,' OR… 'Please…' I'll let you finish that sentence. You're a smart girl, I'm sure you can figure it out." My eyes narrowed and I bit down on my lower lip. The bell rang again just before I could retort and he pushed off the locker to head for class.

"You're an asshole!" I yelled

"Happy birthday, Clarissa." He makes me wish I were deaf and blind then, I'd never have to see or hear him. I ran to get to my first class. This year we had a new shop teacher. Mr. Branwell. He was young and had auburn hair. His glasses never stayed on his nose and he liked to fiddle with little gadgets. He could take things apart and make them into something completely different without breaking a sweat. It was cool, not my thing, but still something to marvel at.

"Good morning, Clary," he winked at me as I walked into the room. "Come to me after class. I have something for you." I could only imagine what new concoction he came up with. Earlier that morning Mom and Dad gave me an easel and Izzy got us certificates to get make-overs at the salon. It had been a good day so far. At the end of class, Mr. Branwell presented me with a duck made out of clock parts. The wings and beak even moved. Why a duck? I have no idea but I thanked him for the gift and headed to my next class.

At the end of the day I headed toward Kerri's car. Jon couldn't get his license back until he was eighteen because of the accident so, his girl-friend gave us a ride to and from school. I had my back-pack slung over my shoulder and tugged lightly on the seam of my dress. When I looked up, I instantly froze. There was a man standing in front of Jon with his arms crossed over his chest and an angry look on his face. His hair was the same color as Jon's. His shoulders were broad and he was tall. I knew who he was and I couldn't let him see me; nothing good could come out of his sudden appearance.

I looked around for Simon, Izzy, Alec, ANYBODY, and the only person I saw was Jonathan. He was saying goodbye to Maia and I saw my perfect window of opportunity. I pulled my hair over my face and speed walked over to his car in as calmly as I could. I pushed his shoulder back and squeezed between him and the car and pulled him against me to hide. "Clarissa?" I had a hold of his t-shirt and he braced himself against the driver side door.

"Shhh," I hissed. "Don't say my name." He attempted to push away but I held him tighter and shook my head.

"You've lost your mind, haven't you?"

"No, I just…" I peeked back and he was still there. My heart hammered in my chest and my fists shook a little against Jonathan's chest. I swallowed hard, "I need you to hide me." His eyebrows shot up and his jaw fell. I could only imagine what was going through his head. I thought I was crazy, why wouldn't he?

"Why…" he said slowly.

"I'll tell you in the car. Can you just get me out of here?" He stared and looked around the parking lot. "Please?" I begged, pulling on his shirt. He bobbed his head right to left and nodded with a sigh. I let him go and crawled to the passenger's side of the car. He followed and slammed the door behind him. He revved the engine, shifted the clutch and backed out. I watched through the window as the image of the man faded away.

"So, spill it," he probed, turning to me slowly. I rested my cheek on my hand and pressed my forehead against the window. "Clarissa, I don't do the knight in shining armor thing without just cause."

"The sperm donor was at school," I mumbled.

"Sperm donor?"

"Yep." His eyebrows drew together and he shook his head.

"I thought Luke was your dad."

"He is, he adopted Jon and I when we were young. Let's just say our real father couldn't cut it. Apparently the restraining orders weren't enough for him to get the hint that he wasn't welcome anymore."

"I know enough about crappy parents, trust me. Am I supposed to be taking you home?" I shook my head. If he knew where our school was, it's possible he might show up at the house. I didn't want to see him. He was a dead beat who just needed to disappear again. "Is it just a freaky coincidence that it's Wednesday?" I turned sharply in his direction and noticed the little smirk he was trying to hide. I smiled as a sense of relief washed over me. I don't know what it was about him but, even though he may not always be the easiest to tolerate, when we are one on one, it's comfortable.

I'm not even this content with Jordan. I moved my legs to shove my back-pack on the floor between then and Jonathan shifted down at the same time causing his fingers to graze the side of my knee. It wasn't much, nothing anyone would bat an eye at but it sent a jolt of electricity through me. I closed my eyes and images of that night danced in my head. My body surged and almost seemed to combust. I sat back and exhaled slowly. When I drew in my next breath the smell of him hit me, warm and spicy just like I remember.

_WHY?!_

I had already run through all of this in my head, went over every tiny detail meticulously. Why now? The gods were known to be desirable, yes. I guess a real life Apollo shouldn't be any different. He didn't need to be covered in gold to be beautiful, he already was and his mouth was like a double edged sword. He had perfect, talented lips but they were deadly too. I opened my eyes to find that I was being stared at curiously. "Are you…" he started slowly.

I let my face fall into my hands and mumbled, "I'm fine." I am not fine! There should be no reason why I feel so at ease, more than I am with my own boyfriend. I shouldn't be thinking of him naked, or his lips, or his hands, or how good it all felt. I should be repulsed and reminding myself that I hate him because he's an ass. I shouldn't want to reach over and grab his face and smash my lips against his. "Clarissa," I looked over at him and bit down on my bottom lip. "Where am I taking you?"

"Anywhere…except my house," I held up a finger and continued. "Or your house….or Simon's house." Urgh!

"That leaves a lot of options. I'm glad I have no life during the week so I can be your chauffer all night."

"I'm sorry," I huffed. "If you knew…you'd understand."

"What did he do?" He looked at me all serious, white knuckling the wheel with one hand and the clutch with the other. Could I bear my soul and tell him my darkest secrets? Well, he has seen me naked… "Is it that bad?"

"You have no idea." I gave him a sideways warning glance.

"Enlighten me then." I should have been my stubborn self and shook my head. I should have closed myself off and kept my mouth shut but…I didn't.

"He was a very powerful man once upon a time. But he didn't earn an honest living. He was in with the mob and for each dollar he earned he was sucked deeper into that world. The problem was he took mom, Jon and I with him. I was too young to remember but there were drive by shootings all the time, drug deals going down at our house and threats on our lives. He told mom that he would keep up safe until one night some men broke into our house, tied my mother up, and raped her while Jon watched. He was the one who saw and heard it all and he remembers it. " I shook my head. I'd never told anyone these things, not even Simon. It almost felt good to have someone else in the loop. "When he came back to the house, they shot him. Jon called 911 after they'd gone. After all the dust settled, mom packed us up and took us to Luke's house. He lived outside the city then. He and mom went to school together and had maintained a close friendship. From what I was told, the sperm donor was sent to prison. Mom hoped he'd never come back. No such luck I guess." I shrugged at a wide eyed Jace.

"And I thought my childhood was bad," he said quietly shaking his head.

"Like I said, I don't remember it. They were just horror stories to me. I'd seen pictures of him and was told to stay away if I ever saw him but, I never thought he'd actually show up... Jace?" He pulled the car to a halt atop a hill and turned off the engine then looked over at me. "Why are you here?"

"Here like, in this car? Or like, what is the purpose for the creation of human life…?"

I shook my head. "Here, with the Lightwoods?"

"My dad liked to get wasted and beat on my mom. When I was old enough to defend her, he started on me too. My teachers noticed the scrapes and bruises and contacted CPS. It was either I go to a foster home or my mom found someone for me to live with. Maryse and my mom were like sisters growing up so naturally, she offered to take me in. And," He held his palms up and let them fall against his thighs. "Here I am."

"Aren't we a pair?" I scoffed. He smirked and his eyebrows bounced up and down. I shifted sideways in my seat and pulled a leg up underneath me. "Have you talked to him?"

"Who, my dad?" I nodded. "Nope, the car was an 'I'm sorry,' but screw him. And as far as my mom goes, she stayed with him so she made her bed, now she can lie in it. I won't go back there." The thought of someone hurting Jace twisted in my head and made me sick to my stomach. I didn't know why it affected me so much, but it did. His head fell and he ran his hands back and forth on his thighs. He was uncomfortable, so I reached out my hand and pressed it against his bicep while leaning closer. There was more muscle there than I remembered. He turned his head in my direction and his eyebrows knit together.

"Nobody would blame you for choosing to stay here. Robert and Maryse are pretty amazing." I gave him a reassuring smile. He caught me off guard by leaning over, placing his hand on my cheek and ghosting his lips over mine. My mind went blank and my body temperature sky rocketed. My lips parted to let out a breath that I hadn't even realized I was holding. I felt his tongue run across my bottom one and tangled my fingers in his curls, pulling him in.

He tasted just as I remembered; spearmint. His mouth was still perfect and well-practiced. The kiss was slow, testing, like dipping your toe in the water to see how cold it is before jumping in. It quickly became more, needier, deeper. His fingers tightened at the back of my hair, pulling my head back to open further for him. He wasn't as forceful last time but, I liked it. I got brave and leaned forward, propping myself up on my knees.

We both pulled back to take a breath, only to breathe one another's air. We stared into each other's eyes and I found myself waiting to be thrown a life preserver as I got lost in a pool of honey. There was too much space between us. I climbed over the clutch and straddled his lap. He cupped my cheeks between his hands and our lips met again. It was a soft kiss. I took his bottom lip between my teeth, earning me a low growl that I could feel rumble in his chest. I moved my hands to the seam of his white t-shirt and ran my fingers over his taut muscles.

I felt the zipper slide down my back and his hands settle on my hips bunching my dress up around my waste. His thumbs rubbed circles into my thighs as his lips ran the length of my collar bone. I raked my nails down his chest and I heard him suck a breath in through his teeth as he threw his head back and moaned. The tips of his fingers dug into my skin while he nibbled on my ear lobe. I don't know what it was about my ears but it sparked something deep inside me, an untamable flame just below my belly button. I couldn't help the involuntary moan.

I balled his t-shirt into my fists, yanked it over his head, and tossed it into the passenger's seat. I could see the red marks on his skin and ran my thumbs over them as if to erase them. The straps of my dress fell over my shoulders and Jace pushed them down my arms, exposing my strapless bra. His hands fell again to my waste, under my dress and his fingers tightened around my panties as he pushed me up. I placed one knee carefully between his legs, bracing myself on his shoulders while he slid them down my legs.

His hands found their desired destinations as he teased me with one and unhooked my bra with the other. I rocked my hips back and forth with his rhythm until he gripped my backside, pushed down in his seat and slid me against him. SHIT! I'd forgotten how…endowed he was but I reached between us, unsnapped his jeans and pulled the zipper open. He pushed them down and my heart sped, a little with anticipation and a little with fear. Although, I must note, he knew how to maneuver himself and another person in a car very well.

My fear was getting the best of me as I thought, 'let me see, let me see.' I wanted to know what I should be prepared for. My mind was in other places last time and I wasn't paying attention but my dress was in the way. I released a staggered breath and closed my eyes, willing myself to relax. We'd done this before and I wanted this now. When I opened them, Jace stared back at me curiously. He opened his mouth to speak but I leaned in and kissed him to stop whatever words he was about to say and sat up on my knees.

I lowered slowly and let my head fall back hoping to hide the wince. I remembered this, the burn, the heat of his breath washing over me as he exhaled and buried his face in my chest. He wrapped his arms around my waste, pulling me down faster than I'd anticipated. I yelped and bit down on my lip, more out of surprise than pain but Jace's head shot up and his eyebrows knit together. His grip loosened on me and he leaned away slowly. I twisted my fingers in the curls behind his ears and sucked on his bottom lip to avert his attention.

His hands twisted in my dress, using it as leverage to move me; gentle and unhurried. The flame in my belly grew and the burn dissipated as he gradually picked up the pace. I remembered this too, as it started to feel better and better but it was… different. I wanted to move at my own pace, take my time to enjoy it. I grabbed his wrist, pushed his hands up on the head rest and interlocked our fingers to use them to move myself. Our breaths came faster and I felt his teeth run along my jaw, his grip on my hands tighten and my fingers go numb. I felt it deep inside, the fire, and waited for it to consume me. "Don't hold your breath," he whispered letting go of my hands and moving his back to my dress.

I gripped the headrest. "Jace," I breathed as he moved me faster and a little harder. The fire built and built until finally it exploded, igniting not just me, but Jace as well. My forehead fell to his shoulder as our chests rose and fell. I remembered that too. The only way I can describe it is…a sweet release. I have no other words.

"Clary," he winced. "Retract the claws." I hadn't realized I'd dug my nails into his shoulders. I flexed my fingers and pulled my arms under my chest. My shoulder drew up and my head cocked to the side when I felt him sigh into my neck. "Hmm," he hummed, shoving his nose in my hair causing my head to jerk further toward my shoulder making us both laugh. "A sensitive spot," he mused, pushing back my hair, kissing the space that conjoined my neck and shoulder making me giggle and twist in his arms as he tried to hold me still.

He finally stopped and sat back, resting his hands behind his head while I sat upright on his lap. I held his gaze until his eyes shifted down my exposed body and I suddenly felt self-conscious and crossed my arms. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Girls." My eyes narrowed but I dropped my hands to pull my dress up. "I guess we'll both be indisposed for a while." I looked back at him curiously and he smirked at me.

"What?" His eyes fell to my chest and mine followed. I saw nothing at first until he pointed out a misshapen circle, dark purple in color, inside and almost hidden underneath my right breast. My jaw fell and I felt the blood drain from my face. I looked back up, "You gave me a HICKEY?!" I shouted. I quickly pulled the straps over my shoulders and shook my head, cursing under my breath. Jace's hands gripped my waste hard and I heard him wince, pulling my attention back to him.

"Quit moving," he said, jaw clenched, fingers digging into my pelvic bone. My eyebrows drew together. "I have sensitive spots too, but that doesn't tickle. It hurts." I blinked slowly and smirked while I leaned forward until our lips nearly touched.

"Are you whining right now?" I spoke against his lips and shifted my hips. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in through his nose. He closed the space between our mouths, cupped my face in his hands and took my bottom lip with his teeth while he subtly shook his head and pushed his tongue in my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his hands rested on my ribs. I leaned back but he followed until my back was pressed against the steering wheel. The horn sounded, startling us as we returned to our rightful positions.

I cleared my throat. "Can you zip me?" I threw a thumb over my shoulder. He grinned and I swear I could see his eyes sparkle, but leaned in. Instead of going for my lips as I anticipated he would, he turned his head in the direction of my 'sensitive spot,' and ran his finger down my spine. At the same time, I could feel his scruff just barely touch my neck and the combination of his movements caused me to arch my back and jerk my head while I giggled.

His breath on me and his nose in my hair didn't help with the twitching and giggles and he just kept on. I managed to get out, "Jace…stop," between breaths. He sighed and rested his forehead on my collar bone while lifting me up at turtles pace. I was still on his lap but far enough back that he could retrieve his pants. While he zipped, buttoned and tucked, I pulled my fingers through my knotted curls and caught my breath. It was odd, being like this, almost as if we were some sex crazed new couple that couldn't stay away from one another.

When he finished, I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed off of his legs, one foot at a time, but when I stood I felt something warm slide down my thigh. In that moment I realized what made this time different than the last. My heart hammered in my chest, chin met my chest and my face heated. I felt like I was locked in a tiny space with no air. My breathing got heavier and faster. My hands balled into fist in Jace's t-shirt and all I could think was, '_No, No, NO!_' I felt his hands on my cheeks, lifting my head up so my eyes met his.

"Clary…Clary…Clarissa!" I heard him but it was like hearing someone's voice while you're under water. "What's wrong?" I felt the sting of tears and blinked to keep them from spilling over. Jace sucked his teeth and cursed under his breath. I blinked one more time and a single tear ran down my face. His jaw fell and he wiped it away.

"Napkins," I whispered. He shut his mouth and leaned his head away. "You didn't…we didn't…" I tried to explain and couldn't get it out. I swallowed hard but my mouth was too dry for it to matter. I took another breath and said, "There's slimy shit running down my legs." It was as calm as I could get it but it was still a whisper and probably sounded pathetic. Jace's face went white and I'm pretty sure he stopped breathing. I reached for the handle and pushed the door open but before moving I said, "Napkins!" He reached for the glove box, pulled a stack out and I took them and got out of the car to clean my leg.

My mind went blank. I walked to the back of the car and crouched down, burying my head in my hands. I heard foot-steps closing in and watched Jace's tennis shoes as he walked around me and leaned against the rear of the car next to where I sat with his legs crossed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something black dangle next to my face and turned to find that he'd chivalrously retrieved my panties. I closed my eyes and shook my head. The last thing I should be embarrassed about was the fact that my underwear were hanging from his finger-tips, especially considering where they'd been just a few precious moments earlier.

"Thanks," I snipped and snatched them from his hand while I stood and sighed. Jace shoved his hands in his pants pockets and looked down to the ground. "What now?" My voice shook and my hands lifted from my sides and then dropped again with a slapping noise. Jace lifted his gaze and we stared at one another in silence, both at a loss for words. My breath hitched and I felt the tears well up again. "Just…" my head fell back and I sniffed. "Take me home," I said, my voice pitchy and quiet. I walked to the passenger's side of the car and he back to the driver's side. Before I got in I slipped my panties back on.

The car was eerily quiet all the way back to my house, minus my sniffles as tears crept down my cheeks. I plastered myself as close to the door as I could, as if having as much distance possible between us would change anything. It was dark when he pulled up to my house. The lights were all on and I wanted to run inside and hide underneath my blankets, but I couldn't find it in me to move. I sat and stared out the window with my hand on the door handle. My little freak out earlier seemed small compared to what was going through my head now.

When I finally built up the courage to move, I took a deep breath and grabbed my bag from the floor, pulled the handle and Jace's hand caught my arm. "Do you want me to come with you?" I knew what he meant. 'Do you want me to come in and make sure _he's_ not there?'

"No," I shook my head. "You've already fulfilled your knight in shining armor duties." His eyes narrowed and brows knit together, a silent question of my sarcasm I assumed. "You rescued my panties. I can handle the rest." I smirked and turned back toward the house, only to be stopped again.

"Clary," he piped. I looked back quizzically. "Don't leave me hangin'. I wa…need to know," he corrected. I looked down and nodded. He grabbed my chin and lifted my gaze back to his. "I mean it. You're not going to have to do this by yourself."

I faked the best smile I could. He sounded sincere but we're sixteen. What could he do? But, if he wanted to be in the loop, then so be it. "O.K." I sighed. "I guess we'll find out in a week and a half." His eyes widened and brows shot up damn near to his hair line. He was thinking the exact same thing I was. A week and a half is too far away. His gaze fell from mine and he scrubbed his hands over his face.

"Christ! You can't speed up the process?"

"No," I scoffed and had to force back a laugh. "I don't have control over when my period comes, if at all in this case." He sat back in his seat and I saw his adam's apple bob. He was just as afraid as I was.

"O.K. so, no more therapy sex," he sighed and his head rolled in my direction.

"Is that what we're calling it?" He smirked and nodded. All I could do was smile and roll my eyes. I stepped outside the car and said, "Jace," he looked up, "Thank you." He smiled and pushed the clutch into drive before speeding down the road. I watched until I couldn't see his car anymore. Jace made it very hard to hate him when he did shit like this and now…I didn't know how to feel anymore.

* * *

_**A little Jace and Clary history. Explains Jon a little bit, huh? Explains Jace a little too, right? Oh! and to answer the question of WHY can't Jace just ask Clary why she was mad? Jace didn't ask 1.) because he's Jace and he's stubborn and 2.) becuase if he did, everything would be perfect and they'd have no reason to be at one another's throats...and that's no fun ;) Also...yes, there will be more chapters from Jace's POV! Everyother chapter will be his!**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**35 reviews for next chapter...pwease?!**_

_**Love you all! You're amazing**_

_**XOXO**_

_**LivyBug**_


	7. Maybe Baby

_**I'm sick of holding out for the 35th review. Although a tad disappointed. Thank you to those who did review. Your questions will be answered in time so keep reading! **_

_************__************__****__************************************____**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

This was going to be the longest week and a half of my LIFE! To top everything off, I would have to keep my distance and pretend things were no different. I would have to invent some fictitious form of reality. The sad part is, it wasn't a fictitious reality yesterday before three P.M. I went to school early and lifted some weights. That didn't help. I showered in the hottest water possible, had no effect.

I avoided my locker like the plague because I knew if I saw her, I'd bombard her with questions that she didn't have the answers to, yet… Maia was another story. I thought if I could surround myself with her, that she would take my mind off of it. No such luck with that either. Lunch was excruciating because I saw her. All I wanted to do was pull her away from all of these people and hide us both in a bubble, our bubble. That's what it felt like last night; like we were in our own little world.

I'd never heard Clary laugh like that before, or saw what she looked like when she really smiled. I liked it, and I liked that it was me that made her smile and laugh that way. Between her giggles and baby's bouncing around in my head, I found it hard to concentrate on much else. I chanced glances in her direction and once our eyes met. Silent questions passed between us in that, too short a moment. I could still smell her and feel her curls on my face. It was maddening.

"Jace," Maia snapped her fingers, pulling me back to my false reality. I looked at her and she smiled. I had to tell myself that I loved her smile, and the way her eyes lit up when she did it. I couldn't find anything to love about it today. "Where are you right now?" She pressed her palm to my cheek and her smile fell. Oh, God! I can't ruin her too. I shook my head and smiled back, picking at the untouched food on my plate. The rest of the table talked about mindless…meaningless things and all I could do was sit there.

After lunch, it was inevitable. I didn't have a choice. I would see her, face to face at our lockers, and I would have to force myself to be normal. I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't be callous with her. I took the walk down death row, hand in hand with Maia until we reached her locker and I had to let her go. I was using her as a life raft and I felt myself sink the moment I let her go. Clary was already there and my feet moved against my will, pushing me toward her faster.

I walked passed her and twisted the dial on the lock. I tried to keep my breathing under control but held my breath instead. I heard Clary sigh next to me and it took everything inside to ignore it. Jordan greeted her and I closed my locker just in time to see him peck her on the cheek and plant his hands on her waste.

I didn't like it, not one bit. His thumbs were too close to the space that could be housing my kid. "What's up, Jace?" he said, all smiles and fist pounds. I pushed out my bottom lip and shook my head. I have to bite my tongue or ill rip is damn head off. He looked down at Clary and let his fingers graze her collar bone and said, "Where's your necklace?"

Clary's hand shot up to meet his and her eyes widened. "I...uh...took it off last night before I went to bed so it didn't get caught in my hair or broken. It's sitting on my dresser." Oh, Miss Garroway...you're a good little liar. She had no clue where that necklace was. The reason I knew this is because it was safely tucked away in the center council of my car. Apparently, it was the least of her worries last night. I smirked and watched as Jordan nodded at her then I walked away, but not before catching the warning glance she shot at me.

Relax, I know what you're thinking and no, I didn't steal it. I just removed the reminder that she had a boyfriend before it repeatedly smacked me in the forehead. I meant to give it back and forgot. I got about half way down the hall before I was being tugged into a supply room. "Where is it?" Clary demanded. I pulled my arm from her death grip and scowled at her.

I smiled. Yes,_ that_ smile even though she was one of the few who were immune to it. Kind of like parents and siblings, it never works on them either. "Hi Clary," I mused. "How are you? I'm shitty, thanks for asking. I am baffled at how you can worry so much about a trinket while I ponder the fact that your body might be building a baby out of my DNA." My smile fell and I stared at her without blinking.

Clary sighed and made and irritated noise. "Jace, where is my necklace and why did you take it?"

"I didn't take it. I simply removed it so I didn't have the shape of it branded into my forehead. It's not my fault you didn't notice." I couldn't help but smirk. I thought this was a bit comical. She however, did not.

She held out her hand and said, "Give it back."

"I can't." I shrugged and shook my head. "Not right now anyway."

"Why not?"

"Because it's in my car, that's why," I said, leaning closer to her. "Nice cover, by the way. I don't think I could have done it any better personally." She really did make it too easy to fuck with her.

"Can't we just have a normal week? You know, just one week before everything we know possibly goes up in flames?"

"Easier said than done and can you refrain from Jordan having his hands anywhere in this vicinity?" I made a circular motion around her torso and then crossed my arms. "I don't like it."

"Why? No part of me belongs to you!" She was testing my patience, and although she may have been right, it didn't change my distaste for him being that close.

"No, but it's possible that the, maybe baby, does." O.K…maybe I was being a little unfair, but I didn't like it DAMNIT.

"Aren't you being a little melodramatic?"

"Over protective… maybe. Melodramatic? Hell no!" I shook my head. Clary rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. I had to admit, despite the fact that we were arguing, we were in a bubble. I had a little control over what happened in this bubble. Not much, but Jordan wasn't in it, so I was content.

"I want that necklace before I go home or your fingers will be so mangled, you won't be able to use them to please yourself let alone someone with a vagina." She pointed her finger in my face and pulled the door open, leaving me in the closet alone. GOD, I hope she's not pregnant because if I have to deal with this for the next nine months, I might just put me out of my own misery. As I sat in class, my mind began to wonder. If she was sleeping with Jordan, there's a good chance that any little person residing in her might not be mine.

I didn't want to think that way, but I couldn't help it. Clary and Jordan have been together just as long as Maia and I. Of course they were sleeping together. I mean, it would only make sense. It's just not something you come out and ask a girl, especially in this situation, because then I'd really be an asshole. Then again, Clary already saw me as an insensitive ass. So would it really catch her off guard if I did ask? '_Push it as far back in this skull of yours as you can and never think of it again_,' the voice in my head scolded. '_Death by tiny red headed girl is not how we plan to go out_.'

We? Shit, I really was losing it. I fetched Clary her damn necklace and at least got a thank you out of it. Not that I would have been pleased either way, but what the fuck was I gonna do with it? Football practice was my salvation. Since more sex didn't appeal to me in my current state, beating the hell out of people who were heavily padded and expecting it was the next best thing. I specifically picked out Jordan to take the brunt of it with it going unnoticed.

There was a new guy in practice. His name was Sebastian. He was about my height and had dark hair. I could see him and I getting along pretty well. He had a great sense of humor and liked all the same things: Sex, sports, girls, cars, and um…sex. The whole team was packed into the locker room. Some showered while the rest of us sat on the benches and waited our turn. I sat hunched over, removing my cleats when Sebastian came around and said, "So, I need to know which chicks are fair game, which ones to steer clear of and which ones are O.K."

Jordan, Will, James, Eric, Alec and I all looked up and he smiled. "No one's going to offer up any advice? O.K." he shrugged. "I guess they're all fair game then."

"Which ones are you interested in?" Will asked.

"There's a few…Kealie, Aline…"

"The banger sisters," Jordan laughed. We all called them that, but the fact that he was the one to mention it made my skin crawl. I hadn't been down that road but heard stories from others that those two liked to tag team. Sebastian's eyebrows climbed his forehead and his mouth made an 'O' shape. '_Roll your tongue back up, buddy_,' I thought.

"Alright," Sebastian continued. "Isabelle,"

"That's my sister," Alec chimed in quickly. Those two may fight like cats and dogs but they were very protective of one another.

"That means she's off limits?"

"That means, you break her heart and no one will know you ever existed," said Alec darkly. Wow, I didn't even see that one coming. But, I knew Alec well enough to know not to fuck with him when he spoke like that. Sebastian held his hands up and the 'I surrender' pose and nodded.

"O.K. then there's the little red head, what did the geeky boy call her?" He snapped his fingers and Jordan's head snapped out of the locker.

"Clary," I mumbled. All eyes were on me when I looked up from my cleats.

"Yes!" He pointed at me. "What about her? She looks like she's got real fire hidden under them curls." _If he only knew_, I thought.

"She's taken," I said nonchalantly and again, all eyes fell on me. I sat up straight and looked at every one of them before my eyes fell on Jordan. His expression was unreadable.

"She ride your dick or what?" Sebastian had a way of speaking.

I laughed. "Nope, his," I nodded in Jordan's direction.

"Uh-Uh," Jordan shook his head. "She's my girlfriend, so yeah, she's taken. But there's no dick riding going on." My heart sank into my stomach and my jaw fell. Shit! I wanted to slam my forehead into my palm and drag my hand down my face. I swallowed hard and the sound of her little cry when I pushed her down on me sounded in my head. It made sense now and I no longer had to question the paternity of the 'maybe baby.'

Sebastian sighed, "What about that Maia chick?"

"That's Jace's kool-aid," Jordan said. I was still in shock but closed my mouth to nod my agreement. Sebastian proceeded to name off more girls: Tessa…Sophie…Emma…all taken. Needless to say, he was shit outta luck when it came to decent girls. Clary and I would be having a little chat after what I'd just heard. Urgh! This was even more of a mind fuck now than before. What the hell was any of that shit supposed to mean?

On my way home, I found myself driving in circles around Clary's block instead of pulling into Bob and Mar's driveway. I couldn't make myself stop at her house though. The fact that she's never slept with Jordan or why, isn't really any of my business. The question that boggled me is the same one I asked her last year, Why me? When I thought more about it and what the answer to that could be, I didn't know if I actually wanted to hear it.

I managed to convince myself to head back home and sulk in my room and I was almost successful. Alec and Magnus were holed up in Alec's bedroom and I got sucked in. I noticed that the two of them sat very close to each other. The way they looked at one another made me uncomfortable and the topic of conversation was exactly what I was trying to hide from.

"I asked Clary to draw a picture of me," Magnus smiled.

"Why do you think you need more pictures of yourself? That's all you have in your room," Alec questioned.

"Well, myself or Chairman Meow…" Magnus waved a dismissive hand at Alec. "Clary's good at portraits and one can never have too many pictures of me." I thought I was self-absorbed at times. Magnus was even worse. I sat in the corner of Alec's room picking at the callouses on my hands.

"I'm sure Clary has better things to do with her time than draw you," Alec mused. I was done, I excused myself and told them I was hungry. I got curious stares when I left but I didn't care. I couldn't hear about her anymore. I sulked into the hallway and nearly tripped over Max.

"Where's the fire?" I called after him. He turned and I noticed the shy smile on his face and his pink cheeks.

"I have to hide, she'll see me," said Max.

"Who?"

"Clary!" He pointed down the steps.

_CHRIST!_

I spun around and stood erect. I just couldn't win. I felt like Adam after eating the forbidden fruit, and this was my punishment. I didn't see or hear anything but when I looked back, Max was gone. At least he had good taste in girls…Wait…what? Shake it off. I wasn't lying when I told Alec and Magnus I was hungry. I hadn't eaten all day and I wasn't about to hide in my room like Max. I knew I wouldn't hold my tongue if I saw her, so my only hope was that she was here for Izzy and had found her already.

I bounced down the steps two at a time, my goal was the left-over's from last night. I slowed when I saw Clary still standing at the door. Odd, she usually just went to Izzy's room. That damn necklace hung from her neck and I really just wanted to rip it off and have it melted down so it was unrecognizable. We stared at one another while I made my way through the living room. When I was close enough and thought I would get by without having to speak to her she asked, "Do you know where Izzy is?" I shook my head and kept moving

I heard her sigh and the frustration behind it. I did feel bad. This was my fault. Whatever it was that made me lean over and kiss her last night sparked all of this and for the life of me I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Being with her was like seeing a red button with a sign above it that read: "DO NOT PUSH THE RED BUTTON." I was always the guy who pushed the button. I always would be. She followed me into the kitchen and I had to fight back and groan.

I dug into the fridge to hide myself and immediately was scolded by that tiny voice in my head. '_Pussy! You're hiding, just like Max_.' "You haven't seen her?" She asked again. I gave her the same response and pulled out the left over container of spaghetti. I didn't even bother to heat it up. Cold pasta wasn't my favorite but I was too hungry to wait. I grabbed a fork and shoveled in the hugest bite I could. "Are we no longer speaking?" Her eyebrows shot up and she stared at me.

I chewed slowly, leaned over the center island across from her and swallowed while I twisted more noodles around my fork. "I'm eating. Fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, Clarissa." She cocked her head and I could already feel the sarcastic remark coming on.

"Really? I was under the impression it was a tad bit lower."

"Have you tested that theory out? I mean, is that how you won Jordan over?" I pushed the fork in my mouth again and watched as her jaw fell and eyes widened. "MMM, no," I shook my head and swallowed. "That's right," I waved my fork in the air, "You haven't had sex with him yet."

"What makes you think that?"

"I don't think, Clarissa. I know, and I'm pretty positive you're not trying to win my heart over so…"

"So what?"

"So, your untested theory has no evidence to support it." I shrugged while finishing the last of my food.

"That's none of your business," she hissed.

"Nope, it's not and I didn't ask either. That information was offered up willingly." I placed the dirty dish in the sink and spun around to rest my back against the counter. "Care to offer up an explanation as to why?"

"Why what?"

"Why not Jordan?"

"That's not your business either." She turned her head away from me.

"So you won't get down with your boyfriend of almost a year but one random night in a car with someone you don't even like is no big deal? Where's the logic, Clarissa?"

"I don't owe you any explanations, Jace."

I scoffed, "No, I guess you don't. I'm sure Jordan will want one when he finds out though."

"You're going to tell him?"

I shook my head. Of course I wasn't going to tell him. I wasn't putting my ass on the line. "I won't have to if you're not a raging bitch who needs a chocolate fix in two weeks. You won't be able to lie yourself outta that one. Can't pin a kid on someone if you've never slept with them." She almost looked hurt by my comment. Her jaw tightened and she took in a deep breath. Here it goes…

"Your opinion of me must be pretty low, Jonathan, if you think that's something I would do." Her tone was quiet, reserved even; not at all the way I was used to her responding to me. I'd never taken the time to really look into her eyes and see how much she hid behind them, but this time, I looked at her and she stared back at me with those big, piercing green eyes and I damn near wanted to fall to my knees and ask for her forgiveness.

_SHIT!...strike two… _

Isabelle barged into the kitchen just in time to save me from making any more stupid comments and stole Clary away. I leaned over the counter and tugged at my hair, ashamed at my complete lack of verbal competency. My mother always said, 'Think before you speak,' and my father said, 'Wear a raincoat.' Two pieces of advice I failed to take into consideration.

* * *

_**So you got Jace's view, a little, on how he feels. Tell me what you think!**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_

_**again we'll shoot for 35. it's only seven reviews guys...push that little blue button and give me your thought. Comments, concerns, emotional outbursts. ANYTHING!**_


	8. Waiting

_**As promised, here is your chapter. For those interested in Sebastian, you get a tiny glimpse of what's to come and the 'Maybe Baby' answer!**_

_****__************__************__****__************************************____**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**_

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Friday! Officially a week and a half since, 'the incident,' as I like to call it. I avoided Jace as much as I could, but still couldn't escape his warning glances in Jordan's direction when his hands were anywhere near my midsection. I couldn't handle it anymore. Aunt Flow needed to show her ugly face so I could do my happy dance and forget this ever happened.

How would I tell my parents? How would I tell Jordan? It wasn't one of those topics that you just throw in there while you're eating lunch. 'Oh yeah,' cough, 'by the way…I'm pregnant.' And how would I skirt around the fact that Jace was my partner in crime? Maia would hate me, Jordan would…I don't know what Jordan would do, besides hate me more. I suffered through classes all day with no signs of my period and Jace hounding me every chance he got.

Saturday I promised Izzy I'd spend the night, which would only make things worse. Not only would I have to stress about it, I'd be stuck in a house with Jace doing the same thing. I looked up all the information on pregnancy I could get my hands on; the best times to get pregnant and the worst. The best positions to be in to get pregnant and I even read old wives tales about the moon's cycles. I wasn't ovulating when we did it…I don't think. The position we were in wasn't listed and it didn't happen during a full moon.

"Clary, what's your deal?"

I lay on Izzy's bed with my head resting in my hand while my mind went over every single word I'd read over the last week. Church rested his fat self in the curve of my stomach and purred. Jace had escaped the house and went out with Maia, which I was torn about. How come I had to ponder my future and be stuck in my own head over this while he got to be normal with his girlfriend? I got dirty looks if I was too close to Jordan but it was O.K. for him? He was probably screwing Maia in his car just like he did me last week and it pissed me off. And NO! I am not jealous.

"Clarissa!" I looked up at Izzy lazily. She stood in front of me like she was my mother, waiting for an explanation for something terrible that I'd just done. Her hands sat on her hips and her foot tapped the carpet while she stared daggers at me.

"Nothing," I shook my head and turned my attention back to Church. Even the cat glared at me like he knew my secret. I wonder if Jace told him…traitor. "I just have a lot on my mind, Iz. I'm sorry."

"Well spill it. Maybe I can help." I smiled at her sadly and shook my head again. "No, you won't tell me or, no, I can't help?" I pondered telling her about my dad. It wasn't something I was usually willing to offer up but…it would get her off my back.

"My dad came to the school last week."

"So? Were you in trouble? Did they call him down?" She padded over and sat down next to me with a look of concern.

"Not Luke, my real dad." She looked even more confused than Jace had when I told him and when I continued to explain, her face shifted from horrified to sympathetic and to pondering by the time I was done. She hugged me and suggested we use the Salon gift cards she got me for my birthday and boy, did I need pampering. Magnus came with us and we got manicures, pedicures, massages and we even got our hair done. I didn't realize I held my stress in my shoulders until the massage therapist started rubbing and I could feel all the knots.

I was all dolled up with a pink sheen on the nails of my hands and feet, sleek curls framed my porcelain doll-like face and I felt…O.K. It's amazing what a little indulging can do. I was never more grateful for a girly gift from Izzy as I was for this. After the spa, Magnus treated us to Taki's as his birthday gift to me and there we met up with Simon and Alec. Jace and Maia also seemed to have perfect timing, which shouldn't surprise me because Jace always had good timing…or bad, whichever way one chose to look at it. The only person missing was Jordan and it made me feel like I was the odd man out.

I sat between Maia and Izzy, who sat across from Jace and Simon. Alec took the open seat next to Iz across from Magnus. Jace was good at hiding in front of Maia, either that or he just stopped caring. I wished I could do that. I suppose if Jordan were here I'd do the same but I just couldn't do it now. Seeing him just made it all worse and the comment he made, 'Can't pin a kid on someone you haven't slept with.' That irritated me. I wouldn't try and pin a kid on anyone. He made it seem like I would intentionally have sex with Jordan to do such a thing when honestly, if he didn't want anything to do with the, 'maybe baby,' then I'd make up some story about a non-existent guy I met one night. He was the one who said, 'You're not going to have to do this alone.'

But I felt alone. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and it was squashing me to death because I had no one to help me hold it up. It bothered me that I had to sit next to Maia and watch them flirt and giggle while they secluded themselves from the rest of the group. It was like they were in their own world. Oddly enough, I knew what that felt like but not with Jordan…I knew how it felt with Jace. Maybe that was my own fault because I'd never let Jordan in the way I had with Jace, but he was familiar. I'd been down that road with Jace and the thought of opening up to someone else scared the hell out of me.

I played with the chain around my neck and pretended to look at the menu while my friends chatted around me. My mind went blank for the first time since this all started and I let myself revel in the emptiness. I felt a tap against my boot and it made be blink out of my daze. I looked up and around the table but Jace was the only one who was looking at me. His eyes held a question, and it wasn't the one I'd been hearing all week. It was, 'Are you alright? What's wrong?' I gave a quick nod and pushed my chair out. I told Izzy what to order me if the waitress came before I did and headed for the bathroom.

I could see the alarmed look on Jace's face when I got up, and the look of absolute loathing when I ignored it. I could feel his eyes on me until I turned the corner and pushed through the door to the ladies room. I pressed my back against the stall, closed my eyes and let myself breath for a while. I felt like I'd been suffocated out there. I didn't have to use the restroom but I sat down anyway and hoped and prayed that I'd see even just a hint of pink. A lot of red would have pleased me more but I'd be happy with pink. That would mean the rest would soon follow. I hung my head in disappointment when I saw perfect white.

So I was a day late. That wasn't too terrible. I'd been a couple days late before but it always came. This wasn't how my life was going to play out. I was going to be an artist, like my mom. I was going to marry my prince charming: a ruggedly handsome guy who could handle my stubbornness and didn't mind hanging out in my studio while I painted or drew random pieces for my next showcase. I could dream, right? Prince charming exists outside of Disney movies.

I washed my hands and dabbed water on my face before heading back to the table. Jace immediately zeroed in on me, his worried expression interrogating me again. Yes, I ignored it. No, I wasn't O.K. but I wasn't about to admit that in front of the whole table. What caught my eye next was that the chair across from my seat was now taken by a tall, dark, spikey haired boy.

He was the Aries to Jace's Apollo, the night to his day, the oil to his water and he was beautiful. I'd never seen him before but I came just in time for Jace to introduce me. "Clary, Sebastian," he pointed between us but his eyes never left me. "Sebastian, Clary."

It was when Sebastian stood, took my hand in his, kissed the top of it and said, "Pleased to meet you, Clary," that Jace's head spun like the girl from 'The Exorcist.'

"And you," I nodded and smiled. Sebastian had good humor. He kept the table rolling in laughter all afternoon. He was a lot like Jace, in that he was arrogant, self-absorbed and really, really hot. There was also something about him that made you want more. When he laughed it made you want to join in, and when he was serious he made you want to listen. He was charming and unpredictable, sharp tongued and witty but not over the top or obnoxious. He also looked like the type of guy who would set your house on fire just so he could be the one to save you and reap the spoils of a hero. He was dangerous and it was addicting.

Alec, Magnus, Jace, Izzy and I headed back to the Lightwood house and the others went home. That night she and I sat up and had a chick flick marathon that consisted of Grease, Ghost, and Dirty Dancing. It was nearly two in the morning when I woke up to the sound of white noise on the TV. and Izzy talking in her sleep…about Simon. Odd…I got up and tip-toed down the hall to pee. I wiped my eyes and sat down. When I did my new routine check, my heart skipped a beat and I had to blink a few times to make sure it was there. A perfectly round red spot stared back at me. I was so happy I could have squealed at the top of my lungs and bounced up and down but the cramp in my lower abdomen stopped that before I finished thinking about it.

I had two choices: A) I could wake Jace up now and tell him, or B) I could wait till morning. I decided on option A, since I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep if I waited. I shuffled down the hall and stopped at the door across from Max's room. I debated knocking but not long. My fingers took the knob and twisted. The door creaked open and to my surprise, Jace sat upright with his back against his pillow, dressed in only a pair of sweat pants. _Close your mouth, Clary, _I thought. Good Lord was there ever a time he didn't look…like a God?

The room was dark. The only light was from the TV; next to Jace sat a cassette player and he had head phones in his ears. I padded into his room and stood in front of the light. I had to smile because his eyes were closed and his head bobbed, but not to the music. He was asleep. It made me giggle because it was cute. I cocked my head and decided a closer inspection was needed. It was so hard to concentrate on…him…yeah we'll go with that, when his mouth was moving and terrible noises were coming out of it.

I crept toward the bed and leaned forward. It was amazing to me how incredibly…gorgeous he was. I pressed my hands into the mattress to get closer and Jace sleepily grabbed a pillow, fell over and crumpled it under his head. I giggled again and lifted my leg up onto the bed to sit next to him. A curl fell over his eye and I couldn't resist the urge to push it away. My fingers grazed his eyebrow and the soft skin at his temple. My body tingled from top to bottom and I hated that he could cause me to have such an involuntary reaction, and he didn't even have to do anything. Jordan could try everything under the sun, which he has, and it sparked nothing! NOTHING!

I sighed and shook my head, ashamed at myself. I ran my fingers through my hair and pushed my leg down so my feet almost touched the floor while biting down on my bottom lip. I couldn't wake him up, he just looked too serene and that was something I wish I had. I closed my eyes and turned my head back toward him. "To what do I owe the visit to my bed chambers at this hour, Miss Garroway?" My eyes opened slowly and he stared back completely awake.

"I come baring gifts," I smiled and straightened up. One of his eyebrows rose, he smirked, and his eyes travelled down my figure, then he shook his head.

"I've already unwrapped those gifts…a couple times," said Jace, covering his eyes with his arm.

"Well," I rolled my eyes, "It's a good thing I was referring to the gift of freedom and peace of mind. Unless, you have an itch to role play and be Moses when he parted the red sea."

Jace's arm came up and he stared at the ceiling before his head turned. His eyes were wide as he said, "You got it?" I nodded and he sighed, letting his arm come back down on his face. "Thank God," he mumbled.

"Wow," I scoffed. "Settle down, don't be so loud. I know you're excited and all but you don't want to wake everyone up."

"I'm having a hard time understanding why this couldn't wait till morning," he said, lifting his arm again and letting it fall to his side. "And the fact that you're in my room…on my bed…" I looked down feeling, for the first time, uncomfortable, and quickly stood. I scratched the back of my head and crossed my arms.

"I, um…" I stuttered. "I was excited." I moved around the bed and Jace sat up, watching me as I moved. "And I...uh…I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep." I nearly tripped on something at the end of his bed. Damn! There wasn't anything there before. "And I…um…thought you'd appreciate the news." What the hell was wrong with me? "When I saw you were asleep I was going to leave but you woke up, so…Surprise! Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas and all those other holidays." I'm an idiot! I was nearly to the door so I turned and was ready to bolt back to Izzy's room and hide under her covers until I was safe to come out without him EVER seeing me again, but he caught my wrist before I got there.

Why did I have to be so short? It had to only take him a stride and a half to catch me. I looked up into his curious stare and we stood there, not moving, not talking just…there, until finally I couldn't handle it. "What?" He shook his head slowly and released my wrist, but took my hand between his and kissed the top of it just like Sebastian had earlier.

"Thank you." He grinned.

"Are you trying to piss me off?"

"No," he said, dropping my hand. "I'm trying to make a point. You should have seen your face earlier."

"Does it bother you to see someone else act like a gentleman?" My hands met my hips and I bat my eyes.

"It bothers me to see HIM _pretend_ to act like a gentleman because I know he's not. I recall a comment that came out of his mouth just a couple days ago in the locker room." He cleared his throat and mocked Sebastian, 'I bet she's got real fire hidden under them curls.' What bothers me even more was that Jordan was standing right next to him when he said it and had no response, and even more than that was the fact that I was the only one who knew if there was any truth behind those words. He knows about you and Jordan, Clary. He's not being a gentleman, he's being an ass."

My hands fell and I blinked a few times. Not out of shock but out of sheer confusion. Was he trying to warn me? Was he trying to tell me to stay away from Sebastian? Protect me? NO! He didn't have the right to do any of those things. "O.K. I'm a little lost so, maybe you can explain this to me," I waved my hands around my head. "You," I jabbed a finger into his chest, "Also know about me and Jordan yet," I pressed the same finger to my lips to ponder. "It didn't stop you last week. Now I'm standing here, feeling like a complete ass for giving you the best news you will probably ever hear in your life because," I mocked him, "I was in your room…on your bed.' And now you're trying to steer me away from Sebastian?" It sounded even more mind boggling after I said it out loud. "Is this your last attempt at a chivalrous act before life goes completely back to normal? Because if it is, you should have left it at saving my panties, at least I understood that one."

He looked at me like I was about to split in half and grow three more heads. "I'm not saying I'm any better, and the comment about my room and my bed was because you're the only girl that's been in here." My palm met my forehead with a loud smack but he grabbed my wrists and held them tight. "I said those things about Sebastian because what we did has already caused enough damage without everyone else knowing about it. Imagine if they did. What a catastrophe that would have been. Sebastian and I are a lot alike at first glance but deep down, he's nothing like me. Just don't get caught up in it. Your expressions told him everything he needed to know: How to act, what to say, how to say it and when to do it all." I don't know why, but I felt like I'd been taken advantage of, by more than one person. One word came to mind, naïve.

"Good night, Jonathan," I seethed, and yanked my hands from his grip. His eyes grew wide and his lips parted. I stepped back and pulled the door open.

"Clary," I heard him say, before I slipped into the hallway and rushed to Izzy's room. I should have waited to tell him. I could have avoided that whole conversation had I done that. He had no right to have an opinion on how things panned out in my personal life. And where did it all stem from? I don't need his protection or advice. My gift from Jordan had subliminal messages hidden in it, and Sebastian read me like a book? It's like I was supposed to be suspicious of every guy in my life, but he's the only one who's given me reason to worry about anything.

I pushed all he had to say to the back of my mind, vowing to never think of it again and let life go back to normal. Simon came over the next day and we vegged out on the couch. With the world no longer breaking my back, I could return to being a sixteen year old girl with no worries. That next week I threw myself into school and Jordan and my friends. Magnus had been up my ass about drawing him a portrait of himself, so I spent a lot of time on that.

It was the end of the week. I was ready for a mental break and a weekend of peace. I was fishing a book out of my locker for last hour when I felt hands slip around my waste and lips at my ear. "You should come over tonight." I closed my locker and spun around so my back rested against it. Jordan's lip stuck out in a pout and he leaned forward. "Please?" A quick kiss. "We haven't been alone in over a month." Another kiss and a step closer. He pushed a curl behind my ear and fiddled with my necklace. "I miss you." I smiled and he nuzzled my neck. His persistence was cute.

The final warning bell rang and I pressed my hands into his chest. "I'll think about it." His bottom lip stuck out again and I shook my head. "I'll let you know after class." He made a sad face and I kissed him quickly before hurrying down the hall. If he was inviting me over I knew his mom wasn't going to be home. She probably had a date or something. That would mean we would be completely alone, which was fine, but I also knew what 'completely alone' meant to a hormonally challenged teenage boy.

I pondered throughout class, oblivious to the lecture the teacher was giving and finally decided I'd ask Izzy's advice. When the bell rang to signal the end of the school day, I gathered my books and went straight to her locker. She was there, and so was Sebastian. "One date, Iz," he pleaded. Her eyes lit up and she smiled at me then lipped, "Let's go." I waved at Sebastian and he nodded but was taken aback by Izzy's lack of interest. What was wrong with her? We made our way back to my locker when I got the low down. "He's been up my ass for a week, Clary. He's cute but I just don't know what to say. I like someone else." She shrugged.

"Oh?" I lifted an eyebrow. "Who?"

"I'm not at liberty to say," she mumbled. I looked appallingly at her. We told each other everything…well almost, especially when it came to boys. "I'm torn about it, don't give me that look." I shoved my books in my locker and spotted Jordan down the hall. I needed to talk fast.

"Iz, I need your advice." She stared, waiting for me to continue. "Jordan wants me to come over to his house tonight."

"And?" she looked at me like I was stupid.

"And…We'll be alone."

"So?"

"Completely alone!"

"What's your point? You've been together forever. Is 'completely alone' a problem?" I bit my bottom lip and looked down at my feet. "Clary!" she said incredulously. "I don't know whether to give you a high five or smack you upside the head. Are you holding your virginity hostage?"

'_No_,' I thought. "Yes," I said.

"Why? It's Jordan. He's good and sweet and hot and charming and did I mention hot? What are you holding out for, marriage?"

'_That's what you should have held out for_,' my conscience scolded. "Prince Charming? Love?" I shrugged.

"He's as close as you're going to get to Prince Charming and if you don't love him, why are you still together then?" She posed a good question. I didn't know what I felt for Jordan. He was all those things that Izzy named off. So why was I avoiding him like this? He's been a perfect boyfriend. He's never pressured me or made me feel bad for not wanting to sleep with him. And, we're still together. A lot of guys would have said, 'fuck it,' and bounced on to the next willing girl. "All I'm saying is, if Jordan isn't worthy…then who is?"

Simon showed up right after Izzy's last comment and she clammed up right away. "Clary, Isabelle," he greeted.

"Hey, Si." I answered with a sigh but even more curious was that, Izzy didn't even say hi. She gave him the, 'deer in headlights,' look and stalked off.

"What's with her?" His thumb poked out in the direction she'd gone.

"I don't know."

"She's an odd duck, that one." I smacked his arm but laughed. "Plans tonight?"

'_No_,' I thought, just as a set of hands gripped my hips and Simon rolled his eyes. "Hanging out with Jordan." I felt his smile against my cheek as a look of horror painted Simon's face.

"I see," he said slowly. "I guess I'll call up Eric." I could see the hurt in his eyes and it nearly killed me to just nod and brush it off. Friday's were usually our days and since school started, we haven't gotten many.

"Next week, Si. I promise."

"It's not a big deal, Clary." His head fell. It was a lie, a huge lie and the fake smile on his face when he looked back up at me was even worse. "I'll see ya Monday," he said, and walked away. Jordan spun me around and pushed me up against the cold metal surface of the lockers. With his hands resting on my cheeks he smiled against my lips before his crashed into mine.

I heard a throat clear next to us. We both looked toward the noise to find Jace staring at us. "You're abusing my locker." He addressed Jordan before his gaze fell on me. His eyes slitted and his head slightly cocked. Jordan released me with a mumbled apology to Jace. I stepped aside and retrieved my back pack from my own locker. I felt movement behind me and turned.

"I'll pick you up at seven." I gave a smile and a nod. He pecked my cheek and took off down the hall. I could feel Jace's eyes on me. I could see the devilish grin of his face. I could even hear the words before they came out of his mouth. '_I told you so_.'

I held my hand up, "Don't."

"What?"

"Don't speak, don't look at me like that, don't even think it."

"I…didn't." He blinked.

"You don't have too," I sucked my teeth and stormed down the hall.

Seven O'clock came way too soon. My parents weren't home and Jon was, as usual, at his girl-friends' house. I left a note saying I was at Izzy's because I knew she'd cover for me and as expected, Jordan's mom was gone for the night. Jordan rented movies: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, Billy Madison, and The Net, for us to watch. They were all new releases and I wanted to see all three of them. We picked up Chinese a block from his house and invaded the couch.

I rested my head in Jordan's lap throughout Ace Ventura. His fingers played in my curls the entire time but, I was surprisingly comfortable. During intermission, Jordan made popcorn and we stood in the kitchen with our hands interlaced discussing our likes and dislikes of the movie. It felt normal. I couldn't remember the last time we did this and it made me realize how much I had missed being with just him.

He put in The Net next and I curled into his side with my head resting on his shoulder. He laughed when I hid my face at the parts that were heart thumping. "Are you afraid?" He whispered. I looked up at him with wide eyes. Was that question aimed at the movie or…something else? I swallowed and my cheeks heated. His lips came down on mine softly. I felt my back hit the cushion and Jordan shift so he was between my legs. One hand rested on my face while the other traveled up my shirt. His thumb grazed each one of my ribs while his lips moved down my neck to press light kisses into my collar bone.

Warning sirens sounded in my head, my body telling me this didn't feel right. None of it felt right. His lips didn't apply the right amount of pressure. His hands didn't follow the right path. His body didn't hold the right amount of weight. The spark wasn't there, no flame, no urge to pull him in. I did the best I could to start one myself by pushing him up and pulling his shirt off, then mine, hoping the skin contact would provoke something. I kissed him harder and wrapped my legs around his waist, thrusting him against me.

My assertiveness was working for him. I had all the proof needed rubbing against my leg to know that. Jordan ran his tongue from the center my collar bone to my belly button and his fingers dipped just inside my pants, trailing along my panty line. The button snapped on my jeans and I heard the zipper. My heart sped as the little voice in my head screamed, '_No, No, No!_' I was determined to prove to myself that, Jonathan Herondale was not the only person who could make me feel the way that he did.

More clothing and undergarments hit the floor but not before Jordan produced a condom from his pocket. Thank God he was thinking. This was reminiscent of the first time with Jace but felt a whole lot different. There was no slow burn, even though Jordan moved carefully. The fire was still nonexistent and it was over before I could spit out supercalifragilisticexpialid ocious. There was no all-consuming, life altering feeling of complete bliss, just Sandra Bullock screaming in my ear.

_SHIT_!

* * *

_**So Clary caved, Jace doesn't like how Sebastina acts and Izzy clams up around Simon...Thoughts? Comments, Concerns, kicking, screaming, shouting, throwing stuff...it all works but just don't forget to TELL ME!**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**REVIEW/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**Thanks for the reviews guys, your opinions and questions keep me on my game. Sometimes you think of stuff that I've completely over looked. **_

_**10 reviews for next chapter? I'm not done with it yet so it needs to be a higher number than yesterday lol.**_

_**XOXO to you all **_

_**LivyBug**_


	9. No Pleasurable Deed

**I'm Sorry this has taken longer than I expected to get to you but here it is! Enjoy. Thanks your for the reviews I love them and all of you!**

**********__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Junior year: I was made captain of the football team and starting quarterback. All anybody talked about this year was prom. I was sick and tired of Maia hounding me about what color I thought her dress should be. I didn't give a shit about the color of her dress. I wanted to go and spike the damn punch but I was sure Sebastian would beat me to it.

I led the football team to state and won. It was the first time our school won state in over a decade and I was pretty proud. Maia and I were still going strong, although, our private time was limited. I had practice, she had cheerleading practice and between that and homework, I was feeling a little neglected. I tried my damdest but she didn't budge. It was irritating when every time I turned around I saw Will and Tessa, or Sebastian and his new arm candy, or most often…Clary and Jordan.

I wasn't jealous of any of them, just envious of the fact that they were getting laid. Yeah, yeah, worry less about my dick and more about school and football, easier said than done when everyone was getting it but me. I was not the type of person to look elsewhere for it. I just chalked it up to, we were passed the puppy dog, love sick stage and in the make or break stage.

Just say it, 'You don't find your soul mate in high school.' I did though. Maia was amazing and beautiful and funny and she kept me on my toes. Only one other person remotely fit any of those descriptions but, I'm not about to say it out loud and openly admit it. She and I didn't talk, it was almost like we had a mutual understanding of 'leave me the fuck alone and I'll extend you the same courtesy.'

Maia and I sat at our lunch table with the rest of the football team and cheerleaders. She had a book in hand and was pouring over dresses as usual. "Jace, what do you think of this one?" It was a light pink dress that would hang to her knees. The color would look good on her and bring out the pink in her cheeks but I would have been more pleased if she wore nothing and we attended our own prom somewhere more private. I nodded and continued to stuff my face.

"You could wear a pink bow tie to match." She smiled widely.

"Um…No!"

"Why not?"

"I hate having anything wrapped around my neck and you want me to wear a bow tie? A pink one no less?"

"We need to match, Jace. Meet me half way," she whined.

"Yeah, Jace, meet her half way." I looked up to find Jordan staring at me from across the table. I found it odd that he was even there because usually he sat with Clary.

"What were you conned into wearing?" I asked.

He laughed, "Nothing, Clary hasn't said a word about prom. I don't even know if she's picked out a dress. For all I know, she doesn't even want to go."

"Clary's dress is green, Jordan. Her mom took her shopping last week. Maybe she hasn't said anything because she's waiting for you to ask," Maia piped in.

"I have other things to worry about than the color of Clary's prom dress," he retorted

"Thank you!" I said. Maia gave the, 'shut the hell up,' look.

"Like?" She probed.

"Stuff," he mumbled.

"A girl's first prom is always important. Clary is no different," Maia scolded. I held back a laugh, a little pleased that I wasn't the only one she did that to.

"M," I sighed, "Pick out whatever dress you want. I'll figure out a way to match, even if I have to wear your garter around my arm." I grinned and it earned me a slap on the arm. Apparently, my comment was unacceptable. Jordan laughed, I found he was much easier to be around when the thought of my kid residing in a space he rested his paws on was put to rest.

"I'll be over after practice so we can settle the issue," Maia chimed. SCORE! Alone time with my girl, I was going to be a happy camper later this evening. The rest of the school day was too long, and I had basketball practice afterward. It was excruciating. Coach still hadn't decided who he was going to make starting point guard, me or Sebastian, and I wasn't about to let that one slip out of my fingers.

Maia was already at my house when I got there, oohing and aahing over prom dresses with Izzy and Clary. "Is there one in here that looks like yours, Clary?" Maia asked. She looked over the book, green eyes wide and searching before she shook her head. "What about you, Izzy?" My raven haired, evil step-sister slammed her finger down in the middle of a page and grinned from ear to ear. I didn't bother to look at it.

"Ladies," I nodded and sauntered over to the fridge to make myself a sandwich. Clary gave a small wave but didn't let me distract her from the book, Maia beamed happily, and Izzy rolled her eyes, of course, that was her usual gesture.

"What about this dress, Maia?" Clary pointed out the same light pink dress Maia had earlier. I cringed when I saw it, but leaned over her shoulder between her and Clary.

"Jace won't wear a pink bow tie to match," Maia pouted.

"He doesn't have to," said Clary. She sat back in her chair and three pairs of eyes rested on her. "He could wear a white tie and just have a pink flower, or leave the collar open. Either way, with the flower it will match the dress. I have to agree that I don't think a bow tie would fit well, he's not Poindexter, he's…Jace." I blinked, amazed at the words she just said. At our silence, she pushed a curl behind her ear and said, "Or not."

"I like her idea," I nodded in Clary's direction but looked at Maia. "Open collar, pink flower."

"Oh, you wish. White tie, pink flower and it's not up for discussion," Maia said.

"It can be. Let's discuss it somewhere else." I smiled and leaned in but she pushed me back and shook her head.

"Hey, Iz," Clary cut through my mental pouting. "Is Magnus upstairs with Alec?"

"Isn't he always?"

"Yeah, stupid question I guess. I'll be back; I need to ask him something."

"I'll come too. I refuse to be left alone with them." Izzy pointed in the direction of Maia and me before getting off the stool and following Clary to Alec's room. I rested my chin on Maia's shoulder and breathed in her scent. She always smelled good, like flowers.

"What are we going to do?" I whispered.

"Nothing, I have to go home and get this dress ordered." She was ignoring me. I didn't like it.

"I think you should hang out in my room for a while." I ran my lips along her ear and then my tongue. It always worked.

"Jace," she rolled her shoulder, pushing me away. "It's six O'clock and everyone and there mother is here. Not a good time or place."

"That's not what you said on the last day of school during fifth period in the janitor's closet."

"That was stupid."

"That was fun."

"No! I'll see you tomorrow." She pecked my cheek and left me standing there like a moron. WTF? Had I lost my touch? Was I going insane? I heard the door shut behind her and stalked up to Alec's room to find out what was going on in the rest of the house. I heard laughter behind the door and stood in the hall listening to them. Alec seemed like a stranger to me now since he was always with Magnus. I couldn't get laid, couldn't talk to my best friend, what the hell was going on?

"Aren't you guys going to prom?" I heard Clary ask. There was silence and I used that as my opportunity to go in.

"I don't think the two of us going to prom together would be widely accepted," Magnus said as I entered. I stopped and all eyes fell on me. Alec's jaw dropped and the blood drained from my face. Magnus looked at Alec and Clary and Izzy's eyes met before hitting the floor but I could do nothing but stare at my best friend in shock. What had I just heard? This couldn't mean what I thought it meant, not Alec.

My hand fell from the handle while my mind raced. Clary cleared her throat and motioned to Izzy that they should leave. Magnus took that as his cue to exit as well. Alec and I never lost eye contact and when we were alone he cleared his throat and looked around the room nervously. "What's going on?" I said slowly. I was hoping the conclusion I had come up with was more than wrong.

"Jace," he sighed. "I've wanted to tell you for a long time. I just…didn't know how."

"Tell me what, Alec?"

"Magnus and I…we're…together, like you and Maia are together."

_SHIT! _

I wasn't wrong and I wished I was. "Meaning…"

"Meaning, I prefer the company of men over women," he said.

"And you're using Maia and me as a comparison to that?"

"Yes," he nodded.

"Why?"

"Because my relationship with Magnus is no different."

"In what aspect?"

"In every aspect, Jace," he sighed again and stood from the bed. I looked at him incredulously. I think it's very different. Maia is a girl; she is very dissimilar from Magnus physically.

"Every aspect?"

"Yes, Jace. Do I need to paint you a detailed picture?"

"Please don't," I said, trying to hide my disgust. He was still Alec after all. I didn't want to offend or hurt him.

"I'm gay and I didn't tell you because I didn't want it to affect our friendship, but I knew it would. I also kept it from you so it didn't affect you at school." My eyebrows knit together quizzically. "We live in the same house, Jace. What do you think people will say?" I backed away involuntarily and saw the hurt in his eyes when I did it, but he quickly shook it away. "I'll understand if you don't want to be friends anymore, but this wasn't a choice. It's who I am and…" I held my hand up to stop him before he said something stupid and made me want to punch him.

"Alec, I don't care that you prefer boys over girls. You'll always be my best friend. I just wish you'd told me sooner. If Magnus makes you happy then I'm happy for you. At least one of us is getting some ass." I slumped down into the chair at his desk and realized what I said a little too late. My face crinkled and I looked over at my pale faced best friend. "Sorry."

Alec blinked out of his shocked daze and said, "It's O.K." I would need to be more careful about my phrases now. Magnus came back and I took that as my cue to leave. It wasn't as uncomfortable as I'd expected. The next few weeks were pure hell with prom fast approaching. I had to get fitted for my tux…and white tie. I loathed that damn thing. I had to order a corsage and rent a limo, blah, blah, blah. The only good thing about prom was when the dress came off.

The Friday of prom we were let out after third period. I had more errands to run than time to run them. I had to pick up my tux and flowers and listen to Izzy whine about Clary being late to pick her up for their hair appointments. Grand march started at four, dinner at six and the dance started at seven. Alec and Magnus gave me the thumbs up after helping me with that damn tie. The limo picked me up at three and Maia shortly after. She looked perfect in the pink dress she'd picked out. Her curls were pinned back with little flowers and she wore white heeled sandals with it.

The limo took to the school while I slid the corsage onto her wrist. "You look amazing," I complimented. She took the knot to my tie and straightened it with a smile.

"You don't look so bad yourself." I was at least granted a kiss. At grand march I spotted Izzy in her full length gown. The top was black and looked like it was covered in some lace but I wasn't sure, the rest had a pattern on it that somewhat reminded me of a peacock. Her hair was pinned back and…curled? I'd never seen Izzy with curls but even I had to admit she looked good. She wouldn't tell anyone who her date was but Simon stood next to her fidgeting, eyes wide with wonder while he stared at her. He was better than Sebastian anyway. I knew he'd hounded Izzy for a while to go to prom.

I hadn't spotted Clary and Jordan until she came up behind Iz and gave her a hug. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. The dress she wore was a halter, making it look like she actually had something in the chest area. For all I knew, she did now. The rest of it clung to her frame giving her body some curves and her hair was pulled to the side in a bouquet of curls. Our eyes met briefly before Maia pulled me away and engage conversation with Kealie.

_God Help Me! _

After the march we were allowed to enter the gym, which had been transformed into Central Park at night, complete with lanterns, stars, streamers and a full moon. Ironic since no one ever went into Central Park at night if they wanted to live to see the next day. For dinner we were served chicken Alfredo and punch. Our table consisted of Clary, Jordan, Izzy, Simon, Maia and I, but I wished Alec was there. I think he and Magnus would have rather enjoyed the make-shift park.

The punch glasses were labeled, 'Park Scapes, 1996' in honor of the night. The plates were cleared and I sat back in my chair to listen as the rest of the table chatted about how enchanting the scenery was. It wasn't bad, not necessarily the theme I would have chosen myself, but it worked. The lights dimmed and the music started. The event turned into a normal high school dance in that moment.

I headed to the bathroom before I was pulled onto the floor to dance to some sappy love song from the eighties. I was not the only guy who decided to hit up the men's lavatory, but the conversation in there was one I was less inclined to hear. One guy went on to tell his stall neighbor how he had a whole box of condoms and rented a hotel room. Another commented that he wasn't going to wait until their destination was reached, he was going to, 'hit that,' in the car. I couldn't imagine that prom dresses and cars mixed well.

When I came back, the table was empty. No Clary, Izzy or Simon and MY girlfriend was on the dance floor with Jordan while Toni Braxton belted out Un-Break my heart. I stood in the shadows and watched carefully. They started out a safe distance apart but as the song went on they drew closer. Maia smiled and laughed while Jordan's jaw flapped. I had to keep telling myself it was innocent and I did this to myself because I left. But where was Clary? Why wasn't he dancing with her?

They looked over at our barren table, then to the rest of the people surrounding them and took off in the direction opposite me. What the hell was going on? I followed, managing to stay hidden and watched as they ducked into a closet. The very same closet I was in with Maia on the last day of school last year. I saw red! I knew what happened in those closets. I stomped up to the door and yanked it open. Jordan's tongue was stuck down my girl-friend's throat and his hands were hidden under her dress.

I was given blank stares by both of them, like they were caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. I clenched my jaw and fought back the bile in my throat. I felt the sting of rage and jealousy spring up from the pit of my stomach. I wanted to reach out and grab him by the collar to pull him away. I wanted to hit him until his face resembled a supreme pizza, but I couldn't. I was immobile and my mind went blank.

"Jace," Maia held out a shaking hand. My eyes narrowed and I shook my head as I backed away and held my hands up in defeat.

"Dude," Jordan started, and I turned my gaze on him, silencing whatever stupid excuse he was about to come up with.

"How long?" I hissed and looked between the two of them. Their eyes darted to one another. "How long?" I said louder, my fists now in balls at my sides.

"A couple months," Maia whispered. I scoffed and ran my hand through my hair. I'd never felt so betrayed in my life, but it all made sense now. He was the reason Maia pushed me away. I needed to leave. I couldn't be here anymore. I dropped my hand and turned on my heels, heading straight for my car. I slammed the door behind me and blasted the radio. I don't know how long I sat there, or why. There was no reason for it, until I looked up. At first all I saw was green. When I studied the figure better I realized what I was looking at.

A distraught Clary, bordering on the brink of rage and hurt stood before me. I knew how she felt, understood it even. She looked how I felt. Clary paced the sidewalk with her fists at her sides. If I knew Clary, she was cursing them both and the only thing missing was her voodoo doll. It made me feel a little better knowing Jordan was probably nursing a red, stinging cheek but that changed when I envisioned Maia helping him. I pushed the clutch into drive and pulled up to the curb next to Clary. She stopped and blinked in my direction. I nodded for her to get in the car but she looked back like she expected Jordan to come running after her.

I rolled the window down and said, "Just get in the car." She studied me carefully before she opened the door, gathered her dress and fell into the seat next to me. "How'd you find out?" She rested her elbow against the door, her head against her hand and shook it. "Can't be worse than catching them in the act." Her face jerked in my direction and her mouth fell open in shock.

"Izzy and Simon saw them come out of the janitor's closet, cornered me and made me promise I wasn't hiding any deadly weapons." She turned back to the window but I had to applaud the fact that she made me smile. I wished I had been hiding some. "After I'd convinced them I was clean, they told me what they saw. Jordan had very bad timing and came looking for me. I managed to get a good punch in before they pushed me back to my corner. Izzy spat out a few choice words and ran him off before I could do any more damage." She sounded sorely disappointed and so was I. "Regrettably, he'll live another day and so will she."

Her gaze felt like a heat seeking missile was aimed at me and for a short period I feared for my own life. "Very regrettable." I agreed. I had no idea where I was taking us but I needed to get us both as far from this situation as possible. "Where shall we go?"

"To find some deadly weapons." It wasn't a question; it was a statement with more malicious intent behind it than I'd ever heard. I expected tears but what I saw was much different. She wanted his head on a silver platter before she mounted it on her wall. I couldn't blame her; I was in agreement…mostly.

"I'm not going to prison over them and neither are you," I said.

"Since when are you the voice of reason, Jonathan?" Her hands fell to her lap and she looked at me incredulously.

"Since murder in the first doesn't appeal to my future plans."

"How are you so calm right now? Two years of our lives were just flushed down the fucking toilet because they were both too pussy to just end it. And on top of that, they ruined my damn prom!" I pulled into Bob and Mar's driveway because honestly, I had no clue as to where else to go. No one was here anyway. Alec was at Magnus', Bob and Mar took Max upstate to her parents for the weekend and Simon was gonna have his way with Izzy, or she would have her way with him.

She questioned me with her stare and I slammed my head back against the seat. "I'm not calm, Clarissa. I'm fucking pissed, but what do ya do? Karma's a bitch, maybe we did this to ourselves." It was a dirty, nasty, vial thought that what we did could have caused this somehow but it wasn't far-fetched. No pleasurable deed goes unpunished.

"I don't even know why I'm so pissed," she huffed. I rolled my head in her direction and she just kept going. "He wasn't even good in bed!" One eyebrow shot up and I smirked. She looked twice at me and said, "What? He wasn't!" I had to laugh because it was damn funny. "Quit laughing, it's not funny." She tried to be straight faced when she said it.

"It's funny, Clary," I said. She cracked a smiled and I sighed. "Come on, I'm pretty sure Bob and Mar have tequila in the house we can use to drown our sorrows."

"What's the point?" she mumbled.

"It's the only deadly weapon I'll let you get close to, take it or leave it. Consider it an alternate method of therapy."

"Jace, your therapy methods end up getting us into trouble," she said, pushing the door open. I got out and followed behind her.

"Only when practiced without using proper procedures," I amended.

"Is that so?"

"Yes," I nodded. Inside the house was dark. I heard Clary kick off her heels and I did the same with those damn uncomfortable dress shoes. She threw herself on the couch while I searched for the tequila. If she didn't want any, then so be it. I sure as hell did. Jose was going to be my interim Alec tonight. Poor choice in friends, I know, but I didn't really care. I was hungry too, so I found as much junk food as I could and brought it all out. Clary's arm fell over the edge of the couch and she laughed at me.

"Having a slumber party are we?"

"Sure why not," I shrugged. "Let's both parade around in our underwear and see where that leads." I popped a chip in my mouth and spun the cap off the Jose bottle. I offered it to Clary first. She took it, smelled it and shook her head in disgust. I took a swig and regretted eating that day because it all threatened to come up. It burned on the way down and tasted like someone shit in my mouth. "This is some nasty shit," I cringed. Clary laughed and dug into the Cheetos.

"Not as good a therapy as you thought it'd be?"

"I may have to resort to other methods," I said setting the bottle down and quickly switching it for a Pepsi.

"Yeah, well don't look at me." Clary slouched into the back of the couch and rested her feet on the table.

"Why not?" I asked mimicking her position in my chair. She cocked her head and her eyebrows knit together. "Jordan sucks right? In comparison to who?" I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees to watch her squirm. Her eyes widened and she chewed slower but seemed to collect herself.

"Bob," she answered.

"Bob?" I said curiously.

"Uh Huh," she smiled. "Battery operated boyfriend."

"Nah, I don't accept that." I shook my head. "Lies!" I pointed, "At least give credit where credits due, Clarissa. Besides, I don't see you doing that."

"Why not?" She asked, licking the cheese off her fingers. Since we were having a heart to heart, I decided to let it all hang out.

"Because, you're so uptight. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if you've never seen one. Pull the corn cob out of your ass and readjust it a few inches north, then we'll talk." My comment seemed to make her think. "Just confess, the truth shall set you free." I spread my arms out mimicking a priest and it made her laugh.

"O.K. fine, I've never used one. I have seen one though. Izzy was kind enough to offer me one of hers after I told her about Jordan. I respectfully declined."

"You should have taken her up on that offer," I said. "Sharing is caring." Clary rolled her eyes, but I didn't miss the smirk on her face. She turned to look out the patio door. Silence fell around us and I entertained the idea of testing out Jose again.

"It's raining," she murmured. I looked up just in time to see her stand and take a few steps closer to the glass door.

"Yeah, so?" She smiled and gathered her dress by her knees. I was reaching out for Jose when her hand intercepted mine and she tugged at it. "What?"

"Come on." She was pulling me in the direction of the door, but for the life of me I didn't understand why. I didn't give a shit that it was raining, nor did I need to see it. Her smile widened and she bit down on her bottom lip. I let her pull me up and drag me to the door. She opened it and stepped onto the cold wet tile holding one hand out to catch the drops. I stopped there. I saw no reason to get wet and freeze my ass off. She scowled and let me go, then made her way to the center of the back yard.

Clary let her dress down and twirled around with her arms spread open, head tilted back. I watched as the water weighed down her hair and melted into her dress, making it stick to her even more. She stopped and crossed her arms, motioning me over with a nod of her head. I shook mine in response, to which her arms fell to her sides and she made her way back to me. Clary reached up to release the knot in my tie and pushed my jacket over my shoulders. "You should have gone with an open collar," she winked and tugged me out into the cold rain.

"Why did you drag me out here?"

"Because by some twist of fate you ended up being my prom date and I want at least one dance."

"Did it have to be in the pouring rain?" She wrapped her arms around my neck and smiled before letting her head fall back again. I rested my hands on her lower back and looked up, feeling the cold water soak through my shirt. My skin pricked with goose bumps and I brought my attention back to Clary. If I was cold, she had to be freezing but she didn't shiver until I ran my fingers down her arm, back up over her shoulder, into the curve of her neck, and finally into her sopping wet curls.

Clary's eyes popped open and her lips parted to let out a puff of white air. A drop of water fell from her mouth and I wanted to catch it with my own, but I wasn't about to make the first move after what happened last time. Then I remembered her lips, warm with the taste of strawberries. I closed my eyes and loosened my grip. I didn't remember pulling her in so close. I felt her hands on my shoulders and then they slid down to my chest. She wrapped the ends of my tie around her fingers and pulled me closer but not all the way.

Her eyes searched mine and I felt her warm breath on my face. We were so close I could smell the strawberries, even amidst the rain. I let my eyes fall shut as she ran the tip of her tongue across my bottom lip. It took everything in me to let her do it and not take control of the situation. I no longer felt cold and the goose bumps were not a product of the rain anymore. She finally pressed her lips to mine after her display of torture and I rested my hands against her cheeks.

The rain faded away and all that remained was her, body pressed against mine, strawberries filling my mouth and vanilla invading my mind. She was like a drug and me the addict, no matter how long it had been since your last hit…one taste, and you're a slave to it again. Maia didn't even form that type of control over me. It was mind boggling and enticing all at the same time. She pulled back and we breathed one another's breath.

Clary quivered in my arms and ghosted her lips on mine, teasing, testing. Our eyes met and she smiled. I returned the gesture and attempted to bring her back to me but instead she took my hand again and led me back inside. We dripped water through the living room and into the kitchen where she released me and opened the fridge. I was dumbfounded that I could be so easily dismissed for food, but she emerged with a bottle of chocolate syrup and a can I whipped cream. I cocked my head to the side curiously and she grinned. "What was it you said earlier? Pull the corn cob from my ass?"

"Something like that." I smirked. She shoved the condiments into my chest and navigated me back through the living room, up the steps and into my room, closing the door behind us. I stared wide eyed at her, wondering who this person was and why Clary didn't let her out more often. She took the syrup and whipped cream and placed them on my bedside table, then made her way to the TV, turning it on and lowering the volume.

She spun around and padded back toward me, the light of the TV shadowing her figure. I sucked in a staggered breath and stood still while she undid the buttons of my shirt, un-tucked it from my pants, and pushed it over my shoulders. She ran her fingers lightly across my chest setting my skin ablaze under her touch. I couldn't do it anymore. She needed to be less one dress and panting out a mantra that only consisted of my name.

I gripped her hips, spun her around, slipped her hair over her shoulder and found the clasp to her halter. The fabric fell from her neck and her hands came up to her chest to keep it from falling down completely. There was the Clary I knew so well. I located the zipper and pulled it down slowly exposing her back inch, by gorgeous inch. I slipped my hand inside and pressed it against her cold, damp stomach, bringing our bodies closer. She dropped her hands to her sides and the dress fell with them, pooling at our feet.

She turned to face me and that's when I saw it; she was wearing a black lace garter belt with suspenders holding her nylons up. Christ! I thought I would combust. I needed to touch her, taste her, and feel her. I took her lips with mine and backed her up to the bed. Her fingers found my belt and the clasp and zipper of my pants before we reached it. "Jace," she breathed just as we reached the bed. I pulled back, fully expecting her to chicken out, and furrowed my eyebrows. "Tell me you have the necessary materials needed to follow the proper procedures in this method of therapy."

I knew what she was talking about but maybe she was thinking other things too, who knew? "What kinds of materials?" I asked through kisses while sitting her on the bed.

"Latex ones," she whispered.

"How many?"

"Lots." I pulled out the drawer to the night stand and threw the whole damn box of condoms on the bed. She laid back and laughed, reaching for the box she said, "Do you think this'll be enough?" If my face didn't resemble that of a person in shock I didn't know whose would. It was a brand new box! "What?" she giggled. "There's only twelve in here." I snatched the box from her hands and set it on the nightstand next to the whipped cream.

I took the syrup, flipped the top open and said, "You'll be lucky to get through one," Then waited painstakingly for the chocolate to hit her skin. She squealed when it did and the goose bumps came again. I ran my tongue along the same path I dripped the syrup, taking my time around her neck and breasts. I was surprised she didn't protest at me not giving her a turn, instead she let me lick the sweet sauce from every surface of her body while I had my way with her in every creative position my mind could come up with.

She was perfectly content letting me lead, unlike last time when she grabbed my hands and moved at her own accord. This made me assume that Jordan didn't play the dominant card much and she was tired of trying to please herself. That was, until she rolled me over and bathed me in whip cream. She did things Maia wouldn't, she let me do things Maia wouldn't and it only fed my addiction. A few hours, three prophylactics, an empty can of whipped cream and a chocolate syrup covered comforter later, we actually fell asleep.

I didn't sleep long, a couple hours max, but the sun was up warming the skin of my back and illuminating the highlights in her hair. Our bodies made one solid shape under the blanket as hers curved into mine. I tightened my grip on her and nuzzled into her neck, making her head jerk. Everything was different with Clary than it ever was with Maia. I never woke up next to Maia, never had the opportunity to revel in the warmth of her body naked against mine.

I sighed into her shoulder, earning me a giggled and she turned to gaze sleepily at me. Our skin was sticky with syrup and it brought back delicious flashes from only moments prior. I rested my hand in the crook that connected her hip and pelvic bone, rubbing circles with my thumbs. I pressed chaste kisses at the back of her neck and pushed my hand between her legs. "You're relentless," she sighed.

I smiled and rolled her on her back. "Is that your way of telling me to back off?" I rubbed my nose against hers and buried my fingers inside her, eliciting a quiet moan.

"No," she breathed. "I'm just sore. Last night's workout was much more rigorous than what I'm used to."

"Are you whining right now?" I asked brining my mouth closer to hers. She took my bottom lip between her teeth and shook her head slowly. Her fingers tangled in the curls behind my ears, pulling me to her. I moved to cover her body with mine and lowered into her slower and more careful. Clary's body tensed, recognizing something was missing right away. Her fingers loosened in my hair and her eyes questioned me. I pulled her hands above her head and clasped our fingers. "Relax and don't hold your breath. I've got this," I whispered. "Trust me."

Clary released a tentative breath and loosened up. It was amazing that even after everything last night, this was the best part; no games, neither of us trying to outdo the other to see who can produce the loudest pleasurable groan. It was all fun but there was no comparison to this with Clary.

* * *

_**oooh...what do we think?**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**Can we get to 60 reviews for the next chapter? OH! and I'm posting pics of the prom dresses on FB and Tumblr**_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_


	10. It's not enough

**Love the reviews guys, you're all awesome! We're getting closer to the events from the beginning and so much more. i have to say this is probably my favorite chapter so far and you'll see why. ENJOY! 7500 word count for this one so I worked my butt off for this one.**

******__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

I receded into my shell after giving Jace my all prom night. I poured everything I had into him: pain, betrayal, want, need. I let him have it all, but with that moment passed I was made to deal with the leftovers. Simon and Izzy did their best to shield me but they couldn't hide everything or keep it all away. Jordan cornered me after lunch on Monday and it made me sick to even look at him.

"Clary, can we talk?" I shook my head and attempted to push by him. "Would you please just let me explain?"

"I don't need you to explain, Jordan," I hissed, trying to get around him. His hands gripped my shoulders and he pushed me into a corner.

"I need you to understand…" he pleaded. I looked away and caught sight of Jace watching us down the hall. He stiffly shook his head with his arms crossed. I just wanted to go back to Friday night, in his room. I was safe there with him, just us in our own bubble. I pulled my eyes back to Jordan and he turned to figure out what I'd been so caught up with, Jace had gone already. "Listen, Clary…"

"No!" I let my eyes burn into him and set my jaw before walking away. I couldn't be a hypocrite since I'd done it first but, I didn't carry on for months and I wasn't sleeping with him at the same time. I made it to my locker with Jace on my right and his eyes questioned me. "I'm good." He cocked his head in disbelief. "Really, I'm fine. Have you talked to Maia?" He shook his head. "Are you…"

"Fine," he gave me a closed mouth smiled and shut his locker. It bothered him more than he would let on, even to me and I knew better. We didn't have to pretend with one another but we still did. It was a different atmosphere at school than when we were alone. Sebastian sauntered up to me now, and I saw the flash of warning in Jace's eyes.

"Clary," he greeted sweetly. I nodded and glanced over at Jace before turning to him. "I heard about what happened. Jordan's a prick." I couldn't agree more. "Anyway, I just wanted to see if you needed anything, like a laugh or a baseball bat…" Jace sniffed and out of the corner of my eye I saw him shake his head. "Someone to talk to…"

"I'm fine, Sebastian. Thanks though." I smiled and I knew it was cheesy but I really didn't want to deal with anymore boys right at the moment.

"Well, let me know if you change your mind." I bit my lip and nodded before turning away. Izzy stood before me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. She eyed Sebastian viciously before leading me down the hall.

"You good?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Izzy. I'm fine." She looked at me apologetically. I hated when she did that. I wasn't a charity case. I would get through this. I just needed a little time. After school I locked myself in my room and fussed over more drawings Magnus requested.

"Clare-Bear?" Jon peeked his head in.

"Yeah?" I didn't look up. I was working on Magnus' nose. I still hadn't perfected it. You'd think after countless drawings I'd have it perfected by now.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure." I heard the door shut behind him and his exhale when he hit my bed.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" I swiveled in my chair and looked at him curiously. "Don't look at me in that tone of voice. I'm not stupid. I can tell when things are bothering you. So spill your guts. Do I need to maim someone?" His over-protectiveness was a force to be reckoned with.

"I'm fine," I laughed.

"I'm fine,' is universal for girl meaning, 'fuck with me and I'll end your world.' I pity the fool who screws with you." I rolled my eyes. I loved my brother and his subtle way of explaining things. Sometimes I was sure Jon was from a different time or planet even. "Come on, I'm offering a free bitch session. It's completely confidential and free of charge." Somehow I liked Jace's forms of therapy better.

"Jordan cheated on me," I mumbled and fidgeted in my lap. His eyes grew wide and his jaw fell until he reset his face and it was murderous.

"With?"

"Maia Roberts."

"Jace's Maia?" Jon's voice went up an octave when he said it. I shook my head.

"Not anymore."

"O.K. cheated on you how? Like…He shot the magic stick off in the house under the hill?" What the hell did he just say? "Or she slobbed his knob? The punishment must fit the crime. I need to know how severe this is."

"They've been sleeping together for a few months."

"That bad, huh? So he needs his two bits and tackle removed." I had to appreciate the euphemisms. At least he was making me laugh.

"No, leave his parts alone." They were no good anyway.

"I'm just saying. If you need me to take care of it…" I shook my head. As much as I liked to entertain the idea, I rather preferred having my brother around.

"It's alright. I'm not going to play the wounded victim. I'm just going to pick myself up, wipe the dust off, and keep walking."

"That's the Clary I know and love. Come here, let's hug it out." He stood and pulled me from the chair into a tight bear hug.

"Jon…Clary…dinner." My mother's voice drifted into my room. Jon and I barreled down the steps, excited that mom was home for a change and cooking dinner. She made our favorite, Tator-tot hotdish. She even went all the way and made fried sugar doughnuts. Dad was home early from the bookstore and for the first time since Jon's accident, we sat at the dining room table and had a family meal.

"How's the shop, Dad?" I asked with a mouth full.

"Oh, it's great. With Jon's help I got all the book re-catalogued and sales are picking up." I nodded, pleased with the stores progress.

"Mom, how about the new exhibit?" Jon asked before I could. This was the answer I really wanted to hear because I'd helped her put some of it together.

"It's amazing!" she gushed. "Jia has it set up right at the entrance so, it's the first thing you see before everything else and the last before you leave. I also think I'm going to start putting some of my stuff in the shop to see if it will sell."

"That's a great idea, Mom," I beamed. I loved her work and I couldn't imagine anyone else not feeling the same way I did.

"Maybe we'll put some of yours out too," she said.

"I'd like that."

"Listen." My mom suddenly became serious and she clasped her hands in front of her mouth. She looked over at my father and he gave her an encouraging smile. I didn't like where this was going. I knew that look on both their faces and it never meant anything good. I looked at Jon and he at me, both of us wide eyed. I think my heart stopped and my breathing ceased. Ironically, Jace's voice sounded in my head saying, 'Don't hold your breath.'

"What is it, Mom?" Jon asked while I sat with hands folded in my lap.

"Well," she sighed. "No reason beating around the bush…" I zeroed in on her but took a few furtive glances at Jon and dad. "I have cancer." I closed my eyes tight and the tears rolled. My heart did stop this time, I just knew it. My father took my mother's hand and kissed it lightly, like she was more fragile than glass.

"What kind?" Jon asked darkly. His eyes were rimmed red and his hands were in fists atop the table.

"Leukemia."

At her answer, the room went silent except for the buzz from the light hanging over the table. How was it that I never noticed this was going on? My mom can't die! She's too young, so beautiful and has so much to give the world yet. She makes life more interesting by finding little ways to alter things without compromising originality. She sees that everything has the ability to be beautiful and I wish I could do that the way she does.

"I start chemo and radiation next week and I wanted to tell you beforehand. I want to prepare you for what's to come." She stood from her chair and came around the table to scoop me up in her arms. There was no place I felt more secure than in her embrace, with maybe one exception, but even now it wasn't enough to silence the sobs from clawing their way out of me. "It's going to be alright," she soothed, pulling her fingers through my curls.

Jon climbed the steps slowly while I fought what felt like a losing battle to breathe. That night I lay awake in my bed staring up at the ceiling. I prayed and cried and prayed some more, but I knew there was no overnight cure for this. It was going to be a huge family test. All I cared was that my mother came out of this with a smile on her face and a story to tell her grandchildren. I had to tell myself that she'd be there…to see her grandchildren, to see me graduate, to help me plan my wedding, and to dance with Jon at his. I couldn't cut her out of those things because if I did, she was already good as gone.

Dad took mom to her chemo appointments at first and Jon ran the store. For the first six months everything seemed to be going well, despite how hard the treatments were on her. She put a smile on her face and never showed us her pain. I secluded myself even more, often times even pushing Simon and Izzy away for the sheer fact that I didn't want to relive every painful moment two times over, but they still remained supportive and let me know they were there when I was ready to open up. Sebastian though, he didn't let me get away with pushing him to the side. He walked me to my classes, carried my lunch tray and made me smile when it seemed no one could.

I finally caved and let him take me to a movie one night. My mother forced me out of the house telling me, "I don't need a babysitter, Clarissa. Go out and have fun." Dates became a Saturday night ritual since Friday's were technically dedicated to Simon. He took my mind off of things. He never pushed me about my mom but was willing to listen when I did vent about it. Surprisingly he didn't push the sex issue either. HE turned me down. I debated on whether it had anything to do with Jace because since Jordan was a duech, he and Jace spent a lot of time together.

Senior year came and I was no longer seen as the girl Jordan cheated on but, the girl whose mother was deathly ill. Everyone around me walked on eggshells for fear I may break down at any moment, but I didn't do that. Magnus and Sebastian were my godsend. Magnus kept me busy with drawings and would randomly surprise me with glitter showers just to make me smile and Sebastian was the perfect boyfriend. Jace took on new pet projects, namely Kealie and Aline. I never thought he'd stoop to that level but I guess after what happened with Maia he decided that relationships weren't worth it, not that I blame him.

When winter rolled around we all held our breath knowing that if my mother so much as caught a cold, it could kill her. I brought extra clothes to school and kept hand sanitizer on me at all times to ensure I didn't bring anything home to her. Jon moved into his own place stating, "It's too hard to see her like that." Little did he know that his absence didn't help matters. It only made her worry for him and packed on added stress that she didn't need.

The hardest day for her was when she started losing her hair. I remember that morning perfectly. It was the first time I'd seen her breakdown over any of this since she'd told us. Dad had left for the day and I was in my room combing my hair. I heard a noise from the bathroom and hurried in to see what was going on. I found my mother slumped on the floor staring wildly at her hands, a chunk of hair in each one. I picked it off her fingers and pulled her in, repeatedly telling her, "Its O.K. It's just hair. It will grow back."

Who was I kidding? My mother's long red locks were what made her unique, classically beautiful. It was because of hers that I was so proud of my own. It only continued to get worse. She eventually lost all of her hair and her skin lost its glow. Her eyes didn't light up like they used to and she became a shadow of her former self. Her weight dropped to less than a hundred pounds and her cheek bones protruded on her face. Her eyes were rimmed black and sunken in. I no longer recognized my mother.

She did come to my graduation, something I begged her not to do but, she shook her head and bony finger at me while saying, "I wouldn't miss it for the world. No sickness will keep me away on your day." It lit me up on the inside knowing she'd be there. Robert and Maryse offered for Izzy, Jace and I to have a joint graduation party. My mother protested at first but finally dad and I talked her into it. We couldn't risk having that many people in and out of our house. I could have cared less if I had a party or not.

The day we all dreaded came when she had to be hooked up to a morphine drip after the chemo and radiation failed her. The worst feeling in the world was knowing that I could come down the stairs one morning and she would be gone. That summer dad and I took turns at the store, one of us always home. I think the store was the only thing keeping either of us sane. When I was with her she'd ask me to paint for her. My easel found a permanent spot in the living room. It was therapeutic for both of us. I learned a lot from her that summer and those last moments with her were ones I will always treasure.

She died a week before my birthday. It rained the day we buried her and after the funeral Jon, Dad and I sat in the dining room reliving our best 'Mom Moments.' That night Sebastian stayed at my house and held me while I slept. There were no tears. She wouldn't have wanted that. I was just glad she wasn't in pain anymore. Jon became a loose cannon after that. He started drinking heavily and arguing with dad to the point he was no longer welcome in the house.

I made out a schedule to keep myself on track. Mondays were breakfast with dad. Tuesdays were lunch with Jon. On Wednesday I met with Simon and Izzy for dinner. I had class Thursday nights. Friday I switched of between Simon and Izzy and Saturdays were dedicated to Sebastian. Sundays were my days with mom. I took over her studio since that was her place. There I'd paint and talk to her. I told her about my week and all the gossip I received from Iz. Dad put my Sunday paintings on display at the store and in only a few short weeks he had people coming in requesting them.

My first year of college was the hardest. Sebastian was gone for homecoming and Izzy dragged me to a frat party for our Friday night out. I wore a little black dress and got lost among people I didn't know who fed me alcohol. I'd never been so low and I was at my breaking point. Music blared all around me along with people doing keg stands and randomly throwing their clothes around. With a few drinks in me I gained enough confidence to dance with strangers and be wild. There was one guy who stuck by me all night. His name was Caleb. He was shorter than Sebastian and had sandy brown hair. His eyes were blue and he had a lean muscular build.

Usher belted out 'My Way,' and Caleb sat down in a chair while straddled his lap and danced. A few other guys crowded around for the show and cheered me on. I was on a high that I never wanted to come down from. His hands rested on my hips while he smiled up at me. He licked his lips and sat erect guiding his hands up my back. I let my head fall and my eyes close, still moving to the beat of the song while he kissed my neck.

~oOo~

Another frat party, it seemed to me that college was just one big party. Not that I cared. I liked to have fun just as much as anyone else, but I could see this getting old…fast. I didn't really have a choice since I lived here. I found a blond girl to occupy my time with and let the beer slide down my throat. That warm tingly sensation you get from drinking is awesome. I was perched on the kitchen counter with this chick between my legs when I heard chanting in the other room. I got curious and moved her out of my way to find out what the deal was. I shoved my hand in my pocket, bottle in the other, and sauntered into the dining hall. I couldn't see much around the small crowd so I closed in and nearly choked at the sight.

Red curly hair, and a tiny body wrapped in black grinding on some idiot and everyone around decided to make a show of it, like lap dances never happened in this house…pfft, right! But this one wasn't! I set my drink on the nearest flat surface and pushed my way through. I wrapped an arm around Clary's waist and yanked her off the dick heads lap, earning me a death glare from him. "Whoa, Dude! What the fuck? The lady was dancing for me." He held his hands up and I looked down at Clary. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to wiggle out of my grip.

"Let me go, Jonathan," she seethed. Not a chance, I don't care if she used my full name or not.

"This one's taken," I said with a curt smile and tossed her over my shoulder. She was going to hate me for this but someone had to save her from herself. I marched her up the stairs, she protested with every step I took but I ignored her. Once in my room, I shut the door behind me and set her down in front of it.

"What the fuck, Jace?" Her arms crossed over her chest as she yelled at me.

"What the fuck, Jace? How about…What the fuck, Clary?" I rested my hands on my hips and stared at her like a disapproving parent. Probably not the best approach but I was in shock. I'd never seen Clary like that in public. "What were you thinking? You don't even know who he is!" My hands waved frantically in the air while I yelled at her. Her only response was rolling her eyes and huffing. "When did you decide to start soliciting yourself at frat parties? I never saw you as the slutty type but tonight you seem to fit the bill to a 'T.'

I heard it before I felt it. A loud crack seemed to echo in the room and I was no longer looking at Clary but at the wall to my right. The sharp sting followed shortly after and I felt the blood well up as it started to throb. I closed my eyes and flexed my jaw before slowly facing her. She took a breath in and let it out in one big gust. I could smell the hint of alcohol in it and it only fueled my anger at the situation. I pressed my palms to the door on either side of her head and leaned in. "Does the truth hurt, Clarissa?"

"Maybe you should take a good look in the mirror before accusing someone else of acting like a whore."

"Really, You're gonna turn the tables on me to make yourself look better? You don't get to act like this because of what happened to your mom." Clary gritted her teeth and we stared angrily at one another as I pushed the words out. "You think your mom wanted some stranger to fuck you like a dirty whore, because that's what would have happened." I wasn't prepared for what came out of her mouth next.

"Oh? What was it that you did?" There was no waiver in her voice but it was filled with malice. I stepped back, deflated, defeated and entirely in shock. My mind scrambled to remember every tiny detail in each circumstance she was referring to. The first time I was gentle, slow and even careful, hoping to do as little damage possible. The second could arguably have been a fuck but the only difference between that and the last time was that it happened in my car. I never treated Clary like a whore. In fact, I was always more worried about her enjoying it than myself. When I touched her it wasn't to please myself, but her. If I'd fucked her it would have been solely and entirely for me. I'd done it before, just not with her.

After I hit a moment of composure I set my hot gaze back on Clary, still leaning against my door and looking out the window. Her hands clasped behind her back and the strap of her dress hung off her shoulder. In my ears I could hear the blood coursing through me like a steam engine, and it made my head feel like it was about to burst. I stalked forward and took her jaw in my hand, forcing her head back so her eyes met mine. There was a soft thud on the door when her head met the wood but it was too soft a sound to have hurt her. Her lips set in a thin line and she stared back at me with those emerald eyes, fire blazing just behind them.

"I _never_…fucked you." With my mouth a mere centimeters from hers, I did the best I could to sound controlled. Her eyes danced back and forth between mine. The fire raging before it dwindled. We stared on another down before she finally blinked, lips parted and her hot breath washed over my face. Captain Morgan, the sweet scent of the spiced rum hit me in waves. Why couldn't Jose have been her wing man tonight? At least that would have suppressed what seemed like an undying thirst I had for her and I didn't know why. It appeared like I was the only one to notice when she was teetering on a precipice, the only one able to reach out and grab her before she tipped over it.

My mother always said, "People are put in your life for a reason." It felt as though I was put in Clary's to catch her before she fell. I was about to close the distance and appease my hunger when her palms slammed into my chest and shoved me back. It wasn't far, maybe half a step, but it was more distance than I wanted. She gripped the handle, twisted the lock and pulled but before she could turn to make her escape, I lurched forward pressing my hands into the door and slamming it shut. Our chests rose and fell, nearly touching and the heat between our bodies was evident. I reached forward and took her nape in my hand, making her gasp and giving me enough space to plunge my tongue inside her mouth and coax hers out.

We played a game of dominance, pushing one another into submission, but neither of us gave the other an inch. She sucked on my bottom lip and pulled it between her teeth. A sharp pain shot through me. I stepped back only slightly and ran my tongue over the sore spot. The salty, metallic taste had me smiling at the challenge. Clary stared back at me from under heavy lidded lashes, her chest still rising and falling as quickly as mine. Her hair fell heavily on her shoulders and one side of her mouth turned up in a mischievous grin. The light pink tinge in her cheeks and swollen, just-kissed lips only fueled the burn for her.

Clary stepped forward, took my face between her hands and held me still while she licked the blood from my lip. I froze, goose bumps prickled on my arms as she moaned. I set my hands on her hips and rolled them around her backside with a vicious smile of my own. I bent at the knees, gripped the back of her thighs and hauled her up against me with her legs wrapped around my waist. Her eyes never left mine, not even when I twisted the lace of her thong around my hands and let the tattered fabric that remained fall to the floor next to my bed.

Her hands feel from where she held my neck and she leaned herself back slightly, my hold on her never faltering as she found the button of my jeans. I put her down and my mouth found hers, leaning her back into the mattress as I slid down the zipper of her dress. I stood and pulled my t-shirt over my head then tossed it at her. Clary pulled it over her face to reveal her biting her lip and smiling. "Quit biting you lip," I rasped.

"Why?" She cocked her head a smiled sweetly at me.

"Because you're only making it harder for yourself," I said as I dropped to my knees.

"To what?" She sat bolt upright and I pulled her to the edge of the bed, lifted her knees over my shoulders and smiled.

"To walk in the morning." Her jaw fell and eyes widened. I could only chuckle at her response to my insinuation. I leaned forward and set my gaze heard on her. "Lie back," I ordered. Her mouth snapped shut and she fell back with a whimper. I could feel her legs quiver before I'd even touched her the way I intended to. She would be Jell-O before anything else happened. My tongue went to work, licking, dipping, caressing…teasing until I had her wriggling and panting madly. Her legs tensed and hands fisted in my hair as she called out my name. Her body shook but relaxed, twitching with each movement I made. I knew she was done…but I wasn't.

Clary panted out something between her moans but it was nowhere near audible or understandable. Her body grew stiff again, much quicker the second time, but she was too far gone to get my name out this time. I would accept moans of pleasure as well. I gave her a short break to lick my lips and enjoy the sight of my handiwork. She attempted to close her legs, still panting, but I caught her knees and slid my hands up her thighs parting her again. "One more," I whispered.

"NO!...I can't." she shook her head. "Too sensitive." She swallowed and her hands fell to my cheeks.

"You can and you will." I let my breath fan over her and her legs twitched. If only I had chocolate syrup now, she mixed well with it. Her fingers tightened, digging into my skin trying to pull me up but she was too weak to do it. I went back to work making her wiggle and twist on the bed, her body did exactly as I commanded it to.

"Ah! God! What have women done to you since last time?" She panted. Her legs went rigid and fingers knotted in my hair, pulling, but all she could get out were whimpers this last time. Before her body went limp, I stood and finished what she started with my pants then, yanked her dress down. I pushed her up and settled on top of her, still able to feel her muscles clench inside. I released a tentative breath, moving slowly as I'd forgotten just how good she felt.

I took a handful of her hair and pulled it back exposing her neck and ran my lips along her shoulder and up to her ear. Her head jerked in my direction and I smiled remembering how I found that sensitive spot but, it was another spot I was pushing for. Her heels dug into my butt urging me forward and her hands cupped my face while she thrust her tongue in my mouth to the same rhythm I moved. Clary's nails dug in and I tugged her wrists, laced our fingers and pulled them above her head.

I swiveled and rocked my hips, digging them almost painfully into hers. She was close but I wanted it to build. I wanted the last one to rake though her body like a life altering earth quake. I rolled her over knowing I'd get no resistance after the three orgasms and propped her hips up to work from behind. This way served two purposes: 1) she couldn't claw the skin off my back and 2) It was deeper. Clary's hands fisted the blanket as I eased in. A few deep thrusts had us both panting and groaning. I nibbled at the space connecting her should and neck making her whimper and her muscles spasm. I had to cover her mouth, regrettably, as her orgasm rolled into two. If there weren't people in every crevice of this place, I wouldn't have cared. I would have loved it actually, but there was.

We collapsed on the bed body's slick with sweat, hearts pounding, and chests heaving. Her vanilla scent slammed into me, familiar and intoxicating. I buried my nose in the back of her neck and she tucked her hands under her chest. My hand ran the length of her body from her shoulder to her hip. She shuddered and pulled in a slow unsteady breath before releasing it. "Are we ever going to address the fact that whenever we're alone, we always fall into bed?" Her voice was husky and low.

I leaned back and pulled her hair aside. "We have," I whispered, letting my lips graze her ear. "Therapy remember?"

"No, Jace. This isn't therapy," she said shaking her head. "This is raw, primal, needy, mind blowing, I hate your fucking guts but I want more…sex." I thought about her rant for a moment before I rolled her over and held myself above her with my hands at either side of her head.

"More?" I smirked, completely blowing off everything else she said. I had her naked in my bed, I was going to take full advantage. What the hell was there to talk about? Sex with her was everything she said it was but it didn't need to be more. It didn't need to be shrouded in a confusing, 'What are we? What is this?' situation. I was content. She rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. "Clarissa," she turned her head and I came down on my elbows, moving ever so slowly between her legs to remind her of what the actual purpose this present situation held. She swallowed and parted her lips. "Never try and have a serious conversation with someone who is balls deep inside you. The only thing on my mind is the many ways to make you scream my name," I whispered against her lips.

Clary's back arched with a whimper. "What happened to being sensitive?" She was already breathless and wanting.

"Practice makes perfect, and I've gotten plenty of practice." My voice was muffled as I spoke into her neck making her arch more and cock her head. I liked that spot. Then again, I liked all her spots. Why couldn't every relationship I'd ever had be like this? Completely unattached, no holds barred, unrelenting sex with no particular reason why it was this way. Every other girl wanted more, an emotional connection to go along with it. I didn't want one, Clary didn't need one…so why an explanation?

I woke the next morning with a slight headache and a crazy high. My body felt light and heavy at the same time. Clary's hand rested on my chest but the rest of her was so far away. I found myself wanting to pull her in just to smell her. I realized then that the alcohol was the headache and Clary was the high…or she was both. I'd fed my addiction; maybe I was coming off my high and rolling straight into withdrawal. I decided to test my theory. I placed my hand atop hers and rolled to my side facing her. I searched her sleeping face trying to find something, anything…that would make me turn away. I'd never had a problem finding a reason with anyone else. I never even had to search for one.

I ran my free hand through her hair gently, so not to wake her, even though I really did want her to open her eyes so I could get lost in the perfect emerald depths. I scooted closer and pressed my nose to the top of her head and sucked her in: vanilla, sweat, sex and…me. Separately they all smelled good on her but together they smelled even better. Clary's fingers twitched beneath mine and she hummed in her sleep. She drew closer to me burying her face in my shoulder and scissoring her legs with mine. I released her hand and moved to run my fingers down her spine, noting that my headache was gone.

_Hi, my name is Jace Herondale, and I'm addicted to Clary._

_Fuuuuuck!_

And this is why I avoided her question. I couldn't give her answers to something I was clueless about. I wanted it to be exactly what it was; just sex, no strings. I wanted to go about my everyday life without having to wonder what she thought or felt. I wanted to not care if it would ever happen again or if I would see her stripped down and bear like this. Why was I now trying to explain it to myself? I had to quickly move my hand before she rolled over on it with an exasperated sigh. I was grateful for the distraction pulling me from my inner monologue because what you want and what you get are two very different things.

"So close but, so far away," the voice in my head chanted. That's it! This wasn't going to fuck with my head. Shaking all those thoughts away I set my mind back to where it should be; to a naked girl in my bed. There was only one purpose for a naked girl in my bed. I reached forward and yanked her back toward me, gentle enough not to hurt her but with enough force to wake her. She groaned in protest and pulled the blanked over her head and mine. I settled my arm between her breasts and ran my thumb along her jaw while nibbling on her ear. She didn't object, but whether it was because she was too tired or too exhausted, I didn't know. Her body was still pliable from last night's adventure so I was leaning toward exhausted.

I could feel her quickened heartbeat under my lips and her labored breathing under my hand as I ran it down the center of her body. She arched into my hand but stopped it at her navel. She looked back and I questioned her with my eyes. "I couldn't spread my legs if my life depended on it right now."

"I can fix that." I smiled and turned her over. I moved my hand down her leg until my fingers rested behind her knee and pulled it up. With her knee resting in the crook of my arm I travelled back up to her inner thigh where I could feel the muscle tremble beneath her skin. Her scent was even more potent trapped underneath the blanket and it fucked with my head. "You weren't kidding," I joked squeezing her leg lightly to get a better feel on the effect our night had on her. I moved over her so I was eye level with her chest and her leg fell immediately at the loss of my arm. "Oh Clary, what am I going to do with you?" I asked ghosting my lips over her already hot skin. I kept going lower, throwing my tongue in the mix with a few nips and sucks.

"Help me find the nearest shower," she said throwing the blanket back. Her chest and cheeks were flushed and her hair a perfect mess. I shook my head while my tongue rimmed her belly button and my fingers kneaded her hips. "Come on, Jace," she whined. "Everything hurts."

"Everything?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Everything!"

"Are you whining right now?"

"No…I'm just stating a fact. I'm sore and exhausted and can't take anymore."

"Really? Because the flush in your cheeks and chest say otherwise and I'm sure…" I was silenced by a single finger over my lips. I took her hand and pressed it into the mattress while with my free hand I glided a finger between her legs. If I hadn't been paying close attention, I would have missed the almost inaudible moan. "Your body deceives you, Clarissa. Those lips don't lie." She sat up on her elbows and smiled. She bit her bottom lip while shaking her head. "Don't bite your lip. I can only pat attention to one set at a time."

"You're a fiend," she murmured.

"Me? You're wet." I pointed out the obvious while rising on my palms. Her eyebrow rose and she smirked then leaned forward until our lips were nearly close enough for me to taste her.

"Really?" she breathed. Clary's hand fell between us and slid down my chest and over my torso until she found exactly what she'd been searching for. "It seems your body deceives you as well."

"Your fault for being wet."

"And you weren't hard before that discovery?"

"Half mast," I shrugged. She bit her lip and giggled. "Don't bite your lip," I growled, taking it between mine and sucking on it as we lowered back to the mattress. I rolled, taking her with me so she was on top and she didn't miss a beat, mounting me and moving to her own rhythm; slow but deep. She held my wrists above my head, which for some reason, didn't sit well, so I laced our fingers. I could feel her muscles clench but I also knew she was too tired to push for it. So, I steadied her hips and moved beneath her at the same pace but pushed so deep that our pelvic bones smashed together. "Don't hold your breath," I hissed. "Come for me." I heard a sharp intake of air and felt her spasm around me, then quickly captured her lips to keep us both from waking the rest of the house.

We must've fallen back asleep after the last round because I woke to Clary's hands pressed into my chest as she pushed herself upright. "What time is it?" she gasped. I opened one eye and pointed to the alarm clock on the nightstand. "Shit, shit, shit," she hissed. I felt more pressure in my chest and the warmth of her disappear then she rolled to the other side of the bed and sat at the edge. She didn't move and I saw her scrub her palms over her face.

"What are you doing?"

She looked back and sighed, "Trying to decide if I should stand up or not. There is a risk of falling flat on my ass." I laughed and reached over to find my boxers as well as throw my t-shirt at her. I scratched my head and pushed off the bed then drug my feet over to where she sat. My shirt was way too big on her but it still looked good.

"Come on," I held my hands out and she stared at me warily. "I've got you, come on." I flexed my finger back and she placed her hands in mine, so small and delicate, they felt so easily breakable. When she stood I wrapped an arm around her waist and led her to the bathroom where I sat her down on the toilet and ran some bath water. "Did you drive or ride with Izzy?" She sat back against the tank and smacked her palm against her forehead. Her legs shook from the stress in her muscles and she sighed.

"I rode with Iz."

"Nice! Have fun explaining your disappearing act." I tested the water to make sure it wasn't too hot.

"It wasn't so much a disappearing act, more like I was held hostage." I stood and reached for the hem of the t-shirt while I scoffed.

"Not against your will," I said, pulling it over her head.

"That's debatable, I did try to leave." I rolled my eyes and helped her into the tub.

"A regrettable turn of events having to spend your night reveling in multiple orgasms. Scoot up," I ordered pulling my boxers down. She did as I said but stared at me skeptically while I got in behind her. I situated her between my legs and placed my hands on her thighs to rub the tension away. It took her a minute to relax but she did, resting her hands on my knees and drawing circles into my skin while leaning against me.

"You never answered my question last night." My hands stopped for a split second and I turned my head toward her, meeting those demanding green eyes. Clary may be able to be controlled, somewhat, within the confines of a bed but outside it was clearly a different story.

"What question?" I turned back to my task trying to play down what she was saying.

"What are we doing, Jace?"

"We are sitting in a bathtub trying to coax your legs into working order again." Clary made an irritated noise and pulled my hands from her thighs. She turned around throwing her legs over mine, sloshing water over the edge and pointed a wet, pruning finger in my face.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." I held her gaze for a while before turning away. I still didn't have an answer and given that she asked the question, she didn't either. Clary struggled to get up on her knees but she managed it and straddled my thighs. Her hands cupped my face and she turned my gaze back to her. I saw the question torment her, just like it did me and she leaned forward, ghosted her lips over mine, then my jaw and my ear. "Why does everything you do drive me crazy? Why do I feel like there's something just below the surface and every time your close it claws at me, trying to get out?" Her tongue ran along the outside shell of my ear making me release the breath I'd been holding. My fingers dug into her hips urging her forward, feeling the same thing clawing at me, driving me crazy. "Why does it still feel like a feral beast is raging inside me?" Her voice shook. "And why wasn't last night enough, why haven't any of them been enough?"

I urged her forward but she didn't budge. I leaned my head back to look at her and I saw a mess of confusion. Her cheeks and chest were glossed with sweat and held the same pink color from earlier. I held her cheeks in my hands and pulled her lips to mine. She allowed that but pulled away breathless, "It's not enough." She stood and left me there to sulk and when I came out, she was gone.

* * *

_**Again sorry for the mistakes, still have a vacant sign on that beta position. So...what's the verdict? They both know there's something going on but can't explain it and are too stubborn to want to figure it out...**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**75 reviews for the next one... I don't have another day off until the Saturday before Christmas so I'll do what i can to get the chapter out before weeks end. **_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_


	11. Something out of Nothing

**So i have to admit that I'm a bit suprised that no one commented about the tator-tot hotdish. I thought hotdish was stritcly a Minnesota thing and everywhere else they were considered casseroles. But...since no one asked...ANYWAY...you're all gonna hate me for this but HEY! you didn't hage to wait for it! I wrote some of it on my phone at work so...LOVE ME! lol The next chapter is almost done too so no waiting for that either!**

**********__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

I let Clary's words from that night weigh on me in a confusing swirl of guilt and regret. Why feel this way about it, about her? I didn't understand nor did I want to. I threw myself into school and girls; subconsciously always searching for whatever it was that drew me so strongly to Clary. My quest was curved when my father showed up at Bob and Mar's, with my mother in toe, might I add. A sight I abhorred. Why didn't she get it?

I stepped into the foyer of the immaculately clean house, hanging up my coat and kicking off my shoes with a sigh. In the living room, Bob and Mar sat with my parents on the couch with cups of coffee in hand. I had to admit that seeing them sent a surge of longing through me. My mother's eyes lit up and her smile nearly touched them when I strolled in, hands tucked in my pockets and shoulders hunched. She looked older, but still the beautiful blond woman whose features matched mine; eyes the color of warm honey and hair the same unruly curl.

"Jace!" She said breathless as she stood and walked gracefully toward me with widespread arms, her cream dress flowing around her knees. I wanted to deny her but I couldn't, not my mom. It wasn't her that made my skin crawl with hate. Her hands rested on my cheeks, light and cold to the touch. Her eyes were rimmed red as she ran her hand through my hair and over my cheek bones, down my arms and back up to wrap me in a hug. "You're so tall." She laughed. "I've miss you."

"I've missed you too, mom." I really did miss her. I missed her smell, she always smelled like jasmine, her touch, and her laugh…I just plain missed having my mom. I sensed the shift in the room as the three other figures on the couch moved toward us. I held her tighter in an attempt to keep her safe, my own ridiculous protectiveness shining though. A tan calloused hand gripped my mother's shoulder and squeezed lightly, his order to tell her to back away. What made my stomach lurch was that she did it, releasing me with reluctance while a single tear fell down her pink cheeks.

I stood with my arms at my sides, feeling helpless at his hold on her and knowing there was nothing now, or then, that I could do about it. "Jonathan." My father held a stiff hand out and nodded his head. The gold Rolex on his wrist glistened at me, a symbol of his power and control, not only over my mother but nearly every aspect in my life…except one. I set my face hard, emotionless and crossed my arms stubbornly.

"Stephen." His jaw set and hand fell to his perfectly tailored suit pants. He scoffed and returned his gaze to me with a smirk that I recognized begrudgingly as my own. Yes, I knew what it was like to look in the mirror and hate what I saw solely because I resemble him. Someone it seemed, who beat his wife for sport, forced himself on her when she wasn't willing, and slapped his kid around for trying to get in his way. I had no respect for this man.

"I believe the correct greeting would have been, Father."

"You haven't done anything to deserve that title," I said, pulling out a Clary quote. "That man over there," I pointed at Bob, whose eyes grew wide and mouth fell slack, "Has been more of a father than you ever could be." Stephen's cool collectedness didn't falter. He nodded at me like he was perusing some type of business venture and was about to strike a deal. I'd watched the façade through the crack in the door to his office as a child, mesmerized by the man behind the desk, but that didn't last passed age eight. He pulled my mom in closer to his side, a move that signified his claim over her. She smiled the smile of a defeated woman, one whose strong will had been beaten out of her many times over.

I realized now what drew me to Clary so much. She was the embodiment of my mother before Stephen dug his claws in and suppressed the independent woman she once was. I would like to think that's what lured him to her in the first place, but it couldn't be if his only purpose was to pound it out of her. "Jonathan," he sighed. "You can make this difficult if you like, but the less resistance you put up the easier it will be on all of us." My face contorted in a confounded expression mixed with urge to punch him in the face. Izzy and Alec stood at the top of the steps with alarmed looks on their faces at the sight of my parents, and I wanted to run up the stairs to stand with them, my brother and sister, my family.

"Jace," my mother's soft voice soothed. She reached out for my hand and I pulled away, seeing hurt flash in her golden orbs. Her hand drew up to her chest and her lip quivered. "We're here to take you home." I returned my gaze to them, heated.

"I am home." Izzy and Alec smiled and Bob and Mar's eyes held on the backs of my parents warily.

"You are not the Lightwood's responsibility," Stephen hissed, almost breaking his calm demeanor.

"I'm eighteen, I'm my own responsibility. I'm sure Robert and Maryse would agree that they no longer need your monthly checks to cover my expenses." My eyes met his sharply, his own stubbornness staring him in the face. He turned to question them silently and they both nodded in agreement with me. "I have school to finish. I will continue to further my higher education here." I knew this man better than most people and I also knew that with an argument convincing enough, I'd get my way.

"Jace, I wish you'd reconsider. I'd love to have you back at home." My mother came out with her own convincing argument. It hurt to tell her no and stare at her impassively. I didn't want to leave. In my head the argument I gave myself was that Clary was here but that wouldn't matter to them and I shouldn't have mattered to me. As if I'd rubbed a lamp and used all three wishes for her to appear, Clary pushed through the entry way door and called out for my raven haired sister. Izzy stood stick straight and her gaze shifted between my parents and me.

Clary turned the corner with a smile that could have brought the Hun army to its knees, but it fell and she came to an abrupt stop when she met face with the current predicament. Her eyes locked with mine, and then scooted over the quiet room before coming to rest back on me. She raised the silent question, 'Are you O.K?' clearly able to see the resemblance between me and my parents. I closed my eyes and gave a quick barely-there shake of my head but I knew she caught it when her eyes softened and her fingers twitched at her sides.

I turned back to my parents, to find them both staring blankly at Clary. Stephen looked at me and I could see the tiny remnants of a smirk. "Who do we have here?" The question was clearly aimed at me. He'd caught our silent exchanged and I was kicking myself for it. I sighed inwardly before speaking.

"Clarissa, these are my parents, Stephen and Celine Herondale. Parents," I held a hand in Clary's direction. "This is Clarissa Garroway, and she is obviously here for Isabelle so…"I waved a hand in the clear path between my parents and me, hoping she'd take the hint, and she did. There was a bounce in her step, a sense of urgency with every move. Good, that's what I wanted. Our eyes stayed on each other, which meant that neither of us saw or anticipated Stephen intercepting her.

"Garroway…" he hummed. "Are you by chance associated with an Amatis Garroway?" I was surprised he didn't reach out to shake her hand. It was his custom. He was too close to her for comfort and I didn't want him tainting her like he'd tainted my mother. Clary stood within our circle between Stephen and I. She looked at me for the O.K. to answer his question. I sighed and she turned her attention toward him.

"She's my aunt," Clary said flatly. "Why do you ask?" Her tone was short and clipped. She wouldn't back down from him, she was too stubborn. On one hand, I was pleased and on the other, I just wanted her out and away from him.

"Amatis…was a close friend. I didn't know Lucian had a daughter…a very pretty one…" I saw my mother's form sag out of the corner of my eye telling me Amatis was more than a _friend_.

"I'm adopted," Clary said. "My real father was a piece of shit but my mother was smart enough to leave so my brother and I could have a decent shot at life." Everyone's jaw fell, mine included, but Clary just smiled sweetly at Stephen before saying, "Have a safe flight home. I'll see ya later, Jace." She tugged on my t-shirt and made her way to Izzy linking their arms and pulling her down the hall. I wanted to run after her and kiss her. Only she could manage to insult BOTH of my parents in one sentence.

"Well," Stephen said, straightening his silk lavender tie. "Jonathan, you'll be joining us for dinner. I brought one of my suits for you to wear since formal dress is required." His blue eyes bore into me, telling me I didn't have the option to decline.

"I think it's a wonderful idea for you to spend some time with your parents, Jace." Maryse stepped up and set her hand on my mother's shoulder. She was clearly saying it for my mom's benefit but also pressing into me the need she had for me be close to her and I accepted only because of that fact. "The suit is on your bed, Jace. Why don't you go get ready?" I hated and loved Maryse in that moment.

I took the stairs slowly and Alec followed me into my room. He didn't say a word but I felt his gaze burning into me and asking what was going on. I'd still never told them what the reason for me coming here was but now…I felt I had no choice. "She knows…doesn't she?"

"Huh?" I turned to Alec not understanding his question.

"Clary, she knows what happened, why you came here. That's why she made that comment to your dad."

"He's not my dad and yes she knows." I unzipped the black bag that lay on my bed holding the garment that would size me up to the man I hated most.

"You two can't even stand being in the same room together. How does she know that and I don't?" He was upset and I didn't blame him. That was a piece of information that should have been given to him because I trusted him.

"I gave her a ride home from school one day because her dad showed up and she didn't want to see him. On the way we compared notes on our shitty fathers." I left out the rest. He didn't need to know about the sex and her need for a napkin, or the aftermath.

"Still, how does that even take precedence of the fact that I'm your best friend?"

"Alec," I sighed, "No one would know had she and I not been in a situation that was relatable. You wanna know why I'm here?" I dropped the bag and turned with my arms spread. "That man beat the shit out of my mother in front of me and when I was old enough to defend her, he beat me, too. And now, I have to go sit in a fancy restaurant and pretend we're some happy Fuckin' family while I search my mother's face for scars I don't recognize."

He opened and closed his mouth a couple times at a loss for words before he finally said, "I'm sorry." He backed out of my room, thinking I needed space. I didn't need space! I needed a bottle of tequila and Clary. The feral beast that she so accurately described was on a rampage inside me. It started with a primal need when I saw her and moved to a protectiveness that even surpassed that of the way I felt for my mother. I set myself on autopilot while I dress and combed though my hair.

I stood in front of my desk staring at a picture of Alec, Magnus, Simon, Izzy, Clary and I when we were younger. We were at Taki's catching some grub after school. I couldn't leave them. I bonded more strongly to these people than anyone back in Seattle. I felt pressure on my shoulders, someone straightening out the jacket that so conveniently fit to a 'T.' I assumed Maryse or my mother but the voice I heard was neither. "Just because the suit fits doesn't mean you're anything like him." She'd read my mind and pulled out the most horrifying thought but refute it immediately.

"And what gave you the impression that I was thinking that?" I said flatly while turning to her. She leaned a hip into my desk and smiled.

"Your eyes give you away." I had her, now I just needed the tequila.

"How'd you escape Izzy and make it in here without being noticed?"

"I was on my way out and everyone else was in the kitchen." She shrugged. "I just wanted to see if you were O.K."

"I'm fine," I said in a low clipped tone playing with the cuff links.

"Are you?" she asked, reaching up for my tie, running her fingers over the blue silk fabric. I cupped her face and pressed my lips to hers hard thrusting my tongue in her mouth as far as it would go. She moaned against my lips and tugged on my tie. The beast inside was clawing to get out but that wasn't possible, not here, not now, maybe not ever. I felt the collar loosen from my neck and Clary's fingers travel to the back so she could twist them around my curls. She pressed herself flush against me and stood on tip-toes to account for my height. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and enjoyed my moment of sanity while she was still there.

She pulled back, much sooner than I wanted her too, and patted my chest. "Open collar is much more you." Prom and the memories brought back to life along with it were enough to make me smile. Clary fidgeted with my collar again before asking what was really on her mind. "Are you leaving?" I knew the answer but I wanted to know something.

"Do you want me to?" She stared at me and bit down on her lip. It was irritating and sexy at the same time. I sighed and pulled her lip from between her teeth with my thumb.

"It doesn't matter what I want."

"Sure it does." The door opened and my mother came in. Clary and I both looked at her like we'd been caught doing something wrong but to any outside person it would only look like a deep conversation. It was so much more than that.

"Are you ready to go?" My mother asked eyeing Clary suspiciously. I nodded and Clary looked to her fidgeting hands. "Where's your tie?" Clary lifted the blue silk from my desk and handed it to me, careful not to let our fingers touch. With that single gesture, she was gone. I'd lost her.

"Open collar looks better," she murmured and smiled before turning away. My mother stepped forward and yanked on the lapels of the suit, examining the way it fit while mumbling to herself. I shifted back into autopilot while listening to Clary's receding foot-steps.

"Jace," Clary said with her hand on the door. My mother and I both looked up and she shook her head. "No." It' the answer I wanted, not the one I expected. My mom looked back at me curiously and I gave Clary a curt not and a closed smile.

"O.K."

Mom put the damn tie back on and knotted it tighter than I had previously. I sat through dinner rubbing my fingers along the inside of my collar while my mom scolded me for it. Stephen ordered dinner for all of us in fluent French, that's how upscale this restaurant was, but don't ask me the name because I don't remember. We were served a five course meal: Salad, soup, appetizer, entree`, and desert. I forced it all down while watching the man in front of me flirt with the waitress.

"How's school, Jace?" My mother attempted a normal conversation. Stephen would hear nothing about it because I wasn't majoring in some type of business.

"How do you expect to take over the family business if you don't study _business_?" he asked.

"What makes you think I want or expect that?" I said.

"What is it you want to do then, Son?" I cringed and sat back in my seat while wiping my mouth with the white, cloth napkin.

"Something honest, something I can be proud of, maybe even a little dangerous… Something that doesn't have your name attached to it." My answer was less than acceptable.

"It's your name, too; a birth right. You're just going to let the company crash and burn after I die. All of your grandfather's hard work flushed down the toilet because you hold a grudge." He stared at me over clasped hands with his elbows resting on the table.

"Look, I came here to spend time with mom. I guess spending time with her means I have to put up with you but don't expect me to forgive and forget just because she did. I don't want to be anywhere near you. I don't want her," I pointed at my mother, "Anywhere near you, but that isn't my choice, just like the fact that I don't want to take over your business isn't your choice. So, in order for me to be here with mom, it means you and I have to accept the fact that we can't change one another." My mom looked between us nervously and knowing that she couldn't curb my father she tried with me.

"Jace…" she started with a light hand on my bicep.

"Jonathan, I think you forget who I am." His fingers flexed and nostrils flared.

"Stephen!" My mother's voice took an authoritive tone I hadn't heard it years. "That's enough! We didn't come here to push him away further."

"Celine, mind yourself." He didn't turn his head to look at her but stared daggers at her from the side.

"And if she doesn't? What are you going to do, hit her?" My mother's grip on my arm tightened. "Does it still happen on a nightly basis?" My blood ran hot and my pulse quickened. "How many bruises did she have to cover to make herself presentable?" He stared at me with a smirk on his face, mocking me.

"I haven't struck your mother in years. You'd know that if you had ever come home."

"My home is here," I said, my voice monotone.

"Because of that red-head we met earlier? What was her name…Clarice...?" Stephen's eyebrows shot up.

"Clarissa," I answered.

"Is she…a girlfriend?" My mother asked. Seeing that she was skeptical as to what title to ask about, I assumed she was also skeptical about Clary.

"No, if she was I would have introduced her as such."

"Good," Stephen cut in. "She is much too sharp tongued to be on your arm. Although, I give you props for your taste." He picked up his glass of wine and sloshed it around in the glass. "She is a beautiful girl." He took a taste and held it in his mouth before swallowing. "I'm sure you can find other means to subdue your attraction to her, but there are ways to stifle a woman's tongue if you absolutely must have her." I sat back and couldn't help but laugh and it only urged him on. "I believe she could be taught. With the exception of her rather outrageous comment, you controlled her quite well, and you needn't say a word. She even came to you afterward to give you comfort."

I shot a quick glance at my mother since she's the only person who would have known that last tidbit and shook my head. "Clarissa isn't important nor is she controllable and I have no desire to control her. Her presence in the house is commonplace because she is Isabelle's best friend. The fact that you even met her had nothing to do with me. So the little rant you just spit out can be stricken from the record."

"Ah, and you still protect her from your, 'piece of shit father' and your mother whom is 'stupid' for keeping her wedding vows and her promise to God by staying in this marriage. Why does she need protecting if she is of no importance?"

"I've no need to protect her. Clary can take care of herself." I was getting tired of being badgered about Clary. It was none of his business and she and I weren't even together. The comments he made still didn't settle well and it took everything in me to not throw the table over and choke him to death.

"Very well, I shall like to meet her again. Dinner, the four of us, you arrange it with her and I'll make reservations."

"No." I shook my head without meeting his gaze.

"No?" He took my denial as a challenge, and maybe it was.

"NO!" I repeated, staring him straight in the eye. That was a challenge.

"Maybe we could ask her what she thinks and go from there. I'd like to get to know her." My mother had to cut in and request something I wouldn't give her. Clary was off limits to either of them. The only reason for such a night would be for my father to study and test her to see if he found her fit to serve whatever imaginary purpose he made up in his head. There would be no dinner with Clary even if I had to rein in an apocalypse to stop it. She already had a crazy father of her own. She didn't need mine putting her under a microscope.

"Who is her real father?"

"I don't know." Truth was I couldn't remember his name.

"Does she?" Stephen leaned in curiously

"Yes, she does. Can we talk about something other than Clary?"

"Oh, dear, she has a nickname. Why wasn't she introduced to us that way?" His eyebrows knit together. He was testing me and I was about to snap.

"Because," I sighed. "You don't know her. A formal introduction is required when meeting someone for the first time. We're done eating, or at least I am so, I'd like to leave now."

"We can leave, after you agree to us meeting your dearest, Clary." The tone he took was dark and demanding. "I want to have a good read on all the people who are…commonplace…in your life, and we'll start with her." His lips turned up in a vicious smile. I struck a deal of my own.

"Dinner at Bob and Mar's and we can kill a few birds with one stone. You can meet them all and then you can leave. No need to set her apart from anyone else when I see her about once a year."

"The amount of time spent with someone is of no consequence, it's the quality that matters." My mother froze again and it made my mind shift to Amatis. Who was she? I also thought that maybe his fascination with Clary didn't necessarily revolve around me. She'd said Amatis was her aunt so, I wasn't the only connection. I stood and held my hand out for my mom, which she took.

"Dinner at the Lightwoods, that's my final offer; take it or leave it?" I led mom back to the coat check desk and helped her slide into the petticoat that matched her dress before Stephen joined us and held his hand out to me.

"Deal!" I shook his hand but couldn't help feeling like I'd just made a deal with the devil.

I made it back to the house around ten at night. All the lights were still on but I didn't want to be around anyone inside it. I pulled my keys from my coat and drove to the one place I did want to be. I sat in front of Clary's house for what seemed like hours but it had only been ten minutes. The lights were on here, too but, I was too chicken shit to go in. What would I say? I need a therapy session? No! Honestly I wasn't there to sleep with her. I just wanted to see her, tell her what happened and get her take on it. Was it selfish of me to ask her for that?

A loud knock on my window pulled me out of my head and scared the hell out of me, but through the glass two bright emeralds stared back at me and she was smiling. I rolled the window down and she leaned in resting her forearms on the edge. "Are you stalking me, Mr. Herondale?"

"No," I sighed and shook my head.

"Did you plan on sitting in your car staring at my house all night? Because, that's considered stalking."

"I don't have a plan. I just know I don't want to be at school and I don't want to be at home."

"So, the dinner was a success I take it?"

"Oh yeah, couldn't have gone better." My hands were fisted so tight in my lap that my knuckles were white and I could feel the numb prickly feeling set in. Clary opened the door, took my hand in both of hers and rubbed until my muscles released allowing me to open it. She repeated the process with the other hand and then yanked me out of the car. I was sluggish behind her but she laced our fingers and hauled me up to her room.

"Sit," she ordered, pointing to the bed. I didn't have the mental capacity to argue so I sat on the edge of her bed with my elbows resting on my knees while she dug through her dresser. "So, what happened?" I made and irritated and exasperated noise and she turned on her heel with wide eyes. "Wow! It's gonna be a long night. Maybe dad's got some tequila down stairs." She pulled her shirt over her head and I sat up straight with my eyebrows knit together. Her jeans came down shortly after.

"What are you doing?" She smiled but it wasn't like any from our last night together.

"Taking my clothes off. Is that O.K. with you?"

"I guess," I shrugged. "I'm not one to complain about naked girls but that isn't why I'm here although, I wouldn't refuse." She laughed and I already felt better. The tension from earlier was gone and I felt more secure. She'd created the bubble and that made everything else melt away.

"I was getting ready for bed actually, and in order to put on my jammies I have to shred my clothes from earlier." She pulled a t-shirt over her head that looked oddly familiar then reached back, unsnapped her bra and tugged it out through her sleeve.

"Is that mine?" I asked, pointing to her 'jammies.'

"Maybe, would it be a problem if it was?" She said putting her hair up in a pony-tail.

"Nope," I shook my head. "At least I can stop blaming the dryer for clothes that go missing. Do you have my socks, too?" She padded over with a giggle and stood between my legs.

"No," she murmured. "I don't have your socks." Her hands found my tie again and her smile fell. "I can see why your night was so bad. She made you put this damn tie back on." I looked down realizing I'd completely forgotten about the tie. She loosened the knot and pulled the ends free then let it hang on my shoulders while she unbuttoned the top three buttons of my shirt.

"I wish the tie was my biggest problem."

"What did they say? Are you leaving?" Her tone and the look in her eyes held something I'd never seen or just not paid attention to…alarm. At my silence, her breathing picked up and her body grew stiff. "You can't, you have school! Alec…h-he'd be lost if you left." I hung my head while she went on. "Izzy plays it off like she hates you but she really doesn't. Who would she have to fight with if you were gone? And Maxx, what about him? He favors you over his real brother and sister." I shouldn't have let her rant like that but, she didn't include herself in it and that's what I was waiting for.

"What about you?" I asked, cupping the backs of her knees and looking up.

"What about me?" Her voice was small and quiet, all signs of the frantic rant to keep me here gone.

"You said no earlier when I asked if you wanted me to leave. So, what's your reason? You named off reasons for nearly everyone else but yourself. Why did you say no?" I stared at her with an intensity that might have set her on fire but I needed to know and she stared back, wide eyed and speechless.

"I…," she shook her head and sighed. "I just…" she tried to turn away but I gripped her hips and held her in place.

"Why, Clary?"

"Because I just don't." her hands went up and landed with a slap against her thighs. "Why does it matter?"

"It matters," I said, "Because I was grilled all night by a man I haven't seen in four years, about you. A man who's never seen me interact with any woman besides my mother. A man who is very perceptive and feels that he needs to get to know you better because of the way WE acted. No one else catches our silent conversations, and for two people who spend VERY little time together, we're very good at picking up on what the other is thinking in certain situations. We're never together unless we're naked, Clary. So how is that I can look at you and know if you're pissed off or need something or if you're hurt, just by the look in your eyes? And how come you can do the same with me?"

"I don't know," she whispered. I sighed and gripped the backs of her thighs, pulling her onto my lap in a straddle.

"Alec saw it, too, Clary. He only addressed the fact that you knew why I was here but because he caught that, means he saw it."

"So did Izzy." Her voice was barely audible. "She wanted to know why I knew your reason for being here. She wanted to know why Stephen was suddenly so interested in me and what was going on with us." I leaned back on my palms.

"And you said…?"

"I said, I knew because we talked about it when you gave me a ride home once and told her I had no idea why Stephen was interested in me."

"And us?" My eyebrows shot up.

"I told her nothing. What was I supposed to say?" She shrugged, her voice going up an octave.

"Is it really nothing? I mean, I already know you think that whatever this is isn't enough but, I'm pretty sure it's not nothing."

"No, it's not enough and you can't make something out of nothing, Jace. Why are we even talking about this? This isn't what we do!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I leaned up and gripped her thighs again, pulling her closer. "Let's just do what we do and have sex, then pretend it never happened while everyone around us questions what the fuck is going on. So it's not enough…then tell me what you want from me."

"It is nothing." She said, standing up. "And I don't want anything from you because I can't give you something in return."

"Can't or won't?" Her head fell back and she sighed. She spread her arms out and scoffed.

"I can't give you something that belongs to someone else! I already have to live with the fact that I did something terrible…"

"Wait," I held up my hand to stop her. "Someone else?"

"Yeah," she looked at me like I was stupid, "Sebastian." I scrubbed my hands over my face and made an irritated noise.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me!" Of Course! Why the hell not! Why wouldn't Sebastian be the ONE thing standing in my way? Only Clary could be this difficult. Why did I care? It's not like this is the end of my world. There are other girls, less problematic girls. And this is Clary of all people. She's irritating and she drives me up the damn wall. "You know what, you're right. It's nothing." I stood and walked right by her. Before I left I half turned to see her head down and her fingers twisting nervously. When she looked up her eyes were rimmed red but she took a tentative breath and held her chin up, defiant and stubborn. I shook my head and got outta there as fast as I could.

This may sound corny, especially coming from a guy but, I thought it was a pretty damn good analogy. Whatever just happened in that room was reminiscent of a flower bud being plucked from the stem before it had the chance to bloom. We would never know how beautiful that flower could have been.

* * *

**_Again, excuse my mistakes since I am playing the part of writer and beta. Don't shoot me bc if you do...you'll never know how the story ends! So who thinks Stephen is a major dick? I DO! Let me know how ya'lls feel._**

**_Love it..._**

**_Hate it..._**

**_Review/Alert/Fave it..._**

**_You know the drill, push the little button at the bottom and spill it...90 reviews for next chpt._**

**_XOXO LivyBug_**


	12. New Place

**************__************__****__************************************____****I'm SOOOOOORYYYYY that it's taken so long to get this to you. To answer a question: Yes, this is all leading up to what happened in the prologue. Be patient, it will get there. To andress another: I don't mean to leave anyone lacking or wanting with my stories. That is why your reviews are so important. Orginally i wasn't planning on writing the dinner into this chapter. After the ending in the last chpt, i was just going to cut it out but because of your reviews and how many of you commented on Stephen, I wrote it in. That is also why this took longer. On another note, this chapter jumps around A LOT! But i'm hoping it doesn't leave anyone lacking even though, the dinner isn't the biggest part of the story. I had a hard time with it because i didn't really envision it. This is more of a filler/informing chpt than anything. Plus it's from Clary's POV and i actually prefer Jace's. SO...enjoy. I don't know if I'll get another one out before christmas but i will try. **

**************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Dinner at the Lightwoods was going to be interesting after what happened with Jace. I was nowhere ready to see him again and used every excuse I could conjure up to get out of it. Izzy wasn't letting me off the hook. "Clarissa Adele Garroway, you will come to dinner tonight if I have to drag you here by your hair. If I have to deal with the Herondale from hell, so do you. Your presence was specifically requested," she yelled over the phone.

"Which Herondale would you be referring to, Isabelle, Jace or Stephen?"

"Stephen, he gives me the creeps. Jace I can at least handle. That man makes my skin crawl."

"I think he has that effect on everyone, Jace being no exception," I mumbled.

"How do you know? When did you become an expert on all that is Jace?" She snipped. I knew that tone. She was hunting; trying to be coy about getting answers out of me.

"I'm not an expert on Jace. If you were paying attention to how he acted you'd know," I snapped. "I'll be there tonight, six right?"

"Yeah."

"O.K." I sighed. I dressed in a pair of jeans and a light blue sweater and was pulling my hair into a loose bun when the doorbell rang. I made it to the stairs just in time to see my dad answer it.

"I got it," he said turning to look at me before opening the door. The bell rang again and dad pulled it open to find Stephen Herondale standing in his face with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Luke," he nodded and gave a curt smile.

"Stephen…"my dad said almost in disbelief.

"Long time."

"Yes, to what do I owe the visit?"

"I'm here to collect your lovely daughter for dinner." My dad turned to look up at me with his mouth agape. I blushed and gave a little shrug. How was I supposed to know he was picking me up?

"Clary is perfectly capable of getting herself to dinner," dad said. Stephen took a step forward and smiled.

"I'm sure she is but, Celine and I were on our way and thought we'd do her the favor of saving on gas."

"I'll pay for her gas. She will be there on time, no need to worry, Stephen." I couldn't see my dad's face but the sound in his voice made me nervous. There was warning in his voice.

"Dad?" I called down the steps. He turned sharply and pointed at me.

"Go back upstairs, Clarissa." I opened my mouth to protest but his look told me it was pointless. His attention went back to Stephen. "What's your real reason for coming here? Is this about Amatis? You're a married man, Stephen, leave her alone." I'd never known my dad and Aunt Amatis to be close but there was something in his voice that even made _my_ skin tingle. All my life this is a man I've only ever known to be soft spoken and gentle; a man of few words. Stephen looked up at me and grinned. It broke my heart to see so much of Jace in him because he didn't deserve to even be graced by Jace's presence, let alone look like him.

"I'm not here about Amatis, Luke. We've already had all the discussions needed on that topic. I've done what was requested of me and left her alone. I hope she is well and living happily. I've simply come to escort Clarissa to the Lightwoods for dinner." He bowed slightly and smiled, trying to be a gentleman.

"If it not for the Lightwoods, she wouldn't be going. I don't want her anywhere near you…or your son." My lips parted to let out a shocked breath and my eyebrows arched. Jace is nothing like Stephen! Why do the wrongs of the parents always fall back on the child? I had to grip the hand rail tighter to keep myself from crumpling on the floor because my knees felt like Jell-O and I don't even know why. Jace and I weren't together, a person couldn't even consider us friends, we were…nothing.

Stephen gave a curt nod to my dad and stepped back out the door. I have no idea what the hell just happened but I was going to find out. "What was that about?" I asked my voice shaky as I came down the steps. My dad turned and his eyes softened. He took his glasses from his face and cleaned then lenses with his gray sweater.

"Stephen and Amatis were together before he met Celine. They were engaged to be married when Amatis found out he'd been sleeping with one of her friends. She confronted him about it and he almost put in a coffin. I don't want you around him or that boy, Clarissa. Do you hear me? The apple never falls far from the tree."

"Dad, Jace isn't anything like Stephen." I shook my head and twisted my fingers nervously. "In fact, the reason Jace is here is because Stephen hit him, too."

"I don't care." He placed his glasses back on the bridge of his nose, lips a thin line on his face. "Stay away." My dad began to walk away and just as he passed me I spoke up. Don't ask me why, but I did.

"If the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," I whispered. "What does that say about me and Jon?" I watched his shoulders rise when he took a deep breath and then fall when he let it out. I knew he was just being a protective dad, but to pass judgment on someone he barely knows is a low point for him. He's always taught me to be fair and just and never to discriminate for any reason whether it be monetary status, sexuality, or race. He raised me to treat everyone equally no matter what. What he was doing now threw all of that out of the window. "He who casts the first stone, daddy…" I said but didn't finish.

His eyes met mine and I recoiled, something I have never done to him and he softened immediately. "So the student becomes the teacher now?" I looked up and bit my bottom lip. "I will withhold my judgment on Jace, but his father is another story. Now go finish getting ready so I can get you to dinner on time." A smile found its place on my face and I kissed his cheek before heading back to my room. I don't know why I fought him about Jace, but I felt it was unfair of him to lace Jace's head in a noose before even knowing who he was. Of course, if he knew Jace was the one who stripped me of my V-card and licked chocolate syrup off me, he would have put him on the chopping block. We won't tell him that.

The car crawled up the driveway to the Lightwood's house. It was lit up in every room. Stephen and Celine were already here and I could see Izzy's head bob up and down as she raced to greet me at the door. I couldn't decide who wanted to be a party to this the least. My heart thrummed in my head and dad looked over, resting his hand over mine. "Call me when you're ready to come home." I nodded and swallowed down my nerves. I took my time getting to the door and by the time I reached it, Izzy was damn near bouncing in place.

"Urgh, thank God you're here! Maybe you can calm the tension in the room. Jace hasn't said a word since his parents showed up." She grabbed my arm and yanked me inside. The house smelled like apple and cinnamon. Maryse must have made her famous apple pie for desert. If all else failed, I had that to look forward to. Izzy pulled me into the dining room where to my instant relief; Jace was wedged between Alec and Celine. Maxx beamed at me from his chair and patted the seat next to him. My only issue with that was, the chair was right across from Jace who, might I add, wouldn't even look at me. _Deep breath, Clary. You can do this. Stuff your face with Maryse's good food and avoid major eye contact._ My little pep talk did nothing to soothe my nerves.

Izzy took the open chair on the other side of Maxx, leaving me no other choice to take the one across from Jace. "Hi, Clary," Maxx bounced in his spot while I pulled the chair in and my feet bumped Jace's. At this he actually looked up and acknowledged that I was there. Our eyes locked for a very, VERY brief moment before Stephen's voice cut through my head. "Clary, glad you could make it." I gave closed mouth smile and nodded when I looked back at Jace, he was talking to Alec. It's gonna be a long night. Did I say that already?

Maryse made fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and biscuits for supper. This only made me miss my mom. I missed her home cooking. It was rare that I got it but when I did, I savored every morsel. I tucked my feet uncomfortably under my chair and rested my hands in my lap until the food made its rounds. "You two are awfully quiet this evening," Celine said, putting a scoop of green beans on her plate. I looked up at Jace and he at me, but no silent exchanges were made and no words said either. I guess we'd said all we needed to the other night.

"Should two people with _nothing_ in common, who have _nothing_ going on, be engaged in an intimate conversation while surrounded by people?" Jace said, putting emphasis on _nothing_. As if I wouldn't have figured it out without the _emphasis_! I kicked him under the table and he flinched, looking at me under hooded lids with nostrils flared. Ooooh, so that's how we're gonna play. I bat my eyelashes and looked at him thoughtfully, adding fuel to the fire. "In fact," he perked up and smiled back at me. "Clarissa and I have a reputation for not getting along. So, congratulations for getting us in the same room together with both our heads still attached."

Everyone at the table stopped mid-chew and was staring between Jace and I. How did this whole thing end up being about me and him? I wanted to get out. I wanted to go outside and scream at the top of my lung because honestly, I had no fucking clue what the hell was going on. Was he being his normal asshole self or was he being a guy who was butt sore because he got shot down? I can't wrap my head around this! This is ME AND JACE! We don't like each other; we don't get pissed because the other is being a complete dick. It's what we do!

I hear the smile on Stephen's face, not see it. I want to reach across the table and smack it away. "So," I said. "When are you two heading home?" I asked, flipping my hair over my shoulder and turning my attention to Celine and Stephen.

"So eager to push us on our way so you can continue on with _nothing_," Stephen said. I think that stung more than what Jace said.

"More like, we're anxious to get on with normal life," Jace said.

"Stephen," I cocked my head. "Why did you come to my house?" The quiet buzz that started to pick up died down again. Jace's head jerked up and he stared at me then at Stephen. "I can't say that my father was pleased to see you." Back at me and his eyebrows knit together. I got the, 'what the hell are you doing,' look. Stephen started to open his mouth and Jace waved his hand to stifle the incessant noise.

"W-w-wait!" Jace stuttered. "Why were you at Clarissa's house?" he hissed. Did I NOT just ask that question?

"To pick her up for dinner," Stephen shrugged as if stating the obvious. Jace's nostrils flared again and he pushed out a laugh. He slammed his fists on the table, making everyone jump in their seats. He stood and the chair shoved back with a loud screech.

"Listen," he shoved a finger in Stephen's face, "Because I won't say this again. Stay the FUCK out of my life. You've done nothing but screw it up. You don't get a say in where I go to school, what I do for a living OR who I date AND you pick the ONE girl on the face of the God damn planet, the ONE girl who drives me up a fucking wall, to torment. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Jace stormed out of the room with all eyes on him. I looked at Alec and his eyes darted to Izzy so mine followed. My once outspoken best friend sat silent. Robert and Maryse kept gaze on Stephen who sat with his hands clasped in front of his face with his eyes closed. Celine sobbed next to him. Maxx looked around the table like a lost puppy. I made a disgusted noise. Out of all the people in this room, why was I the one standing up right now to go after him? I slammed my napkin on the table and shook my head the entire way through the dining room.

I spun in circles searching for Jace's route of escape and stopped facing the patio door. It was open a crack so I walked toward it slowly. Jace stood with his back to me, hands tucked deep in his pockets with his head hung. I took a deep breath and stepped outside. Jace half turned and rolled his eyes. "This night just keeps getting better." His words lacked emotion.

"Jace," I was annoyed with myself because I sounded whiney.

"Don't start, Clarissa. I don't have the patience for you right now." Um…no he did NOT just try and blow me off.

"Jonathan Christopher Herondale, pull your head out of your ass and quit being a dick. Did you get what you needed to off your chest?" One of my eye brows arched.

"I have plenty of shit still weighing on my chest, Clarissa but none of it matters."

"It always matters to somebody." I rolled my eyes. Jace turned and crossed his arms to stare at me head on. His eyes narrowed and a crease formed between his brows.

"Does it? Because of all the people in that room, the one person it matters to least is the one who came out here. So, don't tell me it always matters to someone." Was I some uncaring bitch who didn't know how to sympathize with others? I got the feeling that I should just pull him into a room, strip and ride him until we were both raw. But then again, that only seemed to make things worse after all said and done.

"What do you want, Jace?" That's what I asked but what I meant was, 'Tell me what to do to make you feel better.' I didn't like seeing him like this. The Jace standing in front of me was one I didn't recognize and I didn't know what to do or say. I didn't know what he needed to make this livable for him and it bothered me because he was always able to do that for me.

"What I want has never been the question." I cocked my head wondering if we were still talking about his parents or if we'd strayed onto another subject. Jace sighed and shook his head. "Never mind, go home, Clary." With that said he walked past me and went straight to his room. Back in the dining room, Maryse was serving pie; when she asked if I wanted any, I declined and opted to call my dad to pick me up before I was forced to doge anymore explosions.

I managed to escape the house without being badgered about Jace. Everyone must have decided to let it go. I just wanted to forget it even happened and did my best to tape it up in a box labeled, 'Don't Open! FRAGILE,' in my head. I did that with everything that concerned Jace. I had no other option. It was a confusing spider web of shit and I had to lock it away before I was eaten alive. I threw myself into Sebastian to try and forget it all and for a while, it worked.

Ritual Saturday night consisted of movies and popcorn. I was spread out on the couch in my living room with my head resting in Sebastian's lap while he ran his fingers through my hair. We'd made it through our first year of school and were half way into the second. I would be able to start interning at the Guggenheim in six months and Sebastian would be taking his test to become a fire fighter. I was proud but skeptical. It's a dangerous job and I didn't like the risk but he reassured me every time the topic reared its ugly head that he'd always be safe.

Russell Crowe graced my television screen dressed in a silver chest guard and leather pleated skirt, fighting for Rome and rallying his fellow slaves calling himself, "The Gladiator." He was a beautiful male specimen if I did say so myself. Sebastian had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole night, but when I asked what was wrong he stuck his bottom lip out and shook his head. Russell was being carried out of the ring with a bed of rose petals beneath him after just defeating Caesar when Sebastian said, "We should get our own place."

I sat up and gaped wildly at him. It was completely out of left field. We'd never talked about it before and he'd never so much as hinted at wanting that. His head rested in his hand propped up by the arm of the couch and his dark eyes sparkled. A hint of a smile played on his lips. I tucked my hair behind my ears and pulled my legs up under me. "At your silence should I assume that's a no?" I bit back a smirk and crawled over to straddle his lap then I shook my head. "You're shaking your head," he said, mimicking my head shake. "Is that a no to getting our own place or a no to my assumption?"

I smiled, wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. His hands rested on my waist and he tilted his head back to look at me. "Is that a yes? I'm confused." I rubbed my nose against his and hummed. His fingers started to move, making me twist and giggle as he tickled me. I tried to wiggle away but he only followed and pressed his body weight on top of mine so I couldn't. He buried his nose in my neck, the scruff on his face making me twitch and squirm more. I tried to shift off the couch and hung my head over the edge just as my dad pushed through the front door.

Sebastian and I both froze while my dad shifted his gaze warily between us. We'd been together nearly four years. Was he still of the mindset that I was a virgin? Besides, we were fully dressed. "Dad!" I said. Sebastian sat up and moved to his original spot while clearing his throat and running a hand through his hair. "How was work?" I breathed trying to sound casual.

"Fine, thank you. Sebastian." My dad nodded and Sebastian gave a small smile and slight wave of his hand.

"Mr. Garroway," he greeted back.

"What are we up to?" My dad hung his coat and headed for the kitchen.

"Just watching movies. You have to watch this one," I said, holding up the case to 'Gladiator,' trying to take the focus off of what he saw because in his mind, it wasn't as harmless as it was in reality. He looked back and glanced between the case and Sebastian.

"I see. I'll have to check it out." He smiled and disappeared into the kitchen but I heard him ask, "Have you heard from your brother?" I hung my head and Sebastian tucked a curl behind my ear, his eyes softening because he knew I hadn't. It had been weeks since I'd spoken to Jon. He wouldn't return my phone calls or answer the door when I checked his apartment. Dad's head peaked through the doorway just in time to see me shake my head. "That damn boy needs to pull his head out of his ass." There were a few more choice words and the sound of the water running before I sank into the couch and scrubbed my hands over my face.

Sebastian kissed my temple and whispered, "I'll start checking the papers." I nodded my agreement and leaned into him with a sigh. I loved my dad to death but living in this house was strangling me. I took it upon myself to look for a new place, too but, before we could find a definitive space Sebastian would have to get a permanent position at a fire station. He aced his test and found a job at the Red Hook fire station, located near the Brooklyn battery tunnel.

What I hadn't expected was when Sebastian came to me almost giddy with excitement and said he'd found the perfect place for us to live. He wouldn't elaborate or even tell me what it looked like. He pushed me out my front door with a wide smile and drove us there. One thing a person must know about Red Hook is that it's near the water. Imports and exports through Red Hook used to be huge. Now many of the company's along the coast have since shut down and left the buildings abandoned.

It was one of these buildings that he pulled up to. A warehouse of sorts, made out of brick with few windows. It was smaller and not right up on the water but I could still catch a hint of salt in the air. He ushered me through a heavy, rusted metal door in the back and hauled me up three flights of stairs before we made it to a long dust covered hallway with only one door. I followed behind as he moved to stand in front of the door and said, "Close your eyes."

"Come on, Sebastian," I whined. "Just show me."

"Uh, uh," he shook his head. Sometimes I had to wonder which of the two of us was more stubborn. "Just close 'em." I sighed over dramatically and shut my eyes. I felt the air shift and heard the door creak open then; Sebastian took my hands in his and lead me forward. He moved behind me with his hands on my waist and after a few steps he whispered, "O.K. you can open them." I opened my eyes to a very large, empty room. ONE room. "What do ya think?" I stepped further in and spun on my heels.

"I…think it would be an excellent space for cubicles." I shrugged. His shoulders sagged and he sucked his teeth as he closed in on me. He spun me back around and pointed out different areas.

"Use your imagination, you're an _artiest_" he scolded, pressing his fingers flat against his thumb and shaking his hand like and Italian chef would after tasting a most delicious sauce. "It may look like one big room now but, we get to design it however we want! Two thousand square feet, living room," he pointed to the left, "And behind that, kitchen." He pointed to the right and said, "dining room, and behind the kitchen a wall to separate the bedrooms, three of them and a bathroom. And you see that door back there?" He pointed to the wall furthest from us where a lone door sat. "That's the best part. Come on." He smiled so big it touched his eyes and pulled me straight for it. The door led to a back staircase and we went up another flight.

The stairs opened into another large room but this one had a huge half circle window facing Manhattan. My hands shot up to my mouth seeing the skyline right before my eyes. "You can paint here. This whole space will be for you." It was like he plucked the perfect studio right out of my dreams. "The three stories below our floor are offices but these two will be ours. We'll be the only ones living here and the owner is going to pay to have it renovated. We just need to tell him where to put the walls."

"This is great!" I said reveling in the beautiful space. I couldn't help feel that there was something more. "What's the catch? The rent…how much?" Sebastian smiled and clasped his hands behind his back.

"A thousand a month, heat and utilities included."

"No way, this is too much to cost so little. How…?"

"My uncle owns the building and when my aunt found out who you were…" He didn't finish. I shook my head and knit my eyebrows together. "Jia Penhallow is my aunt and she felt that if you could have a place like this for a studio, you'd be inspired. And she wants you to be inspired." Jia…the same Jia that worked so closely with my mother. It all made sense now. "Of course, we'll have to do a little work and help out…"

"I don't care," I shook my head with excitement. "I want it. I want this!" I held my hand toward the window. "This is amazing. I can't believe it!" I squealed and tossed myself into his arms.

"My aunt will expect results since she plans to take you on as her client after your internship next fall but, it should only take a couple of months to get everything done. They've already finished the stories below. They're waiting on us." I couldn't wait to get started. I put everything on the back burner and spent all my free time working on our new place. Sebastian and his uncle Patrick came up with a floor plan and contractors started work immediately. With two thousand square feet we ended up with two bathrooms, one right off our bedroom and walk in closets in all three bedrooms. The floors were oak and only needed to be sanded and stained.

Jia and Patrick spared no expense, putting granite counter tops in the kitchen and bathrooms and a breakfast bar separated the living room and kitchen plus, there was still space for an island. Sebastian's parents gave us their old furniture and bought new but even with it being used it was still in pristine condition; tan microfiber and over stuffed. My dad bought us a bedroom set as a house warming gift, against his better judgment. He wasn't at all pleased with me moving out but knew after he saw the space that I couldn't pass it up. He only lived 20 minutes away so that helped curve his argument.

At first glance I'd thought windows were scarce but on the far wall of the dining room the window was floor to ceiling as well as in our bedroom and the bathroom that conjoined the other two bedrooms. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect place. I just had to put my own touches on it. On the wall between our bedroom and the dining room I painted a mural, it was of nothing in particular but I used pastels; light blue, lavender and yellow to keep the room light and decorated with the same theme. For our room I went with a Victorian feel to go along with our four-post canopy bed. Sebastian splurged with his first check and bought a big screen TV. to grace the wall parallel to the breakfast bar in the living room.

Simon, Izzy, Magnus, and Alec helped us move and we were settled in completely two months after Sebastian had shown me the place. I couldn't have been more pleased with the results. For our first meal in the new apartment, if that's what you'd call it, we had frozen pizza because we were just too damn exhausted to make anything else and we had no silver wear yet. . We didn't even sleep in the bed. We fell asleep on the couch watching reruns of, 'I love Lucy' on Nick at night; so much for christening our new home.

The summer started with a bang. I loved being so close to Manhattan because there was less travel time to the museum. One week a month Sebastian worked overnights at the fire house and I used that time to paint in my new studio. Izzy came over a lot to keep my company and enjoy the view as well. I even managed to coax Jon out of his shit whole existence and made him go to AA meetings, which I attended with him. In June Jia propositioned me with a trip to Venice to meet with buyers and dealers to get my foot in the door. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. Sebastian was none too pleased that I'd be gone for a week and it took some convincing at the museum as well but eventually, I got my way.

Venice is an inspiration all its own, arguably the most beautiful place on earth with its architecture and history. I drew everything I could to have something back home that would remind me of the floating city. I made new friends and created ties to important contacts that would later help me when I started working with Jia. Venice charmed and enchanted me, I was in love. My only regret is that Sebastian wasn't there to share it with me.

I was almost as excited to get home to see him as I was to get to Venice. I trudged up the three stories to our apartment, tired and jet lagged and pushed through the front door. It was late in the evening, seven or eight and all I wanted to do was lay down on the couch with my boyfriend. I hung my coat in the closet next to the door and kicked off my shoes, expecting Sebastian to scoop me up and demand I tell him all about Venice, but he didn't.

I heard laughter from the kitchen and leaned back to see who was here, but I couldn't. I heard hushed voices but couldn't recognize who Sebastian was entertaining. I picked up my bags and heaved over to the entrance to the kitchen to find Sebastian's back facing me. I cleared my throat and he turned but still had my view blocked to who our visitor was. He smiled warmly and set his bottle of Rolling Rock on the island to close the distance between us. At his movement I was able to make out all the features needed to know who else was there. Tall, blond hair, tan skin, lean muscular arms…all traits I knew and had engrained in my memory.

The bags dropped to the floor in a loud thud and my jaw fell slack. Jace leaned into the island centering the kitchen so I could see him behind Sebastian and my eyes felt like they would pop out of my head. "Hey," Sebastian greeted, pulling me into a hug. Jace leaned over the counter and set his bottle down, then spun it in circles slowly, his gaze locking on me. "I've missed you." Sebastian's muffled voice pulled my attention from Apollo as he spoke into my neck. I could see a ghost of a smile on Jace's lips and I closed my eyes, hoping with everything in me that he was a mirage and my mind was playing tricks on me; a side effect from my long trip.

'_Jace is NOT in your kitchen. He is NOT standing five feet away mocking you with a smirk_,' said the voice in my head. '_You do not have polar opposites of Greek mythology standing in your kitchen!_' But when I opened my eyes, he was still there. I had to find a way to break up the mini god pow-wow between my Ares and Apollo. "I missed you, too. I didn't expect company tonight." I smiled and pushed my hair behind my ears.

"Oh, Jace just stopped by to see the place. He just started at the station and is looking for a space to rent."

"And you brought him here because…"

"Because…it's close to the station and we have two empty rooms that we can rent out really cheap!" Jace could not live here. I couldn't live in a place with Jace AND Sebastian. I'd go insane. This wasn't plausible in my head. I couldn't even fathom the thought of it. I closed my eyes and gave my head a small shake.

"You weren't even going to talk to me about it first?"

"I guess I didn't think it would be that big a deal." He shrugged. I could see Jace chuckle silently behind Sebastian and I raised my hand about to point a finger at him and go off, but it was caught mid-air and I was given a stern look. "Clary," Sebastian warned his grip bruisingly tight on my wrist. Jace stood erect and set his jaw. His gaze moved from Sebastian's hand to the back of his head and then to me. He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, more than unhappy with how Sebastian handled me. Warning bells went off in my head and I pulled free of the vice grip before something bad happened.

"Look, if Clary's not…" Jace stared. Sebastian turned sharp on his heel and held his hand up.

"Clary will be fine. The room is yours if you want it; five hundred bills a month." Jace looked between me and Sebastian with his eyebrows drawn up on his forehead. I blew my hair out of my face and sighed.

"I'll think about it and let you know. I might just stay at Bob and Mar's for now." I stalked out of the room displeased with the blatant disregard for my feelings toward the situation. He'd never done that to me before and I didn't know where it was coming from. I dressed in my pajamas and started unpacking to cool down. I heard a creak in the floor boards behind me and I turned to find Sebastian leaning into the door frame, beer in hand.

"Why aren't you naked?" I dropped my bag of toiletries and sighed before spinning around and placing my hands on my waist.

"Most people don't unpack naked, Bastian." He finished his Rolling Rock and set the empty bottle on top of the dresser. He stalked closer and sniffed a laugh.

"You aren't most people, Clary. You are mine," he ran his fingers down my cheek. "And because your mine," he took hold of my neck, "Your job is to make me happy." I stared into his eyes not seeing any sign of the Sebastian I knew and loved. I turned my head away and he hissed in my ear, "Right now, it would make me happy if you were naked," That was the first time in four years that I didn't enjoy being intimate with him. It was rough and painful. He didn't show the care he usually did to make sure I was ready.

I woke the next morning so sore I could barely walk. There is a difference between a good hurt and a bad hurt and this was definitely a bad hurt. I finally made it to the bathroom and stared wide eyed at my reflection in the full length mirror. My neck, chest, stomach, and inner thighs were covered in dark purple, misshapen circles. At some point in the night, I turned my mind off and I realized now why I was so sore. They weren't just hickeys, they were bite marks! Sebastian's never been so careless. It even hurt just to graze my fingers over my skin. I fought back the tears that threatened to spill over telling myself, "_He didn't mean to. Bastian would never hurt me_ _on purpose._"

I showered to relax my muscles. My whole body ached and the water beating on my skin felt nice. I dressed in my silk bathrobe and pulled my hair into a messy bun before heading to the kitchen to hunt for food. Sebastian stood at the stove making scrambled eggs and bacon and a slow smile drew across his lips. I walked right passed him and batted his hand away when he attempted to reach out for me. "What's your problem?" He asked, crossing his arms and knitting his eyebrows. I stopped and narrowed my eyes.

"Oh, I don't know…Maybe this," I pointed to my neck. "Or this," I parted the top of my robe to show him my chest. "Hold on, maybe it's this," I spat, lifting my robe to show my thighs.

"What's wrong with it?" he shrugged, looking pleased with what he'd done.

"Not only does it look like I was attacked by Dracula, it feels that way, too. The ONLY difference is that, you didn't break the skin!"

"I was simply making sure that the rest of the world knows your mine," he said calmly. The way he said it was too calm almost eerie.

"There are different ways to go about doing that. You know like, a ring or government certificates!" He leaned a hip against the stove and smiled. Good Lord he was beautiful, bare chested and only wearing a pair of gray sweat pants.

"Is that what you want, a ring and a government certificate?"

"What I want is to not look like a slut!" I spat angrily. I didn't get it. In our entire time together, he's never once left marks on me. Why the sudden change? Was it because we lived together now, or because of my trip, or because of Jace? The last option seemed unlikely since he'd never seen Jace and me together in a room until last night if you don't include school. He arced and brow and looked annoyed. I didn't care! My only worry was how I would cover my neck in the summer. There was no way I could go to the museum looking like this. And to make matters worse, Jace walked in just in time to catch me in my robe before I turned the corner. His jaw fell to the floor at the sight. When Jace can be rendered speechless, you know you have a problem.

* * *

_**So there it is. Like i said, filler/informing chpt. The next one will be better...i promise!**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**As i said, your reivews matter and if there's something you want to see happen...tell me. That's the cool thing about writing on here and not being published...YOU GUYS GET A SAY. You just have to type it out after pressing that little blue button! If I don't get another chpt out before Christmas, i hope you all have a great holiday! Let's go with 110 reviews for next one and I'll TRY my damdest to get it to you!**_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_


	13. Three's a Crowd

**I am sorry it took so long but here it is...**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

I couldn't believe my eyes. Ar-are those…HICKEYS? Clary freaked out over a tiny, barely visible one when the 'maybe baby' almost happened. My hand fell from the door handle and I tried desperately to fix my face. I just…I…couldn't fathom what was standing before me. I was pissed off for her. You'd think after four years they'd be past the hickey stage, it's a tad juvenile. To be honest, Clary is the only girl I've given a hickey to and it was an accident. That…catastrophe on her neck was obviously intentional.

Looking over at Sebastian I could see the blatant disregard for how she felt about it. He stood there as if seeing her like that was entertainment to him. He leaned against the stove with his arms crossed and a grin a mile long. Clary on the other hand, was mixed with hurt, anger, and embarrassment. She pulled her hair from her messy bun and turned to hurry down the hallway. I tried my best to appear un-phased and walked into the kitchen to lean against the island in front of Sebastian. "What's goin' on?" I asked. See, this question could be taken one of two ways; One: 'how's it goin'?' This way it would be taken as a greeting between friends, or Two: 'Is everything cool here?" In this statement it's used to question the situation. The way he took it was entirely up to him; the way I meant it was the one that would give me more answers as to what I just witnessed.

Of course, he didn't take it how I meant it and answered me with a shrug and, "Good. Did you make a decision on your living arrangements?" I bobbed my head left to right, now trying to figure out if the choice I made was the right one. I didn't like what I saw and from experience, I knew what happened next. I'd originally determined that I'd move in to prove not only to my father but, to myself, that I could make it on my own; that I didn't need his, or the Lightwoods help. Could I handle seeing this happen again? Could I deal with this going on under my nose and mind my business? Um…NO! However, I could be over-reacting because of my parents' situation and be completely oblivious as to what was going on. Sebastian's brows rose and he leaned forward, questioning me further.

"I'll take the room," I said. "But…" Sebastian held up a hand and shook his head. I shut my mouth, as I was in mid speech when he did it, and cocked my head.

"I don't want to hear any excuses about Clary. I'll take care of that." I opened my mouth again but with of all the things going on in my head, I couldn't find the right words to spit out. I lost my train of thought and felt the crease between my eyebrows form. "So when you wanna move in? I'll help as much as I can."

"I-ah…I brought all my stuff." Stuttering was not common for me but I found myself out of my element here. I was normally a master at words, and making people feel stupid. But right here, right now, I felt like an idiot. What was I getting myself into? It's one thing to live under the same roof as Clary; it's another to live under the same roof while some shit is goin' down.

"Let's get your stuff then," he said with a smile. He dished the eggs and bacon he'd been cooking into bowls and escorted me outside. We managed to get my bed and dresser from the Lightwoods up the three flights of stairs but, it was no easy task. I holed up in my room and put my things in order while managing to stay out of Clary's war path because, I'm sure she was on one. Who would blame her after seeing her? Sebastian checked in every once in a while to ask if I needed help for anything but all that did was prove to me that Clary hadn't murdered him yet. I was waiting for it; the piercing sound of a woman's shrill voice ripping through the house filled with rage, the crash of glass or the slamming of doors. To my surprise to was an eerie silence throughout the apartment with the exception of the TV. That was almost as unbelievable as seeing Clary the way she was.

That night Sebastian ordered Chinese for dinner and bought more liquor for desert. He made sure all my favorite wing men were there; Jim, Jack, Jonny, Jose and the Captain even showed up. "We're celebrating," he said holding up a bottle of Morgan and Cuervo. I shook my head and smiled just as Clary appeared from the bedroom in a pair of Aeropostale sweat pants and lace tank top. I think my breath stopped when I saw her; teeth marks on her shoulders and chest. She'd hid in the bedroom all day and decided to come out wearing that? I knew what this was. Clary was making a point but not to me. This wasn't one of those moments that she was wearing her spots proudly. I could see the tear tracks on her cheeks and the tension in her stance but, it was her way of letting him see what he'd done to her.

Sebastian was oblivious to all of that. "See, even Clary came out to party." He gestured toward her with the bottle of tequila.

"Of course," she nodded. "I'll be the life of it." She walked passed me, snatched the bottle of Jose from Sebastian and pulled a bag of limes from the fridge. Shit! If she was starting with tequila we'd need to take her in to have her stomach pumped. All the girl had to do was smell the cap to be drunk. As she cut the limes Sebastian came up behind her and rested his hands on her waist, not a move I was particularly fond of for some reason but, she spun and held the knife out. Sebastian lurched back and I lunged forward to take it from her.

"I'll cut the limes," I said, smiling nervously. Her eyes narrowed and she blew a stray curl from her face but she let me have the knife. I don't think Sebastian moved in that short time span. Clary walked to the cupboard and pulled out shot glasses and I turned around and whispered, "Hey genius, did you not learn the similarities between chicks and cats? They never forget anything and hold grudges FOREVER!"

"I heard that." I turned to see Clary standing with her hands on her hips.

"I don't hear you disagreeing."

"Because I don't," she shrugged. "One would do well to remember that." Her gaze turned to Sebastian but he just stood with is back pressed against the island and smiled. I'd only been here for a few hours and was already regretting my decision. Clary grabbed the bottle and took her shot glasses to the living room where she plopped herself on the couch and sank into the cushion with her feet propped on the edge of the coffee table. I still had the knife in my hand and stared at Sebastian with his stupid grin. I had to force myself to put the damn thing down before I stabbed him. "Bastian, salt…Jace, limes now!" She wasn't kidding. The sad part is, both of us jumped to do her bidding and hurried to her side like good little servants. What the fuck? In my own defense, I was ready for a shot.

I sat in an arm chair to the right of Clary and Seb took a spot next to her on the couch. Seeing them together just didn't feel right. I mean, they'd been together a while but they just didn't fit. He was too dark in contrast to Clary in all aspects. He was perfectly tan like a Californian model where Clary's skin was pale as baby powder. His hair was dark and straight, Clary's was its usual bouncy curl. They just didn't look right together. Someone who looked like he could reign over Satan's domain better than Satan himself was not the person to by lying next to an angel. Listen to me with this sappy shit. Opposites attract I guess. I just didn't get what she saw in him. He was nothing like me, but then again, maybe that's what she saw…who the hell knows or cares.

_**Hi, my name is Jace and I'm and addict.**_

The first step is to admit it, but I'd done that already and it didn't help shit. I had been able to curb my appetite for her for four years. Of course, being in the same room didn't help and the fact that Sebastian was here drove me insane. I was treading on dangerous ground when it came to more than a few things going on in this house.

"So," Clary said pouring salt on the skin between her thumb and pointer finger. "What now? Shall we play a game?" she smiled and I knew this was going to kick all our asses.

I tilted my bottle back and when I came face with her again, I sucked my teeth and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "What game? Do you have cards?"

"Nope," she shook her head.

"Well, then I guess we're stuck with spin the bottle or, 'I never,' and as we have no empty bottles yet…"

"Why don't you start us off then, Jace?" What are we, in high school? It was a damn joke but apparently Clary didn't give a shit.

"O.K, I've never sucked dick." I smiled wide, if she wanted to get wasted, I'd oblige, but to my surprise, she didn't drink.

"Drink," she pointed at me. "Because I haven't either and if Bastian has, we need to reevaluate our relationship." In my opinion they needed to do that anyway but, I stared at Seb blankly. They'd been together for what seemed like forever and she'd never given him a blow job?

"I don't believe that shit, Seb, seriously?" He gave a slow nod and sighed. Christ she was a prude, except where chocolate syrup was concerned. I shook my head and took a swig

"I've never licked pussy," Clary said, to which Seb and I both took a shot. However, I had to smile inside knowing we'd both done it to her and I was there first. I owned those rights. Seb caught us both off guard with his next statement.

"I've never used food or any type of condiment in my sexual endeavors." Clary and I quickly glanced at one another. She licked the salt from her hand, downed the tequila and quickly bit into the lime. Her little body shook a bit afterward. Sebastian looked between the two of us curiously.

"Alright, I…a…I've never…" I couldn't think of anything but had to come up with something. "I've never had a sexually unsatisfied partner." I saw the little smirk form Clary before she turned sharply toward Seb.

"Drink!" she ordered and I couldn't help but laugh.

"If I'm drinkin', so are you." Clary shook her head stubbornly, her curls swishing back and forth.

She shoved her finger in his face, "You've gotten off every time we've had sex. Don't give me that shit." He shrugged, set the glass against his lips and smirked before tipping it back. "I've never had a threesome," Clary said while pouring two shots. She smiled sweetly and handed both Seb and I a tiny glass. "Drink up boys!" she was getting us back for me moving in. I would retaliate for this. I hate Cuervo.

"How do you know we've both been party to a threesome?" I asked letting her hold the small glass that read: There's no blood in my alcohol ocifer.

"I just know." She shrugged. "I don't know who it was but, I know it happened."

"The banger sisters," Sebastian chimed leaning forward to hold out his fist for a knuckle bump.

"Yup!" I hit my fist against his and then clanked our glasses together before downing the shots.

"Gross!" Clary spat.

"What?" Seb and I said in unison.

"Does it not disgust you to know that you screwed the same two girls…" she held her hands out with an appalled look. One of my eyebrows rose and Seb smiled. We both shook our heads. We both slept with her so I didn't see the difference except that Seb didn't know.

"Does it bother you that you screwed the same guy they did?" I asked. Her eyes narrowed, I'm sure because she was questioning whether I was asking her about myself or Seb.

"I wasn't involved in a threesome."

"That makes it worse?"

"That makes it gross!"

"So you wouldn't have a threesome?"

"No!"

"Because it's gross…"

"Yes!"

"Seb, take note; Clary will not be party to a threesome because it's gross. More common than she thinks since two out of the three of us have done it and don't feel that way but, to each his own I guess." I shrugged and took a sip of my beer. Our banter carried on like this for the rest of the night, each of us trying to outdo the other in the game. We drank so much I don't think any of us could have stood if we wanted to. When I woke, I was sprawled out on the chair and Seb on the couch. My neck was sore and my head pounded. I opened one eye to test my headache and found that Clary was missing.

I leaned forward and pressed my elbows into my knees while running my hands through my hair. I stood and stretched before heading to my bed. On my way I ran into a small body wrapped in a white towel. "Shit, Jace! I fuckin' forgot you were here." She made an irritated noise and mumbled, "This shit sucks. I can't even walk around my own house half naked."

"Um…" I scratched the back of my head. "I'm sorry?" The door slammed and I continued my previous course with my head pounding just a little more. The next few weeks continued on like this. I kept my distance as much as I could but when you live with other people privacy is hard to come by. I saw and heard more than was necessary and almost all of it was arguing about me being here. I was beginning to think the only reason Seb was so gung ho about it was because he wanted me to keep an eye on Clary. What for you ask? Who the hell knows?

I wasn't about to let this new living arrangement change my life. I still went out to the club and brought girls back to the apartment when one caught my eye. I'd lived there about a month when the blowout happened. I brought a voluptuous brunette home and she made herself more welcome than she should have. I woke up to two women bickering in the kitchen.

"Who the hell are you?" Clary screamed.

"Vanessa, who are you?"

Shit, Shit, shit. I sprang out of bed with my comforter in my hands, hopping to the door as I tried to tie it around my waist. "Uh, I'm Clary. I live here. This is my house and you're eating my food!" I slid around the corner and they both turned. To my horror, Vanessa was only dressed in my sheet and Clary in her pencil skirt and matching jacket. "Who the fuck is she?" Clary pointed and let her other hand rest on her hip. I held my hands up in an attempt to calm the situation but, Sebastian entered the kitchen rubbing his eyes at just the perfectly wrong time.

"Who is she?" he yawned and cocked his head with a smile. Clary's head jerked back and her face twisted angrily. I didn't know who she was more upset with; me, Vanessa, or Sebastian.

"I'm Vanessa," my bed friend from last night introduced herself with a smile and small wave. Clary turned to her and then back to Sebastian and I, her face and the small visible spot on her chest beet red. She closed her eyes and stepped forward slowly.

Her eyes popped open and bore into me like flaming arrows. "Jace," she said quietly with a little tremble audible in her voice. "Get that skank OUT. OF. MY. KITCHEN! If you want your dick to fall off that's your prerogative but, I don't want the rest of my house infested with whore disease." I looked up to see the horrid expression on Vanessa's face and closed my eyes tight. Waiting…..

"Who are you calling a skank, Bitch?" Vanessa spun Clary around and raised her hand to slap her but luckily I was able to step in before it met Clary's cheek.

"Let's go back to bed, huh?" I smiled and Sebastian took Clary by the waist, trying to calm her down. Vanessa tried to reach out for Clary one last time but I wrapped my arms around her and led her away before she and Clary had a chance to kill one another. I heard bits and pieces of Clary's continued rant, something about she didn't care who I stuck my dick in but, she didn't want my toys wondering around the house. I didn't have time to feel bad for Sebastian dealing with the aftermath because my "toy" wanted to play.

I worked days the next week and tried to avoid Clary like the plague for fear that I would end up with two holes to shit from after she was done with me. My hiding didn't last long. She and I bumped into one another. I walked around the corner to find Clary standing at the coffee pot in just a t-shirt. I tried to turn around before she caught sight of me but…

"Jonathan." She smiled a small closed mouth; I hate your fucking guts smile and turned to face me.

Back to that are we? "Clarissa." I nodded and went to fetch myself a coffee cup.

"Can you get me one…" I looked down at her next to me and furrowed my eyebrows. "Please?" I didn't answer. I grabbed and cup and handed it to her. That awarded me a smile, a real smile but it was still wrong. There was something hidden behind it…sadness.

"What's wrong, Clary?"

"Nothing, why?" she shook her head and turned back to wait for the coffee to finish brewing.

"You look…"

"What, Jace? I look what?" she sighed and looked back at me. There was something different about her, something missing.

"Never mind," I said just as Sebastian walked in the door. I went to get ready for work, hearing more arguing from the other room. I wish I could say I hoped I wasn't the reason they were fighting but part of me hoped I was. He was wrong for her. I just wanted her to see it.

* * *

**Life's not so great huh? I wonder why? **

**Love it...**

**Hate it...**

**Review/Alert/Fave it...**

**125 to next chpt...I love the feedback and thank you all so much!**

**XOXO LivyBug**


	14. Fool

**So here is the new chpt. This is the one you've been waiting for. It takes the story full circle and you will now know what happened to lead up to the prologue. **

**Music featured in this chpt is as follows**

**Stay- Sara Barriellis**

**In Front of you- The quiet kind**

******************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

I couldn't wait for this week to be over. The week during which Jace worked days I felt like I lived in a brothel; a new girl every night. I swear Pandemonium was crawling with whores just lined up for him to choose from. At least after the Vanessa issue he kept them out of my kitchen! I could tell he wasn't comfortable here so, I beg the question, why is he?

After our drunken night of playing 'I never,' Bastian was different, too. The way he looked at Jace and I when we drank at the same time made me think he knew but, he couldn't have. Jace wouldn't tell him, would he? There was an uncomfortable aura in the apartment after that night and I was waiting for my interrogation. Jace kept his distance though, which was good, I think…having him here brought emotions out in me I hadn't felt in years and I couldn't ring them in.

I'd survived the week with Jace, only seeing him for about an hour each morning while we both waited for the coffee to brew and after work right before he left for Pandemonium. That weekend he and Bastian went out. This became a ritual for them. I stayed home. What the hell do I want to go out there for, to watch Jace make a spectacle of himself? Nope, I don't think so. One drunken weekend in August is when shit hit the fan. Bastian came home without Jace, odd since it hadn't happened before. He crawled in bed and immediately started pawing at me.

"Stop it," I whined. I spied the clock, reading three in the morning. Granted it was just early Saturday and I had no reason to be up early but he woke me up.

"Come on, Baby. I haven't seen you all week," he slurred. I could smell the whiskey seeping out of his pores and it made me sick to my stomach. I tried to fend him off in my tired state but was failing miserably. "Didn't you miss me, Clary?"

"Bastian, I'm tired. Leave me alone." I felt his hands leave my body and his weight lift off the bed. I didn't care where he slept as long as he left me alone. I sighed in relief when hearing his footsteps cross the room but then, the light flicked on and my head shot up to find the source. Sebastian stomped over to my side of the bed, grabbed my hair and pulled me to the bathroom. He picked me up, dropped me in the tub and turned the shower on cold. My heart felt like it would explode in my chest, I was freezing and scared out of my mind. I felt an ache spread from my hip to my lower back and my entire body shook, teeth chattered and muscles tightened.

Sebastian stared down at me, his lips a thin line and an angry crease between his brows. "Are you tired now, Baby?" I tried to wipe the water and hair from my face and shook my head. He reached over to turn the shower off and then took hold of the front of my t-shirt to pull me to my feet, letting them dangle on the carpet as he returned to the bedroom. He threw me on the floor, soaking wet and freezing, pulled his shirt off and unbuckled his belt, then he took hold of my arm to stand me up, yanked my shirt over my head and pulled me flush with his body. One hand took the nape of my neck while the other kept a hold on my arm as he smashed his mouth against mine.

I took his bottom lip between my teeth and bit down. He cried out and pulled back. His tongue darted out searching for the source of pain while his eyes bore into me murderously. He scoffed and said, "You wanna play rough, Baby? We'll play rough." He threw me to the bed face first. I tried to scramble away but his hand bound my wrists behind my back and yanked my panties down before I could get away. His other hand gripped my hip and his boot parted my feet and from then on all I felt was pain. He moved too fast, too hard and my body shook and protested with each thrust. He pulled my head back and sunk his teeth in the space where my neck met my shoulder and tears sprang free. I'd done my best to hold them back but I couldn't anymore.

All I could think was, 'Where's Jace? If he were home I could scream and all this would stop. He would hear me and make it stop.' But Jace wasn't home and I could scream all I wanted, it just wouldn't make a difference. This went on for far too long. I watched the clock turn to four, four-thirty, and then five. I was pretty sure my body had released so much adrenaline that it took the pain away because by five, I was numb. When he let me go, I collapsed on the floor with no strength left in me to attempt to get up. I laid there until I heard Bastian's drunken snores and used what little power I had to crawl across the floor and out of the bedroom. The sun was just peeking out when I reached the hallway and I had two choices. One: I could sleep on the couch or two: I could make my way to Jace's room because it was closer and hope to God he didn't lock his door.

I took option two so I'd also know when he got home. I mustered everything I had to get up on my feet and pulled a t-shirt and a pair of boxers from his clean laundry basket before burying myself in his tan comforter. A sense of safeness and security washed over me when I buried my face in his pillow and took in his scent. I'd forgotten how good he smelled; sweet spices. Sleep fell upon me instantly. I was exhausted and welcomed it.

I felt soft fingers move my hair and the bed dip behind me. My heart slammed in my chest and my body instinctively jumped. I turned to find Jace with his hands up in surrender and eyes wide. His eyes questioned me and then moved down to rest on my hip. The t-shirt was bunched up and his boxers hung loose on my waist showing the starting's of a bruise from my encounter with the tub. I was about to throw myself in his arms when I heard a throat clear behind us. "How are you feeling, Baby?" I shot up and Jace turned at the waist to find Bastian at the door. "That was some fall you had this morning." He stood with his shoulder pressed into the frame and his arms crossed. "Sorry, Jace. I put her in here so she would have more room to stretch out. She fell in the shower after we had a little fun."

"More…room…" Jace said slowly. Bastian nodded and Jace turned back to me, pleading silently for me to tell him the truth. I couldn't do it. I wasn't going to see that disappointed look on his face. "Is that what happened, Clary, you fell?" My eyes shifted from Jace to Bastian and I swallowed hard before nodding.

"I fell," I whispered. Jace's brows drew together and he sucked a breath in through his nose.

"I hope you feel better then. Nice clothes by the way," Jace commented, pointing at my attire. I tucked a curl behind my ear and let my feet fall over the edge of the bed. The sleep had brought some strength back but my legs still shook under my weight and my heart still pounded like the beat of a Biggie Smalls song. Jace stood with me and watched me make my way to the door. Bastian made no attempt at moving until Jace followed behind. Then he quickly slipped between us and kept on my heels until I hit the couch.

"Are you hungry, Baby?" Bastian asked covering my legs with a blanket and turning on the TV. Who was this person kneeling in front of me? This wasn't my Sebastian. He would never do these things to me. I shook my head and let it fall back. Every part of me ached and I just wanted to get away. My one saving grace is that Jace was here. I knew with him here I would be O.K. Bastian rubbed my leg and gave a quick smile before meeting Jace in the kitchen. "So how was your night?" I heard Sebastian ask.

"Fine," Jace's voice was low with an underlying tone I'd never heard before.

"You went to the blond chicks place, right? What was her name?"

"Rachel," Jace answered. I would give him that. At least he knew the names of the girls he was fucking but, I didn't know this Rachel and I'd already decided I didn't like her. I pictured some platinum blond bimbo with big tits and bright red lips dressed in some barely there ensemble and I hated it. Jace could do better.

"Rachel, right!" Bastian snapped his fingers. "What was her friends' name?" There was no response from Jace and I turned to see him staring daggers at Sebastian. What happened last night at the club? Bastian slapped Jace on the shoulder and then walked to the fridge. We were all walking on egg shells it seemed and the entire weekend continued like that. I expected Jace to go out again but he didn't. He plopped himself in the armchair to my right and rested his head on his fist while Bastian feigned the caring boyfriend at my side on the couch. Anytime Bastian left the room Jace would eye me suspiciously.

Bastian kept his distance but sucked up for the next three weeks. I heard lots of "I love you's, please, forgive me, Baby's," and "You know I would never hurt you's." In those few short weeks he became my Bastian again; sweet, funny, and charming. Then, he went on the night shift for a week and I was left with Jace, whose foul mood hadn't changed. Monday night after work I was fully prepared for my night on the couch when Jace stepped in front of the TV clad in only his sweats. I guess I forgot how fine he was, too. Every muscle perfectly sculpted and rippled with each movement he made.

"Stand up," he ordered, holding a hand out.

"What?" I scoffed

"I said, stand up." One brow rose and he flexed his fingers urging me up.

"Why?"

"Because I told you to, that's why." I rolled my eyes and gestured for him to move out of my way. He tugged my wrist lightly and I was pulled to my feet. He lifted my shirt and spun me around then, scanned my legs.

"What are you doing?" I seethed yanking my shirt down.

"Just making sure," he said.

"Making sure of what?" I fell back into the couch crossing my legs and pulled the blanket back over me.

"There are no marks. I can't see everything when I'm not here, Clary."

"What is there to see?" I crossed my arms defiantly.

"What he does to you when I'm not around."

"Nothing!"

"He does nothing?" His brow rose again, questioning me.

"Yes…No…" I sighed. "I'm fine."

"Clary, the day I moved in here you looked like someone with leprosy. If he wanted to mark you he may as well have just pissed on your leg. At least it wouldn't have looked so bad. And last month?" His eye brows nearly touched his hair line and his hands met his hips. "You fell in the shower my ass. I grew up with this shit, Clary. Don't try and play me for a fool." He pointed his finger at me. "You're the fool if you think it's going to change."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I looked away and shook my head.

"Of course you don't, because he loves you, right? He would never hurt you on purpose. It was an accident." I looked up hearing Sebastian's words come out of Jace's mouth and it stung. "You're not his girl-friend, Clary. You're his property. There is a HUGE difference. And maybe in some part of his mind he does believe he loves you. The best liars always believe the shit that comes out of their mouth. The sad part is that you believe it, too."

"Jace…" He sat on the coffee table in front of me and scooted to the edge. He cocked his head and his eyes glistened.

"What did he do to you, Clary? He didn't hit you. It's easier to come up with a story for bruises that are on your body and not your face. However, that doesn't mean he didn't throw you around…Or," his head bobbed back and forth and he rubbed his chin. "Force himself on you."

"He would…"

"He would never do that," Jace cut me off. "But he did, Clary, and it's illegal." My anger started to rise and I got up off the couch before I did something illegal to Jace's face. "What's wrong, Clary?" He followed me through the hall and stopped me in front of my bedroom door. "The truth hurts, doesn't it?" That is the second time he's made that statement to me while I was pressed against a door and I huffed. "Quit lying for him. You're only hurting yourself and you deserve someone who actually means it when they say, 'I love you.'" Jace's voice dropped to a whisper and his tone grew desperate.

What was I supposed to say to that? His eyes locked on mine soft yet, determined and all I could think of was how safe I felt with just his presence here. I bit my bottom lip and turned the knob, before I shut the door I murmured, "Good night, Jace." I pressed my back against the door and felt the burn around my eyes. I would not cry, I would not cry. About twenty minutes later, after I'd settled for the night, Jace burst through the door fully dressed and flipped the light on.

"Get up, let's go."

"Go where?"

"To Pandemonium, there's something I want to show you."

"I don't want to go there."

"I don't care what you want. Get your ass up and get dressed." He threw a pair of jeans and a shirt at me. "You've got ten minutes or I'll dress you myself." He shut the door behind him and I hopped off the bed and slipped my jeans on. I eyed the shirt he threw at me and shook my head. If I was going to a club I was gonna look hot, dammit. I found a cute lace tank and my best push up bra then pulled my hair in to a pony-tail because I didn't have time to do anything else. I put some mascara and lip gloss on and pulled the door open just as Jace was about to knock. "Wow, a girl can get a lot done in ten minutes," he said looking me up and down, his eyes lingering on the amazing job my bra was doing.

"Jace," I snapped my fingers in his face and he blinked. "My eyes are up here." He grinned _that_ grin and took my wrist to lead me out the door. Pandemonium was packed. It didn't matter what day of the week it was, people always showed up. It was dark inside except for the strobe lights that shimmied across the dance floor. It smelled sweet from the fog machine but the air was stale and dry. Bodies slammed into one another on every side of us as we made our way to the bar. The music was loud and the chatter from the people around us was crazy. Jace held two fingers up to the bartender and two shots of…something were slid into his hands.

"Here," he said close to my ear handing me a shot glass.

"What is it?"

"Patron," he answered. "Drink it, you're gonna need it." He slammed the shot and tipped the glass upside down on the bar and held up two more fingers. I didn't know why I was going to need it but I followed suit, downing the shot and setting the glass just as he had on the bar. I turned around and looked to the crowd wondering why he would feel the need to bring me here. A strong hand appeared in front of my face holding another shot and Jace's lips were at my ear whispering, "This one, too." I turned and eyed him curiously. "Trust me," he said. I took the small glass from his hand and his arm rested on my shoulder. Jace downed his shot and his lips were at my ear again. "You see that girl over there?"

The arm resting on my shoulder came up and he pointed to a tall skinny blond girl across the room. I looked back at him and nodded. "Drink the shot, Clary." I tipped my head back and felt the liquor burn on its way down. I wiped my mouth and handed him the shot glass. "That is Rachel. The last time Seb and I were out, it's her place I stayed at. The reason I came home as early as I did was because she informed me that she fucked Seb in the bathroom." I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. A cold chill ran down my spine and I spun back to the bar motioning for two more shots…both for me.

I took them both, not stopping for air and then motioned for two more. Jace sat on the bar stool next to me and grabbed my hand before I could get the next one. "Did you eat dinner, Clary?" I shook my head and he nodded slowly then whispered something to the bartender. "Take a break for a while," he said patting my hand.

"I think I'm going to be sick," I said placing my hand over my mouth.

"No you're not." He placed his hands on my hips and moved me so I was facing the crowd but standing between his legs. "You remember that one, don't ya?" His hand came up again, singling out a leggy brunette. I remembered her. How could I forget? The girl he was pointing at was Vanessa. I swallowed hard and looked back at him.

"Yeah." I nodded. He reached back and grabbed a shot but instead of handing it to me as I expected him to, he took it. "He fucked her in his car the night she was in the apartment." I felt the blood drain from my face and my jaw fall. "Last one until the food comes," he said, handing me the last shot. I didn't waste time putting it down. I closed my eyes, fighting the bile rising up my throat. Warmth encompassed my face and I spun so Jace and I were eye to eye. "Clary, I've only just begun. You need to tell me when you've heard enough because this might take a while." I felt my eyes bulge and my hands began to tingle though, I was sure that was from the alcohol now catching up with me.

A man came by with a plate that had a burger and French fries on it and set the plate in front of Jace. He nodded his thanks to the aproned man and then his hands left my face. He reached for the burger on the plate and held it up to my lips but I couldn't eat, I shook my head. "You're not getting any more booze until you eat so take a bite." I rolled my eyes feeling like a small child being scolded by her father. He wiggled the burger and I sighed before I gave in and took the biggest bite I could, only missing the opportunity to sink my teeth into Jace's finger because he pulled it back. That earned me a nasty look.

"What do you want to drink?" he shouted. A Rolling Rock magically found its way into his hand and I swallowed then took the beer from him and chugged it. Jace just smiled and shook his head.

"I'll have one of those, too." I said to the bartender handing Jace his bottle back but with less than half the contents he'd started with. I took a smaller bite of the burger, finding out that I actually was hungry and said, "Who else," with a mouth full of food. Jace's eyebrows rose and I repeated it. "Who else, Jace?" He closed his eyes and sighed, then motioned for two more shots.

"That girl there," He pointed to a shorter woman with pitch black hair wearing a tight red tube dress. "That's Amber, and the one next to her is Tiffani. They wanted Seb and I to join them for a foursome. When I declined, they settled for a ménage a` trios' with your man." I eyed him skeptically. He held his hands out and said, "You don't believe me? Oh yes, that's right, I forgot." He held his finger up and shook it at me. "He loves you. In fact, he loves you so much that he's fucked every woman in this bar that was willing to spread her legs for him. And trust me, there've been a lot."

I took one of the two shots sitting on the bar and felt heat in my cheeks once again. "You wanna hear more?" Jace asked leaning over the bar to look at me. "Clary, I could sit here all night naming off girls and tell you where and how he fucked them." I felt the sting of tears and one lone drop fell down my cheek. Jace wiped it away with the pad of his thumb and pulled me to him. "Don't do that. He isn't worthy of your tears, Clary." I balled my fists in his t-shirt and fought back the sob clawing to get out. He was right. It wasn't worth my tears but it still hurt like hell. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the back and twisted the blade slowly just to see me writhe in agony.

I lifted my head, held up two fingers to the bartender and while waiting for my next shot of morphine I wiped my face to make sure I hadn't been deceiving myself by letting those tears fall. When the shots came, I handed one to Jace and we took them together then slammed the glasses down on the bar. I had to pee but there was no way I was breaking my seal now. I was nowhere near done. I never wanted to remember this.

Jace and I stared at one another for a minute. I'd decided in that moment that if I wasn't going to remember it, it was gonna be one hell of a night. "Let's dance," I said pulling Jace from his stool onto the dance floor.

"I don't dance, Clary." We stopped smack dab in the middle of the crowd and I hooked my fingers in his belt loops, moving his hips in a circular motion.

"Come on, Jace." I stood on my tip-toes and whispered in his hear. "We've dance before. The only difference now is that we have clothes on." I spun around and he gripped my hips pulling our bodies flush against one another. We moved perfectly together but, then again, we always have. I reached back with one hand and hooked it around his neck and I could feel the heat of his breath on my ear as his fingers splayed out on my stomach. All the cold I'd felt earlier melted away and I was surrounded by Jace's warmth. His touch ignited my skin and that thing inside me woke from hibernation, begging for more of him. I knew that couldn't happen, not now, not with so much going on.

I had to satisfy the beast somehow before it gnawed me from the inside out. I turned in the circle his arms created around me and wrapped both my arms around his neck. I felt as though I was being watched from every angle but I didn't care. I stood on my tip-toes again and pulled his lips to mine. He still tasted like spearmint, even after taking the shots. He cradled the back of my neck in his hand and kept me close with his other at my lower back. I missed being touched like that; like I was delicate but, also like it would have taken the Jaws of Life to pull me away. Our tongues danced to their own beat and we stole one another's breath.

After a few more shots, we headed home. The ride back was quiet but not awkward, as it should have been. It was near midnight when we got back and I headed straight for the bathroom to wash my face and put my p.j.'s back on. I was proud of myself for keeping the shots down until I looked at myself in the mirror and instantly felt sick. Needless to say, I was no longer proud. When I was done praying to the porcelain God of piss, shit and now my vomit, I brushed my teeth and headed back to my bed. Jace stood in my doorway with a smug smile on his face.

"What are you smiling about?" I groaned.

"Nothing." He shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure you were gonna live through the ten shots of patron."

"Those ten shots are now in a POW camp somewhere in the sewers on New York City."

"Weren't you ever told that you never leave a man down, Clary?" I rolled my eyes and slipped under the plush comforter of my bed. "You gonna be alright?"

"I think so."

"Do you need me to get you anything?"

"Uh-uh," I shook my head.

"I'll see you in the morning then." I looked up just as he was turning and I couldn't fight the over-whelming urge inside me to have him close.

"Jace?" He turned back and waited for me to speak again. "Stay." He cocked his head and a crease formed between his brows. He looked behind him as if Sebastian would come walking through the door any second but stepped inside and crawled into the empty space beside me. "So there's something I've always wanted to ask you." We were on our sides facing one another and he looked at me quizzically. "Who was your first?"

"Out of all the questions you could ask, you pick that one?" His tone was incredulous and he turned on his back with a chuckle. I gave a nod and shrugged. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"She was a fiery little thing with an attitude double her size. I believe the first words I ever used to describe her had something to do with a garden gnome and Pipi Longstocking." He turned to face me again and I felt the smile I hadn't even known was there disappear.

"Alright, I don't believe you." I shook my head. I was shocked. That wasn't what I expected to hear.

"Well, believe it. I had no idea what I was doing and you should have feared for your life."

"I didn't fear for my life, my crotch was a different story after your pants came off but, for the most part I was unscathed."

He laughed. "I knew what I was doing. I'd just never done it before."

"Imagine that, I deflowered Jace Herondale," I said with a grin. "The one person who told me I didn't count as a girl." He laughed again and my smile found its way back to my face.

"You've always counted as a girl, Clary. You just had more attitude than I was used to and I had to step up my game to compete."

"And there it is! The truth has set you free," I chimed waving my arm in the air.

"My turn," he said, all seriousness coming back. My head jerked back and my eyes narrowed.

"You already know you were my first."

"My question is why, though. Girls usually have this…" he stopped and put his hand up looking for the right thing to say and in a high pitched girl voice he said, "I have to wait for my prince charming to sweep me off my feet," then returned to normal with, "Sort of thing." I giggled at his impression.

"I'm not like other girls, Jace."

"I figured that out pretty quick. You still didn't answer my question." I had his undivided attention and his eyes burned into me just like they did the first time he asked me that question. I sighed and closed my eyes. "And don't give me some bullshit about, 'you were there and I felt alone in the world and need to feel like someone cared about me.'" He mimicked a girl's voice again. "Fifteen year old virgins don't do that shit."

"You are horrible at girl voices."

"Don't change the subject."

I sighed again. "O.K. why you…your little impersonation was part of it but it was mainly because you are you." He looked at me like I was telling a boring story. "The reality of it is that I never had to be someone I wasn't with you. I could just be me and you didn't expect anything different because I'd never pretended with you."

"So you're really a raging bitch and pretend to be nice to people?"

"No," I snuffed a laugh. "I was a raging bitch in response to you being a super asshole. You got to see me and if you had been anyone else that night it would have gone completely different."

"Still, to me that just means that you've openly admitted that you are, in fact, a raging bitch."

"Yes, O.K." I held my hands up. "I, Clarissa Garroway, am a raging bitch. There, are you happy?"

"Ecstatic. Can I tell you something?" He was back to serious again.

"Are we having a heart to heart right now? Because we," I pointed between us, "Don't do the talking thing very well.

"We'd talk just fine if you ever paid attention."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means exactly what I said. It just…Sometimes it takes more than listening to actually know what's right in front of you, Clary." I sat up and started to feel the frustration build. The panic rose and I went through all the things I wanted him to say…and all the things I hoped he wouldn't. The only problem was that, they were the same things. "Never mind, forget I said anything." He shook his head. "We both have to work in the morning." He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. "Good night."

"Wait." I held my hand out. "Don't go." It was a quiet plea and I should have bitten it back and let him go but, I didn't want him to. He let out a gust of air, clearly having an argument with himself but, he got up. I felt the disappointment well up inside me and watched as he walked across the room, flicked off the light and… came back to lie next to me. I took his hand in mine and whispered, "Thank you." Jace rested out hands atop his chest and I thought I heard him whisper, "Open your eyes," but I was too far gone to respond.

I woke to the feeling that my arm had been ripped from my body. I landed hard on the floor and felt my head bang against the wall. I leaned forward and held my forehead in my hand but was knocked over with a searing pain on my cheek. "You bitch," I heard a distant voice and then felt the blow to by ribs. I tried to suck in a breath but it's not easy trying to suck it back in after it's been beaten out of you. _I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming_, I chanted in my head. _Wake UP Clary!_ I waited for another hit that never came.

I opened my eyes to see Jace and Sebastian throwing blows. Bastian got his hands around Jace's neck and pushed him into the dresser but Jace's knee came up and landed a hard blow into his ribs. Sebastian stumbled back but Jace stepped forward and his fist connected with Sebastian's nose. I heard a sickening crack and watched as they fell to the floor, Jace having the upper hand and he didn't stop. I got to my feet and stumbled over just in time to see Jace pull Sebastian up by his collar and land one more punch.

"Jace!" I yelled. He looked up and let Sebastian fall to the floor in a bloody mess. He was barely touched except for the cut above his eye. He stood and rushed to me. His hands covered my cheeks and he looked me over.

"Are you alright?" I couldn't stop shaking and the tears wouldn't stop falling. I looked to the floor and Jace shook me. "Are you O.K. Clary?"

"I-I think so." I dropped to my knees and buried my face in my hands.

"Clary, we need to go," he said holding his hand out. I looked to Sebastian. I could see he was still breathing and I was torn about that. "Clary, please! Come with me!" I don't know why I did it but I shook my head and watched Jace's head fall in defeat. His arms went behind his head and he pulled on his hair. "Clarissa, I'm not going to ask again." I looked up at him from my place on the floor and shook my head slightly. He swore under his breath and stormed toward the door. He looked back once before slipping out of my sight and for all I knew, out of my life. The tears rolled harder and faster as I heard the front door slam and the only noise left were my quiet sobs and Sebastian's labored breaths.

* * *

**There you have it! Do not fret my wonderful readers, it is not the end just yet! The next chpt will be a bit confusing and all over the place but I'll do my best to keep that aspect to a minimum. With what i have planned it won't be an easy task, though. I'd like to thank Daydream-Bleachlover for beta-ing this chpt. She did an amazing job!**

**Love it...**

**Hate it...**

**Review/Alert/Fave it...**

**I'm not gonna put a number up for reviews because I can't promise to have it up by the time you wonderful people hit that mark so...do what you do best and send me some inspiration. Tell me what you think!**

**XOXO LivyBug**


	15. Eyes Open

**Sigh...OK, this chpt is HUGE! I'm not going to say much except...WARNING CHAPTER CONTAINS VERY SENSITIVE EVENTS. IT IS NO WAY MY INTENTION TO OFFEND ANYONE! If you have read 'Don't Cry,' you know that I am not a writer who shies away from writing about events that are "TOUCHY" and this one falls under that category. So again...I warn you that the content in this chapter is VERY SENSITIVE. I had to do A LOT of research so i knew that what i was writing was factual. The times and events do line up with how things happend. I was 13 when this took place so everything is a bit hazy from my perspective but, I am American so I know for a fact that this will hit nerves with some people. My beta cried and stated that she is not one that easily cries when she is reading. SO...you have your warning. **

**I hadn't planned music for this chapter but...My beta said 'Eyes Open' by Taylor Swift came on when she was reading it and the song enhanced her reading experience. so if you would like...go ahead and play it.**

******************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

I pulled a chair back from the Lightwoods dinner table and huffed into the seat. My hands were shaking and my heart still hammered in my chest. I don't remember driving here, I don't remember how everything went down but in the back of my mind I can still hear Clary sucking in a breath, feel her weight lift off the bed and see her being slammed into the wall. After that, everything else is a haze of red mixed with the shiny green of Clary's teary eyes.

Izzy flies into the room wide eyed with her long dark hair hanging in a braid over her shoulder. "Jace, what the hell happened to you?" I look up and rest my elbows on the table, then press my palms to my forehead and run my hands through my hair. "Jace?" She stalks toward me and settles herself in the chair to my right. "Is everything O.K?" Her hand rests on my arm and my eyes finally find hers. The problem here is that I have to talk. Izzy can't read my mind like Clary can and I'm afraid that I can't form the words needed to give her an answer.

"I…" I start but don't know where I'm to go with it.

"Should I go wake Alec up?" I shake my head. It doesn't matter who is here with me and it may as well be Izzy since she is Clary's best friend. Did Iz know? Had Clary told her about the horrible things Sebastian's done to her? Maybe Izzy knew more than I did and my insides clenched at the thought. "I'll go get something to clean you up." She retreated from the dining room, leaving me alone again. I wasn't sure alone was such a good thing at this point. That meant nothing was stopping me from going back over there and finishing what I started. I wouldn't be satisfied until a slab of granite had his name engraved in it and he was lying six feet under.

Izzy came back with a first aid kit, a bottle of peroxide and Q-tips. Was she going to play my nurse now? I could give a shit less how I looked or felt. It's Clary I was worried about. After everything I'd told her, how could she stay there? After what he's done to her…I just don't get it. Izzy poured a cap full of peroxide and wet a Q-tip with it, then she stood by my side and I felt her cold finger tips on my face. "What happened over there, Jace?" Her voice was low but sharp. "Is Clary alright?" This time she was quiet and I could sense the alarm.

"I don't know," I shook my head with a sigh.

"Fuck," she hissed and I felt the sting of the peroxide just above my eye. She blew on it, just like a mother would to a small child complaining that the sting hurt worse than the wound itself. It really doesn't help all that much but, in that small action, I realized Izzy cared for me. "I told her to get outta there."

"She didn't listen," I said. It wasn't a question, just a blatant comment on reality. Izzy's eyebrows shot up and she nodded her agreement as she dabbed antibiotic ointment over my cut.

"How bad is she?"

"I'm not sure." My voice shook and I had a hard time pushing the words out. "Sh-she was conscious and moving just fine but…she wouldn't leave." I looked up and Izzy's lips formed a thin line. This was unacceptable to her and I didn't blame her. I felt the same as she did.

"I need a drink." She slammed the first aid box shut after she laid the last butterfly strip on my cut and made her way to the kitchen. I watched at first and then decided I needed one too. She pulled a bottle of tequila from the cupboard above the fridge and two shot glasses from the one next to it. I wasn't sure I needed more Jose in my system but, I wasn't going to complain. She poured the two shots and brought one to her lips, then poured it in. I reached out to grab the other but she intercepted it and took that one too. My jaw fell and she wiped her mouth with her arm. "She's so fucking stupid!"

I straightened and was ready to back away before Izzy's body spontaneously combusted. Her cheeks were red and her hands made tight, white knuckled fists. She made an irritated noise and I used this time to pour my own shot, downing it before she had the chance to snatch it away. "What happened?" Her hands slammed onto the counter centering the kitchen and she stared daggers at me.

"He came home early. Clary and I were asleep. When I woke up, she was on the floor and he was standing over her with his arm raised," I skipped the part where we were actually in the same bed and hoped she didn't hone in on it.

"God," she scoffed. "He needs his face mangled."

"I tried." I filled both glasses and swallowed mine. "She stopped me. It's sad to say but, if she hadn't, I would have kept going until he wasn't breathing. And the only reason it's sad is because she did stop me. I begged her to come with me, Izzy."

"Jace," Izzy sighed. "You should know Clary well enough by now to know that she isn't going to listen to a word that comes out of your mouth."

"But she has, Iz." I settled my elbows on the island and ran my fingers through my hair. "She's scared and I get it, I really do, but she has to get out. She has to get away from him. He'll kill her one day." I was pleading but it was with the wrong person. I knew Izzy was right. Clary wouldn't listen to me and that fact was proven last night. I'd shown her everything any girl would have needed to drop his ass and never look back, but she didn't.

"I should call her." Izzy reached for the phone and I grabbed her wrist right away shaking my head. "I have to know if she's alright, Jace."

"I wouldn't have left if she wasn't." Is that a glimmer of a tear I see playing at the rim of Izzy's eyes? I wanted her to call. I wanted to go back and rip Clary from that apartment and hold her hostage until she saw the light, but that wouldn't help. It would make her want to go back that much more. I've been through this before. I know what happens and if there's one thing I know better than anyone else it's this, you can't force someone out of a situation if they don't want out. It'll only make that person hate you more. The only reason things got "better" for my parents was because Social Services didn't give mom a choice and she lost me anyway. My point remains because she went back.

Izzy's bottom lip quivered and her head fell. A quiet sob broke though our silence and I stood to wrap her in my arms. "I'm scared for her, Jace."

"I know so am I," I murmured into her hair. Izzy and I retreated to bed without another word said. There was no use plotting how we wanted to help Clary. She had to help herself. No amount of words or proof of his douchbaggery was going to change her mind. Clary had to figure this out all on her own. I thought she was smart. I thought she would really see after I told her what he'd done. I was wrong and the fact that I put so much trust in the fact that my actions would pull her out of this made me feel even more disappointed. Not even in her, but in myself.

I woke to the sound of my alarm beating my brain at seven in the morning. I'd gotten what…three…maybe four hours of sleep? I dragged my ass into the shower, turning the water on as hot as my skin could handle it. I kept seeing Clary's green eyes staring at me from behind my eye lids and I was actually tempted to rip the fuckers off so I didn't have to look at her. I was pissed and I wanted to stay pissed but, seeing her eyes made my body melt and the beast inside raged on with a fierceness it never had before. Everything inside me was hot, cold, hot, cold. My muscles tensed and released, and tensed and released. I had to knock this shit off.

I dressed and bumped into a very surprised Maryse in the kitchen, but she was happy to see me and I gave her a peck on the cheek before hustling out the door at seven-thirty. What should only be about a fifteen minute drive would take me an hour and a half at this time because it's rush hour. This was the reason I'd wanted to live closer to the fire station to begin with. Traffic in any borough sucks. I blasted the radio to try and keep my mind occupied on my drive. It was a clear, beautiful day and I only wished I had the mood to match. When I walked into the station, my beeper went off. Everyone inside was running around like crazed escapees and I looked down at it to see what the code was…911. Shit! I booked it for my gear without knowing what the hell was going on.

~oOo~

8:46 A.M.

Sebastian bolted upright and grabbed at his pager. He hopped up and headed for the bathroom, a string of cuss words following in his wake. The throbbing in my cheek started up again and when I turned over I felt pain shoot through my ribs. I tried to stifle any sounds of agony that came out of me but he emerged from the bathroom just in time to see my reaction even if he hadn't heard it.

He didn't ask how I was feeling or how bad he'd hurt me. He just stared and I stared back. He managed to get all the dry blood off but his lip was swollen, his eyes rimmed black, and cheeks cut open. I swear his nose was even a little crooked. He turned from me as if my gaze had burned him and I heard the door slam just a few seconds later. Where the hell was he going? He was on nights and didn't have to go back to the station until later this evening. Not that I was complaining. I didn't want to be stuck in this house all day fearing for my life.

Why was I still here? Why didn't I leave with Jace when he begged me to last night? What did he mean by, 'Sometimes it takes more than listening to actually know what's right in front of you.'? I pushed myself up, my ribs screaming at me through the process, and headed for the shower. I felt dirty and I needed to attempt to scrub it away. I knew it would be pointless, but I had to try. The water had to be hot, so hot that it hurt and I felt like my skin would melt once it hit me. I ran through last night's events in my head like I was watching a movie I'd seen a million times. I had the lines and each move the characters made memorized.

I played it over and over and over until I sat down and pulled my legs to my chest and rocked side to side. I poured over all of Jace's lines with my eyes closed. I even said them out loud to try and figure out what he meant. And then his voice rang in my head, 'open your eyes.' My eyes shot open and I stared at the multicolored tile in front of me through the mist of water spraying from the shower head. I heard his voice again, 'you deserve someone who actually means it when they say, 'I love you.' I saw the look on his face when those words slid past his lips. I felt the tone in his voice pull at my insides. And then I put it together.

_ "Open your eyes. It takes more than listening to actually know what's right in front of you. I love you!"_

OH GOD! The beast inside wailed and I hopped to me feet, rather ungracefully. I wrapped myself in a towel and raced into the kitchen for the phone. I knew he'd go to the Lightwood's, so I found Izzy in the speed dial and hit SEND.

~oOo~

8:57 A.M.

"Hello?" I had to pull myself away from the TV to answer the phone but walked right back into the living room with the cordless attached to my ear.

"Izzy!" Clary's voice rang on the other end in a panic and I sat down on the couch trying to reel in my emotions so I could focus.

"Clary! Are you alright?"

"Where's Jace? I need to talk to Jace."

"Tell me you're alright first," I demanded. I heard an exasperated sigh and still had my eyes glued to the television screen while I waited for her answer.

"I'm fine. Can you _please_ just…" and other sigh, "Put Jace on?" She sounded like she was near tears and I almost didn't have the heart to tell her he wasn't here.

"Clary, have you turned on your TV yet?" There was silence and it gave me a chance to put my focus back on the chaos that flashed on the one in front of me. I thought for a moment about telling her what channel to turn to but, every station would be airing this right now.

"No…Why? What does that have to do with…"

"Just do it!" I yelled into the receiver. Once she saw what I was watching, she'd know that Jace wasn't here. I couldn't say it out loud but, I didn't know if Jace would ever walk through those doors again. I heard her sigh…again. This time in was riddled with annoyance. I waited and I waited some more until I heard a sharp gasp. "Jace isn't here," I whispered and tried to hold back a sob. I heard a thud and knew that she'd dropped her phone.

"Izzy?" She was back, her voice barely audible. In the background I heard the same thing that was playing in my living room: "_At eight-forty-six this morning a plane crashed into floors ninety-three through ninety-nine of the World Trade Center's north tower. We haven't received any news about casualties and have been informed that evacuation of the south…OH MY GOD!"_ My eyes widened as I watched another plane sail through the air and pummel into the south tower. "IZZY! TELL ME JACE ISN'T THERE RIGHT NOW!" Clary yelled through a sob. My breath hitched and I felt the hot streaks run down my cheeks.

I watched as smoke billowed from both the north and south structures that have been a landmark in the New York skyline and American economy since before my birth. "I can see it in my studio, Iz." I nodded, stupidly, because she can't see me do it and I'm damn near scared out of my skin when Simon flies through the door. He's out of breath, like he ran the whole way to get here.

"Clary, I want you to come here, right now," I heave into the microphone.

"No, I have to find Jace." I can see her shaking her head when she says it.

"NO Clary!" I warned. "You won't get anywhere near those buildings. You come straight here."

"I have to try, Izzy."

"You'll get yourself killed!"

"I don't care." Shit! The girl has gone mad! What is this world coming to? I hear a click and the line goes dead. I look down at the phone in my hand and I'm shocked. Simon steps into me and stares at me curiously. I look up.

"I think Clary's in love with Jace." He doesn't ask, but I can see the question in his eyes. "She is on a suicide mission to find Jace." His eyes close tight and he shakes his head.

~oOo~

9:15A.M.

"Let's get those people out of there," the chief orders. He has the blueprints for the north tower stretched out in front of him. "Get out as many as you can safely and do it fast." Do it fast? How the hell does one get multiple people out of a building with who knows how much damage, fast? "Jace, you and Sebastian take stairwell B…" I drowned out the rest of the order given and turned to find Sebastian standing directly behind me.

If it weren't for the fact that I had to go in that building and rescue people, I'd kill him. His eyes narrowed when they locked on mine. He looked like shit! I would say I couldn't have done a better job myself but, I knew I could have. Damn women always get in the way. "And boys," the chief had my attention again. "I mean fast. Those planes are Boeing 767-200ER's. We've been informed that they are carrying over nine thousand gallons of jet fuel. So again, get out of there fast. If one tower goes, the other will shortly. They are codependent and can't stand alone."

Shhhhiiiiiit! Nine thousand gallons of fuel means a big Fuckin KABOOM and in a one hundred and ten story building, this was going to be a disaster. If they came down…I don't even want to think about it. Get people out. That's what I'm here for. I headed for the building not knowing or caring if Sebastian was behind me. If we were going to be stuck in a building together, I'd prefer if he wasn't on my heels. I felt pressure on my shoulder and twisted to find that it was Sebastian. "Can we get through this and deal with the rest of this shit later?" He yelled. The commotion going on around us was like nothing I'd ever seen or heard.

"I can. Whatever you find yourself capable of it's up to you." I shrugged him off and stepped into the building heading for stairwell B as instructed. The main entry was already empty, an eerie sight for anyone who knew how busy this place was on a daily basis. I booked it for my target. Seb stood next to me in the doorway and both our eyes widened at how many people were taking refuge there. "I'll go up, you get them into a single file line and lead them out," I said and Sebastian nodded.

As I'm hauling myself up the steps, I hear my walkie go off, "Nine-thirty-seven A.M. all rescue personnel be advised, a Boeing 757 has just crashed into the pentagon." You've got to be kidding me? What the fuck is going on? I kept going up and up and up, urging people to move out of the stair well. The farther up I got, the more debris I ran into. Also the further I got, the more I came in contact with frightened people. They screamed and pawed at me for help. When I drew closer to the ninetieth floor I could smell the raging fires that were fed by the jet fuel.

I felt the building shudder beneath me, or was that my body doing it on its own? I had no idea. I heard a rumble and braced myself for the worst but then someone broke through and exit door on the floor below me and cried, "The south tower just fell!" Fuck! What did the chief say earlier? The towers are codependent. That meant if the south tower just went down, this one would follow suit shortly. I threw my jacket off because it got so damn hot I couldn't stand it and wrapped it around the shoulders of a crying woman. She looked up at me with a dirty face tracked with tears and I felt her body tremble. "Run," I told her. "And take as many with you as you can."

I was beginning to think I was never getting out of here. My walkie went off again, "Another 757 has crashed into a field in Pennsylvania." Pennsylvania? OH Jesus! TheWhite House! All of the pieces were starting to come together. But that wasn't my concern now. I kept going as far as I could and instructed people to use the stairwell down. I'd moved as much debris out of the way as I could by myself and hoped that Sebastian was down there still pushing people out the door. While people piled out the door, I let them each take a breath of my air before sending them down the stairs in hopes they would get to see their loved ones later.

"10:15 A.M. The E Ring of the Pentagon has collapsed." This shit just keeps getting better and better. My heart is slamming in my chest, trying to break free of its confines by this time. I start to head down. I've gone up as far as I can and it kills me to leave anyone behind. I wasn't trained for that. It was my job to make sure everyone made it out of a building safe. I couldn't do that here and I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I myself would be stuck here. That couldn't happen. I hadn't served my purpose in life yet, whatever that purpose may have been. I would have liked to think it was to save Clary but I was beginning to doubt that.

I felt the building shift and I heard cracking noises. There was an explosion from the floors above and I stopped. Screams floated down the stairs making my ears twitch and my heart pound faster. 'You couldn't save them,' I told myself. But even hearing the words reverberate in my own mind didn't help the feeling of despair that settled in the pit of my stomach. The building swayed and I could feel it shift again. More creaking noises sounded around me. I turned and booked it down the stairs as fast as my feet would move but I was stiff and my muscles ached from climbing them to begin with. My footing slipped and I fell but adrenaline kicked in and I pushed myself back up, nearly face-planting down the steps.

~oOo~

I had to get to Jace. I ran as fast as my short legs would carry me. When I reached the fire station, the TV was blasting and reporters were spewing information about the planes hitting the towers. I didn't care about anything but finding Jace. I saw one of the towers fall while on my way. I didn't know which one it was but I hoped Jace wasn't in it. A black cloud settled over Manhattan and debris fell everywhere, even at the fire station.

I knew there was no way I'd get anywhere near him at this point and my heart sank into my stomach. How could I have been so stupid? He was right in front of me last night, begging me to go with him and…I was scared! I was more afraid to leave with Jace than I was to stay with Bastian. And now I know why. I, Clarissa Adele Garroway, am in love with Jonathan Christopher Herondale. I have been since the moment our eyes met. I was just too blind to see it or too afraid to admit it and he hadn't been. It may have taken him just shy of ten years to tell me but, he did! And here I stand, staring at a television not knowing if I'll ever get to say it back.

A sob clawed its way out of me and I feel to my knees on the floor. It was only just past ten-thirty in the morning and it was already the worst day of my life. "OH NO!" A reporter on the screen gasped and I watched in horror as the second tower tumbled down in another gray cloud. I even felt the ground shudder beneath me. Hot tears fell down my cheeks and I stopped breathing. There was no way Jace could survive that. I pulled my knees into my chest, fisted my hair in my hands and cried harder than I've ever cried in my life.

This hurt was far worse than what I felt when Jon was in the accident and what I felt when mom died didn't hold a candle to this. My chest constricted and I couldn't breathe. My fingers went numb from clenching my fists so tight. I couldn't feel my heart beat in my head anymore and that's not a good sign. Even with all that's going on around me, all I could think was, "I've lost him! I've lost him forever and now he'll never know how much I loved him."

* * *

_**OK! So that's it! I hope I haven't stepped on anyones toes or opened wounds as that was not my intention. I did give fair warning. A BIG event was needed for Clary to wake up. She is VERY stubborn. so...lemme have it**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review (PLEASE)/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**Comments, Concerns, Emotional outburstst, please direct your cursor to the blue button below and let it all out.**_

_**Until next chpt...**_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_


	16. In the Midst of Chaos

**OK I'm sorry this has been such a grueling wait for you. It took longer than I expected. I had a lot going on this last week and had a hard time getting my head in writing mode but, *sigh* I did it! And...here's your chapter! You'll all be glad to know that you won't have to wait to hear of Jace's fate the way I tormented you in, Don't Cry. **

******************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Everything from my vision to my hearing was a haze. My body wouldn't stop shaking and my muscles were tired. I'd never known that crying could cause such a reaction in one's body. The reporters on TV continued to bring news of the devastation that, by now, the entire world had been witness to. I couldn't make out what they were saying even though I was trying to. It seemed as though my mind had shut down and the rest of me had no clue what to do.

I realized then, what my mind was trying to comprehend. I couldn't exist in a world that Jace didn't. I missed his scent, the feel of his soft hair through my fingers, his voice, and that damn grin. I had to admit, I hate the fact that I love that grin. I missed the way his eyebrows formed a crease in the middle of his forehead when he was angry with me. I missed the way he tucked stray curls behind my ear. I just plain missed him and it's surreal to think that I could never see him again.

I had no idea what time it was, but my attention was caught when I heard the rumble of an engine and voices wafting though the station. I sat up and twisted at the waist. My ears twitched, listening for the one voice I craved to hear. A shiver rolled down my spine with the eerie silence that seemed louder than any sound I'd ever heard. The dull clamber of boots drifted into the main area where I was seated and a single file line of men with arms and faces covered in ash appeared. They all looked the same; broken and defeated. Each of them had worked harder in the last few hours than they ever had or would in their entire lives and had little to show for it. My heart cheered and broke for them at the same time because, they were here alive but, I was not too naive to believe that each and every one of them had lost someone dear to them; a best friend, a brother, a father, or maybe even a sister or a mother.

I stood and studied every face as if I was trying pick out the fugitive in a line up. My heart slammed hard into my ribs and I could hear the rush of blood pounding in my ears like a freight train. A total of seven men filed by me with downcast eyes, I just needed them to look up at me to know if one of them was Jace. My breath hitched when one looked up, and a whimper escaped me when I was met with green eyes. His gaze narrowed in recognition and he looked around the room. I'd met all of the men who worked in this station but I couldn't put a name to his face.

"Clary?" He blinked and took a few tentative steps toward me. I wrapped my arms around my torso, trying to hold back a shudder and nodded. "You shouldn't…"

"Where's Jace?" I cut him off. His back stiffened and he cocked his head.

"Jace?"

"Yes, Jace," I nearly yelled in frustration, "Tall, curly blond hair, smart ass." My voice shook harder the more I tried to keep it under control.

"I haven't seen Jace is hours. Last I heard he was sent into the North tower. Sebastian was in there, too. Isn't he…" I shook my head rapidly and he stopped talking. Jace, the North tower and the vision of it tumbling down to the city floor filled my head. "There's Sebastian now." I heard his voice and I registered what he said but, I didn't care. He was the last person I wanted to see. I lifted my head and our eyes met. Heat surged through me knowing that he was still here, walking and feeling while Jace… wasn't. I hated him even more in that moment because he didn't deserve the breath in his lungs.

"Clary?" Sebastian's features softened and it seemed like the sight of me brought a sense of relief to him. He stepped forward quickly and held his arms open to me. Was he insane? Did he think that in light of recent events I'd forget what happened? I may not be in my right mind at this very moment but he wasn't getting anywhere near me. I held my hands up and turned my head away and he stopped, frozen in his spot. His eyes grew wide and then narrowed as I turned toward him. Sebastian cocked his head and his arms fell to his sides. "Why are you here?" His tone was accusatory.

I could see his jaw tense as he waited for me to respond and when I didn't he let out a huff and ran his fingers through his hair. "You shouldn't be here, it's dangerous. Go home!" Home… Did I even have a home anymore? My home was no longer with him and even though I would always have a home with my dad, I knew that wasn't the home he was referring to. He took another step toward me and I backed up. "We can talk about everything later," he said. "I need to get back and help get people out." My breath hitched at the thought of people being stuck in the ruins and my bottom lip quivered thinking about Jace. He might be one of those people. Maybe he was still alive but, maybe he was hurt and needed rescuing. That thought didn't sit well with me because in my mind, Jace was the rescuer.

I looked around seeing, for the first time, that people were buzzing around me in a frenzy. It wasn't the slow motion haze I'd seen before. Men were yelling and sirens were blaring. It seemed that I was the only one moving in slow motion. I was the one locked in an unmoving pace and I couldn't find it in me to make my feet move because, I had no idea where to go or what to do. A man slapped Bastian on the shoulder and pointed toward another fire truck just outside. He nodded and pointed at me, "Go home, Clary," he ordered and then, he was gone too.

I ran. I ran so hard and so fast that my lungs felt like they would burst in my chest. I didn't stop because I had yet to figure out what my destination was. Debris fell around me and I did my best to drown out the incessant hiss of voices around me. No matter how far I ran, everything and everyone was still there. The only person I wanted was Jace. His face the only one I wanted to see, his voice the only one I wanted to hear and none of the ones around me were his. I finally made it to the bus station and realized that all public transportation has been stopped. I did the only other thing I could think of. I found a payphone and called Simon.

~oOo~

I can't breathe, I can't see and every muscle in my body feels like Jell-O. _Open your eyes, Jace…OPEN YOUR GOD DAMN EYES! _I peeled my eyelids open slowly, preparing for the worst_. _Dust and debris clouded my vision but I squinted as the light stung my eyes. Christ! I can see the sun! I shouldn't be able to see it. A one hundred ten story building just fell around me but through the grey fog I can see a blue sky and the damn SUN! There was no way I made it down all those stairs in one piece. I started small, wiggling my fingers and toes. All moved as they should which told me I wasn't paralyzed.

I looked down to see that I was pinned by something. I couldn't make out what it was. I just knew it was big and heavy. There's no way I'd be able to move it on my own. I knew from the effort it took to breath that my ribs were broken and that I may have a punctured lung. If that's the case, they better find me fast. I heard helicopters over-head and tried to wave my arms but that only made my chest hurt worse. I could hear voices of other people below me but couldn't see them. All I could do was lay there and think and instead of thinking about the fact that I could die here, my mind wondered to Clary.

Where was she? Did she see everything on TV? Was she worried? I just wanted to smell her hair, run my fingers through her soft curls and count her freckles; every last one of them. If I was going to die here today, there was one thing I had to admit. If not to myself then to God or whomever was listening. I should have told her the day after the party while I had her in the tub. No! I should have told her prom night, but that was before the denial set in. I've admitted my addiction but never this…I'm in love with Clarissa Garroway and I should have told her years ago.

I've known for a long time and denied for even longer. I'm not going to do it anymore and if I get out of here, I'm going to tell her. I'm going to lay everything out on the table for her and after that, I can only hope that it will be enough to get her out of Sebastian's clutches. At some point, I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes again the sun was lower in the sky. I could still hear voices and sirens but they seemed closer. I felt something on my cheeks and tilted my head back to see a man. "Hold on, we're gonna get you out. They're working on it." He nodded at me and smiled. It wasn't a big smile but he was trying to put on his best face for me. It wasn't needed but it was appreciated. "What's your name?"

"J-Jace," I said.

"Jace, My name is Connor. Keep talking to me so I know you're awake. What are your parents' names?"

"Robert and Maryse Lightwood," I answered.

"Good, how old are you, Jace?"

"I'm twenty-two."

"When's your birthday?"

"January twenty-third."

"Golden birthday coming up," he said. "Do you have plans?"

I smiled and shook my head, "Not yet, but I'm hoping they'll involve a certain red head."

He nodded again. "OK Jace, they're ready to lift this piece up. You may feel some pain." The only pain I felt was at my lungs being able to fully expand. I took that as a good pain. "Can you move your legs?" I bent my knees and Connor helped me sit up. "Are you ready to stand?" I nodded and threw my arm over his shoulder. My legs shook underneath my weight but I was up. It didn't last long because my knees buckled and I blacked out.

When I woke, I was in a small space. I recognized it as an ambulance. Thanks to the I.V. in my hand, I felt no pain. There were two people inside with me, one on either side. The bigger of them, a man with long side burns and a prominent nose was monitoring the morphine drip while the other, a woman with red hair pulled into a bun, was speaking to the driver. I immediately thought it was Clary and tried to sit up, but the man pushed me back down. "Lie still, we haven't been able to assess your wounds yet. You're going to be alright, just relax." The woman turned her head back to me and smiled but it wasn't the smile I wanted to see. Her eyes were brown and didn't sparkle like Clary's. Everything would be alright, as Mr. Sideburns said, once I saw Clary.

~oOo~

"_The search for survivors continues. Rescue teams are working rigorously to try and sift through the rubble to find people as quickly as they can. We'll keep you updated here on CNN as the progress unfolds_."

Simon shuffled down the steps with a somber expression. I stood from the couch and turned the TV off. I didn't want to watch anymore, but I couldn't stop either. "How is she?" I asked. He shook his head and sighed.

"I just got her calmed down enough to sleep." Simon and I had picked Clary up at the Red Hook bus station. I'd never seen her so hysterical. Her entire body shook and she was fighting for each breath, nothing she said made any sense. We brought her back to my house and tried to avoid the TV at all costs but she insisted on watching. It only seemed to make her worse. Si was finally able to talk her into lying down on my bed. She wouldn't let me go with her, she only wanted Simon. "I had to wrap her in a bear hug to keep her still long enough for the calm to take over."

"I've never seen Clary like that before," I sighed and the two of us slunk back into the couch. Simon pulled me close and buried his nose at the top of my head.

"I haven't either. She wasn't even this bad when Jon was in that accident."

"How do you know? She wouldn't let any of us see her."

"True, but she made sense when we talked to her on the phone. All I can get from her is broken whispers between sniffles."

"This isn't Jon, either. This is Jace."

"What's your point? I just don't understand how she went from hating him to confessing her undying love."

"I think there was a lot going on that we didn't know about."

"With Jace and Clary?" He pulled back and his eyebrows knit together. "Nah," he shook his head. "She would have told us or, one of us at least."

"Would she?"

"Why not?"

"Because it's Jace," I laughed. "She'd be too stubborn to admit something happened with her and Jace."

"Why wouldn't he have told someone?"

"Same reason," I shrugged. My phone rang and I picked up, surprised to hear Clary's dad's voice. "Hi, Luke!"

"Isabelle, is Clary there? I've been trying to get a hold of her all day."

"Yes, she's here. She's asleep, though. I would wake her but…"

"No, No, just let her know I called and have her get back to me when she wakes up. I wanted to make sure she was safe." She was safe physically, mentally I would say she was on the verge of needing a strait-jacket and a padded room.

"OK, I'll tell her."

"Thank you, Isabelle."

"No problem." I hung up the phone and blew a stray hair out of my face.

"You didn't tell him…"

"No," I shook my head. "He was already worried. He doesn't need to know she's on the verge of psychosis." Simon nodded his agreement and linked his fingers with mine. I was glad he was here. I suppose I could imagine how Clary felt if I were in her place and it were Simon's life in the balance. I'd be a basket case, too. In fact I knew I would be. I would shrivel up into myself in an attempt to disappear. My parents barreled through the door looking ragged and disheveled. I saw relief in my mothers' eyes when she saw me but her gaze immediately searched the room for Alec, I assumed.

"Where are your brothers?"

"Alec is at Magnus' and Max is at school."

"Jace?" Both of their eyes widened and my mother brought a hand up to her chest. I heard her breath hitch when my gaze fell to my nervous fingers. I looked back up and caught the quiver of her lower lip.

"He left for the fire station this morning and I haven't heard from or seen him since." My voice was a whisper but I hadn't intended it to be. Jace had become a part of this family. He wasn't the stray we picked up along the way anymore. He was…is my bother and as much as I am my parents' child, so is he. They would hurt at his loss as much as they would hurt for Alec, Max or me. My dad ran his fingers through his dark but greying hair and my mom turned to face him. I watched their eyes meet and he hung an arm over her shoulder, pulling her in to comfort her.

I felt helpless. How could I comfort her when I didn't even know how to console Clary, and I could relate to her in a hypothetical way? I wanted to go to her and offer up something but I couldn't' find it in me to stand. Seeing my mother in such distress put everything in a different perspective for me. This was real. Jace may not come back and until I saw the pain in her eyes, I was of the mindset that Jace would walk through that door unharmed with his smartass grin and snide comments. A sudden feeling of loss wedged in the pit of my stomach and my heart's deep thud seemed to slow down so I could feel each beat reverberate through my entire body.

"Has anyone called the station?" My mother looked up with a sudden jolt of hope.

"Clary was there. We picked her up and she hadn't seen Jace." Confusion crossed my parents' faces at first and then it was like a light bulb went off.

"Is Sebastian alright?" My dad asked. I shrugged because I really had no idea. Clary said nothing about Sebastian and I don't think she really cared if he was OK or not. "Is she still here?"

"I don't know," I lifted my shoulders. "She was there looking for Jace, not Sebastian." The same confusion set in as they tried to figure out the answer to the question that we all were clueless about at this point. The phone rang and my dad hopped to retrieve it right away. I heard faint footsteps behind me and turned at my waist to find Clary white knuckling the banister as she made her way toward us.

"Hello? Yes, this is he. Uh-huh, I see, we'll be there. Thank you." My dad put the phone down slowly and looked up at all of us, but stopped on Clary. "Jace, he's at the hospital." We all perked up after my dad spoke. Clary suddenly found her bearings and hurried down the steps.

"Is he…?"

My dad shook his head, stopping Clary from speaking any more. "They didn't tell me anything. The lady on the phone said he listed me as emergency contact and asked that we be called immediately. I'm surprised that they did with everything that's going on."

"Well, we need to go. He has to be OK. I need him to be OK." I saw the desperation in her eyes and knew there would be no holding her back.

~oOo~

The hospital was chaos, not helping one bit with the panic still fighting to get out of me. I talked myself up on the way here chanting, "He's fine. Jace is fine." The truth was, none of us knew what to expect. We had no idea what his condition was and that only fed the worry. He had to be OK, there was no other alternative. We entered the Emergency room and made our way to the front desk. A mousy brunette sat at the desk with a head set on, typing away at her computer. When we approached her desk, she looked up and blinked curiously at us.

"Can I help you?"

"We're here to see, Jace Herondale," Robert said. Maryse fidgeted at his side while the lady looked back at her computer.

"I have him on the third floor. Are you family?"

"Yes," Maryse blurted.

"He just got back from X-Ray. You should be able to see him now." She smiled politely and pointed us in the direction of the elevator. The tension once we all packed in could have been cut with a plastic butter knife. None of us spoke; we didn't even look at one another. My heart beat faster with each floor and when the doors opened to the third I felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I let everyone else out before me and kept my eyes on the floor. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders and my eyes met Simon's. He gave me a reassuring smile and led me forward.

"You have to let me go. I'm fine, there is no reason for me to stay here taking up a bed when there are other people who need it. I could be out there looking for survivors." I knew the voice and butterflies danced in my stomach at the sound. It was Jace and he was angry.

"Sir, a doctor needs to sign your release form before I can let you leave."

"Then find a doctor!"

"Jace," Robert spoke first and Jace turned at the sound of his voice. I couldn't see him with everyone crowding around him but a rush of relief flooded through me. "Thank God you're alright, son," Robert said, pulling him into a bear hug. Maryse was next and then Izzy and Simon shook his hand and slapped him on the back. He looked around at all of them like he was searching for something.

"Alec, Max?" He asked.

"They're both fine," Izzy said. Jace nodded and looked at each of them again, but this time, he caught sight of me. I smiled and it took everything in me not to trample each one of them to get him in my arms. Finally they realized they were in the way and parted so there was no longer anything keeping us apart, figuratively speaking. We stared at one another and the shame of what happened last night made me skeptical on how I'd be received.

Jace sucked in a deep breath and my name rolled over his lips when he released it. That was all the reassurance I needed to close the distance as fast as I could and wrap my arms around his neck. I heard him wince when our bodies met but when I tried to pull back, his arms tightened around me, crushing me like he was trying to meld our bodies into one. I buried my nose at the base of his neck and he fisted my hair while burying his nose in it. He was here, in the flesh and all I could think about was how I never wanted to leave the circle of his arms.

I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief and with it came tears. I sniffled and could smell smoke and dust on his clothes, a reminder of how close I'd come to losing him. His hands cupped my cheeks and tipped my head back so he could look into my eyes. His face was covered in ash but he smiled and wiped my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. "I'm so sorry, Jace. I should have gone with you. I should have known. I should have seen…"

"Shhh," he hushed my sob with his finger to my lips. He smiled and pressed his lips to mine in the softest, sweetest kiss I'd ever experienced. Even though the halls were crowded and we were surrounded by the Lightwoods, it felt like we were the only people standing there. This was our moment; a moment that we'd both been waiting for but had kept at bay for so long. Everything we needed to say was said with that kiss and nothing else mattered. Jace pulled back and wiped my tears again; pressing his forehead to mine he looked into my eyes and whispered, "I love you, Clary."

"I love you, too, Jace."

* * *

_**There you have it. I will let you know that this is not over by any means. There's still quite a bit that is unfinished and I will get there as well. Jace and Clary are going to have to work for their HEA.**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**Lot's of love for my Beta, DayDream-BleachLover! She's amazing and keeps me on my toes!**_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_


	17. Life Altering Words

**New Chapter YAY! Love your reviews guys. I just wanna let you know I read everyone of them and they all make me smile. It just makes me want to write harder and faster to get you a new chapter.**

**********************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

I had her and I was never letting her go now. As I lay next to Clary in bed I wonder to myself how I ever made it through a day without her, and then I remembered I didn't live at all. I set my life on autopilot and watched helplessly as others lived full, happy lives while I wasted mine away on countless women that meant nothing to me and drank way too much. I felt like I could actually breathe now. Clary was my air and with her, I could live the happy life I saw others lead.

She looked so peaceful with one arm tucked under her pillow and her fingers fisted in my shirt. I wanted to wake her up and tell her everything that was running through my head, and then I wanted to _show_ her how I felt. Words just didn't seem to express the magnitude of my emotions. I wanted to hear her say those three life altering words again because just one more time would never be enough. But, I also wanted to stay like this, with her holding onto me as if her life depended on my presence here. I was so torn. I wanted to do and say so many things that I felt like my skin was the only thing holding me in my place.

I should be sleeping as well. This has been the most exhausting day of my entire life and I can't shut my mind off. My thoughts shift from Clary, to the disaster that brought every man, woman and child to their knees, and what to do about Sebastian. He's not going to let Clary go easily. No man in his right mind would. With that being said, Sebastian is far from being in his right mind and that's what worries me. After seeing what he did to her, I have no doubt he's capable of much worse.

I sigh and run my fingers through my still damp hair. My curls are sticking to the sides of my face and I fucking hate that. It's almost as bad as wearing wet jeans. Clary shifts next to me and wiggles her tiny body closer. She drapes her knee over my legs and it takes everything in me not to roll her over and peel her clothes off because even though she is close, it's nowhere near close enough. In an attempt to appease my Clary-addiction, I turn on my side so her leg hangs over my hip and scoot as close as I can get myself to her. I pull my shirt from her death grip and bring her hand to my lips. Her fingers are stained with paint and she has coal lodged under her nails. I would expect nothing less; it's part of who she is.

I run my lips along her knuckles and plant a kiss on each one. Goosebumps appear along her perfect freckled skin and it sets me on fire knowing I have that effect on her, even in her sleep. I move closer yet, until our noses are touching, and caress her cheek and jaw line with my thumb. I know I'm setting myself up because I don't think a tsunami could wake this girl up right now. I push her curls over her shoulder and let my lips ghost over hers. It's not anywhere near what I want to do. I want to taste her, every part of her. I want to count every one of the freckles on her body and memorize their positions. I could start, but it'd be more fun if she was awake during the process.

I let my hand fall to her back and graze the skin peeking out from under her t-shirt. My fingers travel up her spine, massaging each vertebra before coming back down and then moving up her side to do the same on her ribs. This pulls a tiny, barely audible whimper past her beautiful lips and my body is now a raging inferno. I'm no longer torn about waking her up or letting her sleep. I want her awake…NOW. My heart slams in my chest and I don't recognize my own voice when I say her name. "Clary," I whisper, but it's a desperate plea for her to open her eyes. Her leg moves up and down on my hip, not helping, and the upper half of her body turns away from me as she yawns. SUCCESS! She's awake!

I push myself onto my elbow and eye her, now visible, belly button. I circle it with my thumb and think of the many things I could do with my tongue but she's back to her original position staring at me with sleepy green eyes. She tucks both her hands under her cheek and smiles, like she's shy or afraid to touch me. However, she doesn't seem to mind me touching her. "Hi," she murmurs. I suppose it's as good a greeting as any. It's not morning and, 'Good night,' is out of the question because I'm not letting her go back to sleep just yet.

I grin, yes…_that_ grin and tuck a curl behind her ear. "Hi," I say back. Her smile broadens and her heel tightens around my leg as if she's trying to pull me closer. I dip my head so her nose grazes the bridge of mine and she hums. Good God her little noises will be my undoing. Her hand is flat on my chest but only for a moment before she's fisting my t-shirt again and pulling my lips to hers. It starts sweet and slow but I'm desperate for more, to taste more, and before long, I'm rolling her over and grinding my hips into hers.

Her fingers tangle in the curls at the back of my neck and I use a hand full of her hair to gently pull her head back, gaining deeper access to her mouth. She pushes me back, No, No, No! I want to be close, as close as I humanly can be but she smiles and sits up with me. I sigh inwardly. I don't want her to know how close to disappointment I was. Her fingers find the hem of my t-shirt and pull it up, painfully slow. I lift my arms and she yanks the shirt away. Her hands explore my chest and the heat that resonates under my skin from just her touch steals my breath. She tries to lean back but my arm catches her and I strip her of her shirt.

A bruise darkens the skin on her ribs and my heart sinks into my stomach. I feel like it's my fault that it's even there. If I had woken up sooner, if I'd slept in my own bed…if I'd told her how I felt sooner, none of this would have happened. Clary sees the shift in my demeanor and reacts quickly by trying to cover it with the shirt I still have clutched in my hand, but I throw it on the floor. She has no reason to be ashamed of it. I do. I close my eyes and turn my head. I feel the bed shift and warm hands take my cheeks. When I open my eyes, I'm met with shiny green orbs filled with unshed tears. "It isn't your fault, Jace," she whispers. I look down at the tickle I feel to see her hand splayed gently across my own bruised ribs. "Time heals all wounds, no matter how you get them."

Her hand travelled up my chest to rest on my heart and I understood what she was saying. She had her demons and I had mine but together, with some time, we would work through them and be better for it in the end. If there was ever a doubt in my mind that she was made for me, Clary just cast it aside. I cupper her face and kissed her forehead before brining my lips to hers. Even though we'd had barely any time together, she knew me better than anyone. I moved from her mouth to her neck, her collar bone, her chest, until I reached the dark skin at her ribs. It was the size of my hand and I gently rubbed my fingers over that spot before placing a kiss there, too. And then I did something I've never done with any other person in my life, I made love to her, with her.

The next morning I woke to the scent of vanilla and soft curls tickling my nose. I tightened my grip on her and kissed the back of her ear, completely content with lying here forever. That was, until Izzy busted through the door scaring the shit out of both of us. "Good morning!" She chimed with a huge toothy smile. I thought her teeth were going to start blinking like they do in cartoons when the characters smile like that.

"Izzy," I sighed.

"Yeah?" She started closer to the bed and Clary turned into my chest pulling the covers over her head.

"Out!"

"No! There is so much that Clary and I need to talk about and I'm dying over here." She bounced on her toes like a kid waiting to open presents on Christmas. Unfortunately for her, I'd already unwrapped that present and claimed it as my own.

"Go die somewhere else," I waved her off and let my head fall back on the pillow. I heard Clary snicker under the blanket and really wished Izzy wasn't still standing in the doorway because it's then I realize that she's still naked.

"Jace," I rolled my eyes because I knew what was coming. "You can't horde my best friend. She was mine before you two confessed your undying love for each other. Give her back! NOW!" She even added a little stomp in small child tantrum fashion.

"Last time I checked, Isabelle, I wasn't holding her hostage. I don't have her tied to the damn bed. Quit spazzing on me and talk to her." Clary lowers the blanket and narrows her eyes before turning to Izzy.

"Good Lord, Iz, let me wake up. Not everyone runs on your time," she says uncovering her head. "I'll be down after a shower and about an hour more of sleep." Izzy crosses her arms and taps her foot with an angry look on her face.

"You have A LOT of explaining to do. Hurry your tiny ass up! I don't have all damn day and I need answers!" Izzy storms out the door, slamming it behind her and Clary and I enter into what I hope is a morning ritual every day for a VERY long time. After we shower and dress, we head down for breakfast. Izzy, Alec and Magnus are waiting rather impatiently for us. All three of them are full of smiles and look about ready to burst at the seams, but stare at us like we're some new zoo exhibit they couldn't wait to see.

Clary walks in ahead of me but I'm close on her heels and Izzy snatches her up quickly. She pulls out a chair for Clary and starts dishing her eggs and bacon. "So, you dirty bitch, tell me everything. I wanna know every last detail about how this little love affair unfolded," Izzy says. "How did you go from being just my best friend to my sister overnight?" I was mid sip in a cup of coffee and damn near spit it all over Alec when she said it. I watch Clary turn her head in my direction with her jaw hanging open. The room had gone dead silent and Alec and Magnus sat wide eyed at her statement.

"Izzy," I chastised, "You shouldn't be proposing for Alec. Clary is nowhere near Alec's type. She doesn't wear enough glitter to warrant a proposal." Clary relaxes and I see a flicker of a small smile, which I return and attempt to take another drink of my coffee.

"Jace," Izzy straightens, "Is that commitment issues I hear? You haven't had a serious girlfriend since Maia. Do you not plan on this being a long term thing? Because if you're fucking around with Clary, I'll castrate you and make you watch while I deep fry your balls." I adjust my stance because I think my balls just took refuge in my stomach.

I shrug her off and see the blush on Clary's face as she mouths, "I'm sorry."

"It is what it is until Clary and I decide it isn't, Izzy. I really don't see how it's any of your business."

"It's my business because she was mine first."

"That may be so, but I don't recall your name being chanted into my ear last night or this morning, so I'm pretty positive Clary likes my balls where they are and between the two of us, we'll figure the rest out." I hear the clank of silverware and a bang as Clary's elbows meet the table and then she buries her face in her hands while shaking her head. Shit! I said something wrong.

"I'm not hungry anymore," Clary says pushing herself away from the table.

"Clary, EAT. Jace is always an ass, you know that."

"It's not just Jace, Isabelle. He's right! Mind your god damn business. If I wanted to tell you, I would tell you; but right now, there's nothing to tell. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours. We can't even be considered a couple yet." And there it happened again, I damn near spit my coffee all over the place. All eyes were on me at that point and mine fell on Clary.

"You know, after the exchange of 'I love you's,' I was under a different impression and I thought the sex just sealed the deal." Now the spotlight was on Clary who, at this point, was a beautiful shade of red. I lean against the counter and finish with, "I mean, I guess I'd be pretty pissed if you went out and slept with someone else." This time I gulped down my coffee fast so there wasn't a third chance of giving Alec a java bath.

"Beautiful morning, isn't it, Alec?" Magnus chimes in trying to break the silence. Clary doesn't say anymore but believe me, this conversation wasn't over. The rest of the morning was filled with banter about yesterday's events and I'm forced to relive them in vivid detail while I'm interrogated by Alec and Magnus. At some point, Clary stood from her chair and made her way to the island to perch herself on top of it next to me. That's girl for, 'I want to be close to you.' Or so I was hoping.

Alec left with Magnus to drop him off at work and Izzy sulked off to Simon's in a rather pissy mood. Clary and I settled into the couch and tried to avoid all the local news channels the best we could. I'd decided I wasn't going to bring up the topic of dispute this morning. I got it; she had a lot going on with the whole Sebastian thing. I wasn't coming out of a relationship with anyone and she was. I didn't doubt that she actually meant what she said but it made me question how invested she would be in whatever it was we were doing.

I had my elbow resting on the arm of the couch with my head leaning on my fist. Clary's head was in my lap and I was twirling one of her curls around my finger when she shifted and looked up at me. "I would be livid," she tells me, and right away I feel like I'm in trouble and I have no idea why. My eyebrows come together and my jaw falls. I want to say something, but I'm not sure what. I cock my head and wait for her to elaborate. She picks at her fingernails before continuing. "I mean, I'd be pissed if you slept with someone else too." All of a sudden, I hear a chorus of angels singing and the clouds open up to reveal bright sunlight. Halle-flippin'-lujah! "I just didn't know if we were labeling this yet."

"Sure we are. Feel free to get my name tattooed on your ass at any time because you are mine. I don't care if I have to fight Izzy for you." My comment makes her giggle and I like that. I like that I can make her do that. "No, I'm serious," I shake my head. "I fully expect you to get my name tattooed on your ass. Like, yesterday."

"I'll get right on that," she rolls her eyes. "I'm gonna have to go back to the apartment and get my stuff."

"Yeah, we'll go…" she's shaking her head at me before I can finish my sentence. "What?"

"I don't think it would be a good idea if you went with me."

"Well, you're not going alone, and I'm not gonna sit here while someone else takes you there, Clary"

"I can get my dad to go with me. Jace, I just don't think you being there will go over well."

"That's too damn bad. It'll go over as smooth as a baby's ass or he'll end up having his fingers cut off with a butter knife. He won't have hands if he tries to lay a fucking finger on you." My rage is building and I'm doing my best to shove it back down but it's not working very well. Clary sits up on her knees next to me fidgeting in her lap. "He's never going to hurt you again, Clary. Do you understand me?"

"Jace, if you go with me it will only add unnecessary fuel to the fire."

"I don't care," I shake my head stubbornly.

"Are we fighting right now?" I looked over at her and she's got a smirk on her face.

"It's one of the things we do best. Fight or fornicate, it's a toss-up," I shrug. "You're still not going without me. End. Of. Discussion." She sighs.

"Fine, but I don't like it."

"Noted," I nod. "But I think I've made my point." Clary sighs and lays her head back down in my lap. Ha! I win!

In the next few hours I think of many things that we could be doing besides just sitting here on the couch, but I'm just happy she's here. Maryse hustles through the door with Max in toe and right away his eyes dart to Clary in my lap. I knew the little shit had a thing for her. I don't blame him though. He jogs up the steps, shaking his head the whole way and completely ignores Clary when she says hi. She eyes me curiously and I shrug. I'm not touching that one. The mind of a teenage boy is far too difficult to explain.

"Hey, guys," Maryse chimes. "What are you up to?"

"Hangin' out," I drone. "Watching every sappy eighties movie ever made." And I wasn't lying. We'd sat through Ghost and Dirty Dancing and now Footloose was starting. Now I don't mind old movies, but I was getting sick of chicks falling over Patrick Swayze.

"Sounds like fun."

"A blast."

"Jace, can you run to the store for me and pick up some stuff for dinner? I forgot to stop after I picked Max up from practice." I let my head fall to the back of the couch and pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Yeah, sure." I stretch my arms over my head and bring my hand down on Clary's ass, not too hard, but she jumps and lets out a little squeal. "You wanna come with me?" She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and ponders it before shaking her head.

"No, I'll stay. Maybe I'll go see what's eating Max."

"That's dangerous. The mind of a teenage boy is a scary place."

"I've come to the conclusion that the mind of any male is scary, no matter their age."

"That hurts," I put my hand on my chest and feigned being appalled.

"Jace," Maryse yells from the kitchen, "Now, please." I roll my eyes and peck Clary on the cheek before heading out the door. Maryse gave me a whole damn grocery list. That doesn't constitute, 'a few things for dinner.' It took me nearly an hour to get everything she needed before I made it back. Max was in the kitchen with Maryse, Izzy was on the couch with the phone pressed to her ear and I assumed Alec's absence meant he was still with Magnus. I haul ass up to my room thinking maybe Clary is in there, hopefully naked. There is nothing wrong with having dessert first. But she isn't there either.

I trot back downstairs, baffled. "Iz," I call to her. She ignores me at first so I stride over and yank on her hair.

"What?" She snaps.

"Do you know where Clary is?"

"I haven't seen her since I got home. I thought she was with you." My lips form a thin line and I shake my head. Damn! On to Maryse and Max. I make my way to the kitchen and knock my knuckles against the counter.

"Have you guys seen Clary?"

"Mmm, yeah," Maryse says while sucking something off of her finger. "She asked to borrow the car, said she needed to pick something up from home."

"Home?" My eyebrows knit and my heart speeds up.

"Yeah, she said it wouldn't take long. She said she'd be back for dinner."

"Home as in, her dad's house? Or…home in Red Hook?"

"I'm not sure, why?"

"No reason." I head back to the living room scratching my head. Izzy's still on the phone and I need it. "Izzy?" Her head snaps up. "I need the phone."

"Too bad. You can wait until I'm done."

"No, now! Clary is gone and I'm pretty sure she went to her apartment. I need to call her dad just to make sure I'm covering all my bases."

"Lemme call you back, Si. Clary is MIA and Jace is freaking out." With good reason! Damn her making everything seem like an inconvenience. She presses the end button on the receiver and then dials Luke's number. I stand there impatiently, waiting for him to answer and finally, "Hi, Luke. This is Isabelle…I'm good, how are you? Good, good. Say, I was wondering if Clary was home?" Izzy looks up at me and her smile falls. "Oh, she's not there…."

I didn't wait to hear anymore. I was hauling ass out the door in a panic. She told me she wouldn't go without me. Damn her stubborn ass for not listening to me. I was stupid to leave her. I should've made her come with me. I peel out of the driveway and speeding down the road with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. If he hurts her…I'll lose it.

~oOo~

I do feel bad for leaving without telling anyone where I was really going. I didn't outright lie to Maryse, but I felt this was something I needed to do on my own. Bastian's car isn't out back and I breathe a sigh of relief knowing he's not here. Still, climbing the stairs makes the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand on end. Jace is going to kill me but I'll make it up to him.

I try the handle and find that it's locked, so I pull out my key and let myself in. I turn to close the door behind me and a silken voice envelops me. "So, you finally decide to grace me with your presence. I expected you to be here when I came home yesterday. To my utter dismay, you weren't." I could see him standing in the kitchen with his palms pressed flat on the island. His face was healing but was still swollen and bruised.

"I stayed at Isabelle's house," I whisper, feeling like the wind has been knocked out of me.

"Isabelle's house," an eyebrow rose and he sucked his teeth. "Is that where Jace just happens to be staying as well?" My heart slammed in my chest. My face started to tingle and my fingers went cold. I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat but I couldn't. Finding words was even harder. "Look at what he's doing to us, Clary." Sebastian's hands came up like he was baffled by an imaginary conclusion he'd just made up. I watched as he walked through the kitchen and into the dining room to sit at the table. "Can we just…" he sighed, "I wanna talk, baby. Come sit with me so we can work this out."

He was calm. For that I could be grateful but all the warning signs still flashed and screeched in my head. I tried to control my breathing but my body still shook knowing he could snap at any point. "I don't want to talk, Bastian. I want to get my things and leave." I turned my head and moved toward the hallway but he caught my elbow and pushed me up against the wall holding my shoulders.

"You can't leave," he seethes. "I won't let you. Look at what I've done for you, for us." He lifts one hand up gesturing to the apartment. "I made us a home and made sure you had your dream studio. I've given you everything you've ever asked for." His fingers are digging into my arm and it hurts. My body is trembling and now I have no hope of controlling my breathing. My chest heaves up and down quickly, giving me away. Bastian's eyes soften and his free hand moves to caress my face. I try and jerk away and all the softness fades. "You let him touch you, didn't you?"

My nostrils flare and I keep my eyes locked on his. I say nothing but apparently a response wasn't needed because I see his hand come up and before I can react, it connects with my face. He hits me so hard my nose starts to bleed. I see red on my hands when I pull it away from my face. Bastian's expression is pure rage and I just want to get out. Both hands secure my shoulders again and he pulls me forward before pushing me back into the wall. My head smacks the back of it repeatedly as he says, "He can't have you. You. Are. Mine!"

I bring my hands up to rest them on his chest. I can feel his heart drumming underneath his t-shirt just as hard as mine is. "Bastian, please," I cry. "You're hurting me." He takes my chin in his hand and tilts my head up.

"Did he touch you?" I shake my head and swallow. "You LIE!" he yells in my face and pushes me to the floor. I don't see his boot coming but I feel it in my side, then again in my stomach, over and over. Why haven't I passed out? Why can I still feel everything he's doing? He wraps his hand around my neck and lifts me from the floor. I grip his wrist and gasp for air. All of a sudden I'm falling back and I hit the hard surface of the dining room table. My lungs feel heavy and even with his hand gone, I still can't breathe.

I barely register something cold pressing into my cheek and I open my eyes to find Bastian's black eyes staring into mine. "You want to leave me, Clary? You want to ruin everything we've built together?" I whimper and it only angers him more. He slaps me again and my head falls toward the cold I felt before. My eyes widen when I see that it's a gun. "You see how serious I am now? If I can't have you, no one will!" he yells. At this point a predator in the Central Park Zoo would be able to smell my fear. He aims the gun at my forehead and cocks back the hammer. "No one will have you but me!"

I hear the front door bang against the wall but don't see what or who came through it. I hear a loud bang as a bullet explodes from the gun and I curl up on the table. It's still hard to breathe and my body hurts so much that I can't move. I fight the darkness trying to overcome me but it wins and everything goes black.

* * *

_**Yeah, Yeah...I know your all thinking you wanna seek me out and beat the next chapter out of me. It will come, I promise. Even my beta thinks I'm evil for this cliffy. I'm not sorry. Like i said...the more reviews i g**_**et, the faster i write. so do your thing! Love to DayDream-BleachLover for being such an awesome Beta! Without her these chapters would sucketh!**

**Love it...**

**Hate it...**

**REVIEW/Alert/Fave it...**

**Until next chpt...XOXO**

**LivyBug**


	18. Happily Never After

**The next installment has arrived. I hope the wait wasn't too painfully long :)**

**************************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

"Fuck! Would you leave me the hell alone? I need to see Clary!" The nurse next to me slaps her hands against her thighs and sighs. I know I'm being a giant pain in her ass right now, but I don't care. After the ambulance came to bring us to the hospital, they took her away and ushered me into a tiny exam room to have the bullet wound on my arm stitched up. It was fine. I've had worse injuries in my life…I think.

"Mr. Herondale, you've been shot. I need to clean the area and stitch it up before you will be allowed to go anywhere. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. The sooner you cooperate with me, the sooner you can see your friend."

My friend? This bitch is smoking crack! I'd had enough of hospitals in the last twenty-four hours to last me a lifetime. I sighed and pulled the sleeve of my t-shirt up to expose the bloody gash to her. "Can you at least tell me how she is?" The lanky brunette pulled her latex gloves over her fingers and fiddled with the instruments sitting on the stainless steel tray in front of her.

"Let me take care of you first, and then I will find out what I can about your friend." I felt a small sting in my arm where she injected me with something to numb it and then she got to work cleaning and stitching me up. It took her over an hour to get the job done. I could have done it myself in ten minutes. It wouldn't have been as pretty, but I didn't give a shit if I had a nasty scar on my arm. Who the fuck sees your upper arm anyway? And seriously, chicks dig scars.

"Thanks, can I go now?" I hissed pushing my sleeve back down and sliding off the table.

"They may not be allowing visitors yet. I'll be right back." Another ten, fifteen, twenty minutes rolled by and she still hadn't come back. I was ready to storm this damn place to find Clary. I was about to get up and attack the receptionist when the nurse finally came back. "She is stable, pretty beat up but you knew that already. They have her settled on the third floor, room 315. You can go up now."

"Thank you," I said. Before I left I turned back to the nurse, "I'm sorry if I was a dick. I'm just worried about her." She smiled and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I know. I'm sure she'll make it through with you on her side." She gave me a small nod that I returned before making my way to Clary. I hated the sterile scent of death that invaded my sense of smell. I hated the muted blue color that was scribed on the wall directing me which way to go. I hated the sound of footsteps that crowded the hallway and I hated the sound of laughter in a place that happiness was rarely present. Clary's door was open a crack and it was dark inside. I was sure they had her pretty drugged up in an attempt to keep her immobile. She's too damn stubborn to do what she's told, her health be damned.

I wasn't sure I was ready to see just how much damage Sebastian had done to her after all the blood was wiped away, but I had to be close to her. I pushed the door open just enough to creep in and as I got closer, the beeping from her heart monitor got louder. That damn blue blanket was draped over her small figure. Her left arm was in a cast and the light above her bed allowed me to see the black shadows under her eyes. I pulled a chair up to her bed and rested my elbows on my knees. I clasped my hands together in an attempt to stifle the shaking but it didn't help.

I just wanted to climb in the bed and hold her. All of this just seemed so surreal. It didn't feel like Clary was actually the person lying in that bed. The light that usually radiated off of her wasn't present. All I could hear was the unsteady rattle of her breathing and my own heart pounding in my ears. The vision of Clary on that table unmoving with a gun pointed at her was one that would haunt me forever.

There were so many things I should be doing; like calling Izzy and Simon or going back to the apartment to get all of our shit. That wasn't something that we would have a problem with in the future, so I'm not too worried. I heard the shuffle of footsteps and the light at the far edge of the room flipped on. I lifted my gaze first to Clary who, was more than down for the count and stood when a man with a long white coat on strolled in. He was flipping through pages on a clipboard and his eyebrows were knitted together. My palms started to sweat and I wiped them on my jeans as I surged forward. "Hi, I'm Dr. Blackthorn. And you are?" He looked up and reached his hand out to shake mine and I took it.

"Jace," I say shakily.

"And your relationship to Miss Garroway?"

"She's…uh…I'm…" I'm suddenly at a loss for words because after everything Clary and I talked about, I still wasn't sure where we stood. "I'm the boyfriend." I finally managed to spit out as I rake my hands through my hair.

"Well technically you're not family…"

"Please," I hold my hand out. "Just tell me she's going to be OK. That will be enough for me." He pulls the papers up on the clipboard again and sighs but looks back up with a pitiful smile.

"Clarissa will be fine but…she lost the baby." Baby? What baby? Did Clary know there was a baby? No, she couldn't have known. She would have told me…wouldn't she? Of course, she would have. There would have been no way she would knock down patron with me if she knew there was a baby. I know I'm probably white as a ghost and I can feel my face tingle. My eyes are wider than they've ever been and I feel the need to reach down and pick my jaw up off of the floor. "I'm assuming you didn't know?" I shake my head and force myself to breath. "Did she?" I shake my head again and look back at her.

"I…I d-don't think so." Christ! I'm not going to be the one to break this to her.

~oOo~

I can feel the light burning through my eyelids. I don't want to open them, but I then again I do. I hear a distant beep and my chest feels heavy. The tips of my fingers on my left hand are numb and I can feel the ache in my head starting to spread throughout the rest of my body. I peel one eye open slowly, the light burning more the further I open it. Everything is blurry at first but I try to focus and open the other eye.

I'm in the hospital. I vaguely remember what happened at the apartment. I for damn sure remember the gun going off and I look down at myself in a panic to see if I got hit but I can't move one arm and I panic more. I see the cast and instantly it pisses me off. The breathing tube rubbing on my cheeks makes me even madder. I yank on it with my good arm but before I can get it off, a warm hand gently holds my wrist in place and I hear the only voice that can lull me into calm. "Clam down, Clary. It's gonna be alright."

I turn to meet Jace's gaze and instantly I want to melt into his honey eyes. He moves to sit on the bed next to me and runs the backs of his fingers across my cheek. I try to swallow but my throat is too dry to get past the lump lodged back there. Jace leans over and I see a bandage on his upper arm. I try to speak but I can only manage a squeaky whisper and he hushes me while handing me some water. I gulp it down and the only feeling better than the cold water as it travels down my throat, is Jace's warm hand. "What happened?" I manage to get out while touching the bloody bandage.

"The fucker shot me. That's what happened," Jace says without looking at me. Immediately guilt washes over me because it was my actions that caused this. I'm the reason he's hurt and that kills me. My bottom lip starts to tremble and I fight the whimper I feel coming on but I lose the battle. Jace turns back to me with an alarmed look.

"No, Clary," he murmurs. "Don't cry." Hot streams are running down my cheeks as he says it. I try to hide my face or the shame that must be evident on it, but Jace cups my cheeks and brings his lips closer to mine. "Shhh, you're going to be fine." He thinks I'm worried about myself! Urgh! That just makes me feel even more disgusted and makes me cry harder.

"I did this. It's my fault," I squeak through my breathy voice. It hurts to breath and each time I do it's followed by a wince.

"Listen to me," he pulls back, without a kiss might I add, and says, "You didn't do this. Sebastian did this. I will not let you blame yourself for what happened. Should you have gone without me? NO! But, Clary," he sighs and the warmth of his breath slides over my face. All I want to do is lie here in his arms. Can he just shut up and do that for me? "This is not your fault," he finally says. I nod as one more sob break free. Jace plants kiss on my forehead and attempts to pull away. He can't! I need him here, next to me, holding me. I barely get a grip on his collar and it takes every ounce of strength in me to keep hold of it. He smiles and leans back in to press his lips to mine lightly. Not exactly what I wanted, but I'll take it at this point.

Jace sits erect and jerks his head toward the door. I can vaguely here voices outside and then finally. "Clary!" It's my dad, and I've never been so happy to hear his voice. "What the hell are you doing here?" Jace stiffens next to me, his eyebrows pull together and his jaw locks. "You're Herondale's boy." I turn to see my father's finger pointing at Jace. "You did this. Get away from my daughter!" I gasp and try to tighten my grip on Jace's shirt but he stands and the cotton fabric slides through my fingers like jelly. My heart pounds mercilessly in my aching chest and I'm suddenly not so happy to hear my dad's voice.

"No, dad!" I try to yell but I comes out as a whisper. Jace's hands are fisted at his sides and he is staring at my father.

"Clary, honey, don't get yourself worked up. Everything will be fine once he's gone." My lungs are burning from my frantic breathing. I feel like they are going to burst with each inhale. Jace steps around to the edge of my bed and he and my father battle one another in a staring contest. I'm attempting to rip out the cords that are attached to me again; If Jace is leaving, then so am I. I flip my legs over the side of the bed and nearly have my feet touching the ground when they both finally turn to look at me.

Two strides, a great blocking move to cut my dad off and Jace is crouched down in front of me with his hands resting by my hips bunching my hospital gown in his fingers. "You need to lie back down." I shake my head and clench my teeth.

"No! What I need is you and if you're leaving then I am too." My voice still sounds like someone poured burning coal down my throat. His smile warms the ice that seems to have settled in my spine without warning. He tucks my scraggly curls behind my ears and sighs.

"So stubborn," he whispers.

"Clary, this boy is nothing but a destructive force waiting to tear you apart. I will not tolerate his presence here any longer. Look what he's done to you! You should have stayed away from him like I told you." I meet my father's hot gaze and I'm about to go off on a tangent when Jace covers my lips with his finger.

"I won't be far, I promise."

"No! Don't go," I manage a strangled whisper.

"Clary, he's your dad and right now he's afraid for you. I'll come back, I swear. Please, just…lie back down and get some rest." I'm a blubbering mess now as Jace lifts my legs back onto the bed and cover me up. He pecks me on the cheek and turns to leave but stops in front of my father. He says something and I can see the change in my dad's expression at whatever is said. My heart is screaming as he strides to the door, looks back at me one more time and then slips into the hallway.

I'm so tired and my mind can't comprehend what's happening. Dad takes a seat in the chair next to me and lifts his hand to push my hair from my face, but I don't want him to touch me. I turn away and face the window even though it takes much more effort than it should. My entire body pounds with an ache that is only trumped by my heart being torn into two pieces. Call me selfish, but I want Jace, and only Jace. The nurse comes in, probably because she heard the commotion and whispers, "I've given her a sedative." My father gives her his gratitude and I fall back into a drug induced sleep that I didn't want to begin with.

~oOo~

I pace the hallway. It took everything in me not to deck Clary's dad. I know he's worried, as any father would be, but that doesn't give him the right to say the things he did about me. Anything I have ever done where Clary is concerned has been for her benefit. I would never hurt her, not on purpose anyway. I love the girl. I've been stupid crazy for that tiny red head since I was fifteen. How could he impose such a gruesome opinion of me? The 'how,' of that question was answered for me when I felt the weight of a hand hit my shoulder.

"Jonathan, are you alright?" The look in my father's eyes was one I'd never seen before. His expression showed general concern for my well-being. This wasn't something I was used to, nor did I expect it. Before I could answer, my mom pulled me into a hurried hug and I felt her warm tears hit my t-shirt.

"We were so worried. We saw everything on television and when we tried to call the Lightwoods, no one answered." I furrowed my brow wondering how they would know about what happened so soon and why it would be on TV, and then I remembered yesterday. Even with as big of an event as that was, it seemed like it was a distant memory. I looked beyond my mother's hair to find Jon, Simon and all the Lightwoods huddled behind her. They were all anxiously awaiting news of Clary and my parents were still stuck on yesterday, rightfully so. "We hopped in the car right away," mom pulled me from my thoughts, "We couldn't fly and we had to know you were alright."

"I'm fine, mom." I wasn't fine. I'd just been told I was a piece of shit not worthy of Clary because of whom my father was. That was not OK with me. This man would not define who I was as a person. I heard a throat clear and looked back up to meet Izzy and Simon's expectant eyes.

"I-is she…" Iz didn't finish. I knew she was dreading the answer, so I hung my arm around my mom's shoulder and smiled the best I could.

"She's alright, a little banged up and scared but she'll be fine." I was lying through my damn teeth. Clary had a long way to go before 'fine,' could even be used to describe her. "Her dad pushed me out. I guess I'm a destructive force that will destroy her life." I watched as jaws fell and eyes widened and then I looked to my father, who didn't seem fazed at all.

"Luke kicked you out of her room?" Izzy asked. I nodded and let my eyes travel to the door that led to her, instant yearning jumped up in me. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away for long.

"I'm going in there," Izzy pulled my attention to her with the harshness of her tone, but it held a slight tinge of protectiveness as well.

"Don't make matters worse, Iz. He's just worried about her and I was the only one there. Of course, he isn't going to take his frustration out on Clary."

"I don't care!" She shouted making us all jump. "He has no right to treat you like that. You aren't your dad, Jace. We all know that you wouldn't hurt Clary." Jon put his hand on Izzy's shoulder to stop her and shook his head.

"Let me talk to him." It was the first time Jon had spoken and I could see the worry in his face. He and Clary hadn't been close for a while but his concern for her was still evident. His eyes met mine and he nodded once before heading into the room.

"I need some coffee," I sighed.

"We'll all go," Maryse said looping her arm with my mom's and leading us away. I didn't want to leave Clary but I didn't want a blow out with Luke either. Once in the hospital cafeteria, Izzy was on my case the moment I sat down.

"What happened? Where's that son of a bitch?"

"He was taken to a different hospital. When I walked in the apartment, Clary was lying on top of the table motionless and he had a gun pointed at her. I lunged, he spun and I heard the gun go off. The bullet grazed my arm but I was able to wrestle it away from him and knock him unconscious long enough to call 911." Jon joined us at the tail end of my explanation. When our eyes met he shook his head. I knew he wouldn't be able to talk any sense into Luke, but it was a nice idea anyway.

"Clary's asleep," he huffed as he sat down. "Dad isn't budging on Jace. He thinks Jace is to blame for this happening in the first place. Tell me what's going on, Jace. Izzy said you and Clary are together now. How did this happen?"

"Well, when a boy and a girl love each other, very much," I started and crossed my arms on the table top.

"Are you trying to tell me you're screwing my sister?" He said flatly.

"I don't know how this happened. One day we were fifteen and couldn't stand one another and now I don't want to be in a different room. I guess it started that long ago though; a couple of days after your car accident actually." I looked up at Jon and his eyebrows shot up. "It was ritual Wednesday," I looked up knowing they had no clue what I was talking about. The ritual Wednesday joke was between me and Clary. "I came to you house every Wednesday so Clary and I could work on our Economics project for school. I knocked on the door and she opened it with tears in her eyes and the saddest expression I've ever seen on someone's face. I told her I'd go but she shook her head and took me to her room." I looked around and everyone suddenly looked uneasy.

"I remember that. Clary didn't come to school for a week and wouldn't talk to me or Si for days. She was home alone a lot that week and wouldn't let us come over either." Izzy's own sadness at the situation filtered through her voice.

"I really was there to just work on the project and had no intention of doing what we actually did." I shrugged and peeked up at Jon. He was the one I'd be afraid of fighting with. He was my size and I'm sure he could hold his own. After hearing I'd deflowered his sister at the ripe age of fifteen, I didn't expect him to be happy.

"You slept with my distraught sister?"

"She begged me to and I felt bad." I shrugged again, feeling like a complete ass. I felt like I was desensitizing the moment. That moment with her was mine. Why was I telling them about it? Oh, yes, because I felt the need to explain myself and found I was digging myself into a deeper whole.

"I always thought she dropped her v-card to that pissant, Jordan. If I ever get my hands on him…" Jon stopped when he realized all eyes were on him. "Why you? She always came home and complained about what a dick you were."

"I don't know," I shook my head. "I asked her the same thing when she and Jordan started dating because it wasn't long after that they hooked up; a week maybe. A year later, your real dad showed up at school and that was a whole different fiasco. Prom created another interesting situation, and then the frat party not long after your mom died. Clary and I had an interesting relationship. Every time we were alone together just made the feelings stronger I guess. When I started noticing things with Sebastian, I tried to convince her to leave him but, you know Clary, she's stubborn."

"So are you," Alec interrupted. "You knew you loved her the moment you saw her. Hell, I knew you loved her the moment you laid eyes on her. You're both too damn stubborn for your own good." I smirked and both Simon and Izzy laughed.

"We should have known," Simon said. "All she ever did was talk about you. I guess it was the fact that she was always bitching that threw us off." I ran my hand though my hair and sighed. I felt my father go stiff beside me and I looked over at him. His eyes were glued to a distant figure. I tried to train my focus on whatever it was that had him internally freaking out and saw nothing at first. His eyes narrowed and he excused himself from our little party. When I looked up, a man I'd never seen before sauntered up to our table.

"Ahem," He cleared his throat and stood directly behind Jon. We all turned and I saw the flash of recognition in Jon's eyes.

"Why are you here?" Jon gritted his teeth.

"I'm here to see your sister. And then I'm going to kill the man who put her here."

"Who the hell are you?" Izzy asked

"My name is Valentine Morgenstern…"

"He's our real dad," Jon answered before anyone could ask what his purpose was. All eyes were back on the tall, blond, muscular man in front of us and he stood expressionless waiting for us to direct him to his daughter.

* * *

_**OOOO, the shit has hiteth the fan! What's gonna happen? Ideas? Thank you to my fantabulous Beta, DayDreamer-BleachLover for editing this chpt.**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**until the next chpt...**_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_

_**Oh! and if you're looking for some good reading...i just read, 'Anna Dressed in Blood' by Kendare Blake. It's Amazing...a little gruesome at some parts but if you like ghosts, witches, and secret organizations you should read it.**_


	19. History?

******************************__************__****__************************************____****Sorry this has taken so long. I struggled with inspiration on this one and then my wonderful Beta was sick so it took her a couple days to get it back to me...but we still love her! **

******************************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMA********************************__************__****__************************************____****ZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

I should have known right away who this man was; Jon is the spitting image of him. What I would like to know is why he's here. As far as I'd known, Clary had never actually met the man. How did he even know what happened? Jon and his father eyed one another for quite some time before my mother caught Valentine's eye. His hard, straight mouth turned up into a thoughtful smile and he gave a small bow. "Celine, always a pleasure to have you in my company. I assume the young man next to you is Jace. He looks almost identical to his father. Where is Stephen by the way?"

I blinked at my mother, astonished at the fact that she knew who this man was. Valentine Morgenstern was supposed to be some big bad monster. My parents would never associate with such people. "It's good to see you, Val, and yes, this is Jace. Stephen stepped out for a moment. He should be back soon."

"Good, he and I have some matters to discuss."

"Matters, what matters? Any 'matters' you want to bring to attention are old and should just be considered water under the bridge." My mother shrugged and held a stone face. I never knew my mother to play hard ball so well.

"Would you consider it water under the bridge if it cost you everything?" This time she didn't answer and Jon turned to his father, questioning him with his eyes. "Take me to your sister, Jonathan."

"Da…Luke is up there. Do you think that's a good idea?"

"You may call Luke your dad, but I am your father and care no less for you than he does. Just because your mother let him raise you instead of me doesn't mean I didn't do my share of fathering from a distance." I cocked my head to the side. I was pretty sure he just admitted to stalking his children but I shrugged it off and jumped at the opportunity.

"I'll take you to her," I huffed. I knew showing up with this man wasn't going to earn me points with Luke…or Clary, but I had two dads to impress now and I would succeed at making a good impression on at least one of them. The fact that he knew my dad didn't make my chances at success look very good though. I stood and shoved my hands in my pockets, then headed toward the room. Jon made an irritated noise and shook his head making me stop and meet his gaze.

"I'll go with you. I honestly think you're on a suicide mission where your relationship with my sister is concerned," Jon said. Valentine turned to eye me and I felt like he was trying to see into my soul, only he wasn't just trying to see it. He was trying to cop a feel of it. I didn't like that feeling, it was rather disturbing.

"Celine, please tell Stephen I'll be in touch. I have more pressing 'matters' to attend to." My mother gave a curt nod and we left the rest of the party behind. The ride in the elevator was quiet but I could feel Valentines eyes on me, burning holes into the back of my head. It wasn't going to be easy winning him over either. "You're seeing Clary?" I turned and nodded. I guess you could say that. "I suppose you can sense my disdain for it," he closed his eyes and shook his head, "I know your father all too well and it makes me uncomfortable."

"With all due respect," I cut in, "I will say the same thing to you as I did to Luke. I am not my father. The fact that you judge me based on his character isn't fair. If you knew me at all, you'd see that he and I are nothing alike. I don't like the man. I deal with him because my mother is too stupid to see him for what he really is. As far as Clary goes, I will be with her as long as she allows it."

Valentine straightened his tie and cleared his throat. It was evident that he wasn't comfortable with me. We stopped in front of the door to Clary's room and his demeanor changed instantly, kinda like Clary's did at times. It was scary to think that she had something in common with a man she'd never met but whose blood ran in her veins. "You will stay away from my daughter before you will look worse than the man who put her here when I'm done with him."

"Is that supposed to scare me?" Jon's head snapped up and he shook it. The movement was so small I barely caught it.

"If you were smart it would," Valentine hissed before entering the room. I stayed in the doorway. I wasn't about to have my head chewed off by two dads, but I could see the light above her head and the array of red curls that fell perfectly on the dull blue pillow. She had her back facing Luke, even in her sleep she was a defiant child. I wanted to go to her so bad my feet were restless.

"Aren't you going in?" I turned at the snotty voice next to me just in time to see Izzy push her hair over her shoulder. I shook my head and I saw that protectiveness take her over again. Her eyes were the size of saucers and the jaw was set hard. I knew this wouldn't be pretty. She hooked her arm around mine and stomped into the room just as Luke turned to face all of us. He first looked at Valentine, then Jon and finally, me. Either he thought a battle with Valentine was pointless or one with me was more important.

"I told you not to come back here. I don't want you near my daughter." His finger flew in my direction and his cheeks went red. Valentine turned and nodded while crossing his arms.

"Seems the two of us are in agreement about you, young Herondale. I suggest you leave."

"Hold on," Izzy held her hand up and shook it. "Clary is over eighteen. That means you have no control over whom she can or can't have in her room. That also means, you have no control over who she dates, who she sleeps with, who she lives with, or anything else. You can't make Jace leave."

"Little girl," Valentine says, and to this Izzy's eyes narrow and she clenches her fist. "You have no idea the trouble his family has caused. If you did, you wouldn't be arguing on his behalf."

"Enlighten me. Jace has been like a brother to me since I was fourteen, you could say little to make me change my mind."

"That boy's father cost me my family. It was because of him that Jocelyn ran off with Luke and hid my children from me. It was because of him that I sat in prison for a decade."

"How could Jace's dad have done all of that?"

"Stephen felt that I was in debt to him so, for payment he beat then raped my wife. When I finally got home he had Clary in his arms with big tears rolling down her cheeks. She reached out for me as Jonathan ran to my side. He held my daughter in his arms while he shot me. I will never forget the look on Clary's face or the terror in Jonathan's cry. That is the last memory I have as us being a family. Do I blame Jocelyn for keeping them from me? No," he shook his head. "I could never condemn her for protecting them. But I am not the monster here, Stephen Herondale is the monster and I don't want anyone with ties to that name anywhere near my family."

While Valentine told his story, one that I recognized from what Clary had told me, I felt my body go numb. The blood drained from my face as an image of my father holding a young, crying Clary sprang into view. I never thought it possible to hate the man more than I already did, but I was wrong. I didn't think there was any person I would want to murder more than Sebastian but, there was. My father had ripped Clary's family apart and now, I could see no reason to fight them. I was disgusted with myself for being who I was. How could I blame them for feeling that way?

"Jace isn't his father. He loves Clary and would never hurt her," Izzy spat.

"Stop," I said, but it came out as a whisper.

"You can't pass judgment on him for the things his father did," she went on.

"Izzy," I tried again.

"Jace is a good person and Clary is lucky to have him."

"ISABELLE! That's enough!" I was finally able to get it out. I was ashamed of myself for even being in this room. They were right, I didn't deserve her. I ran my hands through my hair and backed out of the room while trying to block out Izzy's protests. I needed to get out of this hospital before I ran into Stephen and went to prison myself. I couldn't handle this. There was no way Clary would be able to look at me again and tell me she loved me. And the sad part was, that's all I wanted to hear right now.

I wanted her to wake up and say she'd heard it all, but none of it mattered. I wanted her to beg me not to leave again the way she did before because at least then I would know she still wanted me. At this point, I could see no way of her and I making it through this. I ran down the hallway and heard my name echo off the walls. I needed something hard and fast. I needed tequila, and I needed it now.

I made my way to Pandemonium. The last thing I wanted was to be alone. The bartender lined up six shots, filled them all and kept them coming until I couldn't see straight. I went over every single detail of the day in my head, from the morning conversation, to watching eighties chick flicks, to bursting through the door at the apartment…I mean every last detail, trying to prove to _myself_ that I had some type of redeeming quality that I could use to win her with. I couldn't lose her when I'd just gotten her. I loved her more than anyone else ever could and I watched it all fall apart before it had even happened yet.

I woke the next morning to an alarm clock that wasn't mine; covered in a blanket that wasn't mine. My head pounded and my muscles ached and I couldn't remember anything past walking through the door at Pandemonium. I looked down to find that I was wearing only my boxers, which could be seen as good or bad. If I'd woken up naked I'd have worried more but I still had no fucking clue where I was. "Morning Sunshine!" I recognized the voice and the only thing I could think of was…SHIIIIIIIT!"

"Vanessa" I nodded and tried my best not to smile awkwardly at her. She was wearing a silk bathrobe with her hair pulled up into a messy pony-tail. She looked hot as hell and I knew myself too well. I knew what happened last night and didn't need to remember it to have proof. I was waiting for her to tell me what a great night it was, that we should do it again, or just plain strip the robe off and jump me, but she didn't.

"You were a complete mess last night."

"Was I?" I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed squinting at her.

"Oh yeah, I've never seen you so wasted."

"How did I end up here if I was so wasted?"

"I brought you here. You couldn't drive yourself."

"Ah, so you took advantage of me?"

"Uh, no! You were so gone you couldn't have gotten hard if Jesus himself willed it to happen and trust me, it would have taken one of his miracles to do it, if it were possible. Besides, you kept babbling about that red head you live with." She waved a hand dismissively like to show her disgust for Clary, however, I was happy to hear nothing had happened.

"Where's my car?" I asked, standing to look for my pants.

"I thought that girl was involved with Sebastian…" she smirked, probably remembering her promiscuous nights with him.

"Turns out, Sebastian likes to play a little too rough and beats the hell out of women when they don't obey him," I said pulling my pants up. I watched as her little smirk fell as she seemed to remember something else but didn't say what. "Where is my car?"

"At the club, I'll take you to get it."

"Thanks," I winked, pulled on my shirt, pecked her on the cheek and pushed past her into the bathroom. I was using my finger as a toothbrush when I felt her arms wrap around my waist.

"We could have a little fun before I take you to your car," she whispered huskily into my ear. Any other time it would have turned me on and I would have wasted no time peeling her out of that robe and having my way with her on the bathroom sink, but there were just too many things wrong with her. She was too tall for instance, her hair was brown, her eyes were grey and her skin was too tan. Vanessa was a beautiful woman, but not the one I wanted. I spit out the toothpaste, wiped my hands and mouth dry then pried her hands open.

"Sorry, I've got shit to do and that red head is my girl now."

"So now you're a straight shooter whose turned over a new leaf and decided to be monogamous?"

"I'm not Sebastian if that's what you're getting at."

"What she doesn't know, won't hurt her." I wanted to sew her lips shut because what just came out of them made me puke in my mouth a little.

"I'll know and that's even worse. Take me to my car now." I was surprised at her next comment.

"She's a lucky girl." It was quiet and distant when she said it but my heart sank when she did. If Clary would only feel that way after she knows everything. The ride to my car was quiet and the ride to the Lightwoods was even quieter. I didn't want to face Izzy. God only knows what she would have to say. I wanted to talk to Alec, maybe he had insight that I didn't. I trudged into the house like a kid who was sent to his room and waited for someone to do or say something but got nothing. Izzy was sitting on the couch and when she looked up, she smiled.

"Clary's been calling all morning. She's a little upset with you." I cocked my head, 'A little upset,' was not how I would describe it. "You told her you wouldn't leave the hospital. She expected you to be there when she woke up." I could see her trying to fight a smile while she looked back at her magazine."

"Waking up without me there is the least of her worries, Iz."

"She knows, Jace. Valentine told her everything and she still called here looking for you. I just hope you didn't do something stupid last night."

"I won't say it wasn't stupid, but I think it was so stupid it was brilliant. Are Luke and Valentine still up there?"

"Valentine isn't there but Luke is. Your parents are at their hotel, not that you care, I'm sure, but just in case."

"No," I shook my head and strode toward the stairs. "I don't care and if Luke is there its best I stay away. Clary's dealt with enough drama to last her a lifetime in a matter of two days. I don't want to add to that."

"But she wants you there."

"Iz," I sighed. "Her boyfriend just tried to kill her, she just found out my dad is the psycho who violated her mother and both of her dads hate me. She doesn't know what she wants," I round the corner and heard Izzy say, "You're an idiot," before I locked myself in my room. My pillow still smelled like Clary's hair and the sheets were still a mess from two nights ago. I missed her more than I realized but I couldn't go to her like this. I needed sleep and a shower.

~oOo~

I was losing my mind in this hospital bed. I was lucky if dad would let me get up to pee. I wanted him to leave so I could be alone to process everything that was going on. I called Izzy five minutes ago to ask for the tenth time this morning, where Jace was and every time I got the same answer. I was so disappointed when I woke up and he wasn't here. After the shock of waking up to Luke and Valentine standing side by side and hearing all Valentine had to say, they expected me to say I never wanted to see Jace again. It only made me want him there that much more.

Jace was always the person there for me when shit hit the fan. Without him, all I could manage were inconsolable tears. In the end, that's why Valentine left. I can't say I wanted him here anyway. He may be my father, but he's not my dad. Whether it was his choice or not to be in my life, it didn't change how I felt about him. He wasn't a monster anymore but a stranger asking me to love him.

Each minute I lie here and stare out the window, is one more minute I lost with Jace, one more minute I've wasted. A knock on the door makes my heart jump and my stomach twist. I turn and sit up, hoping it's the only person I want in the whole world, only for my hopes to be smashed and my heart to flop when it's the doctor instead of my Apollo.

"Hello, Clarissa, I'm Doctor Branwell. I'm glad you're awake." I smiled the best smile I could muster and folded my hands in my lap. "I have something I'd like to talk with you about." I waited as he stepped closer and my dad left the room. "How are you feeling?"

"OK I guess. Sore but OK."

"Good, I'm happy to hear that. Have you had any cramping today?" He reached forward and started prodding around on my belly which seemed a little odd but I shook my head. "You may experience some for the next couple of days. There isn't really a delicate way to put this but," he sighed and took a step back. "You miscarried yesterday. We were unable to tell how far along the fetus was exactly but we guessed around twelve weeks. I'm sorry, your friend said he didn't think you knew you were pregnant and to find out this way is awful. Let me know if I can get you anything. You should be out of here by morning if all goes well today."

My heart slammed in my chest, and I could feel my cheeks heat up before the blood drained from them. My hands shook and my bottom lip quivered. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't, not here. I was so torn. I was a mother to a child whose life I would never celebrate, whose father wasn't Jace, a child I would never know. I was sad and relieved at the same time and it made me feel like the most horrible person on the planet. I never wanted children with Sebastian. In fact, up until now I never realized I wanted children at all. When Jace and I had the, 'maybe baby,' scare I was sixteen and it wasn't real. This was real. I'd lost something before I had the chance to know how to feel about it. Sebastian was officially a murderer in my eyes.

I grabbed the phone and dialed Isabelle again. I needed to at least talk to Jace if I couldn't have him here. Tears came and when Izzy answered all I could give her was a sob. After asking me to calm down and tell her what's wrong she finally gave up. I thought she hung up because I heard nothing for a few minutes. It was Jace's sleep laden, husky voice that I heard next. "Clary, what's happened?"

"I-I n-n-need y-you," trying to get even that small statement out through the sobs was hard.

"Clary, breathe. You're going to be alright. Call for the nurse to give you something to relax if you have to. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"OK," I whispered. The receiver went dead and is stared at the phone for what seemed like forever before a throat cleared from the doorway.

"I assume that was my son you were speaking to." I shuddered at the voice. It sounded cold and distant but I'd heard it before. It didn't hold the same tone as I remembered. In fact, it was as if it were coming from a completely different person. "Jace's future has been planned for him, Clarissa, and you are not a part of it. Your mother nearly ruined my family once. I won't allow you the same opportunity.

"Are you threatening me, Celine?"

"I don't threaten, Clarissa. I get even. Tell Jace you want nothing to do with him because of what his father did to your mother, or I'll make your life a living hell." I sniffed and wiped my tears away. Why couldn't I be allowed even a sliver of happiness? "You'll do best not to fight me on this."

"I'll fight for Jace."

"But will Jace fight for you? Never underestimate the power a mother has over her son, Clarissa. You will play a dangerous game, and lose."

"I don't understand. What Stephen did to my mother was _his_ choice. My mother didn't beg him to beat her and force himself on her."

"There is so much more history that you don't know about and this is neither the time nor the place. Let Jace go, or put his life in danger." She went from threatening to almost begging me in a matter of seconds. I was so confused I didn't know what to think.

"I'll never let him go. Jace and I love each other. You don't have a say in how we live our lives."

"When your lives are in danger because of your choices, Clarissa, as parents, we have a say. I'm warning you, one of you will end up hurt…or dead. I've already told you it's a dangerous game and if you don't believe me, ask your father, Valentine."

"Jace and I will figure it out. I'm not just going to give him up because our parents say so."

"Suit yourself," Celine shrugged and walked away. It was about twenty minutes after she left when Jace showed up. I was curled into the fetal position on my bed facing the window. The bed dipped behind me and Jace's arm rested on my waist. I turned and looked up at him through watery eyes.

"Hey," he murmured. "No more tears. You're not allowed to cry anymore."

"The doctor told me about the baby," I whispered and rested my head on his chest. "I don't know what to feel anymore. I feel like a horrible human being because I was relieved but I was also sad because that was a little person, my little person."

"You're not a horrible person, Clary. You're not exactly in the best position to raise a child right now, especially with Sebastian," he said. And I knew he was right but it didn't alleviate the guilt.

"I know, but then your mom came and she said I needed to let you go because your future has been planned out and I'm not a part of it…" I rattled that off as fast as I could and felt Jace tense next to me.

"My Mom?" He pulled back and his eyes narrowed. I nodded and he sighed while sucking his teeth. "Listen to me, I don't care what anyone says, especially my parents. If I want you in my life, Clary, you will be. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. They won't come between us." He said it with such conviction that no one would dispute it and I wanted so much to believe it, but Celine's words bounced around him my head and I couldn't make them stop.

* * *

OOOOOO

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**Until next chpt...**_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_


	20. Reprocussions

**I apologize, you have waited longer than normal for this chapter. My Wonderful beta, DayDreamer-BleachLover has had it back to me for a few days. Again, I am Sorry...enjoy!**

******************************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

In the days after my incident with Sebastian, my father had me surrounded by people. The father I would be speaking of, is Valentine. I don't know what he's mixed up in, but some of the people he's got here look…questionable. The police came to get my statement, on more than one occasion. I was sick of them by week's end. Izzy and Simon came to visit and it was nice to see some familiar faces. I felt like a kid again, with rules and a curfew. I had a strict 'No boys Allowed' policy put in place. Which translated to a 'No Jace Allowed' policy, but to be honest, he's all I wanted.

We talked on the phone but that was it. He didn't want to push my dads. I suppose I could see his point, but we weren't sixteen or doing anything wrong. I missed him terribly and contemplated sneaking out just to get my Jace fix. Our phone calls just didn't do the trick for me. He sounded distant and not himself, but he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Even Isabelle was no help. "Jace and I don't talk about feelings, Clary. What do you think happens in our house when you're not there?" She'd said.

So, in my unwanted alone time I spent quite a bit of time interrogating my dads. I wanted to know what was up with Celine. Stephen was another story, I just wanted him dead. Jace's sharp tongued mother had me wondering all sorts of things. My dads proved to be tight lipped and uncooperative, making the situation even more curious. I hadn't told them everything about my encounter with Celine because they were already acting like I was part of the witness protection program.

Valentine's biggest worry was Stephen. My concern was with Celine. Jace and I talked about things briefly, but he didn't seem concerned with the topic. So my question is, what do I do? What the hell is wrong with me? I am twenty-one years old. They can't keep me on house arrest against my will! I am an adult and the only real threat to me is locked in a jail cell; which also brings me to the fact that he was the reason for the loss of my baby. As the week went on, and the cuts began to heal and the bruises faded, but that pain still cut deep. I had a life inside me and it was stolen before it even began.

I made myself let it go to the best of my ability. I went over everything in my head time and time again and concluded that it was for the best. There are two basic rules in life: 1) Karma's a bitch, and 2) Everything happens for a reason. I wanted Sebastian to suffer for what he'd done but right now there was nothing I could do. It's a terrible feeling…helplessness. I lay in bed awake all night for days while my mind raced. I had so much going on up there, I just couldn't shut it off. I needed to get out of this house.

I decided late one night that I was going to see Jace, dads (both, not just one) approved or not. My only problem was that I'd never snuck out of my house and I was still sore. He better appreciate this! Lucky for me my mother had been big into climbing plants and had a trellis attached to the house. I always used to think my mother's climbing prairie roses were beautiful. The Pink flowers and eatable red berries were a favorite among our guests, too. Had I known what a pain in the ass they were to climb over, I'd have thought differently as a child. Roses have thorns and the climbing prairie rose is no different.

Getting out my window and on to the trellis was a piece of cake. On the way down I snagged my jacket more times than I could keep track of and cursed myself for not wearing jeans because the thorns poked through my pajama pants and scratched the hell out of my legs. I made it down alive and blew my bangs out of my face internally congratulating myself on my less than graceful technique. My next task…steal dad's car. I managed that without the scrapes and sped off in the direction of the Lightwood's house as fast as I legally could.

I shut the headlights off before pulling into the driveway. Izzy gave me a spare key a while back because she kept forgetting hers and found herself locked out of the house on more than one occasion. I entered the house as quietly as I could and my face met something hard at the door. All I heard was blood curdling screaming. "AAAAAAAH, get out of this house!" The voice said while slapping the top of my head. The voice was much too low to be Izzy or Maryse. The person was too short to be Jace, Alec or Robert and I knew it would take an act of God to wake Max up.

"Ouch, stop it," I hissed, slapping the other figure back. We were in the middle of a slapping match when the lights came on.

"What the hell is going on down here?" That voice was distinctively Alec and after my eyes adjusted to the light I was able to see who I'd been fighting with. It shouldn't have surprised me that it was Magnus. He and I stood face to face breathing hard.

"Looks like mine's sneaking in and yours is sneaking out," Jace said slapping Alec on the back with a smirk. Robert and Maryse hustled down the hall just as Jace was heading down the steps.

"Is everything alright?" Maryse gasped.

"Fine," Alec grumbled. Robert rubbed his eyes and blinked at Magnus and I. We just looked guiltily at one another before both cracking smiles.

"Ugh, I'm going back to bed," Robert mumbled while scrubbing his hands over his face. Maryse followed him back to bed with a shake of her head. Had we been teenagers this would have gone so much different. I watched as Jace made his way toward me. His jeans hung loosely from his hips, showing off just enough of the deep set V to make my mouth water…among other things. Where was this seductive music in my head coming from? Oh, right! It's been almost two weeks since I was last able to wrap my legs around those perfect hips of his.

Alec rushed by with cheeks bright enough to land a 747, effectively shutting off the erotic music in my head. I turned to watch him cup Magnus's cheeks and peck him on the lips before ushering him out the door. Their exchange of, 'I love you's,' was cute and made me have an, "Aaaawe," moment. "Clary," Jace's voice pulled my attention back to the reason I'd showing up. "What are you doing here?" His abs flexed as he shoved his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders.

"I miss you and I wanted to see you," I murmured pressing my hands against his stomach and leaning into him. He gave me that sexy smirk and brought his lips down on mine.

"Do the dads know you're here?"

"No."

"My balls are gonna end up hanging off someone's rearview mirror because of you."

"Oh, well that gives me little time then doesn't it?" Jace scoffed and shook his head. He took my wrist and led me upstairs, shutting off all the lights as we went. He didn't let me go even after he closed the door behind us. Instead, he pushed me up against it and cupped my face in his palms.

"I missed you, too," he whispered. I don't think anyone's lips are as flawless as Jace's; the ideal mix of soft and luscious. He gripped the backs of my thighs and hoisted me up. I clasped my ankles behind his back and my hands behind his neck. The room spun and soon the support of Jace's hands was gone. My body hit the bed and bounced up then back down and Jace quickly removed my pants. I sat up and scooted to the edge, hooking my fingers in his belt loops, I jerked him forward. He let his body fall forward and caught himself before all his weight crushed me.

We spent the entire night wrapped up in one another, all hands, tongues and hot breath. By the time the sun peaked through the curtains, we still hadn't slept. My muscles cried and protested with each movement I made. My arms and legs felt like the bones inside had melted. I was starting to think I was related to Stretch Armstrong. I collapsed on top of Jace's semi-damp chest and nuzzled into his neck. I could tell he hadn't shaved in a couple of days, his scruff was rough on my nose, but there wasn't anything about him that I didn't love.

He twirled my hair around his fingers and turned on his side to face me. His thumb traced my cheek bone, the bridge of my nose, and my lips. My voice quivered when I spoke, "You've been so distant." I had a hard time hiding the sadness. Jace pulled in a long breath and pressed his forehead to mine.

"I've had a lot on my mind."

"So have I," I pulled back, outraged.

"Clary…"

"No! You don't get to act like anything you're going through is worse than what I am." I sat up on my knees holding the blanket to my chest.

"Clary…"

"Dead babies, boyfriends with a hero complex, assholes trying to kill me and psycho parents…I mean really, living in the twilight zone couldn't be worse. And to top all that off," Jace sat up to meet me eye to eye, ducking my crazed hands as I waved them all over the place, "The one person I want, the one person I need, uses my dads as an excuse NOT to see me. I'm twenty-one years old, sneaking out of my house to see my boyfriend. How pathetic do you think that makes me feel?"

"Clarissa! STOP!" His long fingers gripped my wrists and he huffed. "Bring it down a notch will ya?" I tried to pull away, still not ready to step off my soap box. His grip held steady as he spoke softly, "I'm sorry," I think my heart just stopped. Jonathan Herondale was apologizing! "I wasn't trying to hurt you but yes, I was using your dads as an excuse. The new chief is making us all talk to a therapist. I thought I was doing fine with everything that's been going on but the more I dig, the more I'm not. I still hear them screaming in my sleep while the fires eat them alive. I have nightmares that end with me not getting there in time to stop Sebastian from pulling that trigger. I'm fucked in the head, Clary, and I didn't want you to have to deal with that, too."

I melted on the inside. I felt terrible for going off the way I just did. "Why didn't you just tell me?" My hands went limp and his grip went slack.

"What crazy person admits to having lost their mind, Clary?"

"Oh, Jace," I shook my head. "You haven't lost your mind." I wrapped my arms around his neck and we toppled back down to the mattress.

"That's how it feels. You have no idea what it feels like to walk through that door just as Sebastian's pulling that trigger. The sound of a bullet pierces the air making my ears ring and then, nothing…until your blood hits the floor. I couldn't save them from the fire before the building fell and in my dreams I can't save you either."

I wasn't aware I was crying until Jace dragged his thumb across my cheek. I didn't know what to say besides, "But you did save me." It was a barely-there whisper, but he heard me and smiled.

"I know, but you have enough of your own shit to deal with. I thought it would be better for you if I stayed away. I won't say that it wasn't a torturous act upon myself, but I felt you'd be better off."

"The only people who need to stay away are my dads. I'm so sick of house arrest I could puke. Valentine finally called off the night watch but still has people stop over to make sure everything is OK. Sebastian posted bail so they were worried that he'd come for me right away."

"I heard about that. I haven't been back to the station except to be told I had to have a therapist sign off on my sanity before going back to work. A couple of the guys told me he was back to work. Sounds like he is trying to keep a low profile, for now anyway." A shiver ripped through my body involuntarily. Jace pulled me on top to straddle him before wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight. "Between me and your dads, I'm sure you'll be safe."

I snuggled in close and that's how we fell asleep. There was no safer place than Jace's arms. It was the first time I'd slept without my mind racing. Here, with him, is all it took for me to feel content, secure enough to let my guard down and rest. Even though my muscles ached with the strain of the nights activities, I was happy. It couldn't have been more than a couple of hours later when Jace's body jerked and it woke me as well. "What is it?" I groaned, pulling myself closer to him.

There was a knock at the door, but it wasn't the bedroom door. It came from the front door. Jace sat up, taking me with him. "Go back to sleep," he whispered, kissing my forehead before pulling his jeans and t-shirt on. I heard the door shut behind him but was too curious to go back to sleep. I pulled my pajama's back on and made my way to the front of the house. I heard hushed voices at the door and then Jace, "She's in my bed where she belongs." OH, SHIT.

There was an angry rumble, and some yelling that I couldn't make out. I pushed the door open further and Jace looked down at me in surprise. "Probably not the best way to greet a girls Dad, Jace." He shrugged and I turned to both my dads. "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Valentine growled and pointed a finger in my face.

"You don't get to come into my life now that I'm a grown ass woman and dictate any part of it."

"Well, I'd like to know the answer to that question as well." It was Luke this time and as much as I'd like to tell him off, he had been there for the majority of my life. "You stole my car, snuck out of the house, I think an explanation is in order." He crossed his arms and looked down at me over his glasses. I hated when he did that. It made me feel like I was five years old and being reprimanded for making a mess in my room. My eyes narrowed and I dug into the pocket of my sweatshirt to retrieve the car keys.

"I wanted to be here. There's your explanation and here are you keys." I tossed the keys to him and said, "I'll see you later." I smiled and slammed the door. I wasn't leaving and I wasn't fighting. I've been fighting for what I want for a week and now that I have it, I'm not leaving. I took Jace's hands and led him back to bed. We slept all day, came out of the cave for food when Maryse called for dinner and went back to our solitary existence.

"I need a hot bath," I sighed. "My body hurts."

"Come on then," Jace smiled and pulled his t-shirt over his head. I couldn't help the heat in my belly and the tingle between my legs. I followed, not at all trying to hide my smile. Jace turned the water on and poured something in that smelled a lot like flowers, then turned to me, grabbed the hem of my shirt and raised it. My arms came up willingly like a small child needing help and I closed my eyes as his finger tips grazed my skin, first my waist, my ribs, the sides of my breasts and finally, my arms. The touch of his fingers spread heat through my body like wild fire.

I wasted no time removing his shirt earning me a chuckle and a sexy smile at my impatience. He didn't kiss me and it irritated me because I wanted to taste him. Before my lips could meet his immaculately chiseled chest, he caught my face in his hands and said, "You're supposed to be taking a bath," finally I got my kiss, however, it was stingy. He was doing it on purpose to irritate me more. "Your body hurts, remember?" I made a pouty face and Jace kissed me again. This time he made it count. His thumbs found my waist band and those came off agonizingly slow as well. "Tsk, tsk, tsk," Jace shook his head and sucked his teeth, "No panties."

I felt my face turn red. Jace smirked and lifted me off my feet. I squealed and he lowered me into the water. "Aren't you coming in?" I leaned over the edge of the tub and bit my bottom lip. Jace sat on the toilet and shook his head. "Why not?"

Jace's face was an inch from mine, "Because, last time we were in a tub together, you left. Now _that_ was a mind fuck." I straightened my back and my jaw fell.

"That was three years ago, Jace!"

"It left a bad taste in my mouth."

"Shut up," I scoffed. "Get in here." He shook his head. I tugged on his arm but it got me nowhere. I managed to pull his hand free and brought it to my lips. I ran my tongue along the bottom of his pointer finger before sucking on it. I kept my eyes on Jace's but his were trained on what I was doing to his finger. His lips parted, breath slowed down, and his eyes grew dark and hooded. I'd get my way sooner or later. That smirk appeared on his gorgeous face and I smiled. Jace stood and I didn't give him time to remove his pants on his own. I popped the button and yanked them all the way down. Jace stepped in behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against him.

"Not getting away this time," he whispered, guiding his lips along the shell of my ear.

"Who says I want to get away?"

"You made a pretty quick getaway last time. And the last twenty four hours have been similar to that day as well." I rested my head on his shoulder and looked up at him. Jace's thumbs drew circles into my thighs and I had to admit, he was right. We were in a similar circumstance. I wasn't afraid now like I was then. He'd said the words that I needed desperately to hear then. But I could see that he feared this would all come to a gruesome halt. I couldn't dispute that. I didn't know what the future held for us. I knew that I feared the same thing and wanted so much to never have an end to me and Jace.

"I was afraid," I simply said.

"Of?" Jace asked, pushing my bangs out of my eyes.

"Everything; how I felt, you, how you felt. I didn't know what it was, but I knew it was strong and it scared the hell out of me."

"Maybe you should have said something instead of just leaving."

"I did!" I sat up and turned at the waist. "You're the one who clammed up." I poked a finger into his chest. Jace frowned and rubbed the spot on his chest my finger had just been prodding. I leaned back and crossed my arms. Jace brought his arms over my shoulders and sighed.

"You weren't the only one who was scared. I'd never felt that way before, and you aren't the easiest person to have feelings for, Clary."

"And you are?" Jace just smiled and rested his head against the back of the tub. I laced our fingers and shook my head. "What are we going to do about our parents?"

"I have no idea. We'd have to know what's going on before we can answer that. My mom won't answer her phone. I've tried to call her many times to confront her about the things she said to you. She won't call me back either."

"I tried to get answers from my dads, too. They just brush me off like it's nothing."

"All I can think of, is that something happened between them long before either of us came along. I just don't know what."

"We're going to have to find out in order to get them to back off. I am legally old enough to not have to sneak out of my house to see you." The deep chuckle he let out reverberated through my chest and made my whole body shake.

"It didn't give you a sense of danger, or fear of getting caught and make everything that much more gratifying when you did it?"

"No," I laughed. Jace and I finished our bath and went straight to bed. It was a good feeling, being wrapped up in Jace, away from the outside world where nothing else mattered but us. I tried to keep the feeling that something bad was headed our way out of my mind and enjoy it but it crept up and buried itself in my head. Celine's words ran through my head all the time and from what Jace told me earlier, he had enough to deal with. I didn't tell him then, but his nightmares bothered me and it was just another thing to add on top of everything else. Maybe he was right in thinking I didn't need more on my plate.

I could still say that having him here, with me, made all of it less daunting. With Jace, I felt like we could beat all of it and end up stronger for it in the end. He held me all night and we were like magnets; when I shifted, he would also and vice versa. The morning came too soon and I kept snuggled close to Jace for as long as I could. I wasn't getting up until the hand of God forced me out of the bed. My plans were foiled by pounding on the bedroom door.

"Jace! Get up, your mother is here," Izzy's muffled voice rang through the room. I turned to look at Jace, whose nose was previously buried in my hair at the back of my neck, and he rolled over yawning and stretching. The back of his hand rested on his forehead. He looked up at me and frowned.

"I need you to stay up here, Clary." I started to shake my head but he sat up on his elbow and held his finger up. "She won't tell me what I need her to if you're out there with me." I opened my mouth to speak, only to have that very same finger pressed to my lips. "I mean it, Clarissa. Stay here!" I let out of breath of defeat and nodded slowly. Jace kissed my forehead and scrambled out of bed before I could get a change to muster another protest, he was gone.

~oOo~

I trudged down the steps trying to hold myself together the best I could. I didn't like leaving Clary up there but that is where she needed to be. My mother wouldn't talk if she was present. Hell, I didn't even know if she'd talk at all. I ran my hands through my hair and scratched the back of my neck. My mother's blond hair came into view and she turned at the sound of my footsteps on the stairs. "Jace," she smiled and stood. After smoothing out her dress, she held her arms open and I stepped into the embrace without a word. "You've been trying to get a hold of me and I've been so busy…"

"Cut the shit, Mom. What the hell is going on?"

"There's something I need to tell you before this gets any more out of hand." She clasped her hands in front of her, but I could see them shaking. She attempted to look poised and unfazed while holding her chin high. But I knew my mother. She was trying not to crack.

* * *

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fav it...**_

_**until next chapter**_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_


	21. Breathe

**Alright Ya'll...First let me apologize PROFUSELY for the delay. I've had a hellish few weeks with kids needing stitches and pink eye and stomach flu's and colds that won't go away so again, I am So Sorry. I know this chapter is a little on the short side compared to the others, but it's a chapter none the less. so enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

I crept into the hallway despite Jace telling me to stay put. I wanted to hear what Celine had to say. This involved me, so I saw no reason why she couldn't tell him what she needed to with me present… or listening in, anyway. I tip-toed down the hall and heard voices drift up, making my ears twitch. "She nearly ripped our family apart and now, even with Jocelyn gone, her daughter threatens to do the same." I straightened my spine and clamped my jaw shut while holding on to the railing in front of me.

"Mom, Clary isn't the threat. Your husband ripped our family apart. Don't blame Clary, or her mother, for the things he's done." I heard Jace's voice and it made my heart speed up. I was able to release the breath I hadn't known I was holding just by hearing him defend me.

"I will blame them!" Celine's voice was shrill and I imagined that if I was as close to her as Jace was, I would be able to hear it tremble as well. "Jocelyn was a whore! She was having an affair with your father!" I clamped my hand over my mouth to silence the gasp fighting to get out. Jace leaned away from Celine and ran a hand through his hair. He blew out a long breath.

"Why does any of that matter now? Jocelyn found Luke after Valentine went to prison and we were half a country away."

"Who's Clary's father, Jace?" My fingers tightened on my jaw and the blood rushed through my ears at a deafening pace. I closed my eyes and shook my head, not wanting to hear what else she had to say.

"Valentine," Jace said.

"Are you sure? Is she sure? Is anyone sure? Jocelyn was sleeping with both your father and Valentine when she got pregnant with Clary. In fact, Clary was born just a few months before you were. Your father believed she was his child. That is why Valentine found Clary in his arms when he went home the night before being hauled off to prison." I fell to my knees and the sound of me hitting the floor made my head spin. I heard a gasp but it was drowned out by the sound of my own sob ripping through my chest. Footsteps pounded at the same rate as the beat in my head.

I know it's him before he speaks because of the way my body reacts. I tingle from head to toe and right away my inner voice is chastising me for feeling this way after what I'd just heard. I feel dirty. I could still feel the remnants of our actions from the night prior; I could feel Jace on me, IN me, and as much as I wanted to hate that feeling at this very moment, it was just something I couldn't do. "Clary," he whispers and reaches out for me. I recoil and sniff back my tears.

"Don't touch me!" That's what I say, but what I really want is for him to wrap me in his arms and make all of this disappear. I've never been so confused, my emotions so torn, and all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. Goosebumps prickle on my arms and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. The pained expression on Jace's face is enough to make me want to cut my own tongue.

"Clary," he swallows hard. "How much did you hear?" I look down between the spindles of the banister and see Celine standing below us with her hands firmly planted on her hips, eyebrows pulled together and a confused look on her face. Why hadn't she told me this in the hospital? It seemed to me that she hadn't known this would affect us so much, or she was aware deep down inside and told him because she knew. I'd told her Jace and I loved one another, she had to have known. "Clary…" Jace's voice is barely audible and I can feel the warmth of his finger as it rests lightly under my chin, leading my gaze back to him.

I blink and tears streak down my cheeks; a silent scream for this nightmare to be over. "I heard everything." I choke as I stand and I feel the same numb feeling that nearly swallowed me whole when the thought of losing Jace to one of those towers had hit me. I could be losing him all over again, and this time, I knew I wouldn't survive it. Not after we'd said the words and done the actions to prove those words true.

"Clary," he stood with me and I could see him struggle with not touching me. He wanted to, and I wanted him to, but we both knew it was better if he didn't. I wrapped my arms around my middle and hung my head. "We'll figure it out."

"What's to figure out, Jace? Either the same blood runs in out veins or it doesn't." The same blood…OH GOD! We've done things that people who share the same blood would never dream of doing. We know things about one another we could possibly never have had the right to know. One of the biggest problems I faced now… I would never be able to forget them. There was only one thing left for me to do. I had to talk to my dads. I dropped my hands to my sides and held my head high. Sidestepping Jace, I walked slowly down the stairs and avoided eye contact with Celine. I made my way directly to the telephone and dialed my home number.

The room was eerily silent, like the victim in a horror movie trying to hold her breath so the crazy killer didn't find her. That was me, holding my breath until my dad picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Dad?" My voice was hoarse and my hands shook. Now, you're probably thinking, which dad is she referring to? I'll tell you this, Valentine would never be worthy of being my dad. He wasn't there throughout my life to warrant the sentimental title. This was Luke, the man I've known and loved for as long as I can remember, my first love, my first knight in shining armor. "Can you come and get me?"

"I'll be there in twenty minutes." I was glad he didn't ask any questions on the phone because I was on the verge of breaking down again. I needed to calm down and piece myself back together before that happened. If anything else went wrong in my life, I'd need to be committed to the nuthouse and I, myself, would say I'm already well on my way to that conclusion. I pressed the button with the picture of a red blob on it and set the phone back in its cradle. I could feel a presence behind me and I knew it was her. I turned and set my jaw at the almost triumphant look on her face.

"I warned you," she hissed.

"Mom!" Jace yelled from where I left him. She didn't look at him or even flinch to acknowledge that she'd heard him.

"Too bad the daughter must pay for the sins of the mother," Celine snipped as one eyebrow lifted. "Not that you'd be worthy of my son either way." Her eyes scanned me from head to toe and she shifted stiffly in her spot. It took everything in me not to yank her hair back and scream in her face but I held my ground. Jace made his way down the steps and gave me one last fleeting look before he took hold of Celine's arm and yanked her into the kitchen, leaving me alone.

I stood in that spot until Luke barreled through the door out of breath, a crazed look in his eyes. When he saw me he softened and immediately opened his arms wide. I ran to him the same way I did when I was a little girl and let him envelop me. He didn't ask questions then, in the car throughout the awkward silence or when we sat at the table and ate a bowl of cereal together like we did on Saturday mornings before cartoons. To me, it never would have mattered who my real father was because the man sitting next to me was the only one I ever wanted or needed. But now it did matter, because the truth of my parentage could now alter the course of my future.

"Dad," I said looked up from my bowl of Wheaties and stopping him from taking another bite of his own breakfast. "Who is my real father?" His gaze dropped to his bowl, a pause, he set his spoon down and cleared his throat before looking at me again. He rested his elbows on the table and bridged his fingers before resting his head against them with a sigh.

"You want to know the truth?"

"Yes." I nodded and set my spoon inside my bowl. I didn't want to eat to begin with. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this or not, but I wanted to know.

"O.K. then." He stood and made his way to the living room and then up the steps. Was I supposed to follow him? That question was answered when I heard footsteps again.

~oOo~

I stood in front of the doorway, palms sweaty, and knees weak, staring at the silver numbers in front of me. She'd told me this was where I needed to come to find the answers I so desperately wanted. My father had made himself scarce since Valentine had entered the picture and as all of the pieces slowly came together, I now knew why. I was skeptical of what my mother had said but she also had no reason to lie. I needed to know his side of the story. I'd have been happier if I could have gotten every single one of them in a room together so I could interrogate them until I was blue in the face, but that wasn't going to happen.

I blew out a breath and felt the curls bat at my forehead with the force of it. I needed to suck up my hatred and animosity toward this man if I was ever going to get Clary back. She and I may have been doomed from day one but I refused to believe it and I would never accept it. I loved her. She was the only person I'd said those words to and they would never mean the same if I said them to someone else. She's ruined me for any other woman. I reached for the knob only to hear the creak of the door and it scared the living hell out of me. The only thing worse was the look on my dads face when our eyes met.

"Jonathan?"

"Tell me about Jocelyn." His brow creased and lips tightened before he opened the door and gestured me in with his hand. The space inside was like any other; neutral colors on the walls and a sickly flower pattern on the carpet. A desk sat next to the television stand and there was a bathroom to my left. What struck me as odd was that there were two beds, not one and between them was a nightstand that I was sure held the Bible inside.

"Your mother told you." It was a rhetorical question because he already knew the answer. He led the way into the bright room and sat on the edge of the closest bed. He had a defeated look on his face and when he met my gaze, I saw an apology. I was taken aback by it. My father did NOT apologize, for anything. I was beyond his "I'm sorry's," I wanted answers so I could get Clary back.

"Is it true? Could you be Clary's father?" The look in his eyes gave me the answer I needed but he spoke anyway.

"Jocelyn and I were not carrying on some hush, hush affair behind Celine and Valentines back. We never planned on leaving our spouses for one another, it happened once. She came to me because she was worried about the situation we were all in at the time. I had gotten myself in deep with some very dangerous men and Valentine, being the good friend to me that he was, said he would stand beside me and help me deal with them. We got in too deep and were having a difficult time clawing our way out. Jocelyn knew this. She came to me in tears, begging me to get Valentine out for Jonathan's sake."

"Get to the point. I don't care about what happened between you and Valentine. What I want to know is if you are Clary's father," I ground out. My arms were crossed so tightly over my chest that they began to ache and my knuckles were now white.

"I don't know," he sighed and shook his head. "She could have been pregnant with Clary already but if she was, she didn't know. About a month after she and I were together, Val came to me and told me how happy he was that Jocelyn was with child and he wanted out. He wanted to be an honest man for his children's sake. But I needed him. He was an expert negotiator and well trusted among the men we were dealing with."

"Did you ever ask Jocelyn?"

"I did," he nodded.

"And she said…" I leaned forward and urged him to speak.

"She said I would never have to worry about whether the child was mine or not. When your mother told me about you…" he shook his head again and pulled a hand through his hair. "I had to tell her. We struggled to keep our marriage alive through her pregnancy with you."

"Jocelyn never came to you again? She never gave you any inkling that Clary was yours?" To this he shook his head. "So what happened that night? The night you shot Valentine and beat Jocelyn?" I left out the raping part, it was not hard to believe that my father was capable of it, but I didn't want to say it out loud.

"Valentine came to me late that evening and told me he knew about me and Jocelyn. He said we were done, that he would no longer help me with my issue…"

"And what issue was that?" I cut in.

"I was using the business as a front for smuggling drugs over the border. When some of the drugs went missing, the cartels blamed me and Valentine was my buffer. I needed him because they trusted him. I immediately thought Jocelyn told him and the anger I felt erupted inside me."

"So when you went to their house, you beat and raped her in front of her children and then held Clary in your arms as you shot who we assume is her 'father.' Bravo, you're a winner."

"I've never claimed to be a perfect man, Jace. I've done many things I will live to forever regret. As to whom your dearest Clarissa's father is, I'm afraid I don't have the answer you seek. The only person who could answer that is her mother."

"Yeah well her mother is dead."

"Pity, she was a beautiful woman. As is Clary."

"You're not allowed to talk about Clary, or her mother," I pointed a finger in his face and seethed. "If I had nay choice, you wouldn't be my father either. All your secrets, all your lies, they've done nothing but fuck with me. The one thing in my life that makes sense, the one thing I actually want…" I tug at my hair and make an irritated sound. "You may have taken that from me too."

"I saw it the night we met her. You denied your feelings for her then but I could see the look in your eyes. You looked at her like she was your life raft in a raging sea." My eyes narrowed and he smiled. "Don't try and tell me I'm wrong because I know that look. I know it because that's the way I looked at Amatis." My lips parted in shock and my eyebrows flew up. "Don't look so surprised. Luke, Amatis, Jocelyn, Valentine, Celine and I all went to school together. Luke and Jocelyn were childhood friends before Valentine came into the picture and when Luke was flushed out, Valentine nudged me in your mother's direction. Her family had money and power; two things that would help the Herondale business thrive. I've made many mistakes, hurt many people, but I never meant to hurt you."

I scoffed, "You married mom for money and power and ended up pulling our family name through the gutter anyway. How proud you must be." I shake my head and move toward the door. "If we never see each other again, in this life or the next, it wouldn't bother me in the least." I left my father sitting on the bed with his mouth hanging to the floor. I'd said all I needed to say. I left the hotel feeling no better than when I'd arrived and still didn't have the answers I wanted. I stepped into the cool fall air and pulled up the collar of my jacket. I had no clue what my next move should be. Valentine was not a fan of me and Jocelyn was a ghost. I knew nothing of Clary's past or the people in it other than Luke and Jonathan and I was sure Clary would cover those bases. What else could I do besides go back to my room and wait until I heard from Clary.

I shuddered at how long that might be, every second away from her was too long. I missed her smile already, her laugh. I burned for the heat of her skin next to mine and feared that I may never have it again. I'd nearly lost her once and going from lovers to siblings would not fare well with me. I would never be able to look at her the way I would be expected to. I've touched her, loved her and I know I can't stop. I walked because there was nothing else for me to do. The frenzy of people around me were a blur and the noise just a distant buzz.

"Jace," the voice was close and I recognized it. I knew it so well it made my blood boil and my hands clench at my sides. I looked up into cold, dark eyes and froze. "How's our girl?" The chill in his voice sent tremors down my spine and my hands itched to reach out and strangle him.

"Sebastian," I hissed. "How did you get out of jail?"

"I made bail," He shrugs and steps closer to me. "I have friends in high places, friends with money and power."

"It's going to take more than money and power to keep you out of prison."

He leans forward and smirks, "Not when my friends have other powerful friends." He winks and lets out a maniacal laugh. "So, how is she? I have missed her. She always smells so good." He pulls in a deep breath as if he actually smells Clary and I can't stop myself from reaching out, grabbing him by the collar of his expensive wool coat and slamming him into the nearest wall.

"You'll stay away from Clary or I'll make sure you skip the prison part and just go straight to a coffin."

"She is a nice little piece of ass isn't she?" I fight to steady my breathing and slam his back into the wall again. "Oh boy, how attached you've become in such a short amount of time. If I didn't know any better I'd say she's got you strung up by the balls." He pulls forward and whispers. "Trust me, though, you'll get tired of her and when you do, I'll be there and pick up right where I left off." I pull back my fist and it connects with his jaw. I stumble back; surprised that he can elicit such anger from me. I point a finger in his direction where he stands with his hands on his knees against the wall.

"You'll stay away from her. You had her and couldn't treat her right. You're not worthy of someone like Clary and I'll see to it that you never see the light of day again if you so much as breathe in her direction. Do you hear me?" Sebastian wipes the blood from his lip and smiles and I can't help but take a step toward him, take his jaw in my hand and say, "I know powerful people with money too and if you wanna battle this out, we'll do it man to man in a court room where everyone there can see what a monster you are." With that, I shoved his head back and walked away.

* * *

_**Thank you to my darling Beta, DayDreamer-BleachLover, without her I would be a mess. **_

_**You guys know what to do**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**XOXO LivyBug **_


	22. Family and Allies or Enemies?

**O.K. another shorty but goody! I wanted to get this up before Easter so you could all ponder of your holiday...**

**********************************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

My dad came down the steps with a large manila envelope in his hands. The edges were tattered and torn with age and his face held something I hadn't seen since my mother was alive; hope, peace…I wasn't sure what emotion it was. He paced back to the table slowly and placed the envelope on the table before taking his seat at the head. My mother always sat to his right, I was on the left and my brother was at the foot.

The empty chair across from me served as a constant reminder that my mom was gone and never coming back. If only she knew how much I needed her now. I looked first at the envelope and then to my father, curiosity bubbling just under my skin. He knew me well enough that I didn't have to ask what was inside. "You remember your mom telling you that if you ever wanted to know who your father really was, what kind of man he was, that she would tell you?" I nodded and swallowed hard. I thought I knew what kind of man he was but now…I didn't even have a clue who HE was.

"I remember," I whispered and picked at my fingernails.

"I know you never cared because you always had me, and I was happy for that fact. I never made me worry. You've always been my little girl." He smiled and I imagined he was sitting there reminiscing on my childhood. He probably had memories I didn't. He opened the envelope, pulled out a thick piece of eggshell colored paper and handed it to me. "Your birth certificate," he said. I held the heavy paper between my fingers and stared hard at it, but what I saw shouldn't have surprised me. It stated my name, date of birth and then my mother's name. The name next to 'Father' was, of course, Valentine Morgenstern.

"This tells me nothing," I shook my head and let it glide to the table.

"I know that," my dad nodded. "It's a piece to the puzzle. A very jagged and unfitting one, might I add." I scrunched my eyebrows and cocked my head sideways as he pulled yet another paper from the envelope. It was a document stating the legal change of my last name from Morgenstern to Galloway. This didn't surprise me either. I knew I was adopted. The only thing was that, this wasn't adoption papers. This was one paper and with only a name change on it. "I didn't adopt you, Clary."

"I-," I stopped, looked at him with wide eyes and let my mouth hang with unsaid words. There was so much I wanted to say but all I managed was, "Why not?" I was hurt that he wasn't legally my dad. All my life it had been enough for me to know that this man actually wanted the responsibility. He didn't do it for any other reason except that he loved me. He smiled and dug into the envelope again, handing me yet another piece of paper. Atop this one was the name of a hospital out of New Jersey. My name was on it as well as my mother's and Luke's with numbers next to them. The numbers were high and written in percentages, this page was labeled: PATERNITY TEST. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand.

"I didn't have to adopt you, Clary. I am your real dad." I closed my eyes to stop the tears from spilling over, but it only helped push them out. I felt warmth spread over the hand I had resting on the table and peered through watery eyes to find my dad with a worried smile. "We should have told you, but your mom felt it was better that Valentine believe you were his. Despite his misdealing's, he is a feared man and your association kept you safer. Before you ask, Jonathan is really Valentine's son. Mom and I didn't find one another again until after he was born."

"How did this happen? How was she sleeping with three men all at once?" To this, his face fell and he let go of my hand. He drew in a deep breath and crossed his arms.

"You could really think so low of your mom?"

"I have no idea what to think! I've been lied to my whole life!"

"No, you really haven't. You were raised with me as your father, and I am your father, Clary. Your life would have been no different had you known that my blood ran in your veins and Jocelyn was not a whore. She wasn't sleeping with all of us. Stephen would have you believe that she gave herself to him willingly," he looked down at me over his glasses with a scowl, "He drugged her, Clary. And she already knew about you before it happened. We always knew that I was your father. The only reason we did this," he held up the paper, "Was to change your last name without Valentine needing to know about it. But you had to be given his name at birth. Your mom was afraid of what he would do if he knew your weren't his child."

"So she was having an affair with you behind his back?" The words came from my mouth, dull and lifeless.

"Mom and I were very close in school, best friends. We grew up together, much like you and Simon. Valentine came into the picture and swept your mom off her feet, promised her the world and all she had to do was…get rid of me. We tried to see one another behind his back, only as friends," he added quickly, "Until he found out and threatened me. We didn't see each other for years after that. I met her again at a grocery store and the sight I saw was not the Jocelyn I had known and loved. Even at a distance I could tell she was unhappy. All the light had been sucked out of her. She used to be so full of life and always had a smile on her face. Jon was young then and he was the only part of her life that had meaning. Valentine had been partnered with Stephen and was gone every night so after that chance encounter in the store, I came over and helped her with Jon…"

"And that's when the affair started," I cut in.

"Not at first," he bobbed his head back and forth. "But that's how it began. You don't need to know the details, but just know that she wasn't sleeping with us both. Valentine's interest in your mother as a lover had diminished greatly after your brother was born. He was too busy with the women Stephen surrounded him with to bother with your mom."

"How did she pass me off as his then?"

"She told him you were premature."

"And he believed all this?"

"Why not," His shoulders bounced and he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "He didn't care about the progress of the pregnancy, never went to the appointments, he wasn't even there when you were born, Clary. But I was there," he pointed to himself. "I saw your first movements on the ultrasound, smiled with your mother at the first sound of your heartbeat. I cut your umbilical cord and it killed me to know that she was taking you home to him."

"Why did she?"

"She was afraid and so was I, but as much as it hurt me for her to do that, it was the safest thing for you both at that time. Valentine would have killed your mother, Clary, and I mean that literally. She kept me as involved with you as she could. I was there when you took your first step, and said your first word. She sent me pictures every day. I was there even when I couldn't be."

"She told you about Stephen?"

"Of course she did. She was scared to death to tell Valentine. Who else would she tell?"

"Who told Valentine then?"

"Celine."

At the sound of her name my heart sputtered. Of course Celine told him, it was her way to exact revenge on both my mom and Stephen. She knew Valentine's rage would take them both down, or so she hoped. What she hadn't expected was for Stephen to take it out on my mom and manage to put Valentine in prison for something he did. She planned on ruining my mother's marriage to Valentine in hopes of destroying her life, but she only did what my mom was afraid to, get rid of him. Celine had created a holy mess that only managed to backfire in her face and history was going to repeat itself.

"We never meant to hurt you, Clare-Bear, but you never know the extent in which people will go to hurt you, especially the ones closest to you." He covered my hand once again and I smiled. I knew the truth and as jumbled as everything was in my head, I think I understand why everyone did what they did. Love, lust, revenge, and betrayal, it all sounded like a bad soap opera to me, but it was that history that shaped my life and as much as I didn't like it, they were things I couldn't control.

There was a knock at the door that nearly had me jumping out of me seat and my dad stood to answer it. I stayed planted where I was with my hands on either side of my head. With all this new information my mind was mush. I heard soft voices in the living room but couldn't make out what was said, nor did I care. I wasn't expecting anyone so I was sure it wasn't for me. I heard not one, but two, pairs of footsteps get louder as my dad and guest grew nearer, but I still didn't bother to look up. A throat cleared and that finally snapped me out of my daze. Next to my dad was the only other person I wanted to be around. Jace.

He wore a pair of worn out jeans and a white t-shirt beneath a leather jacket. His hair was windblown and his hands were tucked into his jean pockets. He looked nervous, but whether it was because of my dad or the situation that he didn't know was resolved, I couldn't tell. I hopped out of my chair and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his torso so I could feel the heat of him seep into my skin. He was stiff as a wooden board and I think he even stopped breathing, but finally I heard him sigh as his body curled around mine. "I know it hasn't been very long, but I missed you," he murmured. "Is it wrong that I said that?"

I giggled and shook my head, "No, I missed you more." I can't see it, but I know he's smiling.

"I'll ah- leave you two alone," I hear my dad's voice and look over to find him awkwardly scratching his head.

"No! I want you to help me tell Jace everything you just told me." His eyes widen with surprise and Jace gazes between us curiously. "Please, Dad?" That word has never felt more natural coming from my lips as it just did and it sets me at ease to know that.

"O.K." he sighs. My dad and I take our previous posts at the table and Jace takes my mom's chair across from me then, my dad begins the tale all over again. I watch Jace's expressions change and anticipate them in my head before he reacts to what he's being told. I realize then that there are many faces to Jace Herondale that I haven't met yet, but he rolls through the same ones I did, in the exact same order. Shock, disgust, quizzical, thoughtful, angry, and the list goes on. At the end, I'm all smiles when he finally speaks.

"So, we're not related?" He points a finger between us and I shake my head because that's really the only thing he took from this hour long story. "That's all I care about."

"Alright, I need to head over to the book store. You gonna be alright, Clare-Bear?" I nod at my dad and we sit silent, waiting for him to leave. The second the door closes, Jace is at my side yanking me out of the chair and melding his lips to mine. Oh, God! I've missed those lips. I'd thought last night was the last time I'd ever be able to feel them, taste them again.

"I feel, oddly enough, like dragging you to the courthouse and marrying you because I can't handle losing you again," Jace whispers.

"That was a piss poor proposal, Jonathan and until you can do it right, you'll be dragging me no such place," I reply sternly.

"Mmm," he growls. "I missed your sassy mouth, too," I giggled but was very aware of something precious we'd nearly lost. Jace and I had a future, one that allowed us to be together just like we are now. Neither of us was ready for the marriage topic but it was suddenly a very real possibility. Nothing stood in the way of whatever we wanted to do and that was a realization I was glad to have stumbled upon. We survived towers crumbling around us, Sebastian beating us down, and the lies and deceit built up around us that were meant to keep us safe but only did harm. After all that, I was sure we could survive anything.

~oOo~

It was nice to be close to home, and it shouldn't have surprised me that this was where I'd find what I needed. There was one person who would help me. I just needed to convince them that they wanted to before they killed me. It was a windy afternoon but the shipping containers in the yard kept me pretty well hidden from the gusts. I still pushed up the collar of my wool coat as I wondered aimlessly through the faded blue, red and orange metal boxes of the Red Hook shipping yard.

If I played my cards right, this person would help me avoid prison and get Clary back. They may be the only other person that wanted her away from Jace just as much as I did and I was banking on that to work in my favor. Why do I feel I still deserve Clary, you ask? I may have hurt her, yes, but I do love her. If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that, love doesn't come without pain or consequence. Clary and I had years to build up our life and then Jace came along and destroyed it all. Everything I've worked for, down the shitter because he couldn't mind his own business.

I had to keep my eye on the prize. If I lost any more control of the situation, I would fail and I needed this. I just didn't know what I wanted more: Clary or revenge on Jace. Ideally I would get both but victory comes at a cost and my only hope was that I could kill two birds with one stone. If Jace truly loves Clary, then her being with me would be all the revenge I would need. I just needed to keep telling myself that that revenge would be satisfying enough.

Two large men rounded the corner and seized me by the arms. I was led to the center of the yard where a small white building sat nestled among the chaos. I knew where they were taking me and it's exactly where I wanted to be. They stopped in front of the door blindfolded me and bound my hands behind my back before pushing me in and down to my knees. I felt two blunt object push into my skull and heard the hammers of guns being pulled back to load them. This was do or die, speak now or forever hold my peace. "Wait!"

Silence. Is that what all people hear before they die? My breathing was labored and my heart slammed into my rib cage. I've never been more afraid in my life. They should kill me. If this was how Clary felt when I had my moment of psychosis, then yes, I deserved this. "Please, hear me out," I say.

"You must have a death wish," the voice was cold and it sent a shiver down my spine. "But I would say you came hear knowing this would happen and you took the risk to try and appeal to my better side. Too bad for you, I don't have one."

"I came because we have a common goal," I say this knowing that I'm possibly just prolonging my life by minutes.

"And what's that?"

"Clary…"

"What about her?" I'm cut off by this abrupt question. The voice grew colder yet, if that's possible.

"You don't want her with Jace any more than I do."

"And what brings you to that conclusion?"

"He's a Herondale, she's a Morgenstern, and your families have been fighting for years. Not one member from either side wants them together, nor do I."

"All members would agree that they don't want her with you either."

"Minor details," I shrug gaining a tiny bit of confidence.

"Why would I see an ally in you? I may already have one. I am, if nothing, very resourceful."

"As I don't doubt you are, but I know Jace, and I know Clary. In fact I would say I know them better than anybody else does. They were once the two people closest to me."

"But they aren't any more. Thus you are no use to me."

"My knowledge is useful and it is all at your disposal if you can help me." I feel like I'm losing this battle but there's a pause and I hear the shuffle of feet.

"What is it you want?"

"Not to go to prison," I'm bold with my answer and it's not quite the truth but it's enough.

"Prison would be too good for you after what you've done." There's slight amusement in the tone now, not so harsh but not accepting either.

"I admit I've done wrong, but I love Clary and want what's best for her. Jace…is not that, for reasons we both know."

"So, I get you out of sitting prison time and you help me split Jace and Clary up? Is that how this little deal is supposed to go?"

"Yes."

"Well, Mr. Verlac, I'll see what I can do but if you cross me, I'll kill you myself. Don't come to me again. I'll find you." I'm lifted to my knees and my hands are untied. I feel my body spin in a circle, lurch forward and then land hard on my chest in the dirt. I don't know if I'm completely satisfied with the outcome of this transaction, but I'm alive. I can only help but feel like I've just made a deal with the devil and I sold my soul as payment.

* * *

_**Alright my darling readers, you know what to do.**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**Thanks to my fantabulous Beta, DayDreamer-BleachLover...send your love to her as she just had her wisdom teeth out and still managed to correct this for me under the influence of anethstesia.**_


	23. State of New York vs Sebastian Verlac

_**We are in the home stretch folks...only a chapter...maybe two left to go. Then I have another idea for a story but I think I may take a little break to write on original story of my own first. =) Rather excited about that!**_

_****************************************__************__****__************************************____**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**_

* * *

**Chapter 22**

Today was the day. I was so nervous I had to keep shaking my hands out to try and steady them. I would face him in court today. I would have to look into his dark eyes and tell the judge the horrible things he had done to me in detail while he watched. _I can do this, I can do this_, I chanted in my head. I stood in front of the full length mirror attached to my door and almost didn't recognize the girl that stared back at me.

The last time I looked in this mirror, I saw a happy young girl whose future was bright and despite losing her mother only a short time ago, she was happy. Don't get me wrong, I had plenty to be happy for now. Jace and I had a future. We could have a life of endless possibilities. We just had to get this out of the way first. Neither of us wanted Sebastian's shadow looming over us and this was the first step.

A knock came from behind the door and it startled me. I straightened out my black pencil skirt and matching blazer with a sigh and turned the knob. Jace stood before me in all his Apollo-like glory, hands tucked into his black suit pants. He wore a plain white button up shirt beneath his jacket and a gray tie with a shiny diamond pattern. He looked good enough to eat. I cracked a small smile and loosened my tense stance to wrap my arms around his torso. "Everything is going to be fine. I'll be there with you. If you feel scared or nervous, look at me. Don't make eye contact with him, don't even acknowledge he's there," Jace murmured into the top of my head and hugged me.

I nodded and buried my face into his chest. He smelled so good, like sweet spices. "I wish we could just run away and forget any of this ever happened," I mumbled. Jace chuckled and tightened his grip.

"We'd have some very unhappy friends and family if we did that."

"I'm sure they would understand."

"Oh, my headstrong Clary, everything will be fine." I hoped he was right; just the thought of being in the same vicinity as Sebastian made my skin crawl. "Come on, if we don't leave now, we'll be late." Jace took my hand and intertwined our fingers as he led me down the steps. My dad sat in his usual spot at the table in front of a bowl of cereal and beamed at me.

"There's my girl!" He chimed and stood from his seat to give me a hug.

"Morning Dad," I sighed into his shoulder.

"Don't sound so glum. This is not a bad day. Today that son of a bitch will be punished for what he did to you. If he doesn't I'll do it myself." That last part was a low hiss, a warning.

"Not if I get to him first," Jace shot out. My dad smiled and clapped Jace on the back.

"You're in good hands, baby," My dad smiled and rubbed his hands up and down my arms. My stomach fluttered. That was the first time my dad had said something good about Jace. It made everything feel like it was falling into place. It was a warm, happy feeling to have my dad's approval. My dad, this man in front of me was the only other man, besides Jace, to love me for me. I smiled and a blush heated my face. That was genuine happiness.

"I'll make sure she gets home safely, Mr. Garroway," Jace held his hand out to my dad and he took it giving him a firm shake and a nod. Maryse had let Jace borrow her car and we drove to the courthouse in silence. Our hands were clasped firmly together over the center console. I didn't need Jace's words, just his presence. I'd spoken with the D.A. briefly. He went over the questions he would ask me while I was on the stand and promised it would be quick. He said he was fully aware of the stress I would be under and didn't want to pile on anymore.

Jace had spoken with him as well, but he would also be questioned more thoroughly because he was the key witness to everything. The night Sebastian nearly shot me, the police took pictures of my injuries and they had the doctors' report for further details. That meant the baby would probably be brought up. I don't think Sebastian even knew about that and I wasn't ready to see the look on his face when he found out.

The courtroom was cold, wooden benches lined the room with a walkway in the center and the New York state seal hung behind the podium where the judge would sit. Sebastian was already there with his lawyer. I'd seen the man's face in the papers, his name was Emil Pangborn, and he was the best criminal defense attorney in the state. Emil and Sebastian were whispering to one another when we came in but stopped to look up at the sound of our footsteps. Sebastian's eyes first found me, and the feeling of his gaze on me made me feel dirty. My eyes met his and his expression softened. He looked at me the way he used to, the way he did when I thought we were in love, and it made me want to be sick.

He then took in the sight of Jace and our fingers laced together, his eyes glazed over and his chin set. He was dressed nearly identical to Jace and I remembered once that I'd compared him to Aries, the God of war. How correct I had been when I unknowingly made that connection. He had wreaked havoc on my life, created despair and darkness that I'd only just crawled out of. I would make sure he didn't get away with this. Valentine sat in the bench directly behind the desk I would sit at with the D.A. Mr. Woolsey Scott.

My, once thought to be father, was dressed to the nines. He wore a pressed gray Armani suit with Italian loafers and his white hair was brushed back neatly. It struck me then, how much my brother, who sat next to him, really did resemble his father. I didn't want him here, but maybe he would strike fear into Sebastian. Apparently, Valentine Morgenstern was not a man to trifle with. What would he do to Luke if he ever knew I was his daughter? The thought scared me, but I was pulled from it as Jace tugged me to the front of the room and pulled out the hard wooden chair for me to sit.

Woolsey was a short man with bright blue eyes and blond hair. He looked as if he were young but showed signs of experience in the barely there lines on his face. He greeted me with a nod and shook Jace's hand then poured us each a glass of water. "I'm right behind you," Jace whispered into my ear before kissing my cheek. _I can do this, I can do this_, I chanted again.

"All rise," the bailiff hollered, "The Honorable Judge, Hodge Starkweather presiding." We all stood while a man dressed in a black robe with graying hair and glasses hanging off the bridge of his nose entered the room. "Now in effect case number, 79245, the state of New York vs. Sebastian Verlac now in effect."

"You may sit," said the judge and cleared his throat. He flipped through the papers he'd carried in with him, looked between Sebastian and me and said, "Mr. Verlac, you are being charged with two counts of assault, and attempted murder. Are you aware of these charges against you?"

"Yes, Your Honor," Sebastian nodded.

"And how do you plead?"

"Not guilty, Sir."

"Alright," Starkweather sighed, "Prosecutor, your opening statement please."

Woolsey stood, cleared his throat and stepped out from behind the desk. "Your honor, there is irrefutable evidence that the defendant, Mr. Verlac," Scott held a hand in Sebastian's direction, "Viciously beat Ms. Garroway within an inch of her life and then nearly put a bullet in her head. Had it not been for Mr. Herondale coming in when he did, Ms. Garroway would not be with us today. There was a life taken in the process," I closed my eyes and felt my heart go berserk in my chest. "Ms. Garroway was with child, and miscarried because of the brutal offence against her body. There is medical proof of this as well as the injuries sustained by Ms. Garroway. This proves Mr. Verlac to be a man with no self-control, no care for others and a menace if left to walk among the streets. How long before this happens to another young girl? He should be punished to the fullest extent of the law."

"That is my decision to make, thank you prosecutor," said Starkweather looking over his glasses at Mr. Scott who bowed and spun to sit down next to me. "Defense, your opening statement please." Pangborn stood and linked his hands behind his back while he walked to stand in front of the podium.

"Your Honor, my client in not a vicious man. He is a kind, loving soul who got caught up in a love triangle he was unaware of." My breath hitched and eyes widened. What love triangle? "Ms. Garroway and Mr. Herondale set my client up as a way to get rid of him. They are the brutal, uncaring ones. They tried to frame him for a crime he did not commit and I will prove that Mr. Verlac is a good man who deserves his freedom." Panic must have been clear on my face because Mr. Scott put his hand over mine and lipped, 'stay calm.'

Stay calm…STAY CALM? That isn't possible for me at this point. I couldn't fathom the words that came out of that man's mouth. Sebastian a good, caring man caught up in a love triangle, my ass. He did those things to me, he killed my baby, and he should rot in hell! "Thank you, Mr. Pangborn. We will recess for fifteen minutes and then return. Defense, have your first witness ready." Pangborn nodded as the bailiff ordered us to 'all rise' again.

Sebastian and Pangborn left the courtroom and I immediately spun on my heels toward Jace. "This can't be happening. They are going to use you against me!"

"Shhh, Clary, it'll be alright. Won't it, Mr. Scott?" Jace said through clenched teeth.

"I don't see how their tactic will work. There is doctoral evidence, police reports, pictures. We have the statements of the other women he had affairs with…I don't see this working in their favor at all." Valentine stayed quiet through my near breakdown while Jace and Jon tried to calm me. I'd lived through more horrifying events in the last month than more people could say they had done in a lifetime. I would make it through this.

After the recess, we all sat and watched Mr. Pangborn bring in every member of Sebastian's family and even some of our friends from high school to attest to what a good person he was. Even Jia, my old boss, testified for him. They told stories of how happy we'd once been and how they thought Seb and I would marry someday. They all but called more me a whore and stressed their utter dismay on how I could betray him like this, with Jace, his best friend.

I began to wonder if this was how Guinevere felt when Arthur found out about her affair with Lancelot, but I didn't have an affair, so it wasn't even close to the same thing. When it was our turn, Mr. Scott called three different women to prove that I wasn't the only one he'd harmed. He then called the doctor to the stand to go over my state of physical and mental well-being when I was admitted to the hospital. He also told the court about Jace's bullet wound. After that, it was Jace's turn. Mr. Scott asked him to go over the details as he remembered them from beginning to end, so he did.

Mr. Pangborn now had the opportunity to question Jace. "Mr. Herondale, would you please tell the court about your relationship with Ms. Garroway?"

"Could you elaborate?" Jace asked. I knotted my fingers and felt the cold sweat come on. I'd lost feeling in them long ago but this was the most nervous I'd ever been.

"Sure," Pangborn nodded. "Have you and Ms. Garroway ever been intimate? And remember, Mr. Herondale, you're under oath."

"I've nothing to hide," said Jace, "Yes; she and I have been intimate."

"When?" Pangborn urged.

Jace sat back and smirked, "In high school, before she and Sebastian ever entered into a relationship."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Clarissa and I were never together," Jace shrugged, "Intimacy doesn't require feelings, Mr. Pangborn, and especially not when you're a horny teenager." I had to hide the smile that nearly gave me and Jace away. I'll admit, Jace is good with words.

"So," Pangborn drawled. "When you moved into the apartment that Mr. Verlac and Ms. Garroway resided in, it was not with the intent to break them up?"

"No," Jace shook his head. "In fact, Ms. Garroway," He enunciated my last name, "Was against me moving in at all. Clary and I have always had an interesting relationship."

"Oh?" I imagined Pangborn raising an eyebrow at this. "Please elaborate, why was your relationship so interesting?"

Jace laughed, "She and I never saw eye to eye on anything. We hated to even be in one another's presence. So needless to say, I was hesitant to move in myself, but I needed somewhere to live that was closer to my fire station and Sebastian offered his empty room."

"So you never had an affair with Ms. Garroway behind my clients back?"

"Are you asking if I slept with her during the time of their relationship?"

"Yes," Pangborn nodded.

"Yes, I did. While Clary and I were both in college. That was years before any of this ever happened."

"But not while you all lived together?"

"No."

"Thank you, Mr. Herondale. No further questions, Your Honor." Pangborn nodded and took his seat while the judge dismissed Jace. I was a bundle of nerves. The defense hadn't asked Jace the million dollar question. That meant he was going to hit me with it to try and break me.

"Your Honor," Mr. Scott said, "I call Ms. Clarissa Garroway to the stand." I swallowed hard and stood slowly to only walk on shaky legs to the booth that awaited me. Woolsey showed me pictures of myself after Sebastian had beaten me, had me identify the gun I stared down the barrel of that night and asked me to recount everything. I complied and tried to sound as if I was made of steel and that this wasn't breaking me inside, but it was and I'm not as good as Jace at hiding my feelings.

"Thank you, Ms. Garroway," Woolsey cooed. "No further questions, Your Honor."

"Mr. Pangborn, your witness," Starkweather said.

"Ms. Garroway," Pangborn smiled and rested his hands on the wood frame in front of me. He was blocking my view of Jace and I couldn't do this if I couldn't see Jace.

"Mr. Pangborn," I said, holding my chin up high. I was fighting on the outside but on the inside, I was dying.

"Were you in love with my client?"

"I thought I was," I mumbled and fidgeted in my lap.

"You thought you were? But if you were in love with Mr. Verlac, why were you sleeping with Mr. Herondale?"

"I-" I stuttered, "That was a very long time ago. Sebastian and I hadn't even slept together when that happened, and it was only that one time."

"Did Mr. Verlac ever know about it?"

"No," I hung my head in shame, I should've told him, but I was a coward. "This is the first time, to my knowledge, that he's heard of it."

"Can you imagine the pain he must be going through right now knowing that the woman he loves cheated on him, with his best friend no less?" He moved so that Jace was in view again and I let myself steal a glance in his direction. He was stooped over the wooden ledge behind where I sat with his fingers knotted together. He nodded slowly at me and I found my words.

"I haven't claimed to be perfect in my relationship with your client, Mr. Pangborn. I've done wrong but Jace and I never slept together after that night. What was done to me was at the hands of Mr. Verlac. Whether I was wrong for being intimate with Jace in the beginning has no effect on the events that took place."

"You've never been intimate with Mr. Herondale since the beginning of your relationship with Mr. Verlac? Did my client not find you and Mr. Herondale in bed together the night of September the tenth?"

"Yes, he did but…"

"So you admit you were sleeping with his best friend?"

"Sleeping, nothing else!" I wailed. "Jace and I were fully clothed," and here comes my mouth vomit. "We'd gone out that night and had a few drinks. When we came home, Jace put me to bed and I asked him to stay because I didn't want to be alone."

"Why did you go out? If you weren't friends and didn't even like being in the same vicinity, as Mr. Herondale told us, then why would you go out together?"

"He said I needed to get out and that he wanted to show me something. Jace took me out to point out all the women Sebastian had slept with behind my back. He was trying to help me see the kind of person Sebastian was because I was too stupid to see if for myself, even though he'd abused me numerous times before. He just wanted what was best for me!"

"So he betrayed the confidence of his best friend for your well-being, but he doesn't like you, you don't like him. Why would he do such a thing?"

"Because he saw what was going on! What decent man would turn his head to another man beating a woman, like her or not?"

"Seems to me, Mr. Herondale had other motives."

"No, he just wanted me to be safe."

"Are you safe now? Is Mr. Herondale taking care of you the way a decent man should?" I looked to Jace and then Woolsey, who were both shaking their heads. My eyes widened as I realized I was screwed. "Answer the question Ms. Garroway."

"Jace has helped me cope with everything, yes."

"Cope? Cope how? You stated earlier that you have, quote, 'Never' slept with Jace since the beginning of your relationship with my client. Are you sleeping with him now?" Tears fell hot on my cheeks and I stared at Jace as I answered.

"Yes."

"There you have it, Your Honor. Love triangle proven. My client was set up to try and remove him from the situation. How Ms. Garroway received her injuries is beyond me, but my client was the victim here, not this woman." He held his hand toward me and I hung my head in defeat. "No further questions, Your Honor."

"Ms. Garroway, you may step down." I left the bench and walked as if I had a steel rod for a spine. I'd just been badgered and humiliated. The tears still fell and I tried my hardest now to not look at Jace because they would only come harder if I did. "Court is adorned. We will reconvene at nine A.M. on…" I drowned out the rest. I didn't want to hear anymore or be in this place any longer. The judge banged his gravel and we all stood. I didn't wait for Jace or Mr. Scott. I took off down the aisle to find the bathroom because this time, I really was going to be sick.

* * *

_**Let me have it!**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/fave it...**_

_**XOXO LivyBug**_


	24. Finally!

**Sigh! Here is the last chapter for you my lovlies. I have made this chapter the Epilogue as well. I believe, after consulting my highter ups...that all questions have been answered and if there are others plz feel free to PM me and i will answer to the best of my abilities. Enjoy!**

**__****************************************__************__****__************************************____****I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**

* * *

**Chapter 23**

I followed Clary into the courtroom and felt as if ice water was being poured down my back the moment I saw Sebastian's face. He looked like a man who'd just gotten away with murder, and according to me, his crimes weren't far off. I wanted to pull Clary to me to shield her from even his gaze falling on her, but now wasn't exactly the best time. I surveyed the room and noticed only one difference from the last time we were in here.

In two rows from behind where Clary would sit, a woman with long blond hair sat with her back to me. I knew who she was without having to see her face; my mom. What was she doing here? She had no place in this. I took the same seat I had the last time we were here, right behind Clary, and when she was settled, I spun to face my mother and questioned her immediately. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to support you, baby," She looked appalled that I wouldn't understand her reason for showing up.

"This isn't about me, mother," I snapped.

"Jace, even if I had no other reason, this is a public proceeding. I can be here whether you like it or not." My mother and I hadn't parted on the best of terms the last time we spoke. I had to damn near choke my father's whereabouts out of her and all she kept saying was how bad for me Clary was. Clearly my mother had never heard of reverse psychology.

"All rise," the bailiff called, and we all stood. "The honorable Judge Starkweather presiding."

"Please be seated," Starkweather dismissed. Everyone sat and it took all I had not to turn back on my mother to hound her some more. "Mr. Verlac," to this Sebastian and Pangborn stood, each folding their hands in front of them. "You're being charged with attempted murder and assault; you entered a plea of not guilty. Do you stand by your statement?" Sebastian nodded.

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Alright, I have heard both of your cases and reviewed the file." My palms began to sweat and I watched Clary rustle in her seat. If ever there was a time to grab her and run, this was it. "Sebastian Verlac, in the matter concerning attempted murder, I find you not guilty." My blood ran cold and drained from my face. Clary's head fell and she buried her face in her hands. This couldn't be happening. It had to be a mistake, a bad dream! "In the matter of assault, I find you guilty on all accounts." Clary's head came up and her hands fell. There was still hope. He was still going to pay for what he'd done to her. Sebastian's head turned to the judge, awestruck and incredulous. "There will be a sentencing hearing at a later date and you will be held without bail until that time." Starkweather slammed his gavel and said, "Court is adjourned."

Clary turned in her seat, eyes rimmed red, and sniffled. She was about to speak when Sebastian roared, "You said you were going to make this go away. You said you were going to get me out of this!" Both Clary and I looked up and found him pointing just behind me…at my mother. The look on her face was stoic. I was sure my look mirrored that of Clary's; shock and disbelief.

"I've no idea what you're talking about," My mother shrugged and stood, wrapping the strap of her purse on her shoulder she turned and headed for the door. What happened next was a blur. The bailiffs put Sebastian in hold, but he managed to break free, pull one of their guns from the holster and aim it at my mother. Clary and I ducked our heads and I covered hers with my arms. Three shots rang out first and then two more. My heart pounded in my ears and I felt Clary shutter. When I looked up the only people standing were the bailiffs.

"Call an ambulance," one yelled, and the other hustled to the phone.

"I need an ambulance immediately. A woman has been shot three times and a man twice. Both are considered critical condition." My legs were moving before my mind registered any thoughts. I moved to the aisle, looked down at the floor, and there my mother lay, sprawled out and bleeding. I was vaguely aware of my own voice calling out for her as I fell to my knees beside her. She was already gone. A bullet had lodged in the back of her skull, severing her spinal cord. I felt Clary's hand on my shoulder as I held my mother close and rocked her.

**Epilogue **

TWO YEARS LATER

I was nervous. My hands shook as I tried to pin back my curls. Jace and I had been planning this day for a year now and it was finally here. "Urgh, stop that. Let me do it," Izzy chimed irritably. I laughed and blew out a long breath. "You're making a big deal out of nothing. Jace isn't going to care what you look like. He's gonna peel that dress off the first chance he gets anyway."

"Well I do remember you being the exact same way. In fact, I think you were worse," my eyebrow rose to challenge her and she rolled her eyes. "Isabelle Lewis, don't you dare try and tell me otherwise. I had a front row seat to your theatrics." Simon and Izzy had taken the plunge six months ago and they were happy. Jace and I deserved to be happy after all we'd been through, but we had to work through our demons first. I won't say it was an easy road, but we've made it to the home stretch.

After Celine died, Jace fell off the map for a while. He and I had counseling separate from one another, and together. Knowing that Sebastian would never see the light of day again is what pushed me through my days. He was found guilty of Celine's murder and sentenced to life in prison without parole. But, we had to work through more after the mystery of the feud between our parents unraveled. Stephen wasn't a model citizen and he had done those things to my mother, but he wasn't the one to blame for Valentine ending up in prison. Valentine worked for Celine, not Stephen, and all that he had done in the name of the Herondale Company, was for her.

With Celine gone, Herondale Enterprises moved its headquarters to New York, where Jace decided he would work with his father, and they've built it up into a better company than it's ever been. I still paint, and have made it my goal to visit Venice at least once a year. Jace said he'd work on making Herondale Enterprises an international company so it can have multiple locations and we can move there to run the European side of things.

"Earth to Clary, let's go. You've had the last two years to daydream about this now let's make it happen." I smiled and stood from the chair in front of the vanity. My dress was a silk, backless halter that hugged my body. My hair fell in ringlets around my face and was pulled back and interwoven with small white flowers for a crown. "Do you have everything? Something old?"

"My mom's necklace," I pointed to the silver chain around my neck.

"Something new?"

"Earrings," I smiled.

"Borrowed?"

"Your lip gloss."

"I don't know if that counts," Izzy scowled. "Oh here, wear my bracelet." I laughed. She'd done the same thing the day she married Simon. "Ok last, something blue." I hiked my dress up my thigh and smiled when my blue garter came into view. "Are you ready?" I puffed out my chest and closed my eyes. I'd always thought squealing like a school girl at a sleep over during a pillow fight was beneath me, but I did it, and Izzy squealed with me. We bounced up and down and then she pulled me into a hug. "I'm happy for you," she whispered. "You deserve this; now let's go make you a Herondale!"

Jace actually chose where we were tying the knot. It's a secluded beach in Hawaii. His reason for this was…He didn't want to wear a tie or uncomfortable shoes. I didn't care either way. We only invited close friends and family; my dad, Jace's dad, Jon, Simon, Izzy, Alec, Magnus, and Valentine. He may no longer be my dad, and was upset after finding out the truth, but he is Jon's and therefore, still part of the family. He loved me as if I was his daughter for most of his life, so I didn't feel right excluding him.

I stepped outside of the hotel and a warm breeze swept my hair from my shoulder. I met my dad just before we hit the sand. He wore a pair of tailored khaki pants and a white button up shirt. He wrapped his arms around me and murmured, "I love you, Clare-bear." I could hear the sadness in his voice, but I knew he was happy for me.

"I love you too, dad." He took my cheeks between his palms and kissed my forehead before holding out his arm for me to take it.

"You look beautiful," he leaned over to whisper.

"Thank you," I mimicked his actions and smiled. Jace stood just far enough from the water that it couldn't reach him wearing a loose pair of khaki pants and an off-white shirt. He had his hands in his pockets and was talking to a man in a long white robe when he came into view. Izzy and Alec where ahead of me and I watched him lock eyes with Alec and smirk. They shook hands and did the boy hug, slapped one another on the back and released awkwardly, then he hugged Izzy. When he looked up, our eyes locked and a smile broke over his gorgeous face. His eyes traveled down my frame and I knew he was already figuring out the best way to get the dress off.

I blushed and bit my lip. Looking up at my dad I smiled and he nodded to ask if I was ready and I nodded back. I'd never been more ready for anything in my life. Jace and I stared at each other the entire time it took me to get to him, and it seemed like it took a lifetime. My dad kissed my cheek, shook Jace's hand, and then handed me over. It was a short ceremony. We had 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a read and then read off our own vows. It was the most perfect fifteen minutes of my life and then our lips met. He was mine and I was his, and that's all that mattered.

At the end of the night, after we'd celebrated with our friends and family, Jace whisked me away. He took me back out to the beach, and on the very spot we tied ourselves to one another legally, we made love under the stars. "Are you sure you wanna spend the rest of your life with me?" He asked; skin gleaming in the moonlight as he pushed my hair from my face. I cocked my head and smiled. "Because that means, you have to put up with my stubbornness and have my babies."

"Babies?" one of my eyebrows drew up and my lips curled to one side.

"Mmhmm," Jace hummed and ran his lips along my jaw. "A couple of 'em."

"That just may be a deal breaker. We must go to the courthouse at once and have this sham of a marriage annulled because you failed to explain the terms of the contract," I giggled.

"I could persuade you otherwise," he whispered against my skin causing goose bumps to erupt across my whole body.

"No persuasion needed. I'll have as many babies as you want." Jace smiled and pushed up on his elbow.

"Then we'll practice until I'm completely satisfied with the results," he grinned and claimed my lips. Ten months later I gave birth to our daughter, Jocline, named after our mothers', and our son, William, after his grandfather who started Herondale Enterprises. Our life isn't always perfect, but we're happy.

* * *

_**So I know it was short...very short...but satisfying...Right? I should be posting the Chapters for my new story soon. You fan find teasers for it on my tumblr and facebook pages. It will be called, "The House That Built Me." It's a longer title than my two worded other three. Yay, I'm so proud of me!**_

_**Ok...**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it. **_

_**Thank you all for following along with Jace and Clary on this long journey of theirs. It seemed as though their troubles would be endless. I want to send a Special thanks to my AMAZING Beta, DayDreamer-BleachLover. Without her, this story would not have been what it was. Kudos to her! Love Ya girl! Until the next story folks! **_

_**XOXO**_

_**LivyBug**_


End file.
